Prologue
Prologue
Sam stood silently in a clearing in the woods. He could feel the chill of night at his back, but it did little to cool the fierce heat of the blaze he stared into. Dean. It must have been at least four in the morning, but Sam had lost all track of time. This is the second time I’ve stood in these woods and watched what was left of my family turn to dust. His skin was red from the heat, but he didn't back away. He felt like once this was over he would never be warm again. He cried no tears - there were none left to cry. The deal was complete. Dean was dead, and he, Sam, was alive.
They had come to the woods just before sunset. Dean had seemed calm. Instead of making jokes, he had spoken honestly to his brother about his feelings - about everything. They set up a protective circle and set in to wait. They both knew that the hellhounds would come.
Unable to stand any more, Sam sat down near the pyre. He knew now the finality of it, but he kept on - just watching, just trying to hold on to Dean one second longer.
Hours passed. They sometimes laughed, sometimes cried - but mostly they waited together, silently supporting each other through the hours, enduring together the unnatural silence of the forest. Sam's voice sounded like it belonged to another body as he finally worked up enough courage to ask - “What do I do, Dean? What do I do .. after.. after it's over?" Dean had leaned over and put both hands firmly on his baby brother's trembling shoulders.
Sam thought he would never forget the look in the eyes of his brother from that night. He saw sorrow, fear, and grief there - but not for Dean himself. They were for Sam.
"Sammy, you listen to me. You send me on like we sent Dad." Dean's eyes glistened as tears threatened to spill over at the thought of what he was asking Sam to do. "I don't want there to be any doubts for you, any false hopes. Tonight this ends. We make sure we end it, understand?" No response. Dean's grip tightened and he shook Sam - just a little. "Sammy?"
Sam knew it had been the right thing to do. It's what any of them would have wanted. Three Winchesters had now been committed to the flames. He wondered if there would be anyone around one day to do the same for him.
"Yeah Dean, ok. I'll do it."
He had wanted to ask so many more questions. He had wanted to beg Dean to run, not to leave him all alone. He wanted to tell Dean that he was a selfish bastard for making this deal in the first place. Instead he remembered what Dean had told a little frightened child a lifetime ago.
"When I was your age, I saw something really bad happen to my mom. And I was scared, too. But I think... my mom? My mom would have wanted me to be brave. I think about that every day. And maybe your dad wants you to be brave too."
The fire was dying down now. Soon the flames would be embers, and the embers would be ashes, and Dean would be a memory. Sam bitterly reflected that after Jess and after his parents he never thought he could feel any more dead inside than he already had felt in his young life. He shook his head. How wrong can you be. He closed his eyes against the thought of the end, the final moment. But no matter how hard he tried to shut it away, he knew it would be with him forever.
Sam didn't hear anything, but Dean's head snapped up, eyes wide to look towards the edge of the circle. "What, Dean?" There was panic in Sam's voice. His hands were trembling as he reached for his brother's arm, as though to hold him back. Dean was calm and steady and his eyes held a steely resolve. Turning to his brother he said in a low, even voice, "They're here, Sammy. Let me go."
Sam gasped as the memory overtook him. The sun was cresting over the horizon of the forest, but in his mind he only saw the blackness of the night, the look in Dean's eyes after he hugged his little brother goodbye for the final time.
"Sam, I'm not running. I'm not gonna go down like that. Now, they’re here for me, I don't want you to see this - let me go.”
"Oh God, Dean, I'm so sorry."
"Sam, it's ok - SAM, listen to me dammit. I couldn't live without you, alright? I couldn't, I wasn't strong enough. I lived my whole life for you and if I had to do it again to bring you back I would, do you hear me? No regrets! Now .. please .." His voice began to tremble just slightly at the pain he was causing his brother. When he spoke again it was barely a whisper. "Just let me go".
"I love you, Dean."
Cocky Harrison Ford smile. "I know."
