So Beautiful // 6
Title : So Beautiful
Pairing : 2MIN
Rating : PG
Chapters : 6 // 8
Author : dribbledrabs
Authors Note : this one is a biiiit longer, i realised we only have 2 chapters left !! :(
Jonghyun is home when we reach back. He was waiting for us outside our room the entire time, sitting beside the door.
His smile break when he realises Min Ho is not with us , but I tell him he went home.
“ Home? Then why didn’t he come back “
Key stops me , “ he went a bit … out of control with Taemin “
“ What did he do ?” Jonghyun’s worried , but I can tell he knows MInho won’t ever do anything intentionally to hurt me .
“ His sister showed me some photos of Minho and Minwoo, and was looking through them and he saw me , he started shouting at me , I ran because I didn’t know what to do , I’ve never seen him like that. Well other then the time you two were fighting the day you moved in “
“ Pictures, Taemin, Its not surprising “
Jinki ushers us back into the house while Jonghyun continues talking.
“ Pictures? But they’re memories, does he really want to put Minwoo behind him , behind a curtain , pretending that he’ll never see his brother ? “
“ Taemin , what would you do , no , let me rephrase that , how would you react to a dead body lying at your feet ? “
“ I …. “
“ what if that body looks exactly like you , the same body in the coffin during the service , the same body that is pushed into the fire to be turned into ashes , It looks exactly like you , your face your eyes. Its all lying in a bloody mess at your feet “
I start to cry cause he image is painful. Key is nudges Jonghyun to stop, he doesn’t listen and continues
“ After Minwoo’s death , Minho destroyed every mirror in his house, did you notice how theres nothing reflective in his room even now. He probably hasn’t really looked at himself in ages. When he does he’s gripping what ever is in his hand trying not to react “
“ I didn’t know “ I muttered.
I’m a mess on the couch crying , sniffling and sobbing. Key leaves the both of us and goes with Jinki to cook dinner. I hear the pots and pans clattering when they hit the stove, cupboards opening and closing.
“ You like him don’t you “ I heard that some where before.
My hands tug at the hem of my jacket, not really keen on replying.
“ He’s a wonderful guy , but you’ve got to let him open up completely to you before you can be with him “
“ He doesn’t want to “ I answer.
“ Time, you both have time “ he smiles and pats my head “ and I think he might like you too “ he whispers in my ear. “
My cheeks go red immediately .
_________________________________________________
Dinner is noisy for once, we’re eating and talking. Jinki is telling us about his day at rehearsals and that he only messed up once, he is very proud. The production is coming on in a month from now , the sets are still in the process of completion and that everything seems to be smooth.
Key is complaining about his day , well before I called him all abandoned. Then he starts nagging and Jinki and I for not separating our clothes into colours and I just sigh. Jonghyun mentions he might be consider relocating to our school, since they’ve got a music programme too. He refuses to leave Minho, and we agree because he’s the only one here who is well aware of everything. But also because we’ve become so close this past month and him leaving was really out of the question.
Still at the back of my head there’s a nagging feeling , because Minho is not here with us.
After dinner everyone has gone to sleep , Jonghyun left to this room. I’m worried that Minho is not back yet and sit quietly by the door . I press my ear against the door and and lean on it trying to listen for those familiar footsteps.
Its 4am in the morning already and I hear nothing.
“ Tae ah !! What you doing out hear ?! Shouldn’t you be sleeping ?!!! “ Key walks over and sits beside me.
“ I’m waiting for Minho Hyung to go home “
“ Taemin , don’t worry , the doctors said it wont be happening again in a long while because of the new medication. “
“ I can’t “
He pulls me into a hug and I’m sitting in between his legs like a little child who needs his mothers comfort.
“ we’ll wait together “
Then I heard footsteps, they’re heavy and slow. It walking towards us and I shake Key , he opens his eye half way . The footsteps stop outside our door and and hurriedly pull it open .
I knew he would be there, my smile almost reaches my ears and I run towards him wrapping my arms around his waist my face pressed into his chest.
Key laughs and walks away from the door leaving us alone.
