Everything I know about life...
I shouldn't be up this late. Delirium sets in, and there's no telling what strange thoughts may come out. This is of a personal nature. So, if this post hit your friends page just because you were nice enough to friend me so I could read your stories, you don't have to feel obligated to read this.
Do you suppose a few years from now I'll be saying, "Everything I know about life I learned from BBM and fanfiction"? There are the BIG ones, of course:
1. Be true to yourself.
2. Love is too precious to waste or take for granted.
3. When you love someone, TELL them!
And then there are those that are maybe not so easily learned. Forgiveness comes to mind. testa_dura is doing us all a favor helping us work through that one with BOD. And I just wrote this little drabble (yeah, me... who'd have thought... must have stepped into some kind of temporary alternate universe or something). I cheated, in a way. It's really a memory of my own, and it made me smile to give it to Jack and Ennis, instead. It was really me in the back of that pickup, tossing hay off the edge of the tailgate and complaining loudly that Daddy hit every single bump there was. Of course, I was a kid and didn't cuss like Jack did. It was more like "Daaaaddyyyy!!!!"
So, I was smiling over it, and the next thing I knew I was crying over it. That was a happy memory, and it had been buried pretty much under a lot of resentments. Daddy's not one to really make a deep connection or make the effort to figure out who you really are. He thought I taught biology for 10 years before I actually did. And he never can remember my last name (granted, I've been married three times, but still...) In the 23 years since I left home, he's called me fewer than 4-5 times, and those were about business or whether or not I knew where Grandma was. He loves me, just maybe not in the way I would have wanted him to. And I've struggled trying to forgive him for that for years.
And that made me think of Jack and Ennis. Ennis loved him the best way he knew how. He may not have shown it in all the ways Jack may have wanted - never would agree to that sweet life. But he loved him as best he could. Can't say that didn't hurt Jack. Disillusioned him. I can't help thinking, though, that Jack had it in him to forgive. Can't imagine an afterlife in which he didn't.
And having given that forgiveness to Ennis, myself... how then can I justify not extending it to my dad? I'm sure he loves me the best way he knows how or as best he can. In fact, as I've sat here dwelling on all of this, I've realized that there are more parallels between my dad's parenting and Ennis's than I'd ever really thought about. Maybe no better, but probably no worse, either.
But what about OMT? That's another aspect of the same issue. Can you forgive someone without understanding them? Can you forgive someone without respecting them or their actions? Maybe Tes will take us another few steps down that road. Maybe I'll learn one more thing from BBM fanfiction.
Do you suppose a few years from now I'll be saying, "Everything I know about life I learned from BBM and fanfiction"? There are the BIG ones, of course:
1. Be true to yourself.
2. Love is too precious to waste or take for granted.
3. When you love someone, TELL them!
And then there are those that are maybe not so easily learned. Forgiveness comes to mind. testa_dura is doing us all a favor helping us work through that one with BOD. And I just wrote this little drabble (yeah, me... who'd have thought... must have stepped into some kind of temporary alternate universe or something). I cheated, in a way. It's really a memory of my own, and it made me smile to give it to Jack and Ennis, instead. It was really me in the back of that pickup, tossing hay off the edge of the tailgate and complaining loudly that Daddy hit every single bump there was. Of course, I was a kid and didn't cuss like Jack did. It was more like "Daaaaddyyyy!!!!"
So, I was smiling over it, and the next thing I knew I was crying over it. That was a happy memory, and it had been buried pretty much under a lot of resentments. Daddy's not one to really make a deep connection or make the effort to figure out who you really are. He thought I taught biology for 10 years before I actually did. And he never can remember my last name (granted, I've been married three times, but still...) In the 23 years since I left home, he's called me fewer than 4-5 times, and those were about business or whether or not I knew where Grandma was. He loves me, just maybe not in the way I would have wanted him to. And I've struggled trying to forgive him for that for years.
And that made me think of Jack and Ennis. Ennis loved him the best way he knew how. He may not have shown it in all the ways Jack may have wanted - never would agree to that sweet life. But he loved him as best he could. Can't say that didn't hurt Jack. Disillusioned him. I can't help thinking, though, that Jack had it in him to forgive. Can't imagine an afterlife in which he didn't.
And having given that forgiveness to Ennis, myself... how then can I justify not extending it to my dad? I'm sure he loves me the best way he knows how or as best he can. In fact, as I've sat here dwelling on all of this, I've realized that there are more parallels between my dad's parenting and Ennis's than I'd ever really thought about. Maybe no better, but probably no worse, either.
But what about OMT? That's another aspect of the same issue. Can you forgive someone without understanding them? Can you forgive someone without respecting them or their actions? Maybe Tes will take us another few steps down that road. Maybe I'll learn one more thing from BBM fanfiction.