And Sam had. He had let him go, because Dean asked him too, because it was all that was left to do.
He turned away and walked a few steps, but then paused. "Stay inside the circle, Sam." And then he was gone. A few painful agonizing moments passed. Sam watched his brother's silhouette disappear into the tree line.
Then he heard the howl, caught a hint of movement in the brush as the invisible dogs encircled Dean. Panic gripped him. "Dean!" His ears strained for any whisper of noise, any sign to tell him if the worst was over, or if it was yet to come. There was no response. His call still echoed in the trees.
Sam rose to his feet. The earthly fire that had burned his brother's ashes was spent. He tried not to think about the otherwordly fire that now tormented his brother's soul.
He waited as long as he dared to wait. Finally he had to know the truth. When he found Dean, he held his breath as he approached. Glancing around the glen, he saw no sign of a struggle. Next to losing Dean, finding his body mangled had been his second worst fear.
It was a long walk back to the road. Best get a move on. That's all I ever do, move on. The morning dew fell softly as Sam stood lingering for one final moment, amazed at how even though his world had ended the sun still had the audacity to rise.
Dean was sitting quietly, cradled in the crook of a tree trunk as though he was only sleeping. Sam's heart broke as he knelt down and looked into his brother's face. Dean's eyes were closed, but there was no fear or panic in his posture. His hands were folded softly in his lap. Sam reached out to hold them in his own, and shuddered at how cold they seemed. Feeling an object, he glanced down. In Dean's hands was the amulet that Sam had given him when they were kids. Tears streaming down his face, Sam pried it gently free and placed it around his neck. It was his brother's final gift to him.
"Sam, let's go." The voice shattered the morning peacefulness and brought Sam's mind reeling back to the present. Absently he noticed that his fingers had closed around the amulet. He turned his head towards the newcomer.
"Alright, one minute. I'm coming." He took one last look at the smoldering pyre. Here sleeps a warrior. He was my hero, my savior, my friend, and most of all, he was my big brother. Sam took a long ragged breath, and with deliberate purpose, turned from the clearing. Ruby was waving to him from the edge of the forest. Bobby must have sent her out to look for him. Sam nodded wearily and headed out of the clearing, walked towards his new life.
He did not look back.
~*~
Sam and Ruby reached the Impala without speaking. When Sam saw her, all alone on the side of the road, black and chrome glistening in the morning sun, he thought he might never be able to breathe again. The pressure threatened to crush him. Ruby eyed him critically. "You need rest, Sam."
"I'm fine." A thought had come to him. Surely this is some cruel joke. He hesitated at the car door, afraid that if he touched it that it might vanish, taking just that much more of Dean away from him.
"Sam -"
"I said I'm fine." Grasping the handle, he swung into the driver’s seat. Memories flooded back. The look on Dean's face when their Dad tossed him the keys. The look on Dean's face when he first tossed Sam the keys. "Ok baby," he whispered, "just you and me now. I'm going to take care of you." Leaning over, he unlocked the passenger side door. Ruby swiftly stepped in.
"How far is it to Bobby's place?" She asked. Squinting her eyes at Sam, she gave him a hard long look. "You should let me drive. I didn't work this hard keeping you alive just so you can run off the road."
Sam actually cracked a small smile at the thought of what Dean would have said at the thought of a demon driving his car. "No, really - I'm ok. And it's around 800 miles. We should be there in about ten hours." Think about what's next, Sam. One step at a time. Focus on your job. "Is Bobby ready for us?"
Ruby looked thoughtful. "I think so. Before I left he was getting together the supplies we need for the trip."
"He tell you where we're going?" Reaching for the radio, Sam switched it on. He fiddled with the switches, looking for a rock station. Apparently out here there was nothing but country. Great.
"No, just that he thinks he may have a lead on where to find the Colt. Must be pretty heavily protected. If Lilith got her hands on it like he says, then we should be in for a fight. I've got a few tricks up my sleeve, but this may just be the last thing we ever do."
