[complete]

[dinamitardo]

Who: Gokudera Hayato and Yamamoto Takeshi
When: Jan 11 2009, afternoon
Where: Hallways
Rating: PG-15 [for swearing and horny boys]
Summary: Gokudera has an apology to make...
Notes: This was done entirely over aim and was too long to fit in one post, so I just posted what was left as comments. It was also done before Tsuna came into House so uh... excuse any continuity errors with that. Gokudera is black and Yama is blue.

This was stupid, this whole fucking thing was stupid! The incident in the Lounge shouldn't have happened, certainly not the way it did; he'd been far more drunk than he'd though, to go that far and act on stupid feelings he'd been shoving aside. No matter how much he hated it and no matter how much he tried to stop thinking about it though, his thoughts always went back to what had happened - what he'd said. Worst of all, he felt bad about it, despite telling himself over and over there was nothing to feel bad about.

To make matters worse, the idiot was invading his dreams now. He'd lost sleep almost every night since that incident; he'd woken up tangled in his sheets, drenched in sweat and painfully hard on more than one occasion. Cold showers had stopped working for him after the fifth horribly vivid dream and he'd ended up in the en suite, with the door firmly locked, bringing himself off with a fist in his mouth to muffle his moans. He didn't want to think what his room-mates thought of him, if they had caught on yet.

He was grateful for one thing: Yamamoto was ignoring and avoiding him. He didn't have to worry bumping into him and being horribly embarrassed, or blowing up at him and possibly making matters worse. At least, he had been grateful. The last couple of days though, he'd wanted to talk to the idiot, to clear this whole mess up. He didn't plan on apologising still, but he was sure there was something he could say that would put this whole stupid mess behind them and they could go back to sort of getting on like before.

It was luck - sheer luck - that on this one morning he spotted Yamamoto while walking back from lunch. He had no idea what he was going to say, had managed to not think about the whole thing while eating, but before the other got the chance to get away, he caught up to him, grabbing the front of his shirt and slamming him back against the wall with as much force as he could muster, holding him there so he couldn't get away.

“I hate you, so fucking much. I hate you and yet I can't stop fucking thinking about you! And I hate that because it might mean I don't hate you as much as I think I do!! It might even mean I like you!!” The worlds just spilled out as soon as he looked up at the idiot, he didn't even think before speaking and his eyes widened, not believing his own words. A light blush spread across his cheeks and he stepped back once, glaring weakly up at the taller Guardian.

What he'd said right then, had he meant it? He didn't know, honestly; after so long of shoving any sort of feeling that didn't fit into the category of dislike or rivalry away, he was no longer entirely sure how he thought about him. Even after what had happened between them that night, and even after the dreams he'd been having, he was still confused. “Just a little bit though...” His last words were mumbled, a confused frown tugging at his brows.

He'd meant what he'd been telling people when he said that he wasn't going to deal with Gokudera any longer outside of family business. As far as Yamamoto was concerned, the other Guardian might as well not even exist to him. He couldn't remember even having been hurt as much as this except possibly when his mother had left or when he'd found out that Tsuna and his father had been killed in the future.

The one person he had thought he could count on unconditionally, the one person he trusted most, had resolutely betrayed him. he had no idea if he would be able to ever trust Gokduera again after that... And so, he'd begun to avoid the other. Even in this place, his senses were still sharp enough that he could sense the Italian's familiar footfalls before he saw him, so he'd worked out a system to avoid him. Turning the other direction when he heard him coming, adjusting his eating schedule to odd hours to avoid running into him in the public areas of the building.

Aside from the occasional stroll around to avoid going stir crazy, he spent most of the time in his room, bouncing a baseball against the wall behind his bed. He was sorry for the annoyance that it was causing the other people in the building but….it was either that or he started breaking legs off of chairs to practice his sword forms. Regardless, he had to do something to avoid going crazy. Insane from frustration, longing, lust, anger, wrath and any other emotion that he could think of. So when Gokudera had shoved him against the wall, he'd been in the process of speedily walking the other way to avoid him. He didn't know what to say when the other was done with his diatribe so he just stared for a few moments as he tried to swallow down that feeling of rage he was starting to develop. He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall, folding his arms as he tried to slow down his breathing and not lash out.

"…Gokudera….What are you talking about?"

Gokudera didn't need to be looking at Yamamoto to realise how angry he was. It was coming off of the swordsman in waves, was in his voice and the way his breathing was just that little bit faster. Looking away, he took another step back, sighing softly; if he had any chance of this going well, holding Yamamoto up against the wall and stopping him from getting away was not going to work in his favour, but more than likely piss the other off so much more.

Clenching his fists and his jaw, he stared at the floor for a long moment, hoping Yamamoto wouldn't just up and leave, as though the answer would appear in flashing neon lights on the floor and he could just read them off and things would magically be fixed. Yeah, right, if only he was that lucky. No, he was going to have to wing it and with his mind in the horrible jumble it was was in now, that was proving to be incredibly difficult. What did he say to someone he didn't even know how he felt about, to get them to calm down, to see sense and to... forgive him. Apologising was beginning to look like his only option and he wasn't sure his pride would be too happy with that course of action. What other choice did he have though?

“I'm talking about what happened, what I said, about how I think I feel towards you!” His eyes were back on the baseball player, not narrowed in a glare for once, but instead fixing Yamamoto with an almost sad gaze. “I... shouldn't have said what I did... or been so stubborn...” It was an apology, in his own way, though a voice in the back of his mind said Yamamoto would want to hear 'sorry' from his lips before he accepted it and that, honestly, that was only fair. He kept his lips sealed on the matter of his feelings though, still trying to figure out how the hell to put how he thought he felt into words, without sounding like some girl preferably.

With how confused he was in regards to that, though, he didn't know how long it would take before he could say what he meant. Hating Yamamoto, having that rivalry with him, had just always been far more easier than having to worry about feelings that made his stomach twist in knots and his heart flutter and his mind run with thoughts that he didn't know if he liked or not. It was less stressful and meant he didn't have to deal with any problems that might have arisen if they ever became more than rivals, and then more than friends. Or maybe he'd just gotten too used to locking people out.

