Fic: An Unconventional Kind of Place (4/?)
PG
4,743 words
Dean/Castiel AU. Dean runs a day care center for human and angel kids, the first of its kind. Castiel is a parent.
Thanks to C. and to everyone who commented!
An Unconventional Kind of Place
4.
Dean wakes up to sun in his eyes and John shoving at his shoulder. He must've forgotten to close the blinds when he got in last night. He was so exhausted by the time he got in Dean doesn't remember much more than mumbling a few thanks and goodbyes to Bobby and then falling into his glorious, soft bed.
John is grinning down at him and Dean wonders how long he's been up already.
"Morning, kiddo," he manages.
Dean's thankful he hasn't ended up with a headache from the beers he drank the night before. There was a time a couple of beers wouldn't have been nearly enough to even give him a buzz. Now they get him drunk and leave him with a foul, thick taste in his mouth and a hangover. When John had first come to live with Dean, not much more than a baby and missing his mother, Dean had realized pretty quickly that he couldn't carry on living the way he'd been. He was responsible for the kid, and things had been changing- Sam going off to become a lawyer, lives being rebuilt after the War- and Dean had decided maybe it was time he built a life for himself too.
He cut back from a lifetime habit of hard liquor, and beer pretty much for breakfast and dinner, to nothing, and felt better for it.
He looks at the clock. 6 am. Shit.
Beside him John bounces up and down. "Morning, Dad!" He leans down and kisses Dean's cheek before yanking on the collar of Dean's T-shirt.
"Park today," he announces, like Dean might have forgotten.
One day, Dean thinks, he's going to convince John that Saturday is a day when you can stay in bed, and don't have to get up at the crack of dawn. Where the park comes into it, though, Dean's not convinced John would care. Jesus. If they go this early they're going to be the only people there.
He'll make John a huge breakfast, Dean decides.
"The park isn't going anywhere," Dean assures John. "We'll go later."
That, apparently, is not acceptable to John because he pouts and prods Dean's arm. "But I wanna go now!"
"In your PJs?" Dean teases, and grabs at his son, pulling him down onto the bed beside him. "No, when you're wearing your PJs you have to sleep." Dean closes his eyes, keeps a firm hold of John and fake-snores loudly right into John's ear.
John wriggles and whines, "Daaaaad!" but he's laughing too so Dean calls it a win.
"Okay, fine," Dean sighs, opening his eyes and giving John a solemn look. "We go to the park at doesn't-exist-o'clock in the morning, but only if you put on the laundry, trim the yard, make me breakfast, and plan all your own lessons for the next week. Deal?"
"You told me never to make deals," John points out, way too seriously, and while Dean's glad that lesson went in, Dean thinks John has way too much lawyer-Sam in him sometimes.
"I told you not to be smart with me too," Dean snorts, and ruffles John's hair in exactly the way Dean knows he hates.
"Get off!" John squeals and tries to push Dean's hands away, but then he yawns too, and Dean thinks maybe there's a chance he can convince the kid to sleep for another hour. Except then John sighs heavily, put-upon, and says, tragically, "Uncle Bobby would take me to the park."
"Oh he would, huh?" Dean says.
There's no doubt in Dean's mind that John is a sneaky little kid who knows what he's doing because Dean is feeling more and more awake and it's looking less and less likely that even if he kicks John out he'll be able to get any more sleep.
"Yeah," John laments. "Uncle Bobby likes the park."
"Hey," Dean says defensively. "I like it too. Just not before breakfast."
At that John perks up. "Breakfast! Are you making pancakes? Can I help?"
Dean knows a defeat when he sees one. "Okay, okay, fine. I'm getting up. Look, I'm sitting up and everything."
He takes as long as humanly possible making breakfast, drinks half a pot of coffee while John navigates his way through the difficult task of brushing his teeth. Dean takes twenty minutes choosing an outfit even though he's known what he was going to wear pretty much since he opened his closet and saw he had exactly two clean shirts left. He seriously needs to do laundry.
Getting John dressed takes even longer because the kid insists on doing everything himself and he's way too excitable, buttoning up his shirt the wrong way twice.
"I'm gonna go on the slide," he announces when they've finally made it to the door and John is pulling on his shoes.
"Yeah?" Dean's pretty sure John will go on everything in the park multiple times over.
"Yeah! And you're gonna push me on the swings."
Dean snorts. "Oh I am, am I?"
"Yeah," John nods happily, and yeah, it's true. Dean will do pretty much anything John wants. He really hopes John hasn't worked that out yet.
Every day they get like this, Dean can't believe how cool it is. John gets to be excited about going to the park, and doesn't have to worry about demons at every turn. He gets to know that his dad will be there for him to do fun stuff with that isn't a matter of survival. If there's one thing Dean wants for John it's to have a real childhood with no hunting and no responsibility, with a home and school and friends. Dean wants John to never have to know what life was like for him when he was a kid.
Dean knows he won't be able to keep John from the world forever. There's no missing the damage the War has done, how you can't always get the food and gas and stuff you need. And John already knows what it feels like to lose a mother. But for as long as he can Dean will do his best to give John a world where he doesn't have to fear monsters every second of every day, and where he knows his dad is safe, and coming home alive.
Looking down at John, Dean says, "We'll see," but he's smiling and John's got to know that's as good as agreement. "We going then? Or hanging around the door all day?"
The sun is bright and warm out so Dean doesn't bother with a jacket, or with the trouble of forcing John into one. He enjoys the feel of the warmth on his face. There's no breeze and Dean thinks that later, maybe, it's going to turn into a hot day. Dean snatches John's hat from the coat stand on the way out the door.
