(no subject)
I wake up to the sun in my eyes, a major headache, and no clothes. I wake up immediately after realizing I have no boxers on, yet alone any clothes at all. We actually did it last night. We actually had sex. I look to my right to see Brian sprawled across the bed with a lone arm dangling on the side, and drool coming out of the corner of his mouth. I’m wondering what it’s going to be like when he wakes up next. It was too early in the morning and with the headache I was having I wasn’t going to worry about all the emotions that will probably be rushing to me a little later. I stretch a little and close my eyes to the intensity of the headache.
I hear a little movement from Bri, but he doesn’t get up quite yet. I open my eyes again and realize I need to take a shower or something to get my mind off of what just happened all but 7 hours ago.
I feel my limbs creak and I slightly wince at how sore I was. I limp a little to the restroom and since I was already fully naked I just turned on the water and got in. The water was cool at first but then it gradually got to the point where my body relaxed and all I had to think about was getting through the next few hours before Brian woke up.
I change into my black basketball shorts and a Vengeance University cut off tee. I look at myself in the mirror and my bright green eyes look straight at me. I swear if my reflection could talk, it would probably be along the lines of, “What the hell is wrong with you?” I shake my head and decide it is best to leave the room. I can’t stand the thought of talking to him just yet.
While waiting for the elevator, I run into Jimmy as he’s heading out.
“Hey dude! What’s up? Syn and you left so early last night, I didn’t get a chance to know what was going on.” I just shrugged and got inside of the little room. I didn’t want to say anything. He didn’t need to know. I get downstairs and I head to the back of the hotel and open the doors to the beach. A nice stroll on the beach couldn’t hurt right?
As I approach the sand I hear the distance waves of the ocean. I stand still and just take in the beauty of what was in front of me. I smile a little and head down for my walk.
The sand feels good on my feet, it was soft and it instantly stuck to my legs. The water rushes up to my feet and the water feels cool and relaxing. I walk a ways down before I see a good well secluded spot and I sit down. Instantly, my thoughts begin to rush to me.
The feelings I was having were unbearable; I had no idea if I was happy about this or mad. I still hadn’t fully forgave him, but to just let the heat of the moment catch up to me before I could stop him…
Fuck. I guess I wanted him more than I thought. He was amazing last night, with all my past relationships I never got kissed so passionately. The way he looked at me after coming down from our sexual high was nothing I had ever seen before. He looked at me with such compassion it was hard to believe it was coming from him.
I shake my head and a pit falls into my stomach. Tears start to brim my eyes and my mind floods with thoughts of all the drama I have caused in the past couple of weeks. A tear falls down my cheek and I quickly wipe it off. Something just doesn’t feel right about this whole situation to me. Though my feelings for him were strong, the major emotion that was overflowing in me was: regret. We weren’t ready, it was too fast. At this point I’m sobbing quietly to myself. I don’t know what to do as of now. I mean this thing just started and the band doesn’t even know. This is just too much for me. I stand up and decide to head back to the hotel me and Brian need to talk. I need to know what to do. If I don’t I’m going to be an emotional wreck.
I open the door to the room and notice Brian was awake and I look at my cell phone, it was a good two hours from when I was here last. I take a deep breath and walk in. I notice the French doors open a little and I slowly walk to them and I peek through the crack. Brian was sitting on the chair and looking at the beach with the wind blowing his hair. He was truly gorgeous.
“I know your there Zack.” he said with a stern voice. “I heard you right away when you were trying to open the door. Your terrible with those keys, ya know?” He takes a sip of coffee and looks at me. He has a look of concern and worry on his face, but all at the same time he was calm, knowing what was to come.
I step outside and I sit next to him on the other chair that was offered. I look down and up at the beach and twiddle my thumbs nervously, biting my snake bites in the process also.
After what seemed to be like hours he finally speaks up.
“We need to talk Zee. Now” I look up at him and he smiles a little knowing how hard this is going to be for the both of us. I nod and I can feel the pit growing to the size of a watermelon. I wasn’t ready“Well, should I go first or should you?” I can’t stand the tension but I piped up and started the conversation with the only thing I could ask.
“Are you lying to me?” it sounded a little blunt but hey, at least it’s out there
.
“About liking you? No. It never was and never will be a lie.” My heart flutters a little to the fact that he’s so serious about it
.
“Why now? Why last night out of every night since I told you I liked you?” I looked up at him and he simply smiled a little
.
