(no subject)
I haven't posted in a while, due to a lot of moving around, holidays and general inner turmoil. But the need to rant has surfaced again, so the following is my current life in a nutshell, and several pedagogical criticisms rolled into one big rant:
(a lot of it is just personal note-keeping)
This week has been the first week of school, and while I know its my last term its been ridiculously stressful for a number of reasons:
1) being thrust into the chaos of classes and random administrative headaches is always kind of a shock - my courses are all enjoyable this term but its weird having to go to class on a timetable and everything. Its also really odd that i dont recognize anyone anymore, most of the people i knew in previous years have graduated, and there's a "new era" or students on campus.
2) There's no furniture in our house, especially my room, i only have a mattress and a rug....i dont know how i forgot to bring chairs and a desk, but i guess thats kind of what happens when you start packing the day of your move....some things are bound to get lost in the shuffle. When i come into my room, i have the option to either stand or lie down....hmm so many options...
3) Masters applications are looming, and rejection is never an easy pill to swallow. The normal course of dialogue between me and potential professors usually goes like this:
me: Hi i'm interested in your lab, are you accepting masters students?
them: Yes we are. Please send us your transcript.
me: Here is my transcript
them: .........
- dialogue ends here -
Kind of leading back to previous posts about the real value of the marking system, and how we're always judged (and if we're on the other side of the coin, judge others) by grades and academic record. The most important, and relevant thing for employers should be the three work term experiences i've had in different labs over the last few years, but record of that on the transcript is only a few lines. How much of our true worth is really reflected in our transcript? very little, i would say, but i'm not the one making the decisions.
Not to say that my transcript is particularly dishonorable, but alas, i'm just an average student on paper. The notion that we're all unique and have different things to bring to the table is shot to shit. Your personality, the way you work with others, your ability to think critically and solve problems doesnt matter in the least. Essentially, our opportunities are shaped and limited by this record of our ability to take tests. I'm pretty sure i'm not the only one who sees some degree of insanity in that.
So suffice it to say, my sense of self worth has taken quite the beating these last few days....i am being continually kicked in the ass by the proverbial mule that is my academic record.
I've been going to the gym almost every day to try to run these stresses away, somehow the feeling of my feet pounding on the track is therapeutic.
One ray of sunshine, and also a source of even more stress is this: my professor from calgary has let me know that the door would still be open for me to do a masters with him - this is fantastic in some ways and worrisome in others:
Pros:
-i wouldnt have to worry about not having anything to do in september
-i know the prof (he's amazing) and the working environment is great - ie: not high pressure, relaxed, work at your own pace). This, i've realized, is half of the consideration you should take before choosing a masters position - the prof-student dynamic is SO important, i can't stress enough. The other half would be a combination of the project, location, and other logistics.
-I know i like calgary, have lived there before, have friends there
-i wouldnt have so much perpetual STRESS if i just got this matter settled as soon as possible
Cons
-i've already worked in calgary, and even though it would be different this time, i would feel like i'm going back in time somehow.
-it would be far away from home - family, friends, and maybe a boy are here - and it would be hard to leave for 2 whole years
-i want to explore other fields - i've done guinea pig lymphatic reearch already, and although i can expand the projects, i want to learn other techniques and move forward with my career, not backwards.
What to do?
The stress mounts...
(a lot of it is just personal note-keeping)
This week has been the first week of school, and while I know its my last term its been ridiculously stressful for a number of reasons:
1) being thrust into the chaos of classes and random administrative headaches is always kind of a shock - my courses are all enjoyable this term but its weird having to go to class on a timetable and everything. Its also really odd that i dont recognize anyone anymore, most of the people i knew in previous years have graduated, and there's a "new era" or students on campus.
2) There's no furniture in our house, especially my room, i only have a mattress and a rug....i dont know how i forgot to bring chairs and a desk, but i guess thats kind of what happens when you start packing the day of your move....some things are bound to get lost in the shuffle. When i come into my room, i have the option to either stand or lie down....hmm so many options...
3) Masters applications are looming, and rejection is never an easy pill to swallow. The normal course of dialogue between me and potential professors usually goes like this:
me: Hi i'm interested in your lab, are you accepting masters students?
them: Yes we are. Please send us your transcript.
me: Here is my transcript
them: .........
- dialogue ends here -
Kind of leading back to previous posts about the real value of the marking system, and how we're always judged (and if we're on the other side of the coin, judge others) by grades and academic record. The most important, and relevant thing for employers should be the three work term experiences i've had in different labs over the last few years, but record of that on the transcript is only a few lines. How much of our true worth is really reflected in our transcript? very little, i would say, but i'm not the one making the decisions.
Not to say that my transcript is particularly dishonorable, but alas, i'm just an average student on paper. The notion that we're all unique and have different things to bring to the table is shot to shit. Your personality, the way you work with others, your ability to think critically and solve problems doesnt matter in the least. Essentially, our opportunities are shaped and limited by this record of our ability to take tests. I'm pretty sure i'm not the only one who sees some degree of insanity in that.
So suffice it to say, my sense of self worth has taken quite the beating these last few days....i am being continually kicked in the ass by the proverbial mule that is my academic record.
I've been going to the gym almost every day to try to run these stresses away, somehow the feeling of my feet pounding on the track is therapeutic.
One ray of sunshine, and also a source of even more stress is this: my professor from calgary has let me know that the door would still be open for me to do a masters with him - this is fantastic in some ways and worrisome in others:
Pros:
-i wouldnt have to worry about not having anything to do in september
-i know the prof (he's amazing) and the working environment is great - ie: not high pressure, relaxed, work at your own pace). This, i've realized, is half of the consideration you should take before choosing a masters position - the prof-student dynamic is SO important, i can't stress enough. The other half would be a combination of the project, location, and other logistics.
-I know i like calgary, have lived there before, have friends there
-i wouldnt have so much perpetual STRESS if i just got this matter settled as soon as possible
Cons
-i've already worked in calgary, and even though it would be different this time, i would feel like i'm going back in time somehow.
-it would be far away from home - family, friends, and maybe a boy are here - and it would be hard to leave for 2 whole years
-i want to explore other fields - i've done guinea pig lymphatic reearch already, and although i can expand the projects, i want to learn other techniques and move forward with my career, not backwards.
What to do?
The stress mounts...