Emotional Problems
I feel pissed off... I'm going to swear now...
Oh. My. Fucking. God!
I CAN NOT BELIEVE MY MOTHER! I have this sattelite stealing device that lets me view channels that I don't have. Lately, it's been going all cracked up, and it won't sense my smart card since it got corrupted...
Well, I upgraded my computer to Windows ME and Allen didn't back up my DOCUMENTS FOLDER LIKE I ASKED HIM TO! Well, there was a backup in case my device went haywire...
So obviously, I couldn't get it. I tried persuading my mom to get the channel, but NO! THAT MOTHER FUCKING BITCHY DIKE JUST WOULDN'T LET ME.
"It's going to distract you from your work." "You dont' deserve it." "Whats soo good on tv that you just have to watch?" "No. Your grades are deterioating and I won't let you."
Well, WHY DON'T YOU JUST THROW THE FUCKING TV AWAY? God.
When we got satellite, we had a month to have everything for only a small price, and then we had to choose...
Hmm..... Well, my mom, being the BITCH she is, didn't choose the kid's package because it was 'too expensive'. You see, my parents didn't choose to be educated as much as they want to now, because their parents either couldn't afford it, or they didn't want to....
Hmm... My problem? No. Now they regret their choices, especially my mom, so they drill me to learn all this crap, hoping I'll have a better future... Well, I'm not going to have a better future if I can't relax and have at least a LITTLE fun.
I'm being stressed out right now, and I'm crying almost every day! CAN'T SHE SPARE A BIT OF SYMPATHY? I'm 12, I need to live my life to the fullest. I can't have a better future if I take the easy way out by doing suicide! HELLO? HAS THAT THOUGHT OCCURED TO HER?
I was in the car, going to my Theory, a piano thing, lesson and I didn't have my seat belt on. She was lecturing, and practically yelling at me in the front seat about my faults and crap like that.
I blocked out her voice, since I've heard that lecture EVERY FUCKING DAY, and began to wish I could get into a car crash... =/ If I did, then I would die since it's not likely I'll survive a car crash without my seat belt on.
Anyways, the car almost crashed because of some driver who didn't bother to stop. DAMMIT! Why didn't it crash? But it probably wouldn't do much good since I was on my mother's side, and the car was on dad's side...
Back to what I was saying before, she's uneducated, and so is my dad. My mom then got bullied by my dad's sisters, so yeah... she got pissed off, and then moving into a new, and bigger house, my mom had to work. No experience at all, she put a ad in the newspaper for a babysitting job...
How fucking lame is that? Babysitting damn kids? For money? AT HER AGE? Oh. My. God.... I mean, I'm embarassed beyond belief that my mom would result to that. My dad had average pays while standing all day, being a chef at a fancy restraunt...
Okay, anyways, after we got satlellite, my mom didn't buy the WB or any of the channels I really wanted. I wanted to scream at her 'FUCKER!' and then just kill myself or something.. I moved into my new house when I was about 6-7...
I wasn't in the suicide mood untill later on, since I didn't get satlellite after I got Cable, which failed horribly... It was too expensive. They complained..
Okay. Fine. Grr, and then, my mom had to go and babysit brats.... Most of those brats were never great, but after satellite, she had to get kids channels to shut them up and make her life easier...
WOW! Suddenly, I have the kid's package... and just because some people, who don't even live in my family, are brats and are giving my mom a hard time.
I mean, what the hell?
Then I get the lil cheat card crap, and I'm happy beyond relief. I mean, OH MY GOD! NOW I CAN VIEW MOVIES AND ALL THAT OTHER CRAP FOR FREE!
Grr, but then it kept on changing, the codes... Lately, our satellite provider has found a way to make it say errors every 20 or so minutes, so yeah..
Still, I could pull it out and put it back in during commercials. No biggie, but I've been trying to persuade my mom to get ONE . FUCKING . CHANNEL. ONE!!!!
It's not like I need the Pacific and Eastern one, so I can view the show I want 3 hours ahead! JUST ONE! I MEAN, HOW MUCH IS THAT? and A MONTH!
I watch The WB on Fridays, Sundays and Tuesdays, and more if there are intresting shows on... I mean, I'LL PAY IF I HAVE TO! Grr....
My social life isn't anything. I can't go to the movies with my friends, since I dont 'have the time' and my parents don't like my friends... I mean, what the hell are they THINKING of?
I don't go to sleep overs, I couldn't go to parties when I was younger, and DAMN! I couldn't even go to movies or shopping sprees with my friends. I mean, what kind of world am I living in?
Then they push all these courses on me, and try to make my life a living hell. Hello? THIS IS MY LIFE! LET ME LIVE IT AND LET ME DECIDE ON WHAT I WANNA DO! Grr....
