yeah
Skip the next 4 paragraphs if you don't want a long story.
So my grandmother got mad at my mom today. My dad was at the Woodstock/Roswell game, so my mom and I went to Wendy's and Dominos to get food for her and I and my sister and her friends. My grandmother stayed home and fixed herself something to eat. We got home and the TV was literally blaring, because my grandmother was in the room eating and she's 87 and can't hear. Now, my mother isn't a fan of noise. At all. But, bless her heart, she decided that she was going to eat dinner in the room with my grandmother. I went to eat in my room. My mom told my grandmother she was going to mute the TV while she said her prayer. Obviously, my grandmother didn't hear her - I doubt she would have heard her even if she could hear worth a crap, since the only people she doesn't completely tune out in this world are my father and I (because my name is Barkley it seems). So my mom mutes the TV and my grandmother like explodes on her. My mom frantically tries to explain, but of course everyone besides my dad and I (oh and sometimes my aunt) in this world are inherently evil, and so my grandmother won't hear any of it. My mom was just being mean to her. So my mom goes in to try to explain to her twice...first time my grandmother just brushed her off, second time she ignored her until my mom had stood there for like 5 minutes, then she took her TV-headphones off to listen. Grandmother realized she was wrong. Didn't apologize. Nothing. *sigh* So I spent the next 2 hours hugging/listening to my mom and doing my best to console her. I thought about going in and saying something to my grandmother, but I would have ended up storming in there and yelling at her, which more than likely would have killed her. Literally. So I realized acting on that anger wasn't a good idea. I would've gone in there with the sole purpose of making her feel bad. And I refuse to believe that anyone deserves that.
So I talked...no, listened to my mom for some time. My mother, my father, and I hope my sister and I are so uncannily alike in our emotions. My mom said the exact same things I've said. That she can't see how someone could treat someone like that. How someone's love could be different from our own. And that when she/we try to think about how it must feel, how that other person must think...we can, but we refuse to believe that it is possible. That's what is so different about us. We are stubborn. I refuse to believe that people can intentionally do harm to another, for no overt reason. I refuse to believe that humans are innately evil. I defy it. I know it can be true...it has been proved to me over and over and over again. But I refuse. I can look all the facts given to me by my own life and my own experiences in the eye and say with the deepest conviction, "You are wrong."
Some people would probably say that a person that does things like that is too weak to accept reality. I can see where they are coming from, and in some cases I believe that is true. But (and it may be arrogance) I don't think that is what mine is based on. The thing is I have lived a fuller life in a shorter amount of time than most people could dream of. My parents showed me true love. I've died. Death holds less mystery, and no fear for me. And people who haven't experienced that can not know how that feels. How it thinks. It is the same as old age. A young person can't know how an old person thinks and feels. They can try, but it really is impossible. The process is gained by the experience, and there is no substitute for experience - not even imagination or deep thought or insight. That's why I would never blame anyone for not understanding me - I'd only blame myself for lacking the ability to convey my meaning.
This isn't targeted at anyone (except maybe my grandmother, who would never read this, as she doesn't understand 'website,' as she calls it, nor would she understand it if she did read it), it is just what I was thinking about due to the night's events.
So, in summary...
"No, Heaven's not a place that you go when you die
It's that moment in life when you touch her and you feel alive." (thanks Samantha)
Is almost true. Heaven is not the place, in my experience. Heaven is what happens when you die. And it isn't the moment. It is every fraction of ever microsecond where you are alive just for that one point of infinity. Every nanosecond is something new and beautiful just by its nature - this is the one second that you are. Until you've felt it, you can't know what that is like. Those words can't do it justice. It has to be a part of you.
Oh, and by the way,
"Love's completely real, so forget anything that you have heard
And live for the moment now."
That's as good advice as you will ever hear. Live. That's what life is about. It isn't about how you were born, how you died, how much you have, where you are going...it is about how you live and love. How you live is the only thing you ever decide in this world. The only choice you ever make is how you handle what life gives you. That isn't an uplifting statement. It doesn't mean life is happy if you make it so. Life is battle - it is pain and saddness with some unexpected dabbles of happiness. It is what you make it. I don't know what happens when you die. I only know that death isn't the end. And that is something.
