I learnt me good

[tacotoes]

I think I can deal with things if I know I have a support network. As in, when I am around people, like now since I am in a Panera, I feel okay--not great, but okay. But when I get back to the B&B and start thinking about how totally alone I am, I flip out. I honestly don't think I'll have a problem living alone or getting a full-time job or

Comments

[lapsedhistorian]

Hon, there's not all that much to be in awe of. Moving away is hard, but it gets easier. At first it was awful, I was depressed, I was homesick. But once I started going out, going to classes, and meeting people, it got so much better. I still go through homesickness, and have weeks when I feel alone and just wish I could go home. Sometimes I even call my mom at work on a phone card and sob down the phone about how horrible everything is, and how I'm screwing everything up. Sometimes I can't call anybody, or even talk to anybody, and I have to cry it out of my system, then find ways of trying to pick myself back up. But it always gets better. And the busier you keep yourself, the easier it gets. And despite all the heartache of the last few years, and the extremely difficult position I seem to find myself in now regarding work, I would not have missed out living in Edinburgh for anything

[tacotoes]

thanks so much. i think the problem here is that i don't actually want to be here, or to be doing library science, enough to put myself through this. like, i can't see myself saying in two years "oh i wouldn't have missed it for anything!" before i came i was sort of ambivalent and now i hate it. i just think being in CO is where i should be right now. i didn't go about this the right way.

but thank you so much for the advice (stored for the future) and for listening while i had a freak out.

[ljflew33]

Renee's right, you always have a support network, no matter how near or far you actually are to them. I think you were probably expecting too much of yourself right away when you got there - I think it's pretty normal to feel panicky and alone. When I first moved to Oklahoma, it was definitely that way for me, except that since I had a roommate and everyone else around me were incoming Freshmen too, it was a little easier. But there were times (sometimes months at a time) when I felt totally miserable, totally alone, isolated and horrible. It took me 2 and a half years to feel completely at home and normal there, which unfortunately was right about the time when I started to have to think about leaving. When I first went to the place I was living in Cambridge, I totally freaked out and burst into tears, and I don't know what I would have done if my dad hadn't been there for the first several days to keep me going (sometimes it's good to be around people who have absolutely no tolerance for crying or anything like that). Edinburgh