[Ryo/Shige] The Love that Chases
Title: The Love that Chases
Chapter: Awakening (1 of Part 1)
Pairing: Ryo/Shige, with a lot of Koyato friendship
Author:
misticloud
Genre: Angst, unrequited love
Rating: PG
Words: 1,031
Summary: Shige embarks on the long, lonely, sometimes fruitful journey of loving someone who doesn't love him back.
Note: This is a multi-chaptered fic, but split into three parts. It sounds confusing, I know, because it originally started out as a one-shot and then simply got too long. I hope that angsty Shige agrees with you. Comments would make Monday a lot happier for me :)
Awakening
When Shige fell in love with Ryo, he thought that perhaps there was a community out there, a community for hearts that were given and weren’t returned, for dark hours of sadness during the nights and lucid moments of hopelessness during the days. Shige thought he should probably be the chairman of that community, because his was a case so despondent that there really wasn’t any point in trying to save it.
There were a lot of comings and goings in that community. Some left because they found new hearts to give out. Others left because they simply gave up. Shige was a steadfast member, as constant as earth itself, impeccably following all the guidelines and rising higher and higher in position each year until he thought that surely there could be a limit to the amount of unrequited love that a person could possibly give.
“I have become the chairman,” he told Koyama once.
Koyama knew of Shige’s community. “I don’t know what to say.” His voice was worried, concerned. “Can you resign?”
“Maybe,” said Shige, smiling crookedly. “With about three years’ notice.”
It was a very bitter membership.
… …
“Where does love go?” Shige asked Koyama. They were lying on the beach side by side, looking up at the stars, and Shige was content, though he knew that Koyama was wishing that a beautiful girl was beside him instead.
“What do you mean?” Koyama said blankly.
“When it goes out seeking for a home and isn’t welcome,” said Shige. “Where does it go then? It doesn’t come back.”
Koyama wrapped his arms behind his head and resisted the urge to look back at the hotel, where he knew that, at this very moment, Ryo was probably romancing a couple of girls in the bar. He and Yamapi never failed to draw female attention, though Ryo tended to score more than Yamapi simply because he wanted to.
“It’s sad when love doesn’t have a home,” Shige said, the low, slightly rough pitch of his voice bringing Koyama back into the moment. “Just like how everything that is homeless and destitute is sad.”
“I don’t think love is homeless,” said Koyama earnestly. “I think it just chases after its target until it catches up, and then it becomes welcome.”
Shige mulled over it. “But sometimes it can never catch up, no matter how hard it may run or how stealthily it follows.”
“Then maybe,” said Koyama because he was the sort of person who didn’t give up on his friends, “if that’s the case, it should turn around and take a walk back to its original place.”
Shige laughed. There were many types of laughter in the world, all of which were tinged with an emotion - some of joy, some of derision, some of cynicism, and some that were faintly self-mocking. Koyama thought that all the emotions a single laugh could carry were infested in Shige’s laugh - definitely far more emotions, more stories, than Shige ever let on in words. “I think mine doesn’t have a reverse gear,” he said. “Or if it does, I haven’t learned how to use it yet.”
“Someday.”
Shige threw his arm over his forehead, watching the faraway star blink down at him. “Yes,” he agreed, listening as the night sky told him just how great the universe was, how mightily awesome, and how much his insignificant one-sided love paled in comparison. “Someday.”
And then Koyama suddenly felt the inexplicable urge to contradict himself and tell Shige that there couldn’t possibly be a someday, because a Shige who did not love Nishikido Ryo was not Shige.
… …
“I love you.”
Three words that could so easily change the entire course of one’s life.
It had been raining that day. For the rest of his life Shige would associate the sound of rain with the sadness of a love going out to seek a home and finding it unwelcome. It was an association that came along with such deeply felt emotions that they couldn’t overflow in the form of tears.
“I…” Ryo looked genuinely bewildered.
Shige didn’t blame him.
It was hard, after all, to believe that someone who barely spoke to you was in love with you.
It was something that Shige himself could not yet understand. Perhaps his heart did, but it imparted none of its secrets to his brain.
“I…” Ryo still didn’t seem able to form a coherent sentence.
Shige saw that Ryo was struggling, really struggling, and because he loved him, he took Ryo out of the struggle. “I don’t mean to put you on the spot,” he said. “I don’t need an answer either. I just wanted you to know, that’s all.”
Ryo looked at Shige, at the five foot seven of Shige with his wavy hair and anxious eyes, and felt the relief of a man who wasn’t pressurized into giving an affirmative answer. “Uh…Kato-kun. You know I don’t - well, go in for this sort of thing.” He added quickly, “Though I’m grateful for your feelings, of course.”
Shige nodded.
“For the sake of the group, maybe it’s best if you stopped thinking about it.”
“Yup.”
“I don’t like you,” Ryo finished awkwardly. “I don’t think I ever will.”
Shige bit his lip, the first time during the entire encounter that he actually seemed at a loss. Ryo looked away and gave Shige time to wipe the pain off his face.
When he looked back again, Shige met his eyes directly and smiled. Before that day, Shige’s smiles had always been like a gift, bursting out on his serious face and practically forcing everyone around him to reciprocate with smiles of their own, but before long he would become known for his fake smile.
“It’s okay.”
“Thanks. For letting it be.”
“I won’t mention it to you again.”
“It’s fine.”
“Nothing changes, right? If we don’t talk about it.”
“Yup.”
Shige smiled again, that transparent meaningless smile that somehow could not find its way to his eyes, and left the room quietly.
True to his word, he never mentioned it to Ryo again, neither in words nor actions.
