Graze
Title : Graze
Pairing : 2MIN
Author dribbledrabs
Rating : PG
AN : Its a one shot , I felt the need to write something like this I don’t know why. Enjoy.
He gripped on like his life depended on it.
“ Let go of me Taemin. “ the words escaping through my gritted teeth.
“ I’ll just pretend I didn’t see him , I don’t care that you went out with him “
“ You don’t need to do this to yourself “ , how could he push away the fact that I “cheated” on him though it was all just an act, not that he knew.
“ Minho.. Please “
I’m halfway out the door , his face is filled with tears and I’m breaking both our hearts into tiny little pieces.
I gripped his hand that held on to me and ripped it away my heart closely behind. Being so much stronger than him, he stumbled a little and fell to the floor in a heap of tears and sorrow. This is wrong , this was so wrong. How could I be the one to break his heart, how did everything become like this.
“ I love you “ he mutters and I run before my mind has time to digest the three words. I know when they do, this would all have gone to waste and we would both have to suffer a separation many time worse.
__________________________________________
There s a knock on my door before the door bell rings. I groan as my body rolls over in the bed to grab the clock.
Its 4 in the morning.
Its raining , you could see nothing outside as the rain was thick and heavy. It poured like a never ending bucket of waters, just flushing out the entire city.
I stumble a little and get to the door eventually and look through the peek hole.
I can’t see the face but I know its Key , cause I’d recognise the jacket anywhere flashy just like himself. He probably drove his car , it was such a mind blowing gift for his 20th birthday.
“ Hold on “ I reply , and I remove the chain.
I pull open the door roughly too sleepy to gauge the right amount of strength.
“ Key , its 4 in the morning you…..”
“ Hyung “ the voice is familiar and it matched the face that I finally have a better view off.
“ Taemin ? “
_____________________________________________
Besides the two of us the corridor is empty.
The only thing between us is a door frame.
His hair is soaked and water is dripping from the tips. His clothes mimic a leaking tap with water relentlessly trickling down from all sides.
“ Are you alone ? “ is the first thing I ask, I pray that Key is around the corner. If he wasn’t it would mean that Taemin had travelled across the city to my house alone, without any transport other than his two legs.
“ He doesn’t know I’m here “
“ Its raining Taemin, I’m going to call Key so he can come and get you “ I step back into the house and head towards the phone but a pair of hands find their way around me , holding on to me. The water soaks through my shirt and its terribly cold on my skin , it biting at my heart.
My hands grip around his and I try to pull him away but his holding on so tightly, not just physically because he’s holding onto my soul at the same time.
“ I can share you “ He says and I want to throw myself off the cliff and into a sea of sharks so that they can slowly tear me apart. How could you every allow yourself to share someone you love.
“ Taemin don’t be stupid “ I shout and him before I pull him away.
“ I’m not , I just … “
“ When you’re eighteen relationships are suppose to end, they’re not suppose to last forever, we both know that. “
“ Why can’t we be special and last forever “
Because I don’t know if I’m going to be around any longer let alone talk about forever.
“ Taemin look at me “
His eyes are red, I think he hasn’t stopped crying since I left his flat.
“ Its a matter of time, now isn’t going to be any different from later. Things are complicated “
He’s silent , I think he’s thinking , maybe he’ll walk away now and leave me so that I’ll leave in peace knowing he’s okay. His hands are lifelessly by his side.
“ I’ll go , now , right now , but I just want to hear something from you “
I feel his hands find their way around my wrist and into my palms.
“ Tell me …… ….. “ he stops , I think he’s trying to gather his words.
“ Tell me you don’t love me anymore and I’ll go , I’ll call Key hyung and get him to pick me up or walk home if I have too “
“ Just that ? “ I ask.
“ Tell me you don’t love me Minho “
My head is spinning , the migraines are killing me yet again. If I don’t do this now , he was going to find out. I feel my stomach churning, I think I’m going to throw up.
He Is holding on to me , like theres hope left. I would give anything in the world to keep that look on his face but I know I can’t.
The words are playing itself in my head like a broken recorder. Convincing myself to convince him.
I held him by the shoulders. The face , the one face that made every fucked up thing in the world okay. The eyes I looked into countless times drowning in them over and over again. Lips that I kissed so fervently every time.
