Zombies!
Well, since I have a journal here and nothing to do with it, I'll be posting up reviews for movies as I watch them.
And since I have quite a backlog of movie opinions to dole out, I'll have to sort them first. In the meantime, as filler, here's a short piece on zombies . . .
Before we get into how to survive a zombie outbreak, let's classify the different types of zombies, their strength and weaknesses, and their causes.
First, we have our garden-variety, slow-moving, traditional zombies. These zombies are slow, yes, but tenacious. Once they get a hint of your scent, they'll be on to you at a snail-like pace. Besides that, they are very hard to kill; you will have to blast their heads to effectively put them down. Stuff that creates traditional zombies include, but are not limited to: the T-virus, other unnamed viruses, industrial chemicals, the Devil, Lucozade, and Big Bad Voodoo.
Next, there are the new-age zombies, as seen in the remade Dawn of the Dead. These are as tough as their slower cousins, but they move fast! Real fast, and they can keep up a sprint far longer than any Olympic athlete. (Zombie mitochondria working overtime?)
Unfortunately, these zombies seem to have no other weaknesses besides being downright stupid, and falling apart after some years, so tough luck. These zombies are created in the same way as traditional ones. There is a variant on these zombies, which are termed 'deadites'. These beasts are demon-possessed and highly intelligent. They love to taunt their victims, and may stoop to trickery to get their prey. In addition, the deadites HAVE to be fully dismembered in order to be effectively neutralized. Deadites are created by reciting weird incantations from the Necronomicon, the Book of the Dead. You can see Deadites in the wholly awesome Evil Dead series. Hail to the King, baby.
There are also pseudo-zombies, last seen in the movie 28 Days Later. These are arguably faster than the new-age zombies, but not being truly undead, they possess basic vulnerabilities. So they're pretty easy to kill, all things considered. These pseudo-zombies are probably caused by a virus (again), and can be cured by draining every last drop of infected blood from the zombie's body and infusing it with uninfected blood.
The final type would be the Michael Jackson "Thriller" type zombies. Beware- the only known way to deal with these monstrosities is by putting on a good dance song- preferably Michael Jackson's Thriller- and running away while the ghouls dance around. What causes these things to abandon their restful sleep is still unknown, but many well-known zombie specialists have speculated that it is a dark combination of crotch-grabbing and moonwalking.
So, how exactly do you survive a zombie outbreak?
-THE PRIMARY ZOMBIE SURVIVAL RULE : NEVER LET A ZOMBIE GET CLOSE TO YOU-
First off, you need to equip yourself. In most cases, close combat weapons are NOT recommended for primary combat.(See 'the Primary Zombie Survival Rule')However, it is advisable to bring a knife or two in order to defend yourself from the occasional zombie that gets close. No chainsaws, as they're practically useless for killing zombies except for the style points. Lawnmowers are out too- they are too unwieldy. You can use scythes if you want more style points, but that'll probably get you killed too. Machetes, swords and axes are acceptable, but be careful that it doesn't get lodged in a zombie's body. Always use swift, hard strokes against a zombie, and aim for the neck repeatedly if possible. The skull is tough, and most people won't have the strength to bash it up sufficiently enough to get at the glowing, green brains within.
Guns are the weapon of choice. In Malaysia, we don't really have many guns to pick from, so the occasional pistol or shotgun you pick up from that unfortunate security guard zombie will be important for your survival. If possible, try to raid the nearest army camp or police station. There, you can probably find some Steyr Augs or MP5s lying around. Don't overburden yourself with heavy weaponry- accuracy and speed is the most important here.
Fire is good. Flamethrowers have their drawbacks, though. They are big, bulky, and need precious fuel. There is also the danger of a burning undead corpse lurching or dashing after you before it goes down for the count. Your best bet when using fire is to lob Molotov cocktails at mobs of zombies from behind fortifications.
This brings us to our next point: fortifications and fellow survivors.