Considering that Yamamoto was currently in training to make a living from killing people, he felt that he was doing a remarkably good job at reining in his temper and not lashing out towards Gokudera, grabbing the nearest sharp object and performing Becatta di Rodine in the others chest cavity. Apparently, Gokudera hadn't gotten the memo that he no longer cared. That he no longer gave a damn how confused Gokudera thought he was or how scared he was or whatever the hell he was feeling. That he really didn't want to be here right now and would like nothing more for the other to move the hell out of his way and let him go back to being angry/depressed on his own.

Because yeah, he was fully willing to admit, he was depressed. Utterly and hopelessly depressed. And hurt. Depressed because of the self-imposed Gokduera-diet he'd put himself on and hurt because Gokudera had been the one to push him to that. That fact that he'd known that it was going to blow up in his face even before he'd had the notion to mention anything was one of the things that was currently eating Yamamoto up the most. The fact that he knew that even going down that route with Gokudera would invariably change the family dynamic forever and could potentially leave it short one or two Guardians if things decided to go horribly wrong…So now, he was depressed and he was fully willing to spend the rest of his days like this. Like he was stuck in some sort of floating ball of time. Where sometimes the reality outside of the ball seemed more real than the reality inside of the ball….

Somehow or another though, he'd let other people's opinions goad him into saying something. Into hinting. And just as he'd known, with some sort of hyper intuition of his own, things had gone horribly awry and he was now thinking about stabbing the love of his life with kitchen utensils…how fucked up was he?

Of course…he was still physically stronger than Gokudera…he could have easily moved him out of the way by force if necessary…but he didn't. Instead, against his better judgement, he decided that maybe he might stick around for a little while to see what Gokudera could possibly want to say. See how the other Guardian could possibly think that he could make this situation any better. Though if the next 5 words out of the Italian's mouth didn't form some sort of direct apology, Yamamoto was going to use his strength to his advantage and force the other out of the way and continue like he had been since the Christmas party.

"…Oh?" And that was all the lead in that he was going to give Gokudera. Let the moron suffer some more for what he pulled. It would only serve him right if Yamamoto made this encounter as painful as possible until he was satisfied with the penance that had been paid….And it might take a good while….

Gokudera knew exactly what Yamamoto's reply meant. It meant he was right and that the other male wanted an straightforward apology from him, one that actually contained the word sorry, and it probably meant an elaboration on his feelings was in order too. For a minute, he just stared up at the other male. If only there were some other way through this, some way he could just make Yamamoto forgive him. Mentally, he rolled his eyes at himself - of course that was a quick and simple solution to this mess, he was just coveting his pride and wouldn't just get on with it. What good was pride going to him though? It had already been destroyed on more than one occasion since he arrived in the House (at least one of those instances involving Yamamoto) - he needed to swallow what was left of it and get the fuck over himself.

Looking away and frowning again, he came to a conclusion. It was apologise to Yamamoto, tell him how he felt and get to grips with the idea that, if the swordsman did actually forgive him and something started between them, things might not actually turn out as bad as he'd convinced himself they would; or deal with having Yamamoto pissed at him, having to explain to Juudaime if he ever showed up, and worst of all, having to put up with that damn woman, Tonks getting at him about it. How bad could it be really? Aside from a bit of pride if his apology was turned down, he had nothing to lose - it's not like he and Yamamoto had a peachy relationship before this.

He looked back up to Yamamoto and prayed to whatever god was listening that this wouldn't end bad, before taking a breath. “I'm sorry.” Surprisingly, the words didn't leave a bad taste in his mouth, or make him feel like a complete idiot; he did have what felt like butterflies the size of elephants hammering around in his chest though. “I was an asshole and I shouldn't have said any of what I did and...” He paused, frowning and fighting down the light blush that was creeping up his neck. It was scarily easy to just keep going once 'sorry' had escaped his lips, but he still couldn't believe what he was saying, he hadn't even called the other an idiot once, or sworn at him past telling him he fucking hated him. “I don't think... what I did that night... I don't think it was all the alcohol.”

Fumbling at his side, he stuffed his hand into his pocket for his packet of cigarettes and lighter. He needed to calm his nerves, to stop blushing - it was starting to make him feel like one of those many girls that approached Yamamoto, blushing and mumbling, letter in hand and their friends behind them for support. Made him feel stupid. He told himself it would be worth it though, if Yamamoto forgave him and they worked things out, and if he managed to get rid of that annoyingly longing he'd had for who knew how long now.

Yamamoto exhaled a breath that he hadn't realized he was holding as that one phrase reached his ears and his anger noticeably calmed down.  He struggled to relax his posture as he thought about the way he was going to respond to that. It was what he'd wanted to hear of course but… it still didn’t make him feel any better about the situation. In fact, it probably made him feel worse.

The fact that Gokudera had felt the need to get that drunk to act on whatever he was feeling, didn't really comfort him that much. It made the fact that he didn't want to feel that way even more clear. Made it hurt that much more.

He sighed and shook his head before pushing off the wall and making to walk away in a huff. He thought better of it after a minute and turned to glare at Gokudera.

"You know what the worst part about all of this? Is that you still haven't made up your mind about how you feel. How is this so hard for you? It's simple. I feel about you the way I do and either you feel the same or you don't. That's all there is to it. I don't care what sort of mental issues you have that are making this that difficult for you but leave me out of it and don't punish me for it!" He ran his hands over his face and turned around again. "Unless you give me a clear answer then we have nothing more to say to each other."

When Yamamoto turned to walk away, he was all but ready to let him. What did it matter if he couldn't work things out? At least he'd tried, he'd apologised; if the other couldn't accept that, it was no fault of his own, was it? Yamamoto didn't leave though, he stopped and turned a glare on him. Gokudera had to refrain from rolling his eyes - what had he said or done wrong now?