There are already kids out playing on their street, and John is practically hopping along beside him and Dean has gotta admit, the day has already been pretty awesome. He wonders if he should invite Bobby and Sam, and maybe Ellen too, over for a barbecue. It hasn't seen the light of day for months, and Dean likes the thought of all the delicious, juicy burgers he could make.
They don't have far to go so Dean takes his time, checking out his neighbors' cars, checking out the sigils on their windows and doors. He finds himself looking for anything weird, too, anything that doesn't feel right. It's a habit ingrained into him since his earliest years and he doesn't think he'll ever be able to stop looking for the supernatural. He'll never stop checking, just to be sure.
Even if it is kind of paranoid, Dean's doesn't think he wants to stop either. His instincts have kept him and his family alive this long, and now he has so much more to lose. Every day he reads in the paper or sees on the news something about how demons have killed here, vampires have set up a nest there. The world isn't so different. It doesn't help that they only moved into this neighbourhood a couple of months back, so Dean doesn't know many people yet. And he hates not knowing the people around him.
Dean's moving too slow for John though, and the kid pulls at his arm.
"You know the park is still gonna be there in five minutes, right?" Dean says, exasperated. John's got Sam's impatience by the bucket load.
"I know that, Dad," John says haughtily with all the confidence of a five year old on a mission and like always- like Sam- doesn't bother to explain what the hurry is.
There's a line of birch trees, protection from witches, surrounding the park so Dean can't see the benches where he usually sits to watch John play until they've passed through the boundary markers, large white stones etched in prayers and symbols. And there, sitting in his usual place, is Castiel. Lee is sitting on his lap and they're watching the small group of kids already in the play area laughing and taking turns to push each other on the swings.
Dean stops suddenly, surprised as hell to see an angel in such a random, not exactly great part of town.
John shouts, "Lee!" and runs over to Castiel and his kid, beaming at them and waving. As soon as Lee sees who's calling him he grin back and pushes himself off Castiel's knees.
Dean realizes he's stopped dead in the middle of the path, so he gets his feet moving and tries not to think about his conversation with Sam the night before. Angels can read minds, he reminds himself, and wouldn't that be awkward as hell.
By the time he gets to the bench where Castiel is sitting John is asking Lee, "Are you okay? Dad said you were okay."
At his approach Castiel looks up and nods to Dean in greeting before going back to watching the two kids. He's wearing that same ugly trench coat and suit he was wearing the last time Dean saw him, and every other time Dean has ever seen him. Dean wonders if Castiel has a whole closet full of the same suits, shirts, ties. Also, Dean's not thinking about what he'd look like without the coat, he's really not.
At day care, Lee is as noisy and as confident as John, here though he's weirdly shy, quiet when he tells John, "I'm okay, yeah," then to Dean, "Hello Mister Dean." No matter how many times Dean's told the angels to knock it off with the mister thing they haven't stopped yet.
Lee waves nervously, and Dean hopes this isn't because of the wing thing.
It doesn't look like John is convinced that Lee isn't mortally hurt or something from the worried expression on his face, but he smiles at Lee anyway, then takes hold of Lee's shoulders and pulls him in close, bringing their foreheads together in the way angels greet each other. Lee goes willingly, and when they pull apart John doesn't let go of one of Lee's shoulders.
"You've still got someone else to say hi to," Dean reminds John, looking pointedly at Castiel. John's cheeks redden and he looks sheepish.
"Sorry Mr. Castiel," John says. "Hi. Err. Hi."
Castiel turns his serious eyes on John and says, "Hello, John."
Castiel's movements are exact, careful when he offers John his hand. John takes it and only looks a little freaked out to be shaking an angel's hand. Dean can't blame him for that.
Hesitantly John says, "Um, mos-uo-bagim?"
It's obvious Lee's been teaching John, because the angel kid pulls on John's sleeve and whispers, "No, no, you can't say that to an adult!"
John looks horrified, like he thinks he's said something hugely offensive and he's going to get in trouble. But Castiel shakes his head and replies, "dir-uo-bagim." It sounds to Dean like a set phrase, maybe How are you? Or Isn't the weather nice today? Or as this is the angel language, something about god.
Then John's smiling again, looking pleased with himself. He glances at Dean, and Dean nods, impressed. He had no idea Lee was teaching John his language. It's pretty awesome.
"I can't say anything else yet," John admits. "Lee's gonna teach me all the animal names."
"That's cool," Dean grins. "You know more than I do."
In that calm voice of his Castiel says, "You have just never had the opportunity to learn. I don't recall any human has ever taken an interest in our language."
Dean laughs, "Oh man, I am so bad at languages. I know my brother would give his right hand to learn angel though."
"He would, yeah," John agrees, talking mostly to Lee. "Dad says he's got an angel fetish," he adds, which makes Dean choke.
"John-"
Inevitably, Lee asks, "What's a fetish?"
Castiel raises an eyebrow and Dean decides deflection is the way to go. "So, why don't you kids go play." Because he really needs to explain to Castiel that his brother isn't actually a freak.
It's still early and there aren't so many kids around yet and for once the slide doesn't have a long line to get on it. "Show Lee the slide before you have to share it," he suggests, knowing it's John's favourite and a sure way to distract him.
John nods and agrees, "Cool, yeah!"
But then Lee pulls away from John, retreats to hide beside Castiel's leg. He looks up at his dad, half panicked and half pleading.
"Liwet," Castiel says, not taking his eyes from his son's. "It will be like playing with John at school."
Dean can see the apprehension in the way Lee presses closer to his dad's legs, his wings drawn close against his back. Glancing at Dean, John looks like he doesn't know what to do, and Dean feels like shit because he knows this has got to do with the wing-pulling thing.