-THE SECONDARY ZOMBIE SURVIVAL RULE: NEVER BUNK UP WITH PSYCHOTIC, POWER CRAZY SURVIVORS-
The best 'natural' fortification would be a shopping mall. Bar all the doors, stairs and move your foodstuffs above the ground level. Zombies are generally too stupid to use the elevators, but for safety's sake, cut the elevator cables too. If you happen to be stuck somewhere with lots of earth and soil, remember to dig pits and place pointy wooden sticks in them. Works like a charm everytime.
Even the best fortifications can fall prey to the predations of the living; i.e. your fellow survivors. It's good if you're alone, even better if you're alone with a beautiful girl, but three, as they say, is a crowd. Even worse, the people who manage to survive the initial outbreak are almost always the obnoxious, me-first, arrogant bastards. In most cases, these people are good as undead fodder. Feel free to jettison them one by one as bait in order to make your zombie survival experience a safer one. Of course, they might just be planning the same thing, so it's all a matter of who strikes first. To be sure of survival, take out the guy who's always jittery and can't even hold a weapon properly. He'll be the first to bail in a crisis, so bail him off to the zombies when a crisis happens! Also, make sure that your food supplies are not guarded by the greediest person of your group. Proper, nutritious food is important. You don't want to starve to death and start eating fresh, lovely human brains now, do you? The food-hog is, of course, the second choice in your undead fodder list. In addition, hot-headed military types should never be part of your little band, even though they might seem handy in a fight. They're very likely to cause problems with their rashness, hunger for control and psychotic tendencies, not to mention that they'll probably want to turn your girlfriend into a sex slave to repopulate the earth. At the first chance you get, knock them out, tie them up, and hand them over to the undead, solving all your possible problems in one go.
Well, the above wasn't really in good taste, was it?.
Anyway, here's two good web-sites you might like to visit in order to gain more information about zombies and how to overcome them.
http://www.fvza.org/zscience2.html
And my personal favourite (this is a member's page, but you can log-in all the same)
http://kevan.org/brain.cgi?Chuin%20Hau
And since I have quite a backlog of movie opinions to dole out, I'll have to sort them first. In the meantime, as filler, here's a short piece on zombies . . .
Before we get into how to survive a zombie outbreak, let's classify the different types of zombies, their strength and weaknesses, and their causes.
First, we have our garden-variety, slow-moving, traditional zombies. These zombies are slow, yes, but tenacious. Once they get a hint of your scent, they'll be on to you at a snail-like pace. Besides that, they are very hard to kill; you will have to blast their heads to effectively put them down. Stuff that creates traditional zombies include, but are not limited to: the T-virus, other unnamed viruses, industrial chemicals, the Devil, Lucozade, and Big Bad Voodoo.
Next, there are the new-age zombies, as seen in the remade Dawn of the Dead. These are as tough as their slower cousins, but they move fast! Real fast, and they can keep up a sprint far longer than any Olympic athlete. (Zombie mitochondria working overtime?)
Unfortunately, these zombies seem to have no other weaknesses besides being downright stupid, and falling apart after some years, so tough luck. These zombies are created in the same way as traditional ones. There is a variant on these zombies, which are termed 'deadites'. These beasts are demon-possessed and highly intelligent. They love to taunt their victims, and may stoop to trickery to get their prey. In addition, the deadites HAVE to be fully dismembered in order to be effectively neutralized. Deadites are created by reciting weird incantations from the Necronomicon, the Book of the Dead. You can see Deadites in the wholly awesome Evil Dead series. Hail to the King, baby.
There are also pseudo-zombies, last seen in the movie 28 Days Later. These are arguably faster than the new-age zombies, but not being truly undead, they possess basic vulnerabilities. So they're pretty easy to kill, all things considered. These pseudo-zombies are probably caused by a virus (again), and can be cured by draining every last drop of infected blood from the zombie's body and infusing it with uninfected blood.