I’m praying that this is not awkward because I wasn’t thinking, then I feel his hand gently wrap around my back and head. His body is warm and we stay like that for awhile .
His body starts trembling and before I know it , he’s crying on my shoulder , I try to pull away to see his face because I want to share they pain , but holds me tighter.
“ Don’t move “ he mumbles. I think thats what he said so I stay there.
“ I’m sorry , for earlier , I ….. I didn’t know , Jonghyun told me “ can he hear me with my lips press against his chest.
“ Its my fault , entirely my fault , how could I expect you to know “
“ I…. Its both of us , we need to start talking properly “
“ I ran down after you , it was raining right ? But you got into the car with Jinki hyung and Key , I try to call you but the rain is too loud and then you drive off “
He ran after me , he came down that walk in the rain for me . His body drenched and shivering in the cold because I knew he would not have brought his jacket. My heart clenches. I should have waited a little more , bough another drink or just stall time in the toilet. I left him in the rain.
“ I”m sorry , I’m so sorry , I didn’t see you , “ my voice is shaking , I’m crying too it must have been such a sight in the corridor.
“ karrrmm n and talk you two “
Keys tries to speak as he yawns.
I pull away and wipe my eyes. Thankful that my fringe goes just pass it so you can’t see my eyes too clearly. I cried so much today , my eyes were all puffy and ugly. Minho takes my hand in his and pulls we along with him,
“ I’m going back to bed , I’ve still got some briefing tomorrow afternoon, talk well “
He drags his feet back to the room and shuts the door.
I enjoy the warmth as I ease in the couch with Minho beside me. He leans his arm on the couch behind me playing with my hair as he looks at me. Even with him by my side , I feel like something is not right , that this was temporary, something was going to happen but I couldn’t put my finger to it .
“ Talk to me “ I tell him.
“ What do you want to talk about ? “
“ Anything , tell me something I don’t already know “
He keeps quiet and looks away, still very unwilling to let anyone step in.
My palm presses against his face gently and make him look at me.
“ I don’t want to hear it from Jonghyun anymore , I want to hear you tell me yourself “
“ I’ve nothing to tell you Taemin, trust me , just this once, there are a lot of things that are better left forgotten “
“ they’ll always haunt you , because you’re afraid to let go “
“ I’m not afraid “
“ then what is it ? “
I’m not annoyed just frustrated and adjust the way I was sitting. My body is no longer in reachable distance for him to play with my hair. We’re sitting across the couch from each other.
I regret immediately because his face now has this sad look which is absolutely heartbreaking.
He had to open up to me , if he didn’t we’d always be caught in situations like that afternoon.
There is silence and I’m waiting for him to talk , or say something to break this fog. Waiting for him to reach out to me , because he needed me.
I’m scared of the silence , so I reach over and put my hand on his, he doesn’t push my hand off but slowly , painfully and agonisingly pulls his hand away eyes still on the floor.
I regret trying to push him, I should learn to wait, but when would he be ready, when he was ready would he still want me , I wasn’t sure if he was even interested now. My mind is a whirl and my heart is breaking into tiny pieces till our hands loose contact with each other.
Had I done this all wrong?
He looks at me with the an expression I cannot describe, all i know is that I’m almost in tears almost crying , waiting for him to take my hand again but her doesn’t
“I’m sorry “
Then he walks out the door.
________________________________________
I hardly see him the next couple of days , when I do , its an awkward hello , or a smile thats just passing through. His eyes are no longer the chocolate brown ones I remember , the ones that made you feel or tingly and happy inside. These ones made you want to run to him and hold him but at the same time , it was shouting to the world to keep away.
Hyung is worried and keeps asking me , I shrug it off and say its nothing. It really is nothing , I tell myself, wiling my heart to believe its nothing.
There is nothing to occupy myself with now, no school , no extra practices nothing. We’re in full swing holiday mode, at least I am.
The weather gets colder everyday , sitting by the bench just outside our dorm block, I grip onto a cup of hot coffee, occasionally taking sips and allow its warmth to spread through my entire being.