Yamamoto's words made him clench his hand around the packet in his pocket, crushing the cardboard and probably breaking a couple of cigarettes in the process. Here he was, trying to apologise and make things better, and all Yamamoto wanted out of him was a damn confession? How the hell was he supposed to sort through everything he was feeling in a split second like that? He couldn't remember ever feeling this mix of emotions towards one person before and whether Yamamoto felt whatever he felt for him or not, it didn't mean that what he was feeling was the same.

A glare, though half as weak as usual, made its way onto his face and he stared Yamamoto down. “What the hell do you want me to say?! Here I am, apologising for what I said and did and trying to work things out between us and all you fucking want is to know how I feel? I don't know how I feel, Yamamoto. It's hard to put a name to something you haven't felt before!”

Sure, he maybe didn't hate the idiot as much as he thought he had, if the dreams and everything he'd been feeling the last couple of weeks was anything to go by, but love could be going too far. Maybe it had something to do with his reluctance to commit himself to something like love. He didn't know if that was what he was feeling, if it was anything as strong as that. It was certainly different for what he felt for Tsuna though.

There was a pang in his chest though, at the finality in Yamamoto's words. He wasn't sure, but he didn't think he wanted the other to walk away and to never talk to him again; he'd miss their run-ins, that annoying arm around his shoulder and the laughter and the grin... With a frown, Gokudera sighed - maybe he was feeling the same thing, but if he said he was, then there was a chance things wouldn't work out, that one or both of them would get hurt and he didn't think either of them were willing to take the chance.

He wasn't willing to miss nights of sleep because of dreams though, or to have Juudaime upset by their predicament. With a sigh, Gokudera moved closer to Yamamoto, grabbing his arm and turning him fully before leaning up and pressing their lips together softly. And that decided it; he wasn't drunk, he wasn't doing it out of spite and he wouldn't do this to someone he hated. And all Yamamoto's demanding and his own confusing myriad of thoughts and feelings didn't matter anymore, because the pieces fell together so quickly and easily with that simple motion, and it made him feel like a prize idiot. “I like you... okay? Even if you're just a baseball idiot who infuriates me more than anyone else...”

His thoughts about walking away were dashed when Gokudera spun him around to kiss him. The last thing he'd been expected at that moment, he was shocked that he didn't pass out with that lightheaded feeling it gave him. He sighed again and backed away from Gokudera, out of arms reach before he did something that he might regret. Like throwing the other against the nearest wall and having his way with him. And that was really beginning to sound like more and more of a good idea the more he thought about it. He backed up once more until his back hit the wall again and leaned his head back, face tilted toward the ceiling as he tried to control those impulses he was having. But damn it was a hard fight. As his mind forced him to relive every scenario in which he'd ever imagined having Gokudera…He struggled through it however, and was eventually able to level another glare his way. Trying to infuse the right combinations of pissed and betrayed to accurately get through to Gokudera how he was feeling about the situation.

He'd said it, yes. But somehow though, even though Gokudera had said it, he still didn't feel the elation that he thought he should be feeling. Again, all he felt was more depressed. The situation still hadn't changed at all. He may have admitted to liking him but he still hated the fact that he did. Which of course, meant that he would rather not.

"…Are you only saying this because you think that it's what I want to hear? Because if you are, then you might as well save your breath. Don't force something like this on yourself or anything…because you don't want to fight with me anymore.

He sighed once more and clenched his fists at his sides as he struggled to retain eye contact with Gokudera before he lost his nerve and looked back to the floor as a blush stained his cheeks. He'd alluded to how he felt but he'd never actually put it into so many words. Not seriously. Not in such a serious situation. So he was understandably a little nervous to do so.

"I…I love you, Gokudera. But don't lie and give me some pity confession because you think that's what I want."

That was exactly what Gokudera meant when he called the other infuriating. Where the hell did he get the idea that he's say something like that just because he thought it would make Yamamoto feel better? “What the hell? Since when have I cared what you want? You think I would just come out with some confession just to make you feel better and to stop us from fighting?” Just how shallow did Yamamoto honestly think he was?

Yamamoto's confession though, it knocked him back. Not two seconds ago, he was telling himself that he couldn't be in love, that that wasn't what he was feeling, but hearing the words from the swordsman's mouth made his heart give this almighty leap and for a second, Gokudera honestly thought it was trying to break through his ribcage. His cheeks were burning too, and he looked at the floor, hand fumbling in his pocket again. He couldn't be certain it was love, but it certainly had to be a lot more than just plain like, for him to be having that sort of reaction to three words.

He narrowed his eyes in another glare though, his fists clenching at his side. “I-is that what you think that was? A pity confession? You think I'm telling you I like you and that's a lie?! You have something you want staring you in the face and you're going to say it's a lie and turn your back on it?! Fine, have it your way, I give up!” He didn't realise it, until his back was turned and he was starting down the corridor, away from that damn idiot and his stupid accusations, but that hurt. It hurt a lot. To think that he could go ahead and make a confession like that, one that was so hard for him because it meant he was giving himself over to someone, and have it thrown back in his face along with his apology. If Yamamoto wanted him so damn badly, if he loved him so much like he said he did, then he had a terrible way of showing it - one that Gokudera just wasn't willing to deal with. There might have been a stray tear on his face, but he swiped it away and continued down the hall, making a beeline for his room, where he could hide away and pretend he was still angry and Yamamoto instead of feeling this torrent of emotions for him.

Before he'd really had a chance to think about it, Yamamoto had taken off his shoe and pitched it hard at Gokudera's retreating back.  It was the most he could think to do in the situation. Rather than running to tackle to the other Guardian, his instincts had led him to fall back on baseball as usual.

Stilling his breathing before he could get even more angry at the situation, he walked forward to retrieve his shoe again, folding his arms once more.

