"Naturally"
Wincest;If only it didn’t come so naturally, then Dean might be just a little more okay.
The first time Dean kisses Sam, he’s soft and gentle but wanting and passionate all the same, and Sam just opens his mouth and kisses Dean back with lips much rougher than Dean had expected. Sam’s mouth is so wet- so pink and so wet, and Dean just wants more of him, wants all of him. And it comes so easy, so natural, and that’s what terrifies Dean and has him not speaking to his brother for days.
If only it didn’t come so naturally, then Dean might be just a little more okay. It isn’t normal, he knows, and hell if he hasn’t been drilling that fact into his own brain for what feels like forever. He’d been prepared to hate himself, to talk himself every night out of the obvious taboos and confusion, but he doesn’t have to, and he’s thinking that just makes him more confused than he’d imagined and it might make him lean toward hating himself just a bit further.
The last thing Dean wants, the very, very last thing, is to not want Sam. He already wants Sam more than anything he’s ever wanted in his life. He already loves Sam more than anything or anyone he’s ever loved in his life. It just shouldn’t be that easy, goddamnit. He just wants to feel some regret or something because he’s been lusting after his brother for years and why is he okay with that?
The second time Dean kisses Sam, Sam is caught off guard, but he responds all the same with fervent lips and a greedy tongue. Dean nearly jumps out of his skin when he feels how perfectly, how naturally their lips fit and mold together and how easily their tongues slip and slide against each other’s. But he keeps kissing Sam, keeps touching Sam, feeling up and down Sam’s arms and chest and pulling gently on Sam’s longer hair. Sam rests one hand on Dean’s bicep and cradles Dean’s head with the other, changing the position of their heads to get his tongue father, deeper inside Dean.
It happens again and again, so very often, and it soon becomes not only natural but normal, customary, and probably the most routine thing in Dean’s life.
They find themselves in bed together one night, and Dean is absolutely scared to death. For a while they only kiss, with Dean on top of Sam and Sam’s arms wrapped possessively around Dean’s middle. But when Dean’s hands and nimble fingers find their way to the hem of Sam’s shirt and start to pull it up, Sam doesn’t flinch like Dean does, he doesn’t hesitate like Dean does. He simple helps, pulling the shirt over his head and assisting in removing Dean’s as well.
They kiss again with bare chests sliding up against each other’s, and it feels nice, Dean decides. It’s feels nice and it’s all Dean really needs for the moment. But soon Sam’s hands find their way to Dean’s jeans and Dean’s hands are on Sam’s, and they’re completely naked before minutes pass.
And still it feels completely natural for Dean’s eyes to rake over Sam’s body, drinking up the sight of every inch of the breathtakingly beautiful man beneath him. And more so when Dean sees how easily their bodies fit together, how easily Dean’s lips fit to kiss Sam’s clavicle and neck, and how easily their lips find each other’s again.
Though it should be anything but, it feels absolutely nothing but natural to both Sam and Dean as their sweat-slicked bodies move together in perfect harmony while they kiss and touch and love. And Dean’s decided that maybe he isn’t so fucked up. Maybe it feels natural because it’s where he belongs.