The coldness seems to numb my mind and I’m more focused on how warm I need to be , rather than the nagging pain in the left side of my chest
Its dry , theres hardly any wind, the air is stale and frozen like our sidewalks. I hear laughter from afar , students strolling into warmth of the building. I don’t want to go in , because its uncomfortably warm , not like the warmth of Minho’s embrace.
I see Jinki step in view laughing and I figured Key would be with him .
“ Jinki Hyung ! “ my voice trembles from the coldness even in a shout
The other person behind him comes in view.
Minho.
“ Tae-ah , what you doing out here in the cold “ his concern is no less than Key , both treat me like a little kid, but sometimes I let them , it makes them happy.
His companion is quiet and doesn’t even offer me a smile.
“ The coldness makes you forget about other things don’t you think ? “
He gives me a weird look , I think he knows what I’m talking abou
“ Don’t sit out here , you’re gonna be sick “
I smile and tell him its okay , that I want to be here.
“ I’ve got coffee its warm enough ! “
He laughs and messes my hair up, now I’m looking like a disheveled mushroom.
“ Well I can’t let you stay here alone , your brother would with no doubt kill me if I do “
“ pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee “ I whine
“ at least let Minho stay out here with you , “
It was a conspiracy, I knew it .
“I’m alright alone “
“ No “
“ I’ll stay “ and I look at him incredulously
“ good , got clothes to wash before Key gets back , see you guys for dinner “
The scene looks familiar like the last time we spoke to each other on different ends of the furniture.
“ You don’t have to be out here with me , I’ll go in in a bit “
“ I don’t mind “
“ really “
“ You cold ? “ he finds something else to talk about to insist his stay.
“ No , not really “
“ Your lips they’re purple and your palms are white , still not cold ? “
I pull my hand inwards and grip them together in my lap. Pursing my lips together to add some shades of red to it.
“ Hows training “ I ask to break the silence.
“ Good, I guess , we’re ready for the championships for sure “
“ Sounds great, Key said we’ll be driving up for your match “
‘ You don’t have to go though “
“ I want too, plus it’ll be a short holiday for us , we’re heading up to the mountains to ski after your match “
“ Jinki told me “
He lets out a deep breath as he leans his head back, a puff of white escapes his lips when he does that, its like smoke from his lips.
I toss my empty takeaway cup into the bin and rub my hands together before blowing a few breaths into them to warm them.
“ Your so stubborn sometimes “ he mutters and takes my hands and puts them under his shirt at his stomach , its warm like a freaking heater. I try to pull my hands away cause this is not right , you don’t pull any friends hand and put them under your shirt.
“ Stop struggling Taemin “
“ Please Minho, just let go , I’m going in already “
He releases his grip on me and I stand up. Its not that I don’t want to sit here with him nice and warm, but I think about how I have absolutely no clue with what he’s going through and feel like a complete failure.
“ Can’t you just let it be , let everything be “
“ Lets go Minho “ I’m not in the condition to talk , my teeth are chattering cause I really am cold. I don’t want to know anymore.
“ Talk to me “
“ I’ve nothing to say “
“ Taemin “ He grabs my hand and and holds onto me.
“ Please “
“ I haven't seen you at all , Key said you’ve been running out.“
“ I’m cold Minho, lets go in. “
“ Lets go get a drink or something “ he’s trying to come up with things to say, and I feel like crying because he’s trying so hard and thats not what I want from him.
“MinHo stop, “ I tell him “I’m learning and trying to accept the fact that you don’t feel comfortable or trust me enough to tell me things. I don’t want to do things that might hurt you , like that day at your house.”
“ It won’t happen again “ he tries to convince me.
“ It hurts you know that , its cutting me up inside. But I tell myself that its okay , that I don’t need to know these things cause I think I’m in love with you, and when you love a person , you just want to be with them even if it hurts in some way or another. I’m trying , I really am“
I couldn’t stop myself.
His silent , I become silent too. He was never good with words neither have I but I seem to have found the right words today.
“ I’m going up first, come by with Jonghyun for dinner alright “ and I take my leave. I walk up the steps to the door and brush of the cold snow , waiting for the warmth of the heaters, though I knew there were warmer places.