"Shouldn't I suspect something like that? After all, isn't it exactly what you told me on Christmas when everyone had left? That you were only doing anything to humour me? Why should I trust that you're being honest with me this time. Your track record is horrible." He moved to sit on the stairs, elbows propped on his knees and chin on his fists, effectively blocking one of Gokudera's escape routes should he he choose to run again.

"I don't have any reason to trust you with something like this after the way you treated me and the things you said to me. You tried to take advantage of the way I felt because you were drunk, horny, pissed off, frustrated or whatever the hell else. But that doesn't mean that you have to take it out on me. And it doesn't mean that you have to use me to release all of that. "

He averted his eyes from Gokudera's, because if he hadn't he might have lost it again….

"Why should I trust that you're telling the truth about anything?"

Yamamoto's shoe connected with his back and he stumbled forwards, barely managing to keep his footing and stop himself from falling face first onto the floor. “What the hell was that for?! I have nothing else to say to you!” Turning around, he almost collided into the other when he came to retrieve his shoe, and glared daggers at him, just hoping that there were no signs of his previous tears still on his face.

When the other sat down on the stairs, he sighed heavily. Why the hell couldn't this conversation be over? He'd made a fool of himself apologising and confessing, what was Yamamoto trying to prove by keeping him here, making him say more? Was it honestly that hard to believe that the words coming out of his mouth were the truth? After spending the last god knew how many nights dreaming about the idiot, thinking about him and then standing in front of him and confessing his feelings, only to be told he was lying was the last thing he wanted to hear and Gokudera actually had to wonder how often he'd lied to the other, that he thought that what he was saying now was just crap.

“I said I was sorry for what I said and did, okay?! I admit I was drunk and I was acting on feelings I didn't want to admit I had, but I just spilled my fucking heart to you and you're still going to turn around and tell me that I'm lying?! Fuck! Why the hell would I lie about something like this?! I wouldn't fucking say it if I didn't mean it, because I wouldn't want to be with you!”

His blush returned and he looked down at the floor, frowning at it as though this whole damn thing was the floor's fault. “What else am I supposed to say...?” After the yelling, his last words came out as a barely audible whisper. His hands were clenched at his sides again, nails digging into his palms, and while all he wanted to do at this stage was go back to his room, crawl under the quilts and stay there, he was rooted to the spot, waiting for Yamamoto's answer. At this stage, he didn't expect the answer to be a good one at all.

He had no idea what else he wanted the other to say but anything would have been better than the way the conversation was currently going. He wanted there to be something that Gokudera could possibly say that would make his anxiety about the situation vanish but it was highly unlikely .

Instead he continued to stare at the other for a few moments before standing from the steps and moving out of the path . If Gokudera wanted to run away again then that was fine with him. Nothing different would be accomplished and they would be right back where they'd been for the past weeks. Not talking and in some weird sort of limbo where they pretended to ignore each other's existence.

"…I don't know why you would lie. You did it before though so it's not as if you're entirely blameless in that area."  He sighed and settled his hands on his hips as he cocked an eyebrow at the other. "Exactly where did you expect this to go after you made this grand confession? Even though I'm still pissed at you?"

The answer Yamamoto gave him didn't surprise him at all. Things were going from bad to worse with each thing he said. He wanted so much to find that one thing that would make everything alright again, but he just didn't have a way with words apparently, or maybe there just wasn't a right things to say; not when it came to a stubborn, pissed off Yamamoto anyway. He was sure nothing he could say would change Yamamoto's mind, and he honestly didn't think he could take being shot down again.

Watching the other stand, he looked up the stairs. He could just leave now, go upstairs like he wanted to and hide in his room, but honestly he thought that would make him a coward; he had to face this or else he had a niggling feeling that he'd regret it somehow or another. How, was a whole different barrel of fish though, one he currently had no idea how to tackle.

“If you don't know why I would lie, then why the hell do you think I am? I apologised about lying before!” His sighed for what felt like the millionth time in the last five minutes and glanced towards the stairs again. “I don't know where I expected it to go but... I haven't stopped thinking about you since what happened in the lounge, I've had the most embarrassing dreams pretty much every night, and I had to say something in the hope that I'd be able to figure out why the hell I even give a damn about any of this at all! But apparently I've wasted my breath saying anything to you, so forget about it!”

Turning away from Yamamoto once more, coward or no, he started up the stairs. He only managed up two before he stopped, a hollow chuckle sounding in his throat as he realised his vision had gone blurry, and lifted a hand to his face to find tears there again. The idiot had made him cry, and it wasn't just one or two tiny tears, they were streaming down his damn face. He couldn't remember the last time he'd cried like this - actually, he couldn't remember the last time he'd cried at all. Without even realising it, his fist had lifted and connected hard with the wall, putting a sizeable dent in the plaster and hurting his hand.

And there. All of his resolve to be pissed and upset at the other vanished in the instant that he saw tears rolling down the others cheeks. He was moving forward before he'd thought about the repercussions and wrapped his arms around Gokudera. Enveloping him in a tight hug. The last thing he'd ever wanted to do was to make the other cry and it broke his heart all over again to see it.

"I'm sorry… I just… I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what something like this means for us or where we're supposed to go from here… The only thing I do know is how I feel about you and how I have for months…"

He tightened his hold and buried his face in the others hair the way he'd dreamed about doing. Inhaling that scent that was burned onto his brain and made his stomach flip every time he smelled it.

"What I want is for us to be… you know, together? Like… as a couple? Haha…" And that laugh sounded fake even to his own ears. He loosened the hold and let his hands drop down to grip Gokudera's hips as he made eye contact to show just how sincere he was about what he wanted. "But… if that's not what you want… if you don't want to go any further than this then I completely understand. Just tell me outright what you want without beating around the bush and I won't get angry no matter what you say."