Those lips, a kiss. This would be my last.
I leaned towards him the space between us disappearing in the mili second. With one last silent breath I closed the distance and my lips moulded with his. It was just a small kiss, but it would mean the world to me , because it would be my last. He tried to lean towards me when I pulled away to kiss me some more but I stopped him.
“ I don’t love you anymore Taemin “
I pushed him out the door and slammed it shut.
This was the end it was over.
I hear him breakdown and cry behind the door, his sobs running pass the cracks into the wall and engulfing me.
I was going to leave , I couldn’t hold on to him.
Not when I was dying.
__________________________________
I’m clutching the toilet bowl hurling everything out.
Chemotherapy always had these effects, people assumed it was the cancer that made you drop your hair and throw up , but it was the treatment that often seemed worst than the illness itself.
“ Minho , please just go to the hospital , you already have a room there , and the doctor said the sooner you go in, the earlier the full treatment can start “ Key begged as his hand rubbed my back to help ease the nausea .
“ Its too early, I want to do things “
“ Like watch over Taemin every fucking day in stealth ? “
“ Key , you know how he is , I’m just worried “
“ What if he sees you ? “
“ I’ll think of something , I told him I didn’t love him anymore ,what could be worse? “
Key helps me up and we walk to the bed.
“ You won’t tell him …. Right ? “
He nodded reluctantly.
“ But if he finds out I’m not coming up with stupid excuses , neither am I denying it “
“ Don’t worry he won’t “
I lean my head back onto the pillow and looked up to
-----------------------------------------------------------------
My body slumps itself into the wheelchair as the nurse wheels me back to my room.
It was a month since I came in and I hated it . The room was cold and sickly , it made me feel even sicker.
My parents and Key visited me often and kept me company. But when the night came and I was alone staring at the door , I could only imagine the person I wanted so badly to walk through it and hold me.
Tonight my eyes are heavier than usual. I don’t know if the medicine had a stronger effect or I was just too tired from everything.
Recently , the fear in me has started to grow. I’m afraid to close my eyes at night to sleep , too scared that I won’t see open my eyes again the next day.
Everything is quiet outside , the nurses had already finished their rounds. I lift the covers off my bed and carefully land my feet on the cold floor.
I wanted to see him for the last time, just incase.
Rummaging through my suit case , I managed to pull out a jacket to keep me warm. I look around the corridor and listen out for any sounds of footsteps, when its silent my legs make a dash for the lift and it shuts just in time before anyone can see me.
The roads outside look unfamiliar due to the fact that I’ve been cooped up all day.
I look in my pocket to see if I’ve any money , how was I going to walk there.
There were some coins and a few notes. But it wasn’t enough to take a cab. I walked slowly to the nearest bus stop thank god it was spring and the nights weren’t so cold.
It had a bus to Taemin’s house so I waited. It was the last bus , so I prayed I hadn’t missed it yet. I got on after 15 minutes , the driver staring at me weirdly , probably wondering whether to stop me or not but I just smiled and threw my money in before taking a seat.
An hour , it would take an hour before I reached his house. Even though my body was aching for a rest I forced my eyes open so I wouldn’t miss his stop.
The last time I saw this route was really a while back. I had promised Key I’d go to the hospital for treatment , finally. Onew and him picked me up at my house that morning and we took an hour drive to this particular hospital that specialised in cancer. The feeling was totally different, today it felt lighter happier , I couldn’t wait to see him but I had to make sure he would not be there to see me.
I arrived , the weather here was warmer even in the night . It was still gonna be a short walk to Taemin’s flat just up of the hill.
Memories flooded through my head as I made my way up , the days when I’d pick Taemin for school, that small alley where we had our first fight. So many things. Was this what it meant when you life would flash past your eyes before you die, cause it certainly felt like it. Taemin was my life.
The roads are dark but I know my way around here like the back of my hands. My feet automatically stop outside these gates. The guard sees me and opens them, no need to ask who I was. He smiles and asks me why I haven’t been here in so long. I tell him I’ve been busy.
“ Is Taemin home? “ I ask
“ Not too sure , I just started my shift 10 minutess before you got here”
I thank him and walk through. Theres a small park just below the block and it had a few benches on of them facing Taemin’s window. Taking a seat I looked up. The lights were on , it meant that he was home. He wouldn’t realise I was here then. My mind imagines him taking a nice hot shower to ease his body from training. When he’s done , he’d pull out a pot and boil some water before cooking a bowl of his favourite ramen. Cheese , he definitely would put a slice of cheese on top on the noodles to give it that extra flavour which he loved so much.