"I will be here," Castiel encourages.
"And," John says hesitantly, "I'll look after you. I've been here tons of times."
Lee pokes at his dad's knee, still unsure, and maybe kind of embarrassed.
"There is no shame in speaking your mind," Castiel says solemnly.
It's a weird thing to say to a kid, Dean thinks, but it must work for them because Lee nods and admits, "I don't want to play with those other humans."
He's looking at the other kids in the playground warily, and Dean can see that they're staring right back. At Lee's wings, Dean bets. After yesterday Dean can understand why Lee might be a little dubious.
"We don't need to go near them. We can go on something else. They got sand here and I bet we can find worms," John offers and holds out his hand to Lee.
It's cool how much John cares about Lee, Dean thinks. He'd been talking non-stop about that damn slide for days, and now he's here he'd rather play with his friend. It amazes Dean every time he thinks about it just how awesome his kid is.
At first though, it doesn't look like Lee's going to go for it, but then he reaches out and takes John's hand and tries a small smile. Before letting go of Castiel he looks at him and gets a deliberate nod in return.
Dean wonders if sometimes angels talk to each other through just their eyes, or if it's telepathy or something, because they do this silent staring thing a lot.
Finally Lee agrees, "Okay," and lets John pull him away towards the play area. As they go, Dean hears John saying, "It'll be awesome fun. It's cool you're here too. Do you have parks at home? Camael says she's never talking to Alex again. She said she's gonna pull his hair out. He's a total dick."
Dean probably shouldn't let John get away with language like that, except Dean knows exactly where the kid picked that up from. He also agrees.
It almost makes Dean jump in surprise when Castiel says, "Do you stand to watch them?" He sounds unsure, like he's not sure he's doing this right.
"No," Dean replies. "No, man. I sit."
He watches as Castiel shuffles over, leaving space on the bench beside him and Dean takes it for the invitation it is.
Sitting beside him, Dean can feel that same weird sense of peace he felt before when Castiel was in his office collecting Lee. Dean lets himself relax, watching the kids dig up a storm in the sand. It's good to see them both grinning and laughing even if there is still some uneasiness in the way Lee holds his wings.
"Is he okay? Really?" Dean asks. He glances at Castiel and watches as he frowns, not taking his eyes off of Lee for a second. Creepily, Dean notices he's not even blinking.
"He will be, in time." Castiel folds his hands in his lap, sits up straighter.
"I'm sorry," Dean says quietly. He knows Castiel said it was cool but he still feels guilty.
Castiel shakes his head. "It wasn't your doing. Liwet trusts you and John very much, and this is enough for me."
Dean doesn't ask how he feels about other humans because he's fairly sure he already knows the answer.
It's like he's been reading Dean's mind when Castiel says, "Angels by nature distrust humans. It is nothing new."
Dean thinks he should feel offended on his species' behalf, but mostly he doesn't trust humans either.
Still. "Humans don't trust angels either."
Castiel nods once. "This is true."
"So why did you agree to send Lee- Liwet- to a day care run by a human?" Dean asks. If it's against angel nature, it seems a weird thing to do, to trust his kid to a human. Dean's curious too, because he's never had the opportunity to ask directly why any of the angels support the day care. Mostly he found them through personal introduction, through contacts with other hunters, through angels he had known in the War. It makes for a weird mix, half of both the humans and the angels still hunting or soldiers, the other half family or friends of those who fought.
"I have learned that there are humans worthy of trust," Castiel says, and as he says it he turns his head to face Dean. Castiel stares, doesn't blink, and it should be weird- it is weird- but Dean can't bring himself to look away.
No one has ever looked at Dean like this before, like he's something incredibly interesting, like Castiel is looking not just at him but at what's inside him. It's a whole lot of things Dean's not about to let himself think about, like way too intimate and way too knowing. Dean's known enough angels to know it's not how they normally look at humans. There's none of the judgement, none of the distrust at worst, antipathy at best, that he's used to seeing. He wonders if this is how Castiel looks at everyone, but Dean somehow doesn't think so.
And in the way Castiel stares, Dean can somehow tell that it's the War taught him to trust humans.
Dean remembers the angels, and the humans, that died keeping his hide in one piece. He knows it's gotta be the same for Castiel. For all their crappy attitude they weren't evil. Usually.
Castiel doesn't need to say that he trusts Dean, because he leaves his kid with him almost every day.
"Yeah," Dean says. "I get that."
From the playground they hear Lee and John burst into loud giggles, but Castiel still doesn't look away.
With a hint of a smile tugging at his lips Castiel adds, "It is also true that Liwet has always been fiercely curious about your world."
"I know he's pretty damn too curious about anything that crawls or creeps." Dean huffs a laugh and tries not to think about all the horrors he's found in the kid's pockets, hidden in his pencil case, and making a home beside his coat hook.
"We don't have the same biodiversity in Heaven," Castiel says, which was just about the last reply Dean had been expecting.
As if they known what the adults are talking about Dean sees Lee and John running towards them and they both have carefully cupped hands. Dean's seen this before and no matter how many times he tells the kids to leave the poor creatures alone they always seem to want to show him their newest finds. It's like they know he hates it. Dean wonders, resigned to his fate, what new horrors await him.
For the first time in long minutes Dean looks away from Castiel and it feels weirdly like a loss. He wonders if Castiel feels it too.
"John. Do I want to see what you have there?" Dean sees the part-guilty part-gleeful look on his son's face.
"Spiders," John grins. Oh God, Dean thinks. He freaking hates spiders and he's going to scream and look like a girl in front of Castiel.