Pairing : 2MIN
Rating : PG
Chapters : 6 // 8
Author : dribbledrabs
Authors Note : this one is a biiiit longer, i realised we only have 2 chapters left !! :(
Jonghyun is home when we reach back. He was waiting for us outside our room the entire time, sitting beside the door.
His smile break when he realises Min Ho is not with us , but I tell him he went home.
“ Home? Then why didn’t he come back “
Key stops me , “ he went a bit … out of control with Taemin “
“ What did he do ?” Jonghyun’s worried , but I can tell he knows MInho won’t ever do anything intentionally to hurt me .
“ His sister showed me some photos of Minho and Minwoo, and was looking through them and he saw me , he started shouting at me , I ran because I didn’t know what to do , I’ve never seen him like that. Well other then the time you two were fighting the day you moved in “
“ Pictures, Taemin, Its not surprising “
Jinki ushers us back into the house while Jonghyun continues talking.
“ Pictures? But they’re memories, does he really want to put Minwoo behind him , behind a curtain , pretending that he’ll never see his brother ? “
“ Taemin , what would you do , no , let me rephrase that , how would you react to a dead body lying at your feet ? “
“ I …. “
“ what if that body looks exactly like you , the same body in the coffin during the service , the same body that is pushed into the fire to be turned into ashes , It looks exactly like you , your face your eyes. Its all lying in a bloody mess at your feet “
I start to cry cause he image is painful. Key is nudges Jonghyun to stop, he doesn’t listen and continues
“ After Minwoo’s death , Minho destroyed every mirror in his house, did you notice how theres nothing reflective in his room even now. He probably hasn’t really looked at himself in ages. When he does he’s gripping what ever is in his hand trying not to react “
“ I didn’t know “ I muttered.
I’m a mess on the couch crying , sniffling and sobbing. Key leaves the both of us and goes with Jinki to cook dinner. I hear the pots and pans clattering when they hit the stove, cupboards opening and closing.
“ You like him don’t you “ I heard that some where before.
My hands tug at the hem of my jacket, not really keen on replying.
“ He’s a wonderful guy , but you’ve got to let him open up completely to you before you can be with him “
“ He doesn’t want to “ I answer.
“ Time, you both have time “ he smiles and pats my head “ and I think he might like you too “ he whispers in my ear. “
My cheeks go red immediately .
_________________________________________________
Dinner is noisy for once, we’re eating and talking. Jinki is telling us about his day at rehearsals and that he only messed up once, he is very proud. The production is coming on in a month from now , the sets are still in the process of completion and that everything seems to be smooth.
Key is complaining about his day , well before I called him all abandoned. Then he starts nagging and Jinki and I for not separating our clothes into colours and I just sigh. Jonghyun mentions he might be consider relocating to our school, since they’ve got a music programme too. He refuses to leave Minho, and we agree because he’s the only one here who is well aware of everything. But also because we’ve become so close this past month and him leaving was really out of the question.
Still at the back of my head there’s a nagging feeling , because Minho is not here with us.
After dinner everyone has gone to sleep , Jonghyun left to this room. I’m worried that Minho is not back yet and sit quietly by the door . I press my ear against the door and and lean on it trying to listen for those familiar footsteps.
Its 4am in the morning already and I hear nothing.
“ Tae ah !! What you doing out hear ?! Shouldn’t you be sleeping ?!!! “ Key walks over and sits beside me.
“ I’m waiting for Minho Hyung to go home “
“ Taemin , don’t worry , the doctors said it wont be happening again in a long while because of the new medication. “
“ I can’t “
He pulls me into a hug and I’m sitting in between his legs like a little child who needs his mothers comfort.
“ we’ll wait together “
Then I heard footsteps, they’re heavy and slow. It walking towards us and I shake Key , he opens his eye half way . The footsteps stop outside our door and and hurriedly pull it open .
I knew he would be there, my smile almost reaches my ears and I run towards him wrapping my arms around his waist my face pressed into his chest.
Key laughs and walks away from the door leaving us alone.
