The Gay Agenda
Seeing as though I have a lot of time on my hands at the moment (I'm not trying to rub it in, but it's true), I sat down and decided I would pen out tomorrow's Gay Agenda. This is something that's always been floating around in my head, but I figured a palpable itinerary would be more conducive to getting done what needs to be done:
7:00 AM Wake up with repulsive grin on my face, thin line of bile painted around my mouth.
7:15 AM Shave while cutting myself purposefully, a ritualistic bloodletting for the demon succubi who regularly consume good, morally-unshakable Christian souls.
7:30 AM Shower while masturbating to how disappointing John Wayne Gacy was. Only twenty-seven bodies in the crawl space? Pshh. Pathetic.
8:00 AM Eat a baby for breakfast. Only the little white ones of course--blond hair, blue eyes.
8:30 AM Take a shit and wipe my ass with the Book of Leviticus.
9:00 AM-12:00 PM Galavant around the local playground and take pictures with a spy camera. Trench coat will be starched the night prior.
12:15 PM-1:00 PM Wax my legs and totally reenact that scene from Silence of the Lambs where he hides his penis in the cradle of his crotch.
2:15 PM-4:00 PM Scope out movie theaters and phone booths, arsenal of infected syringes and thumbtacks on hand.
4:15 PM-5:30 PM Spend time alone thinking how, nay, HOW?! to make super AIDS even an iota more deleterious to the God-fearing hoi polloi.
6:00 PM-8:00 PM Dress in full drag and pee sitting down when necessary.
8:15 PM-8:45 PM Spontaneously rupture my anal lining. Just for the hell of it.
9:00 PM-9:30 PM Homework help in the AOL Teen Chat! Snicker while repeatedly asking if any M/13-15 needs help in “boyology”.
9:45 PM-10:30 PM Listen to techno.
10:45 PM-11:30 PM Sit in the dark and hate women.
11:30 PM-12:00 AM Lie in bed until I fall asleep, babbling in tongues and dreaming of that neck of the woods and that stumbling troop of boy scouts. So lost. And ohhh so dirty...
What a relief to have my Gay Agenda completed. The Conclave of Homosexual Inverts and Deviants Alike will be quite pleased with my work. And you know what they say...always be prepared! ;-)
PS. In case you were wondering if this is tongue-in-cheek, it's not. Which reminds me of one more item on the Gay Agenda-1:00 AM My tongue, your ass.
7:00 AM Wake up with repulsive grin on my face, thin line of bile painted around my mouth.
7:15 AM Shave while cutting myself purposefully, a ritualistic bloodletting for the demon succubi who regularly consume good, morally-unshakable Christian souls.
7:30 AM Shower while masturbating to how disappointing John Wayne Gacy was. Only twenty-seven bodies in the crawl space? Pshh. Pathetic.
8:00 AM Eat a baby for breakfast. Only the little white ones of course--blond hair, blue eyes.
8:30 AM Take a shit and wipe my ass with the Book of Leviticus.
9:00 AM-12:00 PM Galavant around the local playground and take pictures with a spy camera. Trench coat will be starched the night prior.
12:15 PM-1:00 PM Wax my legs and totally reenact that scene from Silence of the Lambs where he hides his penis in the cradle of his crotch.
2:15 PM-4:00 PM Scope out movie theaters and phone booths, arsenal of infected syringes and thumbtacks on hand.
4:15 PM-5:30 PM Spend time alone thinking how, nay, HOW?! to make super AIDS even an iota more deleterious to the God-fearing hoi polloi.
6:00 PM-8:00 PM Dress in full drag and pee sitting down when necessary.
8:15 PM-8:45 PM Spontaneously rupture my anal lining. Just for the hell of it.
9:00 PM-9:30 PM Homework help in the AOL Teen Chat! Snicker while repeatedly asking if any M/13-15 needs help in “boyology”.
9:45 PM-10:30 PM Listen to techno.
10:45 PM-11:30 PM Sit in the dark and hate women.
11:30 PM-12:00 AM Lie in bed until I fall asleep, babbling in tongues and dreaming of that neck of the woods and that stumbling troop of boy scouts. So lost. And ohhh so dirty...
What a relief to have my Gay Agenda completed. The Conclave of Homosexual Inverts and Deviants Alike will be quite pleased with my work. And you know what they say...always be prepared! ;-)
PS. In case you were wondering if this is tongue-in-cheek, it's not. Which reminds me of one more item on the Gay Agenda-1:00 AM My tongue, your ass.