Tomorrow I would be back in the hospital, waiting to recover or die. It worked either way, but at least my boy wouldn’t have to suffer with me. He’d just think that I was some bad company he had chanced upon and broke his heart.
“ Minho “
I smile to myself imagining him call my name, its still ringing in my ears and I think I’d never forget it .
“ Minho “
I hear it again. Maybe God was calling me to him, I close my eyes and enjoy the sound of it.
Its warm , theres warmth beside me . Fear suddenly overcomes me when I realise there are arms around my shoulders, theres a muffled crying in the crook on my neck accompanied by deep breaths.
“ Minho “
This time its so clear , its right by my ear. His voice like the sweetest addiction I have ever known.
I push up from the seat and pull myself away.
Taemin was standing behind the bench , his tears falling from his face, crying yet again.
“ I…. I thought …..home “
“ I went out to get something “
My heart is beating too fast , I think I might die right there. He walks over to me careful , I think he’s afraid I might run again.
“ Minho “ its perfect .
“ Minho , what are you wearing “
I look down at my clothes and curse inwardly, I had forgotten in the few moments that I was still adorned in my patient robes. I don’t know how to answer him , Key was right I was not prepared if he caught me. I pull my jacket tighter around me in attempt to hide them.
“ Aren’t those hospital robes ? “
Then it hits him , I see it in his eyes and his lips they’re trembling. He’s crying even more this time as he grips on to me. His hands are pounding my chest telling me that hates me for lying to him , for putting him through this. For thinking that it was him , that he wasn’t good enough, he asks me why I didn’t trust him enough to tell him.
I stand there still like a statue unsure of what I’m really suppose to do.
“ Taemin , you have to let me go this time , I won’t see you anymore “ I’m calmer than I thought I could be.
“ No , I want to be with you , no matter what happens “
“ Taemin , let go of me “
“ I can’t Minho , Not when the person I love so fucking much is sick and he won’t let me be there “
“ Taemin ! “ I’m shouting at him already .
“ Taemin , I don’t need a reason to hate God for doing this to me “
“ He can’t take you “ He mutters into my chest.
“ He already is “
“ Then I’ll go with you “
I pull him away and shake him violently.
“ Don’t you ever fucking say that Lee Taemin , thats exactly why I never wanted to tell you “
I push him away and walk, he wanted to die with me. Why was I so surprised, it was the reason why I didn’t want to tell him. We lived in a real world , not some romeo and juliet romance.
He runs after me and holds me back.
“ Together “ he mutters “ We’ll help you get better together, what ever it is , I’ll make sure we both live “
I’ve never seen so much determination in him ever, it was more than I’d seen when he wanted to win those numerous dance competitions.
We’re both a crying mess in each others arms.
______________________________________________________
AN : I’m pulling out from Minho’s POV , I think you can figure out why.
The sun is bright and I step out of his flat making his way down the staircase.
Key and Onew are waiting downstairs their car parked just outside the lobby.
“ Hey you , “ Key pulls me into a tight hug and lets me into the car while Onew puts my things into the trunk
The engine rumbles and they’re off.
“ How you holding up ? “ Key asks.
“ Alright I guess, could be better “
“ Onew and I are gonna stay for the night , that should give us all more time. “
“ Thanks so much for doing this , I’m sure Minho really appreciates it “
“ No need to thank, its the least we could do “
I smiles and pat Key on the shoulder before leaning back into the seat.
We reach after an hour or so. The sun is warm and the wind is breezy. I look across the grass and I see him.
I grab my things and walk over , he’s smiling so perfectly, so picture perfect. I know its never going to fade even with time.
“ Hey baby “ whisper after I put the things down on the grass patch in front of him I reach out to him as my fingers run across his face. I lean towards and place a small kiss on the side of his cheek.
Key is smiling from across the field his hand tightly in Onew’s. His face is buried in Onew’s shoulder too I think he might be crying. I smile and look back at Minho.
“ Hey Taemin “ He whispers back as I lean into his chest.