"I would like to see," Castiel says, and John smiles, pleased. Lee is already tipping the long-legged contents of his hands into Castiel's palm. He thinks he catches Castiel glancing at him, and Dean has the sneaking suspicion that he asked to see the creatures on purpose. Dean can't have been hiding his phobia very well if even Castiel, who from what Dean can tell doesn't have the strongest grasp on humanity, can tell he's mortally afraid of bugs. Dean's grateful though.
"They are beautiful," Castiel says, and Dean can see his hands are crawling with things. He touches a finger gently to the largest spider's body. "Perhaps they would be happier if you returned them to their homes."
"We can't take them home with us?" Lee asks.
"The living can't come with us to Heaven, Liwet. You know this."
For a moment Lee looks sadly at the spiders on Castiel's hand, and Dean wishes he could use the same excuse on John.
"We can see them again though," Castiel says softly. "They will be here when we visit again."
Unless someone steps on them, Dean thinks, but keeps his mouth shut.
It works though, because Lee nods and smiles and follows his dad's instructions to put them back where they found them.
When the kids are gone, crouched next to a tree and tipping the spiders back into the dirt Dean says, "Thanks."
Castiel nods then tilts his head like he's curious. "I have noticed that many humans fear spiders. Why?"
"It's the legs," Dean tries to explain. "They're all long and… creepy." He grimaces just thinking about them.
If anything Castiel looks even more confused.
Dean shrugs, really not sure he can make Castiel understand. "Sam always says humans make no sense."
"Sam," Castiel repeats. "Your brother with the… fetish."
That surprises a laugh out of Dean, because, Jesus, if Sam found out an angel thought he had a hard-on for them Dean's never going to hear the end of it. "No, man," Dean grins. "He doesn't really. He's just interested in you guys. He's a lawyer, and he works on… I dunno, comparative law or something."
Talking about Sam reminds Dean that he'd promised to ask Castiel about angels he could interview. There would be something really wrong, Dean decides, about asking him now.
Beside him, though, Castiel nods, accepting his answer and Dean really hopes that means he realizes Sam isn't crazy.
"You got any, err, siblings?" Dean asks, and only considers after his said it that maybe that's a really rude thing to ask an angel.
Yeah, he's totally getting on the internet tonight and ordering that book on angels. If he's gonna be talking to Castiel- and the other angels- he thinks he needs it to not feel like a dick every time he speaks.
He breathes in relief when Castiel replies, "I have one brother."
Dean wonders what angel brothers are like, if he's a good uncle to Lee in the way Sam is to John. If they have in-jokes and arguments that've been raging for years. He wonders if he trusts his brother in the same way Dean trusts Sam.
"Cool," is all Dean can think to say in reply, because it would be too much, even if Castiel were human, to ask any more.
Over in the play area, John has taken sole possession of the slide and is introducing Lee to the awesomeness of taking your feet off the metal so you can actually slide down it. There are more kids arriving now, whole gaggles of parents with strollers and billions of kids running and shouting, and a whole lot of them are staring at Lee.
Castiel must see it too because his eyes follow every person entering the park like they're potential threats. His eyes narrow at a woman who points at Lee, and that calm, peaceful aura or whatever it is that Dean keeps thinking he feels around Castiel had turned to something tense and unhappy. It's not his fault, Dean knows, but he still feels kind of responsible for Castiel, and of course for Lee, and he doesn't want any over-curious humans messing up their day. Sam might be interested in angels, but he's not such a dick that he'd go up to any and annoy them like he can see the parents of the other kids are itching to do.
"So what made you guys come down today?" Dean asks, trying to distract Castiel, and trying to think of a way to make this better.
"Liwet wanted to see this place. John told him it was... awesome." Castiel says it like a foreign word and Dean can't help but smile.
This place is awesome, but he knows how humans react to angels, especially kids. It's incredibly rare to see them on earth, so much so that a ton of people have got the idea that angels don't actually have kids. Or families. Or emotions. Dean'll be the first to admit they're not the same as humans, and a lot of them are emotionally stunted to epic proportions, but then so is he, but Dean's seen enough to known exactly how much angels can feel.
And Castiel has got this look on his face which is disappointed and angry and sad all at once.
It's not something Dean would usually have done, because Castiel is a parent and they barely know each other, but he finds himself saying, "I was gonna have a barbecue for lunch. Do you wanna bring Lee?"
As soon as the words are out of his mouth Dean thinks of all the ways this is a bad idea: angels don't eat, he hasn't actually arranged anything, he has no idea what he's doing. And then there's Sam who will kill him if he doesn't get invited. That would, at least, save him from having to ask Castiel about his brother's burning desire for boring, legal interviews.
But Dean can't stand the way the other people in the park are staring and pointing. He doesn't want Lee to have to see that, or John. Right now, in the sun and the warmth they're both smiling like idiots and Dean doesn't want to separate the two of them.
It's not like he can take the offer back. It should be a surprise, because Dean pretty much never invites people who he doesn't consider family to his house, but Dean realizes he doesn't actually want to.
God, Sam is going to make fun of him for years over this.
Anyway, it all depends on Castiel's answer. He looks unsure, glancing at Dean but quickly looking back to where Lee and John are pushing each other down the slide. Dean gets that because there's a congregation of parents by the gate and Dean keeps hearing the word, "Angel."
"We would not wish to impose." Castiel says carefully.
"You wouldn't be," Dean assures him. "I've got a big yard. Lots of bugs."
Castiel actually huffs what sounds like a laugh at that. "Then I would like to join your barbecue." He tilts his head, considering, and adds, "I don't know what happens at a barbecue."
Oh yeah, Dean thinks, grinning, this is going to be one hell of an interesting day.