"And Bela?"
"No word. Maybe she’s dead." The way she said it didn't make it sound like a bad thing. Silently Sam had to agree with her. Bela had caused them a world of trouble. Ruby rolled her eyes and glanced at the radio. "Listen Sam, I'm not much of a redneck girl."
Her eyes widened as Sam actually laughed out loud. She thought he was going to comment back, but his eyes were misty and he appeared to be remembering something.
Driver picks the music - shotgun shuts his cakehole. Jerk, Dean. Jerk. Sam turned it up and just kept driving.
Several miles went by. Sam didn’t look anywhere, didn’t think of anything but the road, the feel of the Impala purring in his hands. He tried to focus on the mission. Words from the radio kept breaking through his concentration.
So lay me down, In that open field out on the edge of town ...
Once they got to Bobby's place they would re-supply.
And know my soul is where my momma always prayed that it would go ...
They would take salt guns and holy water, they would arm themselves with every defense they had.
If you're reading this...
They would storm a demon's stronghold and take back their one and only weapon.
I won't be there to see the birth of your little girl...
Sam blinked back tears, tried to fill the empty space with hate, with revenge.
I hope she looks like you. I hope she fights like me, and stands up for the innocent and the weak.
Unable to bear it anymore, Sam pulled the Impala over to the side of the road. Ruby looked at him with impatience in her eyes. "My brother is in Hell." There, he said it.
"I know." She met his gaze, unblinking.
"You lied to me. You never knew how to help him." He tried to put accusation into the words, but they sounded hollow. He didn't really blame her - he blamed himself.
"I had to get you to trust me. I knew you’d need me if you were going to win!" Funny, she almost sounded sorry. But she was still a demon, and he didn't care how she felt. He didn't know if she could feel anything at all.
Quietly Sam asked, "Did he know? Did he know it was all a lie?" His eyes pierced straight through Ruby. She withered under his gaze for a moment, then she looked away.
"Yes. I told him myself. After our run-in with the witches." When Ruby kept staring out the window, Sam turned the key in the ignition and brought the Impala back to life. You know what makes it easier, Sam? This job? Killing as many evil sons of bitches as I possibly can.
If Dean could be brave then he could, too. He had to be if he was going to survive. He couldn't fight this war for hate. He couldn't even fight it for revenge. He already had his revenge, and it had meant nothing. Besides, revenge didn’t come before everything. Dean had taught him that.
He pulled back out onto the open road. They would be at Bobby's soon. He had a war to fight, and innocent people were caught in the balance. He took a deep breath. He only had one person left to plan with. Even if she wasn't really a person.
"Well," He said, “looks like we've got work to do."
~*~
It had been three days since they arrived at Bobby's salvage yard. They planned obsessively, trying to predict every move the other side might make. Sam still had nightmares about Dean. He supposed he always would. He missed his brother so badly that sometimes he couldn't breathe, but there was always more research, always more preparations to make. The news reports kept rolling in. Accidents, fires, human deaths. The enemy's camp was strong, and they outnumbered the hunters by the thousands.
At first everyone had walked quietly around him as though they were afraid he might break. Bobby had shed a few tears himself when Sam told him what happened in the woods. He had even received a phone call from Jo, of all people, who with a broken voice told him that she was sorry and that she and Ellen were there if he ever needed a place to stay. But now the junkyard was all about survival, and time was running out for their chance to re-take the Colt by surprise.
Finally on the third day they were ready. Sam sat in silence on the porch. He had loaded everything that morning, and there was nothing left to do but wait for nightfall. Their target was less than 100 miles away, a shack in the woods where there had been several strange disappearances. While checking it out Ruby had recognized one of Lilith's top soldiers. The demon should have been at the leader's side, but instead it guarded the run down farm house.
Throughout the day demons would come and go freely, but at night it was just the guard. Their best chance would be to trap the demon and try to exorcise it for information. They had a plan, Sam just hoped it was good enough.