_________________________________ END ______________________________
Pairing : 2MIN
Author dribbledrabs
Rating : PG
AN : Its a one shot , I felt the need to write something like this I don’t know why. Enjoy.
He gripped on like his life depended on it.
“ Let go of me Taemin. “ the words escaping through my gritted teeth.
“ I’ll just pretend I didn’t see him , I don’t care that you went out with him “
“ You don’t need to do this to yourself “ , how could he push away the fact that I “cheated” on him though it was all just an act, not that he knew.
“ Minho.. Please “
I’m halfway out the door , his face is filled with tears and I’m breaking both our hearts into tiny little pieces.
I gripped his hand that held on to me and ripped it away my heart closely behind. Being so much stronger than him, he stumbled a little and fell to the floor in a heap of tears and sorrow. This is wrong , this was so wrong. How could I be the one to break his heart, how did everything become like this.
“ I love you “ he mutters and I run before my mind has time to digest the three words. I know when they do, this would all have gone to waste and we would both have to suffer a separation many time worse.
__________________________________________
There s a knock on my door before the door bell rings. I groan as my body rolls over in the bed to grab the clock.
Its 4 in the morning.
Its raining , you could see nothing outside as the rain was thick and heavy. It poured like a never ending bucket of waters, just flushing out the entire city.
I stumble a little and get to the door eventually and look through the peek hole.
I can’t see the face but I know its Key , cause I’d recognise the jacket anywhere flashy just like himself. He probably drove his car , it was such a mind blowing gift for his 20th birthday.
“ Hold on “ I reply , and I remove the chain.
I pull open the door roughly too sleepy to gauge the right amount of strength.
“ Key , its 4 in the morning you…..”
“ Hyung “ the voice is familiar and it matched the face that I finally have a better view off.
“ Taemin ? “
_____________________________________________
Besides the two of us the corridor is empty.
The only thing between us is a door frame.
His hair is soaked and water is dripping from the tips. His clothes mimic a leaking tap with water relentlessly trickling down from all sides.
“ Are you alone ? “ is the first thing I ask, I pray that Key is around the corner. If he wasn’t it would mean that Taemin had travelled across the city to my house alone, without any transport other than his two legs.
“ He doesn’t know I’m here “
“ Its raining Taemin, I’m going to call Key so he can come and get you “ I step back into the house and head towards the phone but a pair of hands find their way around me , holding on to me. The water soaks through my shirt and its terribly cold on my skin , it biting at my heart.
My hands grip around his and I try to pull him away but his holding on so tightly, not just physically because he’s holding onto my soul at the same time.
“ I can share you “ He says and I want to throw myself off the cliff and into a sea of sharks so that they can slowly tear me apart. How could you every allow yourself to share someone you love.
“ Taemin don’t be stupid “ I shout and him before I pull him away.
“ I’m not , I just … “
“ When you’re eighteen relationships are suppose to end, they’re not suppose to last forever, we both know that. “
“ Why can’t we be special and last forever “
Because I don’t know if I’m going to be around any longer let alone talk about forever.
“ Taemin look at me “
His eyes are red, I think he hasn’t stopped crying since I left his flat.
“ Its a matter of time, now isn’t going to be any different from later. Things are complicated “
He’s silent , I think he’s thinking , maybe he’ll walk away now and leave me so that I’ll leave in peace knowing he’s okay. His hands are lifelessly by his side.
“ I’ll go , now , right now , but I just want to hear something from you “
I feel his hands find their way around my wrist and into my palms.
“ Tell me …… ….. “ he stops , I think he’s trying to gather his words.
“ Tell me you don’t love me anymore and I’ll go , I’ll call Key hyung and get him to pick me up or walk home if I have too “
“ Just that ? “ I ask.
“ Tell me you don’t love me Minho “
My head is spinning , the migraines are killing me yet again. If I don’t do this now , he was going to find out. I feel my stomach churning, I think I’m going to throw up.
He Is holding on to me , like theres hope left. I would give anything in the world to keep that look on his face but I know I can’t.
The words are playing itself in my head like a broken recorder. Convincing myself to convince him.
I held him by the shoulders. The face , the one face that made every fucked up thing in the world okay. The eyes I looked into countless times drowning in them over and over again. Lips that I kissed so fervently every time.
Those lips, a kiss. This would be my last.