When arms wrapped around him and pulled him closer, Gokudera let out a shaky breath he hadn't realised he been holding. Lifting a hand, he thumped weakly against Yamamoto's chest, burying his face into his shirt to hide his tears. “You bastard... making me cry like a girl!” His words came out weaker than they normally would have when he was berating the other, and he frowned, even as he managed to get his tears under control. It scared him how quickly he managed to stop them while he was in the other's arms, pressed so close to him, and actually, he felt a little like maybe he'd inadvertantly guilt tripped the idiot into turning round and coming to his senses about this whole damn fuck up. In the end, he decided it didn't matter, because apparently he wanted this just as much as Yamamoto after all.

And then Yamamoto started talking. His head already hurt from crying, and the other just going on and on didn't help at all. He couldn't keep up, never mind make sense of any of what the other was saying. How could he still think this wasn't what he wanted when he'd just cried over him, in his damn arms? Leaning up, he pressed his lips against Yamamoto's again, to get the idiot to just shut up and let him say something. Breaking the kiss, he stepped back a little, blushing darkly and staring off at the wall and the dent he'd put in it.

“I'd be the worst boyfriend ever, you know..?” He chuckled lowly at that and then frowned, looking back to Yamamoto. “And... I don't know exactly what this thing I'm feeling for you is, okay? But I... I think I want us to be together.” Yamamoto had said not to beat around the bush and that was exactly what he was doing, to his own annoyance, never mind the other's; it was what he wanted - for them to be together - he couldn't deny that anymore, but he still couldn't bring himself to say it like it was out loud. “As long as we can take it slow...”

If he was going to feel faint everytime Gokudera kissed him, then Yamamoto was pretty sure that they should stop doing it randomly in the hallway. Otherwise, he was going to fall out and Gokudera was either going to have to carry him up to his room (unlikely) or was going to leave him in the middle of the hall way to get stepped on and then sic Uri on him once he woke up.

To put a pre-empt to that scenario, he promptly ignored that last sentence and pushed the other into the wall, resuming the kiss roughly and grinding his hips forward to trap him.  There. That was better. He was kissing Gokudera and even if he felt as though his knees were about to give out at any given moment, he had the wall to lean on for support.

When he started to get really dizzy, this time from lack of oxygen, he pulled away and let his head fall to rest against Gokudera as he tried to catch his breath.

"I'm sure you'll make a horrible boyfriend but I don't care. I probably will too. But…does it matter? I mean…this is really a first for me…I've had girlfriends before but never a boyfriend. It's like…and experiment in error, haha! We'll just have to learn by doing right?" By this time he'd gotten his breath back and he promptly righted the wrong he'd committed by pressing his lips back against Gokudera's shifting his body even closer forwards.

Yamamoto's definition of slow was incredibly far from any definition the Gokudera was aware of, but he just couldn't find it in himself to push the other away. Not when they were kissing like this, and Yamamoto was pressed against the entire length of his body, trapping him against the wall. In fact, the only noise that came from him was a moan, muffled between their lips. His arms lifted to drape over Yamamoto's shoulders, hands clasping at the back of his neck, holding him steady as his lungs started to complain at the lack of oxygen.

Gasping in a breath when they parted, he leant back against the wall, a short, incredulous sounding laugh rumbling in his chest. Him and the Baseball Idiot, who'd have thought? He didn't like the idea of being an experiment, but he didn't really have time to complain before lips were against his again and his thoughts turned into incoherent babble swirling around in his mind. Being someone who liked to believe he was very much in control of his mind, it wasn't a comfortable feeling to not be able to form a sentence that made any kind of sense. Well, whatever; Yamamoto's lips felt too damn good for him to give a fuck.

Breaking the kiss, he slid his hands down to Yamamoto's chest, pushing him back a bit. As much as he really wouldn't have minded them just continuing right there in the hall had it not been a really rather public place, it was a public place, and he really didn't like the idea of being humiliated any more than he had been already today. “This is... a very strange slow...” He kind of hated how he sounded so breathless, but he supposed that was just one of the many things he'd just have to get used to if he was going to have any form of relationship with Yamamoto.

And Gokudera wasn't about to admit it, not in a million years, but it might have been a first for Yamamoto in terms of having a boyfriend, but for him it was a first in having any sort of relationship outside of family. He had no idea how to act and he honestly hoped Yamamoto didn't expect him to change suddenly over night and become some loving caring person - because if he did the idiot was in for a reality check.

“If you're going to keep this up, we should at least go somewhere more private, idiot!” Frowning at Yamamoto, he fought against the pink in his cheeks once more and glanced around just in case they had been caught in the act. Really, how much was he expected to take in one day? The last ten minutes had been a pretty bumpy ride and he really wanted off for an hour or two...

Yamamoto couldn't help but smirk in answer to that suggestion. It sounded more like an offer than a protest to his lust addled mind and the way he moved Gokudera's hands away to press in close once more was a sure indication of that. After all the stress about it and the pent up frustration he was feeling, the lust, his mind was just not processing that whole 'Going Slow' proposal. And the way Gokudera was responding surely made it seem like he wasn't either.

He ran his hands slowly along the other's hips to meet at his backside, kneading between his hands before letting his arms fall to rest around Gokudera's waist.

"Haha…I don't know how plausible that is…I don't know if I'll be able to keep my hands off of you for that long…Goku--…" He pulled back a little, a speculative tilt of his eyebrow. He was pretty sure that he was going to get blown up for what he was about to ask so to prevent that he leaned in closer to press the other against the wall and grasped his hands tightly. To ensure that he wouldn't would be able reach for any of that conveniently placed dynamite.

"Hey…if we're going out now… Does that mean I can call you Hayato?"

The smirk on the idiot's lips made him roll his eyes. He didn't fight against Yamamoto moving his hands and pressing close to him again though; even if he was against doing things like this in such a public place, it was hard for him to say no after all those damn dreams he'd had to endure. His trousers were growing painfully tight rather quickly and he groaned, rocking his hips forwards to grind against Yamamoto's as his hands kneaded at his ass. He had to wonder just how insatiable the pair of them were going to be for the next few days, while they worked out all that pent up frustration and want and need. And if the other was anywhere near to being in the same situation as he was, he didn't think there was much chance they'd get very far at all in any search for somewhere private before the walls became far more convenient.