Part 5
4,743 words
Dean/Castiel AU. Dean runs a day care center for human and angel kids, the first of its kind. Castiel is a parent.
Thanks to C. and to everyone who commented!
An Unconventional Kind of Place
4.
Dean wakes up to sun in his eyes and John shoving at his shoulder. He must've forgotten to close the blinds when he got in last night. He was so exhausted by the time he got in Dean doesn't remember much more than mumbling a few thanks and goodbyes to Bobby and then falling into his glorious, soft bed.
John is grinning down at him and Dean wonders how long he's been up already.
"Morning, kiddo," he manages.
Dean's thankful he hasn't ended up with a headache from the beers he drank the night before. There was a time a couple of beers wouldn't have been nearly enough to even give him a buzz. Now they get him drunk and leave him with a foul, thick taste in his mouth and a hangover. When John had first come to live with Dean, not much more than a baby and missing his mother, Dean had realized pretty quickly that he couldn't carry on living the way he'd been. He was responsible for the kid, and things had been changing- Sam going off to become a lawyer, lives being rebuilt after the War- and Dean had decided maybe it was time he built a life for himself too.
He cut back from a lifetime habit of hard liquor, and beer pretty much for breakfast and dinner, to nothing, and felt better for it.
He looks at the clock. 6 am. Shit.
Beside him John bounces up and down. "Morning, Dad!" He leans down and kisses Dean's cheek before yanking on the collar of Dean's T-shirt.
"Park today," he announces, like Dean might have forgotten.
One day, Dean thinks, he's going to convince John that Saturday is a day when you can stay in bed, and don't have to get up at the crack of dawn. Where the park comes into it, though, Dean's not convinced John would care. Jesus. If they go this early they're going to be the only people there.
He'll make John a huge breakfast, Dean decides.
"The park isn't going anywhere," Dean assures John. "We'll go later."
That, apparently, is not acceptable to John because he pouts and prods Dean's arm. "But I wanna go now!"
"In your PJs?" Dean teases, and grabs at his son, pulling him down onto the bed beside him. "No, when you're wearing your PJs you have to sleep." Dean closes his eyes, keeps a firm hold of John and fake-snores loudly right into John's ear.
John wriggles and whines, "Daaaaad!" but he's laughing too so Dean calls it a win.
"Okay, fine," Dean sighs, opening his eyes and giving John a solemn look. "We go to the park at doesn't-exist-o'clock in the morning, but only if you put on the laundry, trim the yard, make me breakfast, and plan all your own lessons for the next week. Deal?"
"You told me never to make deals," John points out, way too seriously, and while Dean's glad that lesson went in, Dean thinks John has way too much lawyer-Sam in him sometimes.
"I told you not to be smart with me too," Dean snorts, and ruffles John's hair in exactly the way Dean knows he hates.
"Get off!" John squeals and tries to push Dean's hands away, but then he yawns too, and Dean thinks maybe there's a chance he can convince the kid to sleep for another hour. Except then John sighs heavily, put-upon, and says, tragically, "Uncle Bobby would take me to the park."
"Oh he would, huh?" Dean says.
There's no doubt in Dean's mind that John is a sneaky little kid who knows what he's doing because Dean is feeling more and more awake and it's looking less and less likely that even if he kicks John out he'll be able to get any more sleep.
"Yeah," John laments. "Uncle Bobby likes the park."
"Hey," Dean says defensively. "I like it too. Just not before breakfast."
At that John perks up. "Breakfast! Are you making pancakes? Can I help?"
Dean knows a defeat when he sees one. "Okay, okay, fine. I'm getting up. Look, I'm sitting up and everything."
He takes as long as humanly possible making breakfast, drinks half a pot of coffee while John navigates his way through the difficult task of brushing his teeth. Dean takes twenty minutes choosing an outfit even though he's known what he was going to wear pretty much since he opened his closet and saw he had exactly two clean shirts left. He seriously needs to do laundry.
Getting John dressed takes even longer because the kid insists on doing everything himself and he's way too excitable, buttoning up his shirt the wrong way twice.
"I'm gonna go on the slide," he announces when they've finally made it to the door and John is pulling on his shoes.
"Yeah?" Dean's pretty sure John will go on everything in the park multiple times over.
"Yeah! And you're gonna push me on the swings."
Dean snorts. "Oh I am, am I?"
"Yeah," John nods happily, and yeah, it's true. Dean will do pretty much anything John wants. He really hopes John hasn't worked that out yet.
Every day they get like this, Dean can't believe how cool it is. John gets to be excited about going to the park, and doesn't have to worry about demons at every turn. He gets to know that his dad will be there for him to do fun stuff with that isn't a matter of survival. If there's one thing Dean wants for John it's to have a real childhood with no hunting and no responsibility, with a home and school and friends. Dean wants John to never have to know what life was like for him when he was a kid.
Dean knows he won't be able to keep John from the world forever. There's no missing the damage the War has done, how you can't always get the food and gas and stuff you need. And John already knows what it feels like to lose a mother. But for as long as he can Dean will do his best to give John a world where he doesn't have to fear monsters every second of every day, and where he knows his dad is safe, and coming home alive.
Looking down at John, Dean says, "We'll see," but he's smiling and John's got to know that's as good as agreement. "We going then? Or hanging around the door all day?"
The sun is bright and warm out so Dean doesn't bother with a jacket, or with the trouble of forcing John into one. He enjoys the feel of the warmth on his face. There's no breeze and Dean thinks that later, maybe, it's going to turn into a hot day. Dean snatches John's hat from the coat stand on the way out the door.