I leaned towards him the space between us disappearing in the mili second. With one last silent breath I closed the distance and my lips moulded with his. It was just a small kiss, but it would mean the world to me , because it would be my last. He tried to lean towards me when I pulled away to kiss me some more but I stopped him.
“ I don’t love you anymore Taemin “
I pushed him out the door and slammed it shut.
This was the end it was over.
I hear him breakdown and cry behind the door, his sobs running pass the cracks into the wall and engulfing me.
I was going to leave , I couldn’t hold on to him.
Not when I was dying.
__________________________________
I’m clutching the toilet bowl hurling everything out.
Chemotherapy always had these effects, people assumed it was the cancer that made you drop your hair and throw up , but it was the treatment that often seemed worst than the illness itself.
“ Minho , please just go to the hospital , you already have a room there , and the doctor said the sooner you go in, the earlier the full treatment can start “ Key begged as his hand rubbed my back to help ease the nausea .
“ Its too early, I want to do things “
“ Like watch over Taemin every fucking day in stealth ? “
“ Key , you know how he is , I’m just worried “
“ What if he sees you ? “
“ I’ll think of something , I told him I didn’t love him anymore ,what could be worse? “
Key helps me up and we walk to the bed.
“ You won’t tell him …. Right ? “
He nodded reluctantly.
“ But if he finds out I’m not coming up with stupid excuses , neither am I denying it “
“ Don’t worry he won’t “
I lean my head back onto the pillow and looked up to
-----------------------------------------------------------------
My body slumps itself into the wheelchair as the nurse wheels me back to my room.
It was a month since I came in and I hated it . The room was cold and sickly , it made me feel even sicker.
My parents and Key visited me often and kept me company. But when the night came and I was alone staring at the door , I could only imagine the person I wanted so badly to walk through it and hold me.
Tonight my eyes are heavier than usual. I don’t know if the medicine had a stronger effect or I was just too tired from everything.
Recently , the fear in me has started to grow. I’m afraid to close my eyes at night to sleep , too scared that I won’t see open my eyes again the next day.
Everything is quiet outside , the nurses had already finished their rounds. I lift the covers off my bed and carefully land my feet on the cold floor.
I wanted to see him for the last time, just incase.
Rummaging through my suit case , I managed to pull out a jacket to keep me warm. I look around the corridor and listen out for any sounds of footsteps, when its silent my legs make a dash for the lift and it shuts just in time before anyone can see me.
The roads outside look unfamiliar due to the fact that I’ve been cooped up all day.
I look in my pocket to see if I’ve any money , how was I going to walk there.
There were some coins and a few notes. But it wasn’t enough to take a cab. I walked slowly to the nearest bus stop thank god it was spring and the nights weren’t so cold.
It had a bus to Taemin’s house so I waited. It was the last bus , so I prayed I hadn’t missed it yet. I got on after 15 minutes , the driver staring at me weirdly , probably wondering whether to stop me or not but I just smiled and threw my money in before taking a seat.
An hour , it would take an hour before I reached his house. Even though my body was aching for a rest I forced my eyes open so I wouldn’t miss his stop.
The last time I saw this route was really a while back. I had promised Key I’d go to the hospital for treatment , finally. Onew and him picked me up at my house that morning and we took an hour drive to this particular hospital that specialised in cancer. The feeling was totally different, today it felt lighter happier , I couldn’t wait to see him but I had to make sure he would not be there to see me.
I arrived , the weather here was warmer even in the night . It was still gonna be a short walk to Taemin’s flat just up of the hill.
Memories flooded through my head as I made my way up , the days when I’d pick Taemin for school, that small alley where we had our first fight. So many things. Was this what it meant when you life would flash past your eyes before you die, cause it certainly felt like it. Taemin was my life.
The roads are dark but I know my way around here like the back of my hands. My feet automatically stop outside these gates. The guard sees me and opens them, no need to ask who I was. He smiles and asks me why I haven’t been here in so long. I tell him I’ve been busy.
“ Is Taemin home? “ I ask
“ Not too sure , I just started my shift 10 minutess before you got here”
I thank him and walk through. Theres a small park just below the block and it had a few benches on of them facing Taemin’s window. Taking a seat I looked up. The lights were on , it meant that he was home. He wouldn’t realise I was here then. My mind imagines him taking a nice hot shower to ease his body from training. When he’s done , he’d pull out a pot and boil some water before cooking a bowl of his favourite ramen. Cheese , he definitely would put a slice of cheese on top on the noodles to give it that extra flavour which he loved so much.