“The time seemed right. I realized my feelings for you were strong and I needed to tell you.” At this point the lays a hand on top of my twiddling thumbs. “I knew I couldn’t keep lying to myself, I knew that was the right mom-
”
“Did you already plan to have sex with me?” I cut him off. I couldn’t wait for the answer any longer. He sighs and we we’re quiet for a moment.
“No. To be completely honest I could have gone without the sex. I just wanted that kiss. That one kiss that I knew would be the one to tell me if I loved you or not.” Tears start to fill my eyes.
“And the result I got was an obvious one. Zacky. I love you.” My mind races and I can’t hold the tears back any longer. He slides down on his knees in front of me and puts a hand on my back and lightly strokes me trying to get me to calm down.
“I-I- I don’t know what to say Bri.” I choked thorough the tears.
“You don’t have to say anything. I know your feelings are right back.” I look up at this right away. A look of concern washes over his face instantly.
“Zee…you do love me right? I clearly remember you saying that to me.” I didn’t say anything. He slides his hand down and he cups his hand under my chin making sure I have to look at him.
“Zack, please tell me you were telling the truth and it wasn’t some mixed emotion.” He stared at me for the longest time. His brown eyes made my green seem weak and pathetic. The look he gave me was to much.
“ I don’t know.” I say quietly. He limply drops his hand down and stares at me.
“I can’t believe this.” He shakes his head. “I fucking can’t believe this. After finally realizing that me and you were perfect for each other. And finally not trying to not deny the fact that we liked each other, you flake out on me.” I quickly spoke up.
“I’m not flaking out Bri! I just don’t know what to think right now!”
“Oh, don’t start with that bull shit Zacky! If I do recall you we’re the first one who said you had feelings for me.” he gets up and faces the beach putting his arms on the side of the balcony. He shakes his head and grunts a little.
“And now you can’t even say you like me again.” I look at his back and I sigh.
“I thought this would work out Zee, I really did. Now I have no idea what to do. Way to go.” He spins around and I see the hate and anger and sadness pour from his brown eyes as he walks past me and slams the door behind him.
I can’t believe I said I don’t know. Out of everything else I said the one thing that can turn everything to shit. I take a deep breathe. I need to stop crying. I wait a few seconds and head inside after I know I can handle it.
Brian wasn’t in the room. That I could figure. He probably won’t talk to me for awhile now. Shit, another fight we have to go through. Out of everyone of the band me and him get into the most drama. I flop onto the bed and yell into a pillow. God this day cannot go any worse. The one guy I have hard feelings for is pissed at me cause I couldn’t get my words out. And now he might not talk to me for a while.
I start to cry again. I need him. I need his love. All the regret I felt earlier is now away. The regret I feel now is not telling him I love him back...
I hear a little movement from Bri, but he doesn’t get up quite yet. I open my eyes again and realize I need to take a shower or something to get my mind off of what just happened all but 7 hours ago.
I feel my limbs creak and I slightly wince at how sore I was. I limp a little to the restroom and since I was already fully naked I just turned on the water and got in. The water was cool at first but then it gradually got to the point where my body relaxed and all I had to think about was getting through the next few hours before Brian woke up.
I change into my black basketball shorts and a Vengeance University cut off tee. I look at myself in the mirror and my bright green eyes look straight at me. I swear if my reflection could talk, it would probably be along the lines of, “What the hell is wrong with you?” I shake my head and decide it is best to leave the room. I can’t stand the thought of talking to him just yet.
While waiting for the elevator, I run into Jimmy as he’s heading out.
“Hey dude! What’s up? Syn and you left so early last night, I didn’t get a chance to know what was going on.” I just shrugged and got inside of the little room. I didn’t want to say anything. He didn’t need to know. I get downstairs and I head to the back of the hotel and open the doors to the beach. A nice stroll on the beach couldn’t hurt right?
As I approach the sand I hear the distance waves of the ocean. I stand still and just take in the beauty of what was in front of me. I smile a little and head down for my walk.
The sand feels good on my feet, it was soft and it instantly stuck to my legs. The water rushes up to my feet and the water feels cool and relaxing. I walk a ways down before I see a good well secluded spot and I sit down. Instantly, my thoughts begin to rush to me.
The feelings I was having were unbearable; I had no idea if I was happy about this or mad. I still hadn’t fully forgave him, but to just let the heat of the moment catch up to me before I could stop him…
Fuck. I guess I wanted him more than I thought. He was amazing last night, with all my past relationships I never got kissed so passionately. The way he looked at me after coming down from our sexual high was nothing I had ever seen before. He looked at me with such compassion it was hard to believe it was coming from him.
