Done with flakey girl friends!

[tahari]

Had a girl friend cancel on a get-together today. Yesterday my get-together with another girlfriend was postponed by almost an hour (because she could not be ready on time). I spent that hour visiting yet another girl friend with whom I have a policy of only seeing spontaneously because she flaked on every single thing that we planned for the last

Comments

[tahari]

You're also not in CA, lol.

I also tend to flake back, it's nice to have an area where I don't have to be vigilant. But sometimes it gets to be too much, yanno?

[expanding_x_man]

You collect ADD types like Max collects crazy people.

TRUE! Apparently...

It is good going forward to at least try to collect some "non-flakes" to balance it out. I am working on collecting the sane people and I have a few, even so, I know so many crazies! One reason I like the super fat girl who is visiting us is because she is actually sane and has no certifiable hardcore psych conditions. Nothing. She's uber-fat, but happy.

I guess there is a reason you collect the ADD people, and you touched on it in your post, it also sounds like they take you for granted a little Amy, and that could be part of the issue. Or, maybe they treat all their friends this way, but not knowing more I can't say. Most likely it is a mixed bag and they slip in and out of this with many people and certain situations. In any case, I've heard this before, it sounds familiar to me from you and I hope that it improves one way or another. .

super fat, super sane?

[bloggolalia]

I dunno Max. Lots and lots of problems with obesity. Pain, joints, digestion, endocrine..all chosen problems within one's control. I think that's its own version of crazy.

Re: super fat, super sane?

[expanding_x_man]

I agree bloggalalia, BUT she does not actually have a major psych disorder like bipolar or schizoaffective and so on. You know, while i agree, that with great effort (more than it would take for me for example) she could lose some weight, it is not all within her control. Her father was 1200 lbs. and even a doctor told her that she would be fat no matter what she did. I do think she doesn't have to be as fat as she is. Well, gee I hope she is not doomed to 505 lbs. but it is not my place to tell her that, and she would not listen to me any way.

But, there is a different feeling to her than to the "crazies" I know, but yeah - I agree with the gist of what you are saying - it is a problem.

[elbales]

Yikes, I feel put on notice. ^_^ Still, though I may be up to 30 min. late, I would never be an hour late outside of OMG my car died!!!1! or something.

(Now watch you dredge up some time when I was an hour late and watch me be supah embarrassed.)

[tahari]

Oh Bales, you're one of those few friends who actually shows up. I mean, if we plan to go to tea (or Ikea) I know it's going to happen. The women I'm complaining about? Not so much.

Also, it's not so much about being late. I mean, it usually takes a bit longer to (for example) get dinner prepared than I expect and it's nice to have the "buffer" provided by late guests. Most people in CA are a little late, especially for social stuff, that's normal, even expected.

What I'm talking about is extreme unreliability: canceling at the last minute, lateness of more than an hour, lack of awareness (or concern) for how it affects others (me), or (worst of all) being flakey and refusing to own up to or take responsibility for it. You don't fit into these categories at all. Yes, you tend to be late and I take that into account. But you always show upYou've never flaked on anything important. You own your actions instead of getting defensive. And you've also always been there when I really needed you, no matter what else was going on in your

[elbales]

♥

Yeah, when it turns into being everyone, there's a problem. Exasperating would be the word, fo' sho'.

rarus amicus

[bloggolalia]

From the 10,000 foot perspective, these qualities have embedded in US culture over the past 20 years. I lived and worked in Europe twice between 1978 to 2001 and the lifestyle is much slower and less filled with things. Sadly, the US was exporting its hyper-frenetic business style to the UK in the late 90s, but the rest of Europe was still resisting the work-all-the-time, fill your life with activities, materialistic American Way.

Your pool of potential friends with the qualities that you're seeking has become rarer here, and California is even more challenging because it still attracts people who want to reinvent themselves. People who are rootless are often not too reliable.

Now for the good news...I bet if you approach it with the same tenacity, inventiveness and humor as you did when you were trying to get dates, you'll find a couple of those exotic creatures.

Re: rarus amicus

[elbales]

tenacity, inventiveness and humor

This is so totally Amy that I love it. Bless your heart, as my grandma used to say. :)