Raising a brow when his hands were pinned by Yamamoto's own, he swallowed thickly, half expecting the other to be concocting some plan to have him right there and then in the hall. The question that came instead took a second to sink in and when he realised what he was being asked or, more importantly, when he realised that Yamamoto had just used his given name, he couldn't help the blush on his cheeks darkening. How many times as he heard the other whispering his name in his ears in those dreams, his voice low and husky? If he was going to have a reaction anything like what he was having to it right now every time Yamamoto called him Hayato and not Gokudera, he didn't think he'd be able to stick to not getting off with the idiot in the halls all the damn time.

“L-like hell! And no stupid nicknames either!” Glaring at the other, he tried to wrench his hands from his grip, flailing to try and knock him off. “And you can barely call it going out! It's not like we'll be able to go on dates or anything! There's nowhere to fucking go!!”

Yamamoto's stomach flipped painfully as he felt the reaction that their close proximity was having on the other . If Gokudera was having that much of a reaction to just a few kisses and gropes then Yamamoto was anticipating an even more extreme reaction to his next actions. Shifting his hips closer he wedged one knee in between Gokudera's legs, rocking closer with a soft groan.

Letting his head rest against the other's shoulder, he turned his head slightly to nose into the others neck.  Yeah, that smell was going to get addictive. There was no way he was going to be able to handle it if Gokudera suddenly decided that that whole 'Going Slow' thing was a major priority and factor in their relationship. Not when he finally had the means and motive and permission to fill every one of his dirtiest fantasies involving his… boyfriend?

"Aww…That's a really pessimistic way to look at things." He chuckled lowly as he threaded his fingers through Gokudera's, tightening his grip. "You just have to expand your horizons on what exactly a date is. We'll just have to be creative! And why can't I call you that? You can call me Takeshi too. Couples are supposed to do things like that as I recall…"

Gokudera had to bite his lip to muffle the rather loud moan that escaped him as Yamamoto's knee slid between his legs. Gripping his hands around Yamamoto's, he told himself that he had far too much pride to shamelessly grind against the thigh pressed against his crotch, no matter how good it would feel and actually managed to restrain himself. Tipping his head, he tried his hardest to instead focus on the warm breath on his skin as the other nuzzled into his neck.

The idea of them going out on dates was rather a scary one actually; at least, the idea of him going on dates with Yamamoto was. If they were still back in their own world (and not in the future in the middle of a war with the Millefiore), he imagined that the idiot would be dragging him all over at any given opportunity, but Gokudera decided he preferred that to their current predicament. While they were stuck in the House, there was no privacy, and they were far more likely to get caught, that and he was sure that half of the House mates had it in for him and would just love to tease him with this new development.

“Who cares what couples are supposed to do?! I'm not going to call you Takeshi, and you're not going to call me Hayato, idiot!” He tried his hardest to glare at Yamamoto, though with the flush across his cheeks, it was probably even less effective than glaring while he was crying. Maybe if he hadn't had all those dreams, he would have been just fine with Yamamoto calling him Hayato, but he had, and at this stage, allowing the other to would only be presenting him with plenty of opportunities to do exactly what he was now.

Actually, how had they gotten to this from arguing and yelling? He'd been crying and then they'd hugged and kissed, and now he was pinned to the wall, almost painfully hard, and just about willing to let Yamamoto have his way with him because his stupidly horny teenage body had decided that this was far better than in the dreams (and his stupidly horny teenage mind wasn't far off agreeing with it).

Nudging Yamamoto back a little, he locked eyes with him, frowning a bit. “This is a very strange slow and I really don't want this to end up the same way as it did last time... so if you're planning on fucking me, can we not do it in the hallway?”

And if that wasn't the buzz kill to end all buzzes ever in existence…

He halted his movements and pulled back with a sigh, frown fixed on this face. Just when he'd figured that they'd finally gotten past that, Gokudera had to be a jerk and bring it up again. Even worse this time was the fact that he'd made it all seem like it was Yamamoto's fault! And so, right back to being pissed again, a violent mood swing from his elation of not two seconds ago, he backed away and removed all bodily contact with his…whatever…

Running exasperated hands over his face and trying to think of anything but Gokudera pressed against the wall, hard, and panting for breath--fuck. Trying to think the most absolutely un-sexy things he could--Ryohei in a mini-skirt, his dad in a mini-skirt, Gamma in a mini-skirt and wondering where in the world this fascination with mini-skirts came from and how Gokudera would look….

"Why in the world would you bring that up now? You make it seem as if this past week was something I was to blame for! Like I was the one who took advantage of you instead of pushing you away before you could of me!" He shifted uncomfortably and wished that he'd seen fit to wear looser pants that day, folding his arms and averting his gaze as far away from Gokudera as possible. "You make it seem as if I'm the only one who wants this when you say things like that….I do want you…so much…but if you don't then you'd better make damn well clear about what exactly you expect to come from this relationship up front before you start accusing me of things."

Oh shit, that wasn't supposed to happen. He'd gone and put his foot in it all over again. This was probably the reason (beside from having more important things like Family business) that he had never bothered to try have any relationship with anyone before; he knew he'd just fuck it up all the time by saying and doing the wrong things at the wrong times. Not even ten minutes into this whole relationship thing and he was already fucking up. If there was a prize for fastest fuck up ever, he'd probably just won it. Fuck, and he hadn't even meant it like that. He'd just wanted out of the hall before they went any further, so he didn't start yelling and they didn't start arguing and...

Sighing heavily, he lifted a hand to push his hair behind his ears, leaning back against the wall and trying to catch his breath, while telling his body to calm the hell down because he'd just ruined his chances of getting any. It didn't take all that much effort as Yamamoto spoke, his words making Gokudera's heart sink. He knew that what had happened had been his fault, because he'd been so damn stubborn and a big enough asshole to say what he had; that had been why he'd come to apologise in the first place. He wouldn't have done so if he'd thought it was Yamamoto's fault (and he had to admit, he had convinced himself it was for the first few days). He'd deserved to be ignored for what he'd said and done - no question about it. If he remembered correctly, he'd said something along the same lines of what he'd said just then when things had started to go downhill between them in the Lounge that time too. Maybe the word 'fucking' in relation to sex should be a no-go word. Or maybe that wasn't the issue here - he just shouldn't have brought up that time at all.

