The Mommy Wars

[syntax6]

I used to read every one of those “Mommy wars” links on the parenting sites. You know the ones. “Study finds that children who go to day care more likely to be aggressive.” Or, “Research shows children of stay-at-home-moms have smaller vocabularies.” I read the stories partly out of curiosity in the study design, and partly to assure myself that I

Comments

[maybe_amanda]

What you said!

Also, one's mother-in-law will always have an opinion she is willing to share. That opinion with be this:

Whatever you chose to do, dear, it's wrong.

[syntax6]

Ha! So true in many cases. Fortunately, I don't have this problem, as my MIL and Mom have been as supportive as possible! :::waves at MIL and Mom::: Thanks, guys!

[maybe_amanda]

One did not mean YOUR MIL/mother specifically. No.

[wendelah1]

It's hard to believe in this day and age that this topic even merits discussion. This must have to do with women still being second class citizens? All I know is men do not go online and fight about this stuff. Plus, all men have to do is show up to their kids' soccer games and they're candidates for father of the year.

Why can't we all get along and support one another?

[syntax6]

I am not sure why this topic blows up every parenting forum -- without fail, every time. So many people are defensive about their choices and are hypersensitive to any sort of judgment from "the other side." I rarely post in these debates because I don't see the point; no one is actually listening to one another.

You are very right about the fact that men don't have this argument. But it's just not going away for women. The NY Times boards are busy arguing this week whether women should be doctors if they are also mothers. One woman feels the answer is "no," so you can imagine the heated discussion from there!

[thehappygirl53]

I think this is still in play (amazing after so many years!) because raising kids is so highly charged. You really don't know how successful you were for 25 years or so and the stakes are so very high. It's not like picking out paint colors--screw it parenting and the consequences can be tragic. So we want to believe we're doing it right. But the truth is....there is no one right way. I've seen how the kids I watched grow up have turned out. Most have done fine. A few have done brilliantly and a few cases are so tragic that I can't speak of them without crying. And guess what....I watched them grow up, I saw their parents raise them and I can't tell you what they did that got success and what they did that brought tragedy. There is so much beyond our control as parents. You just have to go with your gut instinct for what works for you and your family.