I’ll be your primary or secondary editor for this round. Sorry for the delay. I got sick over the weekend and just couldn't read objectively.
If you’re interested, you can read a little more about my editing style on my journal. The entry is post-dated for your convenience.
Grammar: Paragraph breaks would be nice, aesthetically speaking. That unbroken, left-margined wall of text is intimidating at first glance. Lots of punctuation faux pas. Lots of incomplete or run-on sentences. Yadda yadda yadda, who really cares, right? I really liked the voice of the piece and too many corrections based on what people think is right or wrong, grammatically speaking, would take away from that. I would retype it, while reading it out loud to myself, if only to check for awkward or prolonged pauses due to the misappropriation of a few commas and periods here and there.
Content:+ Great narration. Like I said, I loved the voice, but I also loved the character development. She starts off as kind of sarcastic and disenchanted, and at the same time
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Hello. I'll be acting as a stand-in secondary editor today.
If you wanted to develop this story more, you could give us some more of their personalities bouncing off of each other. You also may want to allude to some spark between them. It's up to you.
I personally found the run-on sentences and lack of proper punctuation to be very distracting. If you're going for a certain voice, I understand, but if your reader is having trouble getting through the piece because of it, it's a problem.
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If you’re interested, you can read a little more about my editing style on my journal. The entry is post-dated for your convenience.
Grammar: Paragraph breaks would be nice, aesthetically speaking. That unbroken, left-margined wall of text is intimidating at first glance. Lots of punctuation faux pas. Lots of incomplete or run-on sentences. Yadda yadda yadda, who really cares, right? I really liked the voice of the piece and too many corrections based on what people think is right or wrong, grammatically speaking, would take away from that. I would retype it, while reading it out loud to myself, if only to check for awkward or prolonged pauses due to the misappropriation of a few commas and periods here and there.
Content:+ Great narration. Like I said, I loved the voice, but I also loved the character development. She starts off as kind of sarcastic and disenchanted, and at the same time ( ... )
Reply
If you wanted to develop this story more, you could give us some more of their personalities bouncing off of each other. You also may want to allude to some spark between them. It's up to you.
I personally found the run-on sentences and lack of proper punctuation to be very distracting. If you're going for a certain voice, I understand, but if your reader is having trouble getting through the piece because of it, it's a problem.
Thanks for sharing your piece.
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