Shout holla for holiday
That was quite an awesome little adventure. Not only have I not been on a plane or abroad since America 2003, but I realised at some point that I have in fact never been drunk abroad before. I certainly set that right.
After the usual checking-in panics, stripping of all metals and disposing of all containers of size greater than 100ml (your small bottle of dimethyl mercury is fine to take along, however) our flight to Las Palmas, Gran Canaria got underway with little actual fuss. Apart from a fairly funky cloudrave on the way down thanks to the flashing lights on the wing and the gorgeous and much-missed sound of crickets in the midnight air, there was one distinctly notable feature about the night of our arrival. I'd known we were getting all-inclusive transfers, food and alcohol, but what I did not know was also included was free
KITTENS
!
So obviously my first few hours at the Green Oasis in Maspalomas were spent in a kittenpile hug, with the daring buggers playing with my hair and darting about all over the place. They would be a permanent and recurring feature over the next week, and one I recommend for any holiday.
After a proper round of sleeping, we took it easy the first day, trying out the free food and alcohol, and more food, and more alcohol, and more, and more... Enough.
And we also went to the local funfair, with all the terrifying Disney knockoff artwork you know and love from funfairs just like it around the globe. Also featured was a pirate-ship ride with optional cages to stand in at the back, with no straps or any form of restraint. Kickass.
Shopping on the second day revealed to me that in Gran Canaria:
In fact, we would have spent almost no money at all for getting extremely plastered this night, if we hadn't been mugged in a strip club. By 'mugged', I mean that one of our party (not me) was taken behind a curtain and prevented from leaving for several minutes, after which the hideous tramp emerged with him and demanded a charge of €50. This was paid by the group in general due to a drunken unawareness (at that time) of the scam that had been perpetrated, so one point for you Maspalomas. I think that even had this not happened I would have still turned down the offer of a blowjob by some hideous being wandering the streets.
Still, I did later get to run around like an idiot screaming broken German at people - who understood me! Oh, I was probably yelling nothing more coherent than "GUTEN TAG! WIE GEHTS?!", but by crikey if I wasn't thrilled to have made some sort of connection with these noises. I don't entirely recall by what grace of God we ended up back at the hotel that night, but I did wake up the next morning with a little paper cocktail parrot in my hair.
We did not make use of the free alcohol the following day.
A trip to the beach the day after some required detoxing saw crispy2005 digging a hole quite a bit bigger than himself, and a lengthy and detailed discussion about the merits of peeing in the sea. I did not pee in the sea.
We also visited the nearby waterpark Aqualand, which was fun in all the ways waterparks should be, and later went out clubbing once more. The most logical night to do this was of course the day before we checked out of the hotel, so that's what we did. It was a successful and even cheaper repeat of the previous event (without any muggings or whores), up until the point where an Awesome Night Out became The Morning After.
Packing and checking out went slowly, carefully, and without any sudden movements. Fortunately (possibly) for us, although our checkout was at 12 noon, our flight was not until 4am the next morning, so we had plenty of time to sit and go "oooogh" (and the resort kindly let us continue to make use of the free food and alcoBLEURGH... for the rest of that day.)
The flight and taxi ride home progressed in very sleepy fashion, as did the rest of my Sunday (and much of my Monday). And now... suddenly I've got to look for jobs again, and housing, both here for September, and in Poland for a fortnight from now. I'm spending beyond my means as furiously as I can.
After the usual checking-in panics, stripping of all metals and disposing of all containers of size greater than 100ml (your small bottle of dimethyl mercury is fine to take along, however) our flight to Las Palmas, Gran Canaria got underway with little actual fuss. Apart from a fairly funky cloudrave on the way down thanks to the flashing lights on the wing and the gorgeous and much-missed sound of crickets in the midnight air, there was one distinctly notable feature about the night of our arrival. I'd known we were getting all-inclusive transfers, food and alcohol, but what I did not know was also included was free
KITTENS
!
So obviously my first few hours at the Green Oasis in Maspalomas were spent in a kittenpile hug, with the daring buggers playing with my hair and darting about all over the place. They would be a permanent and recurring feature over the next week, and one I recommend for any holiday.
After a proper round of sleeping, we took it easy the first day, trying out the free food and alcohol, and more food, and more alcohol, and more, and more... Enough.
And we also went to the local funfair, with all the terrifying Disney knockoff artwork you know and love from funfairs just like it around the globe. Also featured was a pirate-ship ride with optional cages to stand in at the back, with no straps or any form of restraint. Kickass.
Shopping on the second day revealed to me that in Gran Canaria:
- Everybody is tri-lingual, speaking Spanish, English and German to cater for the majority of the tourists. Impressive.
- The hard sell is a popular tactic. And there are uncountable numbers of dodgy electronics shops.
- Hair like mine gets positive "BOB MARLEY!" reactions from some, and angry "Why you have this rasta style?" interrogations from others. Mostly from those working at hair-braiding stalls.
In fact, we would have spent almost no money at all for getting extremely plastered this night, if we hadn't been mugged in a strip club. By 'mugged', I mean that one of our party (not me) was taken behind a curtain and prevented from leaving for several minutes, after which the hideous tramp emerged with him and demanded a charge of €50. This was paid by the group in general due to a drunken unawareness (at that time) of the scam that had been perpetrated, so one point for you Maspalomas. I think that even had this not happened I would have still turned down the offer of a blowjob by some hideous being wandering the streets.
Still, I did later get to run around like an idiot screaming broken German at people - who understood me! Oh, I was probably yelling nothing more coherent than "GUTEN TAG! WIE GEHTS?!", but by crikey if I wasn't thrilled to have made some sort of connection with these noises. I don't entirely recall by what grace of God we ended up back at the hotel that night, but I did wake up the next morning with a little paper cocktail parrot in my hair.
We did not make use of the free alcohol the following day.
A trip to the beach the day after some required detoxing saw crispy2005 digging a hole quite a bit bigger than himself, and a lengthy and detailed discussion about the merits of peeing in the sea. I did not pee in the sea.
We also visited the nearby waterpark Aqualand, which was fun in all the ways waterparks should be, and later went out clubbing once more. The most logical night to do this was of course the day before we checked out of the hotel, so that's what we did. It was a successful and even cheaper repeat of the previous event (without any muggings or whores), up until the point where an Awesome Night Out became The Morning After.
Packing and checking out went slowly, carefully, and without any sudden movements. Fortunately (possibly) for us, although our checkout was at 12 noon, our flight was not until 4am the next morning, so we had plenty of time to sit and go "oooogh" (and the resort kindly let us continue to make use of the free food and alcoBLEURGH... for the rest of that day.)
The flight and taxi ride home progressed in very sleepy fashion, as did the rest of my Sunday (and much of my Monday). And now... suddenly I've got to look for jobs again, and housing, both here for September, and in Poland for a fortnight from now. I'm spending beyond my means as furiously as I can.