There are already kids out playing on their street, and John is practically hopping along beside him and Dean has gotta admit, the day has already been pretty awesome. He wonders if he should invite Bobby and Sam, and maybe Ellen too, over for a barbecue. It hasn't seen the light of day for months, and Dean likes the thought of all the delicious, juicy burgers he could make.
They don't have far to go so Dean takes his time, checking out his neighbors' cars, checking out the sigils on their windows and doors. He finds himself looking for anything weird, too, anything that doesn't feel right. It's a habit ingrained into him since his earliest years and he doesn't think he'll ever be able to stop looking for the supernatural. He'll never stop checking, just to be sure.
Even if it is kind of paranoid, Dean's doesn't think he wants to stop either. His instincts have kept him and his family alive this long, and now he has so much more to lose. Every day he reads in the paper or sees on the news something about how demons have killed here, vampires have set up a nest there. The world isn't so different. It doesn't help that they only moved into this neighbourhood a couple of months back, so Dean doesn't know many people yet. And he hates not knowing the people around him.
Dean's moving too slow for John though, and the kid pulls at his arm.
"You know the park is still gonna be there in five minutes, right?" Dean says, exasperated. John's got Sam's impatience by the bucket load.
"I know that, Dad," John says haughtily with all the confidence of a five year old on a mission and like always- like Sam- doesn't bother to explain what the hurry is.
There's a line of birch trees, protection from witches, surrounding the park so Dean can't see the benches where he usually sits to watch John play until they've passed through the boundary markers, large white stones etched in prayers and symbols. And there, sitting in his usual place, is Castiel. Lee is sitting on his lap and they're watching the small group of kids already in the play area laughing and taking turns to push each other on the swings.
Dean stops suddenly, surprised as hell to see an angel in such a random, not exactly great part of town.
John shouts, "Lee!" and runs over to Castiel and his kid, beaming at them and waving. As soon as Lee sees who's calling him he grin back and pushes himself off Castiel's knees.
Dean realizes he's stopped dead in the middle of the path, so he gets his feet moving and tries not to think about his conversation with Sam the night before. Angels can read minds, he reminds himself, and wouldn't that be awkward as hell.
By the time he gets to the bench where Castiel is sitting John is asking Lee, "Are you okay? Dad said you were okay."
At his approach Castiel looks up and nods to Dean in greeting before going back to watching the two kids. He's wearing that same ugly trench coat and suit he was wearing the last time Dean saw him, and every other time Dean has ever seen him. Dean wonders if Castiel has a whole closet full of the same suits, shirts, ties. Also, Dean's not thinking about what he'd look like without the coat, he's really not.
At day care, Lee is as noisy and as confident as John, here though he's weirdly shy, quiet when he tells John, "I'm okay, yeah," then to Dean, "Hello Mister Dean." No matter how many times Dean's told the angels to knock it off with the mister thing they haven't stopped yet.
Lee waves nervously, and Dean hopes this isn't because of the wing thing.
It doesn't look like John is convinced that Lee isn't mortally hurt or something from the worried expression on his face, but he smiles at Lee anyway, then takes hold of Lee's shoulders and pulls him in close, bringing their foreheads together in the way angels greet each other. Lee goes willingly, and when they pull apart John doesn't let go of one of Lee's shoulders.
"You've still got someone else to say hi to," Dean reminds John, looking pointedly at Castiel. John's cheeks redden and he looks sheepish.
"Sorry Mr. Castiel," John says. "Hi. Err. Hi."
Castiel turns his serious eyes on John and says, "Hello, John."
Castiel's movements are exact, careful when he offers John his hand. John takes it and only looks a little freaked out to be shaking an angel's hand. Dean can't blame him for that.
Hesitantly John says, "Um, mos-uo-bagim?"
It's obvious Lee's been teaching John, because the angel kid pulls on John's sleeve and whispers, "No, no, you can't say that to an adult!"
John looks horrified, like he thinks he's said something hugely offensive and he's going to get in trouble. But Castiel shakes his head and replies, "dir-uo-bagim." It sounds to Dean like a set phrase, maybe How are you? Or Isn't the weather nice today? Or as this is the angel language, something about god.
Then John's smiling again, looking pleased with himself. He glances at Dean, and Dean nods, impressed. He had no idea Lee was teaching John his language. It's pretty awesome.
"I can't say anything else yet," John admits. "Lee's gonna teach me all the animal names."
"That's cool," Dean grins. "You know more than I do."
In that calm voice of his Castiel says, "You have just never had the opportunity to learn. I don't recall any human has ever taken an interest in our language."
Dean laughs, "Oh man, I am so bad at languages. I know my brother would give his right hand to learn angel though."
"He would, yeah," John agrees, talking mostly to Lee. "Dad says he's got an angel fetish," he adds, which makes Dean choke.
"John-"
Inevitably, Lee asks, "What's a fetish?"
Castiel raises an eyebrow and Dean decides deflection is the way to go. "So, why don't you kids go play." Because he really needs to explain to Castiel that his brother isn't actually a freak.
It's still early and there aren't so many kids around yet and for once the slide doesn't have a long line to get on it. "Show Lee the slide before you have to share it," he suggests, knowing it's John's favourite and a sure way to distract him.
John nods and agrees, "Cool, yeah!"
But then Lee pulls away from John, retreats to hide beside Castiel's leg. He looks up at his dad, half panicked and half pleading.
"Liwet," Castiel says, not taking his eyes from his son's. "It will be like playing with John at school."
Dean can see the apprehension in the way Lee presses closer to his dad's legs, his wings drawn close against his back. Glancing at Dean, John looks like he doesn't know what to do, and Dean feels like shit because he knows this has got to do with the wing-pulling thing.