The final type would be the Michael Jackson "Thriller" type zombies. Beware- the only known way to deal with these monstrosities is by putting on a good dance song- preferably Michael Jackson's Thriller- and running away while the ghouls dance around. What causes these things to abandon their restful sleep is still unknown, but many well-known zombie specialists have speculated that it is a dark combination of crotch-grabbing and moonwalking.
So, how exactly do you survive a zombie outbreak?
-THE PRIMARY ZOMBIE SURVIVAL RULE : NEVER LET A ZOMBIE GET CLOSE TO YOU-
First off, you need to equip yourself. In most cases, close combat weapons are NOT recommended for primary combat.(See 'the Primary Zombie Survival Rule')However, it is advisable to bring a knife or two in order to defend yourself from the occasional zombie that gets close. No chainsaws, as they're practically useless for killing zombies except for the style points. Lawnmowers are out too- they are too unwieldy. You can use scythes if you want more style points, but that'll probably get you killed too. Machetes, swords and axes are acceptable, but be careful that it doesn't get lodged in a zombie's body. Always use swift, hard strokes against a zombie, and aim for the neck repeatedly if possible. The skull is tough, and most people won't have the strength to bash it up sufficiently enough to get at the glowing, green brains within.
Guns are the weapon of choice. In Malaysia, we don't really have many guns to pick from, so the occasional pistol or shotgun you pick up from that unfortunate security guard zombie will be important for your survival. If possible, try to raid the nearest army camp or police station. There, you can probably find some Steyr Augs or MP5s lying around. Don't overburden yourself with heavy weaponry- accuracy and speed is the most important here.
Fire is good. Flamethrowers have their drawbacks, though. They are big, bulky, and need precious fuel. There is also the danger of a burning undead corpse lurching or dashing after you before it goes down for the count. Your best bet when using fire is to lob Molotov cocktails at mobs of zombies from behind fortifications.
This brings us to our next point: fortifications and fellow survivors.
-THE SECONDARY ZOMBIE SURVIVAL RULE: NEVER BUNK UP WITH PSYCHOTIC, POWER CRAZY SURVIVORS-
The best 'natural' fortification would be a shopping mall. Bar all the doors, stairs and move your foodstuffs above the ground level. Zombies are generally too stupid to use the elevators, but for safety's sake, cut the elevator cables too. If you happen to be stuck somewhere with lots of earth and soil, remember to dig pits and place pointy wooden sticks in them. Works like a charm everytime.
Even the best fortifications can fall prey to the predations of the living; i.e. your fellow survivors. It's good if you're alone, even better if you're alone with a beautiful girl, but three, as they say, is a crowd. Even worse, the people who manage to survive the initial outbreak are almost always the obnoxious, me-first, arrogant bastards. In most cases, these people are good as undead fodder. Feel free to jettison them one by one as bait in order to make your zombie survival experience a safer one. Of course, they might just be planning the same thing, so it's all a matter of who strikes first. To be sure of survival, take out the guy who's always jittery and can't even hold a weapon properly. He'll be the first to bail in a crisis, so bail him off to the zombies when a crisis happens! Also, make sure that your food supplies are not guarded by the greediest person of your group. Proper, nutritious food is important. You don't want to starve to death and start eating fresh, lovely human brains now, do you? The food-hog is, of course, the second choice in your undead fodder list. In addition, hot-headed military types should never be part of your little band, even though they might seem handy in a fight. They're very likely to cause problems with their rashness, hunger for control and psychotic tendencies, not to mention that they'll probably want to turn your girlfriend into a sex slave to repopulate the earth. At the first chance you get, knock them out, tie them up, and hand them over to the undead, solving all your possible problems in one go.
Well, the above wasn't really in good taste, was it?.
Anyway, here's two good web-sites you might like to visit in order to gain more information about zombies and how to overcome them.
http://www.fvza.org/zscience2.html
And my personal favourite (this is a member's page, but you can log-in all the same)
http://kevan.org/brain.cgi?Chuin%20Hau