Entries from old journal
These are the things I wanted to save from my old lj. I am not that person anymore so I decided to make a new journal. However I liked these and did not want them to be deleted forever.
*This was written by me and a Navy pal in 2003
simply slithering along
dreaming in slow motion
alive with signs of life
thinking too hard about
what is so obvious
that it has to be said
thoughts are clouded
uncertain and jaded ill fly
and unfraid ill try
to pursue this lieu of reconcile
so fuck it take this chance
and it can only read validity
so fuck it and make the move
like this?
like you really want to
like you really mean it
like reality is finally
smacking you in the face
like you found something real
and you dont know how to have it
like you dont know how to just take it
knowledge is power
and youll never know unless you try
unless you already know
and you dont have to try
you just have to reach
but its already there
around your arm
warm
soft
and beautiful
in my mind warm
safe and wonderful
same difference dammit
comfort is comfort
truth is real
life is love
and lust
and i feel it
blatant
not sure, you havent felt it
in so long
and now its so fucking strong
so strong in the past
it lasted
more than i ever wanted
but needed
and needed
nothing less
so fragile
so tired
i want to breathe
life again
into your lungs
breathe out
into me
out
from me
both wanting the same thing
but its so far away
so out of reach
neither knows what to say
and its so close
but so hard to hold onto
*A lot of this stuff was written while I was separated from my husband so it will be reflective of the pain I was in at that time
filled with confusion
longing for your touch
waiting for you to come
wanting what i cant have
needing what is out of reach
breathing into you
feeling you near me
hearing you in my head
touching where you should be
open my eyes and there is no one there
alone here
missing you
wanting you
waiting for you
thinking of nothing but you
how you make me feel
how you make me
how you take me
how you break me
how you make me think
how you make question
everything
disbelieveing
short of breathe
inspired
dreaming
longing
hold me tightly
dont let go just yet
when some one you love actually gets to the bottom what do you do?
right now my heart aches
my eyes swell with tears again
my thoughts race
i hear your music in my ears
i think now of no one but you
this pain is almost too much
im sorry
what would we do without you
im worried
ive cried so much
and im so tired
of being strong
of being level
of being ok
i need to be held
and loved
and i need someone to tell me its ok
and i need someone to help me through this
and i need someone hear with me
and i need someone to touch me
and i need someone to hug me
and i need someone
and i need someone
and i need someone
and hes so far away
so far away
far away
away
from me
help me
love me
hold me
help me
help me
please
4am and im still awake
this pain is more than i can take
i roll over and you're not here
the reason you left is so unclear
how can you just walk away from me
i'm crying and hurt can't you see
i tried to run
but my heart was frozen
when you said
that we were done
i can't sleep
and i can't breathe
i can't escape your hold on me
my heart,so fragile
my soul,so cold
my smile,gone now
this storys been told
when i close my eyes
all i see is you
your smile
your face
your eyes so blue
i've lost myself
and i'm so scared
that one day you just won't care
has that day come and gone?
you never talk to me
how do i know whats going on
i see this look on your face sometimes
like you have something to say
by the time i get to you
the look has gone away
i feel you watching me
from across the room
your eyes taking me in
the way the sky hugs the moon
*I wrote this because I started to have feelings for my fuck buddy
do you think im pretty
she asked softly
he pretended to be alseep
so he wouldnt have to tell her
that he wouldnt give her the time of day
if she wasnt so easy
if she wasnt such a good lay
but she knew he was awake
and she already knew the answers
she just thought maybe
this one time
it would be different
*This was written by me and a Navy pal in 2003
simply slithering along
dreaming in slow motion
alive with signs of life
thinking too hard about
what is so obvious
that it has to be said
thoughts are clouded
uncertain and jaded ill fly
and unfraid ill try
to pursue this lieu of reconcile
so fuck it take this chance
and it can only read validity
so fuck it and make the move
like this?
like you really want to
like you really mean it
like reality is finally
smacking you in the face
like you found something real
and you dont know how to have it
like you dont know how to just take it
knowledge is power
and youll never know unless you try
unless you already know
and you dont have to try
you just have to reach
but its already there
around your arm
warm
soft
and beautiful
in my mind warm
safe and wonderful
same difference dammit
comfort is comfort
truth is real
life is love
and lust
and i feel it
blatant
not sure, you havent felt it
in so long
and now its so fucking strong
so strong in the past
it lasted
more than i ever wanted
but needed
and needed
nothing less
so fragile
so tired
i want to breathe
life again
into your lungs
breathe out
into me
out
from me
both wanting the same thing
but its so far away
so out of reach
neither knows what to say
and its so close
but so hard to hold onto
*A lot of this stuff was written while I was separated from my husband so it will be reflective of the pain I was in at that time
filled with confusion
longing for your touch
waiting for you to come
wanting what i cant have
needing what is out of reach
breathing into you
feeling you near me
hearing you in my head
touching where you should be
open my eyes and there is no one there
alone here
missing you
wanting you
waiting for you
thinking of nothing but you
how you make me feel
how you make me
how you take me
how you break me
how you make me think
how you make question
everything
disbelieveing
short of breathe
inspired
dreaming
longing
hold me tightly
dont let go just yet
when some one you love actually gets to the bottom what do you do?
right now my heart aches
my eyes swell with tears again
my thoughts race
i hear your music in my ears
i think now of no one but you
this pain is almost too much
im sorry
what would we do without you
im worried
ive cried so much
and im so tired
of being strong
of being level
of being ok
i need to be held
and loved
and i need someone to tell me its ok
and i need someone to help me through this
and i need someone hear with me
and i need someone to touch me
and i need someone to hug me
and i need someone
and i need someone
and i need someone
and hes so far away
so far away
far away
away
from me
help me
love me
hold me
help me
help me
please
4am and im still awake
this pain is more than i can take
i roll over and you're not here
the reason you left is so unclear
how can you just walk away from me
i'm crying and hurt can't you see
i tried to run
but my heart was frozen
when you said
that we were done
i can't sleep
and i can't breathe
i can't escape your hold on me
my heart,so fragile
my soul,so cold
my smile,gone now
this storys been told
when i close my eyes
all i see is you
your smile
your face
your eyes so blue
i've lost myself
and i'm so scared
that one day you just won't care
has that day come and gone?
you never talk to me
how do i know whats going on
i see this look on your face sometimes
like you have something to say
by the time i get to you
the look has gone away
i feel you watching me
from across the room
your eyes taking me in
the way the sky hugs the moon
*I wrote this because I started to have feelings for my fuck buddy
do you think im pretty
she asked softly
he pretended to be alseep
so he wouldnt have to tell her
that he wouldnt give her the time of day
if she wasnt so easy
if she wasnt such a good lay
but she knew he was awake
and she already knew the answers
she just thought maybe
this one time
it would be different