(no subject)
I stare at him over my glass of Jack Daniels and Coke and observe him as the night passes by us. The show was a complete hour and a half of awkward and weirdness. Every time I tried to even get close to Bri, he’d walk the other way or hunch into himself. He messed up a good two times in every song, which even got Matt and Johnny confused. After the show ended he got off the stage as quickly as possible and from there he disappeared for a good 3 hours before he finally came to where we are now. I sipped at my drink until I felt a hand hit my shoulder. It was Matt.
“Dude, what’s up with Syn? He’s been stand-offish the entire night, and he isn’t even getting drunk.” I looked back over at him and saw him swish his drink around.
“I have no idea. I didn’t know if you could tell but he was even acting weird when we were doing our solos together-” he was quick with interrupting me.
“Dude, of course I noticed. He messed up tonight! And he messed up a lot! It kinda annoyed me a little.” He sighed, shaking his head. “Oh, well. Everyone has their off nights, I guess.” He shrugged and I nodded.
“Has Jimmy or Johnny tried talking to him yet?” he shook his head.
“ I don’t think so. I think Jim is getting high somewhere and Johnny’s probably getting a couple of blow jobs.” That comment made me smile. Our band is truly insane. After saying that, he slaps my shoulder and heads back over to the group of people he quickly made friends with and started talking to them.
I look back over to see what's going on with Bri, noticing he was walking outside. I set my drink down immediately and stand up. I stumble a little, not realizing I was buzzed and head to the door to which he exited. I get outside and I see him leaning against the tour bus smoking a cigarette. I take a deep breathe and start walking toward him. His eyes opened wide and he quickly turned his head away from me.
I was first to start up the conversation. “Hey, Bri. What’s up, man?” I slide out my own pack of cigarettes and light one up hoping for a response.
He shrugs and blows a smoke circle in front of him. I watch, studying him closely realizing that he is shaking from how cold it was.
“Are you cold dude? We can go inside and hang, if you want. Or you can have my hoodie, I mean I don’t need-”
“I’m sorry. About the show tonight, I mean.” He interrupted. “I didn’t mean to sound like shit. I just-I just am not feeling myself lately.” He threw his cigarette down on the ground and folded his arms across his chest, looking down.
“It’s fine dude, I was having an off night too.” He looked up at me and I couldn’t help but pity him. His eyes almost seemed to glisten and he looked worried.
“I never mess up that much Z, you know that.” He shook his head and sat down on the ground, his head in his hands and elbows on his knees. I follow suit and sit next to him.
“I never let my thoughts get to me when I play on stage, but tonight…I couldn’t stop thinking.” I put my arm around his shoulder and shake him in comfort.
“It’s fine, I highly doubt the kids noticed so there’s nothing to worry ab-”
“I don’t care about the fans. I let the band down.” He interrupted again. “I hate when I do that to myself. You don’t know it but every time I mess up it hurts me a little.” He sighed and put his chin on his arm. “ I know it pisses Matt off and it just really get’s to me for some reason. And I don’t want to tell him that it came from me thinking too hard, either. I know he doesn’t care about that shit.” He put his head down in his arm and I slide my hand up and down. He has never been like this before. Sure, he has messed up before, but he never opens up quite like this.
“Well what was it that you were thinking of that got you so distracted?” I asked.
“I- don’t really wanna say.” My eyebrows knit together.
“Dude, you can tell me. Did you think of Michelle again?” This was the only reason I can really think of. Ever since they broke up those few months ago, he only get’s like this when his thinking turns to her.
“No, actually. It has nothing to do with her.” When saying this the only thing that really could come to mind was our encounter in the bathroom today. But that happens all the time; I don’t see why today would be any different. I asked anyway.
“It’s not cause you walked in on me today, is it? ’Cause dude, I don’t care. I mean, we’ve seen each other out of the shower before.” He quickly shot his head up and looked directly at me, his chocolate eyes wide with worry.
“Uh…Its-” he paused, “no. I don’t want to talk about it.” He stands up and reaches for the handle of the door to the bus. “God, listen to me. I’m getting emotional. I’m never like this. I think I’m tired. I’m heading off to bed. Night, Zacky.” He ascends the stairs and closes the door behind him. I stop to think for a minute and head back inside to the party due to my face almost freezing off.
I head to the bar to get another Jack and Coke, then sit back where I was before.
“What did he say?” Matt obviously saw I came back from following Bri.
I shrugged. “ I honestly got nothing out of him. He just got distracted by his thoughts tonight and that’s what he honestly said.” Matt put his hands on his forehead and rubbed his forehead.
“This can’t happen anymore Z. If he’s like that again at any other show the fan’s will start to notice.” I frowned immediately at that statement.
“Dude, he had one bad night. So what?” Matt shook his head.
“Well…..whatever. I just hope he snaps out of this little trance soon. Well, I'm gonna leave and get some sleep. Don’t party too late; we have to leave and be in Arizona by tomorrow.” I nod and he slipped away. I chug the rest of my drink and decided to go and find Jim and get a good amount of alcohol in my system so I didn’t have to worry about this one night.
.