“Fuck... I didn't mean it like that. I just... don't want us to start arguing again...” He hoped to God that his voice didn't sound as breathless and needy to Yamamoto as it did in his own ears, even if that was exactly how he was feeling. “I meant everything I said before, about wanting us to be together so... I'm sorry. I'm a fucking idiot. Would you look at me? Please?” Now he was pleading with the other Guardian, could it get any worse? His pride really was out of the window now, wasn't it?

Really, it seemed as though the more and more they talked, the more and more they seemed to get into misunderstanding after misunderstanding. For a person who was usually very straightforward with everything that he said, it was a situation that Yamamoto was very unfamiliar and uncomfortable with. Though…given that Gokudera was the complete opposite--a person who kept everything and anything he was thinking and feeling (aside from anger) behind closed doors--he didn't see a foreseeable solution to that problem.

With another sigh, he obeyed the others request and met his eyes once more, narrowing his own as he attempted to think of a possible solution to that comment.  He agreed with the Fucking Idiot part of it, of course.  It was the rest of the statement that he was unsatisfied with.

He stepped forward again, until he was toe-to-toe with the Italian. So he would force the other to look up at him. With his arms still folded, he wasn't touching--that would depend on Gokudera's answers--but he was close enough to the other that he knew Gokudera would be just as effected by his body heat as he was by Gokudera's…which would mean that he would have to make this quick before he lost control now.

"When you said you want us to 'Be Together'. What exactly do you think that that entails? Exactly what do you expect that we're going to gain from this relationship? Or a better question…What are you willing to give me?"

When Yamamoto stepped forward, Gokudera dared to believe he'd been forgiven and they were going to continue where they'd left off. Which was stupid of him, given that the swordsman stopped right in front of him, as close as possible without touching him. Looking up, silently cursing how damn short he was (he was European, dammit, he should have been taller than Yamamoto), he sighed a little shakily. Like this whole things wasn't difficult enough, Yamamoto added a whole other problem by standing so damn close; close enough that he could feel the heat from the other.

He almost snapped at Yamamoto's questions, but caught himself before the words had even formed properly in his mind.

What did he expect to gain from this relationship? He hadn't really thought about it, hadn't expected to be asked, but now that he had, he realised he didn't actually know. He supposed it was relief from the dreams and persistent thoughts, but then again, if he was falling for the baseball player (and he was pretty sure he was), the chances were that he'd started thinking and dreaming about him a whole lot more - the only difference would be he'd have the freedom to act on them. Never having had a relationship like the one he was sure Yamamoto and he would have (if it ever actually got off the ground), and never really caring to think about such a relationship before now.

It wasn't a difficult question for him to come up with an answer for though. People had this sort of relationships because being with someone they loved made them happy, and for Gokudera, that was a strange notion. It wasn't so much that he'd never wanted happiness for himself, but that he had thought he had found all the happiness that he needed in being accepted by Tsuna and the Vongola. That didn't seem to be the case now, though. Yamamoto's question had said off a whole new chain of thought, and he was honestly a little shocked that he found himself wanting more than just the happiness he had already. No offence to Juudaime, of course, but this would be a different type of happiness - a happiness far closer to the kind he'd had as a child, before his world had been flipped on its side. Or so he imagined.

He had to assume that that was the same thing that Yamamoto wanted from the relationship. Happiness that didn't come from being in the Family and standing by Tsuna.

Frowning as he thought, he looked up to meet Yamamoto's eyes. He didn't snap or yell when he eventually spoke, didn't even sound angry. “I-isn't happiness what you'd want...? Just... the pleasure of being with me?” The words sounded rather awkward coming from him, and even an idiot like Yamamoto would probably see how alien the concept was to him. “I don't know what we're supposed to gain, what I'm supposed to give, or anything at all... I just, inexplicably and a little annoyingly, want to be with you, as a couple. With whatever that involves.” A pause and his eyes narrowed to an almost glare. “Except the nicknames.”

It was a little belated, perhaps, but Gokudera blushed and looked away, realising he might have just made a complete fool out of himself. For all he knew, all Yamamoto wanted from him was sex, with no complicated emotional strings attached (the sort of thing he'd originally thought he'd wanted from the other). He hoped not, because as strange as it was, he didn't think that was what he wanted.

Yamamoto couldn't help but break out into a stupidly wide grin at that. While it might not have been the precise answer he'd been looking for--and what was that answer he really hadn't been clear when he'd asked--but it was an answer that made his heart melt anyway and proved to him that despite the fact that it was going to be hard work to struggle through a relationship with Gokudera, it would be worth it. Worth it because he knew that as long as Gokudera knew what was going to be expected of him within the parameters of the relationship then the other would try his hardest to work towards the goals set before hand. Because he if Yamamoto worded it just right, he could somehow tie it into being a good right-hand man's duty to carry that dedication over to his personal relationships as well. Especially if that relationship involved another of the family. Because, you know, team morale and all that…If they're personal relationship soured, then they're professional one would likely follow suit.

He chuckled at the somewhat manipulative plan hatching in his head and brought his hands up to sift through Gokudera's hair, coming to rest at his jawline, cupping the others face in his hands. He leaned forward to press a light kiss to his forehead before pulling back once more, locking his gaze with the other Guardian. More than anything, he wished that there was some magical equation that would help him deal with Gokudera just a little bit easier, without the subterfuge. But…since he was horrible at math, he figured that trial and error was the best way to go about it…

"I want to be with you because I love you and I want to share my life with you in a way that I can't anyone else. Yeah, happiness is a big part of it, but is also about all the negative stuff too…I mean…having someone to share that stuff with is often the most comforting thing a person can have. To have someone be able to support them in a time like that? Like…with my Dad…and Tsuna….I know that if both of us hadn't been so stubborn, those time might have been a fraction easier, having someone to mourn with you, to share those feelings…Haha! But mostly, yeah! Because being with you makes me happiest! Because you make me laugh without meaning to, and because you're actually really sweet and considerate when you think no one is paying attention…And because you're really hurt…you know? By your past? And because I want to try to make some of that a little better. At least as much as I'm able.