I’m praying that this is not awkward because I wasn’t thinking, then I feel his hand gently wrap around my back and head. His body is warm and we stay like that for awhile .
His body starts trembling and before I know it , he’s crying on my shoulder , I try to pull away to see his face because I want to share they pain , but holds me tighter.
“ Don’t move “ he mumbles. I think thats what he said so I stay there.
“ I’m sorry , for earlier , I ….. I didn’t know , Jonghyun told me “ can he hear me with my lips press against his chest.
“ Its my fault , entirely my fault , how could I expect you to know “
“ I…. Its both of us , we need to start talking properly “
“ I ran down after you , it was raining right ? But you got into the car with Jinki hyung and Key , I try to call you but the rain is too loud and then you drive off “
He ran after me , he came down that walk in the rain for me . His body drenched and shivering in the cold because I knew he would not have brought his jacket. My heart clenches. I should have waited a little more , bough another drink or just stall time in the toilet. I left him in the rain.
“ I”m sorry , I’m so sorry , I didn’t see you , “ my voice is shaking , I’m crying too it must have been such a sight in the corridor.
“ karrrmm n and talk you two “
Keys tries to speak as he yawns.
I pull away and wipe my eyes. Thankful that my fringe goes just pass it so you can’t see my eyes too clearly. I cried so much today , my eyes were all puffy and ugly. Minho takes my hand in his and pulls we along with him,
“ I’m going back to bed , I’ve still got some briefing tomorrow afternoon, talk well “
He drags his feet back to the room and shuts the door.
I enjoy the warmth as I ease in the couch with Minho beside me. He leans his arm on the couch behind me playing with my hair as he looks at me. Even with him by my side , I feel like something is not right , that this was temporary, something was going to happen but I couldn’t put my finger to it .
“ Talk to me “ I tell him.
“ What do you want to talk about ? “
“ Anything , tell me something I don’t already know “
He keeps quiet and looks away, still very unwilling to let anyone step in.
My palm presses against his face gently and make him look at me.
“ I don’t want to hear it from Jonghyun anymore , I want to hear you tell me yourself “
“ I’ve nothing to tell you Taemin, trust me , just this once, there are a lot of things that are better left forgotten “
“ they’ll always haunt you , because you’re afraid to let go “
“ I’m not afraid “
“ then what is it ? “
I’m not annoyed just frustrated and adjust the way I was sitting. My body is no longer in reachable distance for him to play with my hair. We’re sitting across the couch from each other.
I regret immediately because his face now has this sad look which is absolutely heartbreaking.
He had to open up to me , if he didn’t we’d always be caught in situations like that afternoon.
There is silence and I’m waiting for him to talk , or say something to break this fog. Waiting for him to reach out to me , because he needed me.
I’m scared of the silence , so I reach over and put my hand on his, he doesn’t push my hand off but slowly , painfully and agonisingly pulls his hand away eyes still on the floor.
I regret trying to push him, I should learn to wait, but when would he be ready, when he was ready would he still want me , I wasn’t sure if he was even interested now. My mind is a whirl and my heart is breaking into tiny pieces till our hands loose contact with each other.
Had I done this all wrong?
He looks at me with the an expression I cannot describe, all i know is that I’m almost in tears almost crying , waiting for him to take my hand again but her doesn’t
“I’m sorry “
Then he walks out the door.
________________________________________
I hardly see him the next couple of days , when I do , its an awkward hello , or a smile thats just passing through. His eyes are no longer the chocolate brown ones I remember , the ones that made you feel or tingly and happy inside. These ones made you want to run to him and hold him but at the same time , it was shouting to the world to keep away.
Hyung is worried and keeps asking me , I shrug it off and say its nothing. It really is nothing , I tell myself, wiling my heart to believe its nothing.
There is nothing to occupy myself with now, no school , no extra practices nothing. We’re in full swing holiday mode, at least I am.
The weather gets colder everyday , sitting by the bench just outside our dorm block, I grip onto a cup of hot coffee, occasionally taking sips and allow its warmth to spread through my entire being.