Tomorrow I would be back in the hospital, waiting to recover or die. It worked either way, but at least my boy wouldn’t have to suffer with me. He’d just think that I was some bad company he had chanced upon and broke his heart.
“ Minho “
I smile to myself imagining him call my name, its still ringing in my ears and I think I’d never forget it .
“ Minho “
I hear it again. Maybe God was calling me to him, I close my eyes and enjoy the sound of it.
Its warm , theres warmth beside me . Fear suddenly overcomes me when I realise there are arms around my shoulders, theres a muffled crying in the crook on my neck accompanied by deep breaths.
“ Minho “
This time its so clear , its right by my ear. His voice like the sweetest addiction I have ever known.
I push up from the seat and pull myself away.
Taemin was standing behind the bench , his tears falling from his face, crying yet again.
“ I…. I thought …..home “
“ I went out to get something “
My heart is beating too fast , I think I might die right there. He walks over to me careful , I think he’s afraid I might run again.
“ Minho “ its perfect .
“ Minho , what are you wearing “
I look down at my clothes and curse inwardly, I had forgotten in the few moments that I was still adorned in my patient robes. I don’t know how to answer him , Key was right I was not prepared if he caught me. I pull my jacket tighter around me in attempt to hide them.
“ Aren’t those hospital robes ? “
Then it hits him , I see it in his eyes and his lips they’re trembling. He’s crying even more this time as he grips on to me. His hands are pounding my chest telling me that hates me for lying to him , for putting him through this. For thinking that it was him , that he wasn’t good enough, he asks me why I didn’t trust him enough to tell him.
I stand there still like a statue unsure of what I’m really suppose to do.
“ Taemin , you have to let me go this time , I won’t see you anymore “ I’m calmer than I thought I could be.
“ No , I want to be with you , no matter what happens “
“ Taemin , let go of me “
“ I can’t Minho , Not when the person I love so fucking much is sick and he won’t let me be there “
“ Taemin ! “ I’m shouting at him already .
“ Taemin , I don’t need a reason to hate God for doing this to me “
“ He can’t take you “ He mutters into my chest.
“ He already is “
“ Then I’ll go with you “
I pull him away and shake him violently.
“ Don’t you ever fucking say that Lee Taemin , thats exactly why I never wanted to tell you “
I push him away and walk, he wanted to die with me. Why was I so surprised, it was the reason why I didn’t want to tell him. We lived in a real world , not some romeo and juliet romance.
He runs after me and holds me back.
“ Together “ he mutters “ We’ll help you get better together, what ever it is , I’ll make sure we both live “
I’ve never seen so much determination in him ever, it was more than I’d seen when he wanted to win those numerous dance competitions.
We’re both a crying mess in each others arms.
______________________________________________________
AN : I’m pulling out from Minho’s POV , I think you can figure out why.
The sun is bright and I step out of his flat making his way down the staircase.
Key and Onew are waiting downstairs their car parked just outside the lobby.
“ Hey you , “ Key pulls me into a tight hug and lets me into the car while Onew puts my things into the trunk
The engine rumbles and they’re off.
“ How you holding up ? “ Key asks.
“ Alright I guess, could be better “
“ Onew and I are gonna stay for the night , that should give us all more time. “
“ Thanks so much for doing this , I’m sure Minho really appreciates it “
“ No need to thank, its the least we could do “
I smiles and pat Key on the shoulder before leaning back into the seat.
We reach after an hour or so. The sun is warm and the wind is breezy. I look across the grass and I see him.
I grab my things and walk over , he’s smiling so perfectly, so picture perfect. I know its never going to fade even with time.
“ Hey baby “ whisper after I put the things down on the grass patch in front of him I reach out to him as my fingers run across his face. I lean towards and place a small kiss on the side of his cheek.
Key is smiling from across the field his hand tightly in Onew’s. His face is buried in Onew’s shoulder too I think he might be crying. I smile and look back at Minho.
“ Hey Taemin “ He whispers back as I lean into his chest.
_________________________________ END ______________________________