Because you've had to deal with that alone for far too long and it's made you such a closed off person…Not that I have a problem with the way you are! It's just…it would be nice if I didn't have to struggle to be on the same footing as Tsuna…Haha…I'm rambling now, aren't I? But anyway…yeah…And, even though it's only a small part of it…" His lips tilted into a crooked smirk again and his eyelids dropped lowly. "Like I said…I want you. So bad it hurts sometimes…You have no idea how often I've dreamed about having you over 9000 different ways. Every time you're close to me it gets harder and harder not to go through with it and make you mine in every way possible…"

That stupid looking, wide grin that Yamamoto's lips curved into at his words made Gokudera's heart leap. Which was the entirely wrong reaction to be having, because the idiot's grin was supposed to annoy him beyond all reason, and he just couldn't bring himself to be annoyed with him right now. His eyes fluttered closed as the other's hands slid through his hair and he pressed a kiss to his forehead, and he thought that maybe he'd actually said something right for a change and that finally something was going right (without them getting carried away). When he opened his eyes, Yamamoto's locked his gaze and he half expected to see some sort of annoyance or anger directed at him through them, so when there was none to be found, he sighed.

As he listened to Yamamoto talk, his heart did all number of acrobatics, his knees did this weird jelloid thing that made him have to lean back just a little bit more against the wall to keep him from falling, and his blush darkened even more. That had to be the longest compliment he'd ever received and, more frightening, the most accurate analysis of him anyone had cared to make to his face. He actually had to take a second to process the idea that the Baseball Idiot whose presence he tried his hardest to ignore - the impossibly dim Baseball Idiot - had figured that much out about him; it made him wonder just how long the other Guardian had been watching him while he had been completely unaware of it. Because it was true, his past had made him close off from practically everyone. It had been Tsuna that had been the first person to make him come out of his shell, and now Yamamoto; but he was pretty sure that rather than getting him to come out of his shell, Yamamoto had just wormed his way inside of it somehow.

To have someone to confide in about his past, about what it had done to him, was something Gokudera had stopped craving rather quickly, but now that it was being offered up again, he wasn't about to turn it down. And like Yamamoto said, if somehow they didn't manage to change the future - if they couldn't save Tsuna or Yamamoto's father - then someone to mourn with would make things much better. Someone to be there when things got just too damn rough...

Though, he had to wonder just where Yamamoto got the notions that he was funny and sweet and considerate from. He had to be the only person on the face of the planet that thought anything like that about him. They'd had that conversation before though - probably on more than one occasion, though he didn't tend to keep a log of everything the pair of them had discussed.

Despite how Yamamoto's words had made him feel, Gokudera scoffed and frowned at him. “Tch, you're more perceptive than you let on. You're still an idiot though. You and Juudaime are on completely different levels!” And then he let a tiny hint of a smile tug at his lips, because if he didn't, and this kept going on, he was sure he'd end up grinning just like that idiot. “And you're a sap. That was disgustingly romantic.” He hid his growing smile, and Yamamoto's crooked smirk, by leaning up to press his lips to his in a short, soft kiss, pulling back only a little, lips brushing as he spoke. “How long have you been watching me? You're an idiot to fall in love with me of all people.”

He hadn't expected those comments to go over very well at all, least of all how well they went. He'd expected vehement denials, blushing and swearing and much name-calling…Well…the blushing and name calling were there at least, so he'd read the other at least a little accurately. He realized just how sappy his diatribe had been and yes, he sort of wanted to bury his head in the sand or shoot himself in the foot just so he wouldn't have to put up with the aftermath of it, but somehow as he saw Gokudera's reaction to it, most of embarrassment that he felt about having let loose that veritable tide of romanticism evaporated. He could tell by the fairly warm reaction from the other that Gokudera at the very least had been flattered. And that he appreciated having heard it if that smile was any indications…Come to think of it…Yamamoto couldn't remember the other having ever smiled at him like that. In a positive way, and not his 'I'm so happy that I'm going to get chance to kill you.' grin. That one that scared the piss out of Yamamoto and Tsuna both on a regular basis.

As Gokudera finished talking he leaned forward just enough to let their lips meet softly and held them there for a few beats before pulling back again. Not far, their lips hadn't technically separated…but at least enough to talk and be understood.

"I might be an idiot for loving you or for whatever else, but you're an even bigger idiot for saying something like that. It's really annoying sometimes that you don't see in yourself what other people see in you. Why can't you see that there might possibly be something loveable about you? You have a fanclub at school after all! Haha…And…I've pretty much had my eye on you since you walked into school and kicked that desk over…I knew something was going to happen between us, though what exactly that was I wasn't sure. I thought it was just a funny coincidence that I ended up running into you on the team…But…as we went though all those different matches I started paying more and more attention to you…Haha! You know when we fought Mukurou and his team? I think that's about the time when I started paying attention to you as something more than a team mate…Because I was so scared for you then, much more than I was for Tsuna, which was a little confusing then since you annoyed the hell out of me by that point…Haha. There was a period of deep soul searching--like three hours--before I could come to terms with the fact that I'd suddenly developed a crush on another guy and then it grew from there I guess…Those two weeks or something that I was here without you that I missed you more than even my Dad, I realized that it'd gone much farther than just a crush…haha…" There was apparently something about Gokudera that inspired some sort of rambling habit in him. To distract from Sappy Romantic Confession number something, he leaned forward to press his lips more firmly against Gokudera's, deepening the kiss further after a few moments.