I shake my head and a pit falls into my stomach. Tears start to brim my eyes and my mind floods with thoughts of all the drama I have caused in the past couple of weeks. A tear falls down my cheek and I quickly wipe it off. Something just doesn’t feel right about this whole situation to me. Though my feelings for him were strong, the major emotion that was overflowing in me was: regret. We weren’t ready, it was too fast. At this point I’m sobbing quietly to myself. I don’t know what to do as of now. I mean this thing just started and the band doesn’t even know. This is just too much for me. I stand up and decide to head back to the hotel me and Brian need to talk. I need to know what to do. If I don’t I’m going to be an emotional wreck.
I open the door to the room and notice Brian was awake and I look at my cell phone, it was a good two hours from when I was here last. I take a deep breath and walk in. I notice the French doors open a little and I slowly walk to them and I peek through the crack. Brian was sitting on the chair and looking at the beach with the wind blowing his hair. He was truly gorgeous.
“I know your there Zack.” he said with a stern voice. “I heard you right away when you were trying to open the door. Your terrible with those keys, ya know?” He takes a sip of coffee and looks at me. He has a look of concern and worry on his face, but all at the same time he was calm, knowing what was to come.
I step outside and I sit next to him on the other chair that was offered. I look down and up at the beach and twiddle my thumbs nervously, biting my snake bites in the process also.
After what seemed to be like hours he finally speaks up.
“We need to talk Zee. Now” I look up at him and he smiles a little knowing how hard this is going to be for the both of us. I nod and I can feel the pit growing to the size of a watermelon. I wasn’t ready“Well, should I go first or should you?” I can’t stand the tension but I piped up and started the conversation with the only thing I could ask.
“Are you lying to me?” it sounded a little blunt but hey, at least it’s out there
.
“About liking you? No. It never was and never will be a lie.” My heart flutters a little to the fact that he’s so serious about it
.
“Why now? Why last night out of every night since I told you I liked you?” I looked up at him and he simply smiled a little
.
“The time seemed right. I realized my feelings for you were strong and I needed to tell you.” At this point the lays a hand on top of my twiddling thumbs. “I knew I couldn’t keep lying to myself, I knew that was the right mom-
”
“Did you already plan to have sex with me?” I cut him off. I couldn’t wait for the answer any longer. He sighs and we we’re quiet for a moment.
“No. To be completely honest I could have gone without the sex. I just wanted that kiss. That one kiss that I knew would be the one to tell me if I loved you or not.” Tears start to fill my eyes.
“And the result I got was an obvious one. Zacky. I love you.” My mind races and I can’t hold the tears back any longer. He slides down on his knees in front of me and puts a hand on my back and lightly strokes me trying to get me to calm down.
“I-I- I don’t know what to say Bri.” I choked thorough the tears.
“You don’t have to say anything. I know your feelings are right back.” I look up at this right away. A look of concern washes over his face instantly.
“Zee…you do love me right? I clearly remember you saying that to me.” I didn’t say anything. He slides his hand down and he cups his hand under my chin making sure I have to look at him.
“Zack, please tell me you were telling the truth and it wasn’t some mixed emotion.” He stared at me for the longest time. His brown eyes made my green seem weak and pathetic. The look he gave me was to much.
“ I don’t know.” I say quietly. He limply drops his hand down and stares at me.
“I can’t believe this.” He shakes his head. “I fucking can’t believe this. After finally realizing that me and you were perfect for each other. And finally not trying to not deny the fact that we liked each other, you flake out on me.” I quickly spoke up.
“I’m not flaking out Bri! I just don’t know what to think right now!”
“Oh, don’t start with that bull shit Zacky! If I do recall you we’re the first one who said you had feelings for me.” he gets up and faces the beach putting his arms on the side of the balcony. He shakes his head and grunts a little.
“And now you can’t even say you like me again.” I look at his back and I sigh.
“I thought this would work out Zee, I really did. Now I have no idea what to do. Way to go.” He spins around and I see the hate and anger and sadness pour from his brown eyes as he walks past me and slams the door behind him.
I can’t believe I said I don’t know. Out of everything else I said the one thing that can turn everything to shit. I take a deep breathe. I need to stop crying. I wait a few seconds and head inside after I know I can handle it.
Brian wasn’t in the room. That I could figure. He probably won’t talk to me for awhile now. Shit, another fight we have to go through. Out of everyone of the band me and him get into the most drama. I flop onto the bed and yell into a pillow. God this day cannot go any worse. The one guy I have hard feelings for is pissed at me cause I couldn’t get my words out. And now he might not talk to me for a while.
I start to cry again. I need him. I need his love. All the regret I felt earlier is now away. The regret I feel now is not telling him I love him back...