But somehow, the silence entered Ryo’s heart and nestled there.
Chapter: Awakening (1 of Part 1)
Pairing: Ryo/Shige, with a lot of Koyato friendship
Author:
misticloud
Genre: Angst, unrequited love
Rating: PG
Words: 1,031
Summary: Shige embarks on the long, lonely, sometimes fruitful journey of loving someone who doesn't love him back.
Note: This is a multi-chaptered fic, but split into three parts. It sounds confusing, I know, because it originally started out as a one-shot and then simply got too long. I hope that angsty Shige agrees with you. Comments would make Monday a lot happier for me :)
Awakening
When Shige fell in love with Ryo, he thought that perhaps there was a community out there, a community for hearts that were given and weren’t returned, for dark hours of sadness during the nights and lucid moments of hopelessness during the days. Shige thought he should probably be the chairman of that community, because his was a case so despondent that there really wasn’t any point in trying to save it.
There were a lot of comings and goings in that community. Some left because they found new hearts to give out. Others left because they simply gave up. Shige was a steadfast member, as constant as earth itself, impeccably following all the guidelines and rising higher and higher in position each year until he thought that surely there could be a limit to the amount of unrequited love that a person could possibly give.
“I have become the chairman,” he told Koyama once.
Koyama knew of Shige’s community. “I don’t know what to say.” His voice was worried, concerned. “Can you resign?”
“Maybe,” said Shige, smiling crookedly. “With about three years’ notice.”
It was a very bitter membership.
… …
“Where does love go?” Shige asked Koyama. They were lying on the beach side by side, looking up at the stars, and Shige was content, though he knew that Koyama was wishing that a beautiful girl was beside him instead.
“What do you mean?” Koyama said blankly.
“When it goes out seeking for a home and isn’t welcome,” said Shige. “Where does it go then? It doesn’t come back.”
Koyama wrapped his arms behind his head and resisted the urge to look back at the hotel, where he knew that, at this very moment, Ryo was probably romancing a couple of girls in the bar. He and Yamapi never failed to draw female attention, though Ryo tended to score more than Yamapi simply because he wanted to.
“It’s sad when love doesn’t have a home,” Shige said, the low, slightly rough pitch of his voice bringing Koyama back into the moment. “Just like how everything that is homeless and destitute is sad.”
“I don’t think love is homeless,” said Koyama earnestly. “I think it just chases after its target until it catches up, and then it becomes welcome.”
Shige mulled over it. “But sometimes it can never catch up, no matter how hard it may run or how stealthily it follows.”
“Then maybe,” said Koyama because he was the sort of person who didn’t give up on his friends, “if that’s the case, it should turn around and take a walk back to its original place.”
Shige laughed. There were many types of laughter in the world, all of which were tinged with an emotion - some of joy, some of derision, some of cynicism, and some that were faintly self-mocking. Koyama thought that all the emotions a single laugh could carry were infested in Shige’s laugh - definitely far more emotions, more stories, than Shige ever let on in words. “I think mine doesn’t have a reverse gear,” he said. “Or if it does, I haven’t learned how to use it yet.”
“Someday.”
Shige threw his arm over his forehead, watching the faraway star blink down at him. “Yes,” he agreed, listening as the night sky told him just how great the universe was, how mightily awesome, and how much his insignificant one-sided love paled in comparison. “Someday.”
And then Koyama suddenly felt the inexplicable urge to contradict himself and tell Shige that there couldn’t possibly be a someday, because a Shige who did not love Nishikido Ryo was not Shige.
… …
“I love you.”
Three words that could so easily change the entire course of one’s life.
It had been raining that day. For the rest of his life Shige would associate the sound of rain with the sadness of a love going out to seek a home and finding it unwelcome. It was an association that came along with such deeply felt emotions that they couldn’t overflow in the form of tears.
“I…” Ryo looked genuinely bewildered.
Shige didn’t blame him.
It was hard, after all, to believe that someone who barely spoke to you was in love with you.
It was something that Shige himself could not yet understand. Perhaps his heart did, but it imparted none of its secrets to his brain.
“I…” Ryo still didn’t seem able to form a coherent sentence.
Shige saw that Ryo was struggling, really struggling, and because he loved him, he took Ryo out of the struggle. “I don’t mean to put you on the spot,” he said. “I don’t need an answer either. I just wanted you to know, that’s all.”
Ryo looked at Shige, at the five foot seven of Shige with his wavy hair and anxious eyes, and felt the relief of a man who wasn’t pressurized into giving an affirmative answer. “Uh…Kato-kun. You know I don’t - well, go in for this sort of thing.” He added quickly, “Though I’m grateful for your feelings, of course.”
Shige nodded.
“For the sake of the group, maybe it’s best if you stopped thinking about it.”
“Yup.”
“I don’t like you,” Ryo finished awkwardly. “I don’t think I ever will.”
Shige bit his lip, the first time during the entire encounter that he actually seemed at a loss. Ryo looked away and gave Shige time to wipe the pain off his face.
When he looked back again, Shige met his eyes directly and smiled. Before that day, Shige’s smiles had always been like a gift, bursting out on his serious face and practically forcing everyone around him to reciprocate with smiles of their own, but before long he would become known for his fake smile.
“It’s okay.”
“Thanks. For letting it be.”
“I won’t mention it to you again.”
“It’s fine.”
“Nothing changes, right? If we don’t talk about it.”
“Yup.”
Shige smiled again, that transparent meaningless smile that somehow could not find its way to his eyes, and left the room quietly.
True to his word, he never mentioned it to Ryo again, neither in words nor actions.
But somehow, the silence entered Ryo’s heart and nestled there.