He looked at his watch, absently touching the amulet around his neck gently with his other hand. Ruby should have been back by now. Just as he finished the thought, he saw her approaching. "Where have you been, it's almost dark!" He noticed that she had a triumphant look on her face, but she seemed offered no information.
"Taking care of some red tape," she replied. "I thought we could use a hand tonight, that's all." Sam turned to follow her into the house, but she stopped at the front door. She placed a finger on his lips to stop him from asking her any questions. "You should wait here. Thank me later. And remember, you owe me." With that she entered the house and was gone. Sam just stood staring at the door, bewildered.
It was just at that time that from behind him, near the front gate, someone softly called his name.
"Sammy?"
Sam felt his heart freeze. He thought if he breathed he might wake up, since clearly this was some sort of dream. He blinked at the reflection in the door. There seemed to be a shape to go along with the voice. He didn't believe, couldn't believe in case it wasn't true. His voice wasn't even a whisper. "Dean?" He heard footsteps and slowly turned around.
Dean paused halfway across the yard as though he could barley believe it himself. His eyes were bright with tears, but for the first time in a long time his face beamed with the biggest smile Sam had ever seen. Slowly he held out his arms, just enough to welcome his little brother into them as Sam bolted off the porch and nearly knocked him over. "It's ok, Sammy. It's me. I'm here."
Sam was caught between sobbing and laughing, but whatever he did he wouldn’t let go of his brother. Barely he gasped out the words, "But how? What.." He breathed in Dean's leather jacket, felt Dean's arms around him, warm and strong. Full of life. "Is this real?"
Dean wiped his tears away with one hand, and struggled to hold Sam back with the other. Finally they looked each other full in the eye. Sam looked just like a little kid at Christmas. Dean laughed. "Yeah. It's real, Sam."
"But how, Dean? What about the deal? What ...." Sam looked momentarily sick. "What about your b.... I torched you man, just like you told me too!"
Dean grimaced. "Yeah, I noticed. Dammit, Sam - those were my FAVORITE jeans!"
"Dean! Tell me what's going on!" Sam tried to be stern, but he was laughing. Even if this was some cruel joke, he didn't care. He'd never been this relieved in his entire life. He just kept holding on to Dean's arm, relishing the solidity of it.
Dean smiled. "I guess the Trickster owed our demon friend a favor. Anyway the deal's off. I died, I went where I was supposed to go and I paid up my end of the bargain. Trickster just gave me a continue, that's all. Supernatural Mortal Kombat." Sam's eyes were huge with surprise and disbelief.
"But he killed you! All those times! To make me suffer! Why would he agree to help us now?"
Dean slapped him on the shoulder and started walking towards the house. "Hey, what can I say? The guy likes me."
Sam shook his head in amazement. They had reached the door together, but they paused before going in. Sam had to say something, he just didn't know what.
Dean said it first. "Look Sammy - I'm sorry." His voice was strong and there was sincerity in his eyes. "I'm sorry about the deal and everything that it put you through. But I'm not sorry I did it. I'm glad it panned out," he laughed, "believe me I'm glad about that, but listen - you're my brother, and I love you. And I'm never, ever going to leave you again. That's a promise."
Sam sighed a sigh of relief. It would take time for him to forget, but for now, the horrors of the last year seemed to be erased. What else was there to say? He reached up and unclasped the amulet. He held it out to his brother.
"Then you'll need this back. I gave it to you, and it's yours." Dean nodded wordlessly and reached out to accept it. Sam grinned. "Oh, one last thing, Dean? I'm keeping the car keys."
Dean smiled. "Bitch."
"Jerk." Sam reached for the door handle. They walked into the living room. Bobby and Ruby were waiting for them. Bobby shook his head, but he was grinning from ear to ear.
"Well Bobby," Sam said, "Dean's better, and we're back in it now - so tell us what you've got."
Chapter One