more Romania journal excerpts...
Okay...here's just a couple more days of my journal. Been pretty dang busy and stressed lately, so I'm only able to do this a little at a time. Enjoy!
Day 19 (7/18/07): 1 John 3:16-24 (Love)
Okay, God. What are you trying to show me today? My heart is condemning me because it wants to cut this trip short and go home with everyone else next week. But I am still trying so hard to seek Your will for me in all of this. Please show me what You want for me, and help me to set my heart at rest in Your presence, whatever happens. You ARE so much greater (v. 20 "For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything."), and You know what is going on in my mind and heart better than I do.
(later)
I called my parents to tell them how I've been feeling and ask them to pray for Raeshell and me as we try to make wise decisions regarding when we will leave Bicaz. Both of them were so supportive and understanding. They talked with me about some of the factors in deciding, and my mom gave me Colossians 3:15, then they both prayed for me aloud over the phone.... Anyway, I have a lot more to consider now. Does God have something planned for me back home? What if Raeshell decides to stay? Or could we find a way to stay in Cluj for the last two weeks to help Emese and/or see the kids again?
Whatever happens, I feel that God is giving me the option and will bless me as long as I remember to serve Him and glorify Him wherever I end up in the next weeks. But I am still searching for the better, wiser choice. I'm so grateful for my mom's encouragement, though, in giving me Colossians 3:15: "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace."
So, Father, I ask again for Your wisdom and peace. If You would have me stay the duration of this trip as planned, make it clear to me beyond doubt. I trust that You will protect me and continue to be near in whatever I choose, so long as I am focused on You. Help me to discern between Your leading and my own desires.
...God is SO good, and I know that He can use me no matter where I am...but I still want to do what's best!
Day 20 (7/19/07): Lamentations 3:21-26
(emphasis added)
Yet this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope. Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion;" therefore I will wait for him. The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
God, Your timing continues to be so appropriate with these passages You led Chris to choose for our devotional. Thank You for the reassurance that Your compassions and Your great love are NEW every morning! You have been SO faithful to provide for us all that we need, and even more that is just an added blessing. Let us (me) not forget Your mercy and compassion when I get back home into a different environment -- where the "mission" is less apparent than now on this sort of trip. Help me to continue to rely on You for all my needs and strength, and let me not forget the lessons I am learning here -- to love everyone, even my coworkers, strangers, and especially those closest to me who I'm most comfortable with. Continue to be near to me and to speak to me through Your wonderful, mysterious ways...and feel free to speak audibly or clearly anytime you want to make sure I get it. :)
(later)
I talked to Shell earlier today while we were walking around near Lacu Rosu (Red Lake), and we agreed that we should go home with everyone else next week....
Now that I am going home early, I need to be extra aware of my purpose and how I can serve God at home. Because, as far as I'm concerned, I think my "mission" trip is not over. It should never be over; but I especially want to stay with this 40-day devotional even when I'm back at home, and I want to allow this to be an intro into a new habit of DAILY quiet times -- no matter how busy I get!
Day 19 (7/18/07): 1 John 3:16-24 (Love)
Okay, God. What are you trying to show me today? My heart is condemning me because it wants to cut this trip short and go home with everyone else next week. But I am still trying so hard to seek Your will for me in all of this. Please show me what You want for me, and help me to set my heart at rest in Your presence, whatever happens. You ARE so much greater (v. 20 "For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything."), and You know what is going on in my mind and heart better than I do.
(later)
I called my parents to tell them how I've been feeling and ask them to pray for Raeshell and me as we try to make wise decisions regarding when we will leave Bicaz. Both of them were so supportive and understanding. They talked with me about some of the factors in deciding, and my mom gave me Colossians 3:15, then they both prayed for me aloud over the phone.... Anyway, I have a lot more to consider now. Does God have something planned for me back home? What if Raeshell decides to stay? Or could we find a way to stay in Cluj for the last two weeks to help Emese and/or see the kids again?
Whatever happens, I feel that God is giving me the option and will bless me as long as I remember to serve Him and glorify Him wherever I end up in the next weeks. But I am still searching for the better, wiser choice. I'm so grateful for my mom's encouragement, though, in giving me Colossians 3:15: "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace."
So, Father, I ask again for Your wisdom and peace. If You would have me stay the duration of this trip as planned, make it clear to me beyond doubt. I trust that You will protect me and continue to be near in whatever I choose, so long as I am focused on You. Help me to discern between Your leading and my own desires.
...God is SO good, and I know that He can use me no matter where I am...but I still want to do what's best!
Day 20 (7/19/07): Lamentations 3:21-26
(emphasis added)
Yet this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope. Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion;" therefore I will wait for him. The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
God, Your timing continues to be so appropriate with these passages You led Chris to choose for our devotional. Thank You for the reassurance that Your compassions and Your great love are NEW every morning! You have been SO faithful to provide for us all that we need, and even more that is just an added blessing. Let us (me) not forget Your mercy and compassion when I get back home into a different environment -- where the "mission" is less apparent than now on this sort of trip. Help me to continue to rely on You for all my needs and strength, and let me not forget the lessons I am learning here -- to love everyone, even my coworkers, strangers, and especially those closest to me who I'm most comfortable with. Continue to be near to me and to speak to me through Your wonderful, mysterious ways...and feel free to speak audibly or clearly anytime you want to make sure I get it. :)
(later)
I talked to Shell earlier today while we were walking around near Lacu Rosu (Red Lake), and we agreed that we should go home with everyone else next week....
Now that I am going home early, I need to be extra aware of my purpose and how I can serve God at home. Because, as far as I'm concerned, I think my "mission" trip is not over. It should never be over; but I especially want to stay with this 40-day devotional even when I'm back at home, and I want to allow this to be an intro into a new habit of DAILY quiet times -- no matter how busy I get!