"I will be here," Castiel encourages.
"And," John says hesitantly, "I'll look after you. I've been here tons of times."
Lee pokes at his dad's knee, still unsure, and maybe kind of embarrassed.
"There is no shame in speaking your mind," Castiel says solemnly.
It's a weird thing to say to a kid, Dean thinks, but it must work for them because Lee nods and admits, "I don't want to play with those other humans."
He's looking at the other kids in the playground warily, and Dean can see that they're staring right back. At Lee's wings, Dean bets. After yesterday Dean can understand why Lee might be a little dubious.
"We don't need to go near them. We can go on something else. They got sand here and I bet we can find worms," John offers and holds out his hand to Lee.
It's cool how much John cares about Lee, Dean thinks. He'd been talking non-stop about that damn slide for days, and now he's here he'd rather play with his friend. It amazes Dean every time he thinks about it just how awesome his kid is.
At first though, it doesn't look like Lee's going to go for it, but then he reaches out and takes John's hand and tries a small smile. Before letting go of Castiel he looks at him and gets a deliberate nod in return.
Dean wonders if sometimes angels talk to each other through just their eyes, or if it's telepathy or something, because they do this silent staring thing a lot.
Finally Lee agrees, "Okay," and lets John pull him away towards the play area. As they go, Dean hears John saying, "It'll be awesome fun. It's cool you're here too. Do you have parks at home? Camael says she's never talking to Alex again. She said she's gonna pull his hair out. He's a total dick."
Dean probably shouldn't let John get away with language like that, except Dean knows exactly where the kid picked that up from. He also agrees.
It almost makes Dean jump in surprise when Castiel says, "Do you stand to watch them?" He sounds unsure, like he's not sure he's doing this right.
"No," Dean replies. "No, man. I sit."
He watches as Castiel shuffles over, leaving space on the bench beside him and Dean takes it for the invitation it is.
Sitting beside him, Dean can feel that same weird sense of peace he felt before when Castiel was in his office collecting Lee. Dean lets himself relax, watching the kids dig up a storm in the sand. It's good to see them both grinning and laughing even if there is still some uneasiness in the way Lee holds his wings.
"Is he okay? Really?" Dean asks. He glances at Castiel and watches as he frowns, not taking his eyes off of Lee for a second. Creepily, Dean notices he's not even blinking.
"He will be, in time." Castiel folds his hands in his lap, sits up straighter.
"I'm sorry," Dean says quietly. He knows Castiel said it was cool but he still feels guilty.
Castiel shakes his head. "It wasn't your doing. Liwet trusts you and John very much, and this is enough for me."
Dean doesn't ask how he feels about other humans because he's fairly sure he already knows the answer.
It's like he's been reading Dean's mind when Castiel says, "Angels by nature distrust humans. It is nothing new."
Dean thinks he should feel offended on his species' behalf, but mostly he doesn't trust humans either.
Still. "Humans don't trust angels either."
Castiel nods once. "This is true."
"So why did you agree to send Lee- Liwet- to a day care run by a human?" Dean asks. If it's against angel nature, it seems a weird thing to do, to trust his kid to a human. Dean's curious too, because he's never had the opportunity to ask directly why any of the angels support the day care. Mostly he found them through personal introduction, through contacts with other hunters, through angels he had known in the War. It makes for a weird mix, half of both the humans and the angels still hunting or soldiers, the other half family or friends of those who fought.
"I have learned that there are humans worthy of trust," Castiel says, and as he says it he turns his head to face Dean. Castiel stares, doesn't blink, and it should be weird- it is weird- but Dean can't bring himself to look away.
No one has ever looked at Dean like this before, like he's something incredibly interesting, like Castiel is looking not just at him but at what's inside him. It's a whole lot of things Dean's not about to let himself think about, like way too intimate and way too knowing. Dean's known enough angels to know it's not how they normally look at humans. There's none of the judgement, none of the distrust at worst, antipathy at best, that he's used to seeing. He wonders if this is how Castiel looks at everyone, but Dean somehow doesn't think so.
And in the way Castiel stares, Dean can somehow tell that it's the War taught him to trust humans.
Dean remembers the angels, and the humans, that died keeping his hide in one piece. He knows it's gotta be the same for Castiel. For all their crappy attitude they weren't evil. Usually.
Castiel doesn't need to say that he trusts Dean, because he leaves his kid with him almost every day.
"Yeah," Dean says. "I get that."
From the playground they hear Lee and John burst into loud giggles, but Castiel still doesn't look away.
With a hint of a smile tugging at his lips Castiel adds, "It is also true that Liwet has always been fiercely curious about your world."
"I know he's pretty damn too curious about anything that crawls or creeps." Dean huffs a laugh and tries not to think about all the horrors he's found in the kid's pockets, hidden in his pencil case, and making a home beside his coat hook.
"We don't have the same biodiversity in Heaven," Castiel says, which was just about the last reply Dean had been expecting.
As if they known what the adults are talking about Dean sees Lee and John running towards them and they both have carefully cupped hands. Dean's seen this before and no matter how many times he tells the kids to leave the poor creatures alone they always seem to want to show him their newest finds. It's like they know he hates it. Dean wonders, resigned to his fate, what new horrors await him.
For the first time in long minutes Dean looks away from Castiel and it feels weirdly like a loss. He wonders if Castiel feels it too.
"John. Do I want to see what you have there?" Dean sees the part-guilty part-gleeful look on his son's face.
"Spiders," John grins. Oh God, Dean thinks. He freaking hates spiders and he's going to scream and look like a girl in front of Castiel.
