Personal Post: House Organization and Home Management

[tabloidscully]

I had a very enlightening conversation with B last night, that I think helped address some of the issues that have been gnawing at our marriage lately.

Comments

[kitashla]

You probably do have a long way to go to get there, which makes sense since marriage truly is a life long project.

But still, it was such a sane and rational, adult conversation, that it has to feel a little bit good. You don't always get those in these situations, but when you do, it's like a little beacon of light shining down to show you what things could be like and might be like if you work at it hard enough.

You need those from time to time.

[tabloidscully]

You're right. And it definitely felt good because next to the various forms of dysfunction my in-laws manifest, the housework and division of labor has been the issue that created the most conflict in our relationship. It felt good to be able to establish a breakthrough so that he finally understood that as much as he hates being told to do something around the house, I hate being the one barking the orders.

I'm just glad it didn't end with us yelling at each other. That doesn't happen very often, but when it does, it's really unpleasant for everyone. And like you said, it's a kind of a reminder of how hard we're both working as we grow together in our marriage.

Thanks. :)

[devilgrrl]

At least he listened to what you had to say. My husband not only doesn't clean up and can't listen without being butthurt, but when I do things, in his mind, he did them and he does everything. I'm bitter.

[tabloidscully]

Wow, I can see why that would be frustrating. What on Earth posses him to think he did your work?

B's always been pretty sensitive and diplomatic. Even when he's angry, he's generally willing to hear the other party out. I assume that's part and parcel of being the only sane and functional member in that crazy, dysfunctional dynamic.

[devilgrrl]

I'm not even sure how he justifies it. I don't think he looks at individual things and says he did them, but when it comes down to things when we're arguing about it, he'll tell me that well, he did X because he's done it in the past or he did it once when I was sick, even if I've done it for the last several months. It's hyperbole and it's frustrating as shit.

It sucks not just screwing off and doing something fun first, but you're right about it being the responsible thing to do.

[tabloidscully]

That irritates me, too. Like, if nothing else, one of the advantages B will always have over me? He can take a sick day. And I don't just mean from work; if he's sick, he sleeps in and takes it easy. As both a stay-at-home and a nursing mom, I don't get that luxury. Even when I had my wisdom teeth out, I still had to care for the baby, and to the extent I limited my Vicodin intake to twice a day, despite the pain