The coldness seems to numb my mind and I’m more focused on how warm I need to be , rather than the nagging pain in the left side of my chest
Its dry , theres hardly any wind, the air is stale and frozen like our sidewalks. I hear laughter from afar , students strolling into warmth of the building. I don’t want to go in , because its uncomfortably warm , not like the warmth of Minho’s embrace.
I see Jinki step in view laughing and I figured Key would be with him .
“ Jinki Hyung ! “ my voice trembles from the coldness even in a shout
The other person behind him comes in view.
Minho.
“ Tae-ah , what you doing out here in the cold “ his concern is no less than Key , both treat me like a little kid, but sometimes I let them , it makes them happy.
His companion is quiet and doesn’t even offer me a smile.
“ The coldness makes you forget about other things don’t you think ? “
He gives me a weird look , I think he knows what I’m talking abou
“ Don’t sit out here , you’re gonna be sick “
I smile and tell him its okay , that I want to be here.
“ I’ve got coffee its warm enough ! “
He laughs and messes my hair up, now I’m looking like a disheveled mushroom.
“ Well I can’t let you stay here alone , your brother would with no doubt kill me if I do “
“ pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee “ I whine
“ at least let Minho stay out here with you , “
It was a conspiracy, I knew it .
“I’m alright alone “
“ No “
“ I’ll stay “ and I look at him incredulously
“ good , got clothes to wash before Key gets back , see you guys for dinner “
The scene looks familiar like the last time we spoke to each other on different ends of the furniture.
“ You don’t have to be out here with me , I’ll go in in a bit “
“ I don’t mind “
“ really “
“ You cold ? “ he finds something else to talk about to insist his stay.
“ No , not really “
“ Your lips they’re purple and your palms are white , still not cold ? “
I pull my hand inwards and grip them together in my lap. Pursing my lips together to add some shades of red to it.
“ Hows training “ I ask to break the silence.
“ Good, I guess , we’re ready for the championships for sure “
“ Sounds great, Key said we’ll be driving up for your match “
‘ You don’t have to go though “
“ I want too, plus it’ll be a short holiday for us , we’re heading up to the mountains to ski after your match “
“ Jinki told me “
He lets out a deep breath as he leans his head back, a puff of white escapes his lips when he does that, its like smoke from his lips.
I toss my empty takeaway cup into the bin and rub my hands together before blowing a few breaths into them to warm them.
“ Your so stubborn sometimes “ he mutters and takes my hands and puts them under his shirt at his stomach , its warm like a freaking heater. I try to pull my hands away cause this is not right , you don’t pull any friends hand and put them under your shirt.
“ Stop struggling Taemin “
“ Please Minho, just let go , I’m going in already “
He releases his grip on me and I stand up. Its not that I don’t want to sit here with him nice and warm, but I think about how I have absolutely no clue with what he’s going through and feel like a complete failure.
“ Can’t you just let it be , let everything be “
“ Lets go Minho “ I’m not in the condition to talk , my teeth are chattering cause I really am cold. I don’t want to know anymore.
“ Talk to me “
“ I’ve nothing to say “
“ Taemin “ He grabs my hand and and holds onto me.
“ Please “
“ I haven't seen you at all , Key said you’ve been running out.“
“ I’m cold Minho, lets go in. “
“ Lets go get a drink or something “ he’s trying to come up with things to say, and I feel like crying because he’s trying so hard and thats not what I want from him.
“MinHo stop, “ I tell him “I’m learning and trying to accept the fact that you don’t feel comfortable or trust me enough to tell me things. I don’t want to do things that might hurt you , like that day at your house.”
“ It won’t happen again “ he tries to convince me.
“ It hurts you know that , its cutting me up inside. But I tell myself that its okay , that I don’t need to know these things cause I think I’m in love with you, and when you love a person , you just want to be with them even if it hurts in some way or another. I’m trying , I really am“
I couldn’t stop myself.
His silent , I become silent too. He was never good with words neither have I but I seem to have found the right words today.
“ I’m going up first, come by with Jonghyun for dinner alright “ and I take my leave. I walk up the steps to the door and brush of the cold snow , waiting for the warmth of the heaters, though I knew there were warmer places.