So my grandmother got mad at my mom today. My dad was at the Woodstock/Roswell game, so my mom and I went to Wendy's and Dominos to get food for her and I and my sister and her friends. My grandmother stayed home and fixed herself something to eat. We got home and the TV was literally blaring, because my grandmother was in the room eating and she's 87 and can't hear. Now, my mother isn't a fan of noise. At all. But, bless her heart, she decided that she was going to eat dinner in the room with my grandmother. I went to eat in my room. My mom told my grandmother she was going to mute the TV while she said her prayer. Obviously, my grandmother didn't hear her - I doubt she would have heard her even if she could hear worth a crap, since the only people she doesn't completely tune out in this world are my father and I (because my name is Barkley it seems). So my mom mutes the TV and my grandmother like explodes on her. My mom frantically tries to explain, but of course everyone besides my dad and I (oh and sometimes my aunt) in this world are inherently evil, and so my grandmother won't hear any of it. My mom was just being mean to her. So my mom goes in to try to explain to her twice...first time my grandmother just brushed her off, second time she ignored her until my mom had stood there for like 5 minutes, then she took her TV-headphones off to listen. Grandmother realized she was wrong. Didn't apologize. Nothing. *sigh* So I spent the next 2 hours hugging/listening to my mom and doing my best to console her. I thought about going in and saying something to my grandmother, but I would have ended up storming in there and yelling at her, which more than likely would have killed her. Literally. So I realized acting on that anger wasn't a good idea. I would've gone in there with the sole purpose of making her feel bad. And I refuse to believe that anyone deserves that.
So I talked...no, listened to my mom for some time. My mother, my father, and I hope my sister and I are so uncannily alike in our emotions. My mom said the exact same things I've said. That she can't see how someone could treat someone like that. How someone's love could be different from our own. And that when she/we try to think about how it must feel, how that other person must think...we can, but we refuse to believe that it is possible. That's what is so different about us. We are stubborn. I refuse to believe that people can intentionally do harm to another, for no overt reason. I refuse to believe that humans are innately evil. I defy it. I know it can be true...it has been proved to me over and over and over again. But I refuse. I can look all the facts given to me by my own life and my own experiences in the eye and say with the deepest conviction, "You are wrong."
Some people would probably say that a person that does things like that is too weak to accept reality. I can see where they are coming from, and in some cases I believe that is true. But (and it may be arrogance) I don't think that is what mine is based on. The thing is I have lived a fuller life in a shorter amount of time than most people could dream of. My parents showed me true love. I've died. Death holds less mystery, and no fear for me. And people who haven't experienced that can not know how that feels. How it thinks. It is the same as old age. A young person can't know how an old person thinks and feels. They can try, but it really is impossible. The process is gained by the experience, and there is no substitute for experience - not even imagination or deep thought or insight. That's why I would never blame anyone for not understanding me - I'd only blame myself for lacking the ability to convey my meaning.
This isn't targeted at anyone (except maybe my grandmother, who would never read this, as she doesn't understand 'website,' as she calls it, nor would she understand it if she did read it), it is just what I was thinking about due to the night's events.
So, in summary...
"No, Heaven's not a place that you go when you die
It's that moment in life when you touch her and you feel alive." (thanks Samantha)
Is almost true. Heaven is not the place, in my experience. Heaven is what happens when you die. And it isn't the moment. It is every fraction of ever microsecond where you are alive just for that one point of infinity. Every nanosecond is something new and beautiful just by its nature - this is the one second that you are. Until you've felt it, you can't know what that is like. Those words can't do it justice. It has to be a part of you.
Oh, and by the way,
"Love's completely real, so forget anything that you have heard
And live for the moment now."
That's as good advice as you will ever hear. Live. That's what life is about. It isn't about how you were born, how you died, how much you have, where you are going...it is about how you live and love. How you live is the only thing you ever decide in this world. The only choice you ever make is how you handle what life gives you. That isn't an uplifting statement. It doesn't mean life is happy if you make it so. Life is battle - it is pain and saddness with some unexpected dabbles of happiness. It is what you make it. I don't know what happens when you die. I only know that death isn't the end. And that is something.