"I would like to see," Castiel says, and John smiles, pleased. Lee is already tipping the long-legged contents of his hands into Castiel's palm. He thinks he catches Castiel glancing at him, and Dean has the sneaking suspicion that he asked to see the creatures on purpose. Dean can't have been hiding his phobia very well if even Castiel, who from what Dean can tell doesn't have the strongest grasp on humanity, can tell he's mortally afraid of bugs. Dean's grateful though.
"They are beautiful," Castiel says, and Dean can see his hands are crawling with things. He touches a finger gently to the largest spider's body. "Perhaps they would be happier if you returned them to their homes."
"We can't take them home with us?" Lee asks.
"The living can't come with us to Heaven, Liwet. You know this."
For a moment Lee looks sadly at the spiders on Castiel's hand, and Dean wishes he could use the same excuse on John.
"We can see them again though," Castiel says softly. "They will be here when we visit again."
Unless someone steps on them, Dean thinks, but keeps his mouth shut.
It works though, because Lee nods and smiles and follows his dad's instructions to put them back where they found them.
When the kids are gone, crouched next to a tree and tipping the spiders back into the dirt Dean says, "Thanks."
Castiel nods then tilts his head like he's curious. "I have noticed that many humans fear spiders. Why?"
"It's the legs," Dean tries to explain. "They're all long and… creepy." He grimaces just thinking about them.
If anything Castiel looks even more confused.
Dean shrugs, really not sure he can make Castiel understand. "Sam always says humans make no sense."
"Sam," Castiel repeats. "Your brother with the… fetish."
That surprises a laugh out of Dean, because, Jesus, if Sam found out an angel thought he had a hard-on for them Dean's never going to hear the end of it. "No, man," Dean grins. "He doesn't really. He's just interested in you guys. He's a lawyer, and he works on… I dunno, comparative law or something."
Talking about Sam reminds Dean that he'd promised to ask Castiel about angels he could interview. There would be something really wrong, Dean decides, about asking him now.
Beside him, though, Castiel nods, accepting his answer and Dean really hopes that means he realizes Sam isn't crazy.
"You got any, err, siblings?" Dean asks, and only considers after his said it that maybe that's a really rude thing to ask an angel.
Yeah, he's totally getting on the internet tonight and ordering that book on angels. If he's gonna be talking to Castiel- and the other angels- he thinks he needs it to not feel like a dick every time he speaks.
He breathes in relief when Castiel replies, "I have one brother."
Dean wonders what angel brothers are like, if he's a good uncle to Lee in the way Sam is to John. If they have in-jokes and arguments that've been raging for years. He wonders if he trusts his brother in the same way Dean trusts Sam.
"Cool," is all Dean can think to say in reply, because it would be too much, even if Castiel were human, to ask any more.
Over in the play area, John has taken sole possession of the slide and is introducing Lee to the awesomeness of taking your feet off the metal so you can actually slide down it. There are more kids arriving now, whole gaggles of parents with strollers and billions of kids running and shouting, and a whole lot of them are staring at Lee.
Castiel must see it too because his eyes follow every person entering the park like they're potential threats. His eyes narrow at a woman who points at Lee, and that calm, peaceful aura or whatever it is that Dean keeps thinking he feels around Castiel had turned to something tense and unhappy. It's not his fault, Dean knows, but he still feels kind of responsible for Castiel, and of course for Lee, and he doesn't want any over-curious humans messing up their day. Sam might be interested in angels, but he's not such a dick that he'd go up to any and annoy them like he can see the parents of the other kids are itching to do.
"So what made you guys come down today?" Dean asks, trying to distract Castiel, and trying to think of a way to make this better.
"Liwet wanted to see this place. John told him it was... awesome." Castiel says it like a foreign word and Dean can't help but smile.
This place is awesome, but he knows how humans react to angels, especially kids. It's incredibly rare to see them on earth, so much so that a ton of people have got the idea that angels don't actually have kids. Or families. Or emotions. Dean'll be the first to admit they're not the same as humans, and a lot of them are emotionally stunted to epic proportions, but then so is he, but Dean's seen enough to known exactly how much angels can feel.
And Castiel has got this look on his face which is disappointed and angry and sad all at once.
It's not something Dean would usually have done, because Castiel is a parent and they barely know each other, but he finds himself saying, "I was gonna have a barbecue for lunch. Do you wanna bring Lee?"
As soon as the words are out of his mouth Dean thinks of all the ways this is a bad idea: angels don't eat, he hasn't actually arranged anything, he has no idea what he's doing. And then there's Sam who will kill him if he doesn't get invited. That would, at least, save him from having to ask Castiel about his brother's burning desire for boring, legal interviews.
But Dean can't stand the way the other people in the park are staring and pointing. He doesn't want Lee to have to see that, or John. Right now, in the sun and the warmth they're both smiling like idiots and Dean doesn't want to separate the two of them.
It's not like he can take the offer back. It should be a surprise, because Dean pretty much never invites people who he doesn't consider family to his house, but Dean realizes he doesn't actually want to.
God, Sam is going to make fun of him for years over this.
Anyway, it all depends on Castiel's answer. He looks unsure, glancing at Dean but quickly looking back to where Lee and John are pushing each other down the slide. Dean gets that because there's a congregation of parents by the gate and Dean keeps hearing the word, "Angel."
"We would not wish to impose." Castiel says carefully.
"You wouldn't be," Dean assures him. "I've got a big yard. Lots of bugs."
Castiel actually huffs what sounds like a laugh at that. "Then I would like to join your barbecue." He tilts his head, considering, and adds, "I don't know what happens at a barbecue."
Oh yeah, Dean thinks, grinning, this is going to be one hell of an interesting day.
Part 5