My mom is then always lecturing me of not having a boyfriend untill university, and that I should marry someone who's smart, and can support me, while I still have a job that can compare to his so he won't make me suffer...
There's something called divorce, dimwit. She wants me to live the life SHE wanted. Not me, HER! MY MOM! THE PERSON WHO GAVE BIRTH TO ME!
I mean, she has the guts to tell me that I was actually a mistake, because their condom or whatever broke, I suppose. That I'm stupid. That she shouldnt' be spending her money on me. That I need to work harder. All that other crap...
Does she even TRY to consider how I feel about my life? She caught me crying once, and asked me why I was crying. I told her that she'd just tell me to stop crying over something that stupid. She said 'try me'. I told her that me and a friend were fighting, and then she was 'THAT IS SOO STUPID! Friends are nothing! You dont' need friends! Friends don't do anything for you!'
Do you know how much she sounded like a bitch? Do you know how it pained me, that my mom was making me feel even worse? That my self esteem was going way way way WAY down?
Whenever I get a bad mark on a test, or a piece of homework, you know what I do? I cry. Maybe you might not see those tears, but there's something to maintain, and thats my dignity. That is, if I can even save it.
I'm rambling how much my mother is a bitch right now.. How pathetic am I? I'll just stop... -sigh- Okay... whatever.
Erg... That was long, and I was just rambling... =X I feel a bit better, I suppose, but not much...
I'm just gonna wish that I'm going to die, and that instead of my mom giving the guilt trip to me, she's going to have to live with the guilt that she made my life hell... =X Along with all those other people at school.
Oh. My. Fucking. God!
I CAN NOT BELIEVE MY MOTHER! I have this sattelite stealing device that lets me view channels that I don't have. Lately, it's been going all cracked up, and it won't sense my smart card since it got corrupted...
Well, I upgraded my computer to Windows ME and Allen didn't back up my DOCUMENTS FOLDER LIKE I ASKED HIM TO! Well, there was a backup in case my device went haywire...
So obviously, I couldn't get it. I tried persuading my mom to get the channel, but NO! THAT MOTHER FUCKING BITCHY DIKE JUST WOULDN'T LET ME.
"It's going to distract you from your work." "You dont' deserve it." "Whats soo good on tv that you just have to watch?" "No. Your grades are deterioating and I won't let you."
Well, WHY DON'T YOU JUST THROW THE FUCKING TV AWAY? God.
When we got satellite, we had a month to have everything for only a small price, and then we had to choose...
Hmm..... Well, my mom, being the BITCH she is, didn't choose the kid's package because it was 'too expensive'. You see, my parents didn't choose to be educated as much as they want to now, because their parents either couldn't afford it, or they didn't want to....
Hmm... My problem? No. Now they regret their choices, especially my mom, so they drill me to learn all this crap, hoping I'll have a better future... Well, I'm not going to have a better future if I can't relax and have at least a LITTLE fun.
I'm being stressed out right now, and I'm crying almost every day! CAN'T SHE SPARE A BIT OF SYMPATHY? I'm 12, I need to live my life to the fullest. I can't have a better future if I take the easy way out by doing suicide! HELLO? HAS THAT THOUGHT OCCURED TO HER?
I was in the car, going to my Theory, a piano thing, lesson and I didn't have my seat belt on. She was lecturing, and practically yelling at me in the front seat about my faults and crap like that.
I blocked out her voice, since I've heard that lecture EVERY FUCKING DAY, and began to wish I could get into a car crash... =/ If I did, then I would die since it's not likely I'll survive a car crash without my seat belt on.
Anyways, the car almost crashed because of some driver who didn't bother to stop. DAMMIT! Why didn't it crash? But it probably wouldn't do much good since I was on my mother's side, and the car was on dad's side...
Back to what I was saying before, she's uneducated, and so is my dad. My mom then got bullied by my dad's sisters, so yeah... she got pissed off, and then moving into a new, and bigger house, my mom had to work. No experience at all, she put a ad in the newspaper for a babysitting job...
How fucking lame is that? Babysitting damn kids? For money? AT HER AGE? Oh. My. God.... I mean, I'm embarassed beyond belief that my mom would result to that. My dad had average pays while standing all day, being a chef at a fancy restraunt...
Okay, anyways, after we got satlellite, my mom didn't buy the WB or any of the channels I really wanted. I wanted to scream at her 'FUCKER!' and then just kill myself or something.. I moved into my new house when I was about 6-7...
I wasn't in the suicide mood untill later on, since I didn't get satlellite after I got Cable, which failed horribly... It was too expensive. They complained..
Okay. Fine. Grr, and then, my mom had to go and babysit brats.... Most of those brats were never great, but after satellite, she had to get kids channels to shut them up and make her life easier...
WOW! Suddenly, I have the kid's package... and just because some people, who don't even live in my family, are brats and are giving my mom a hard time.
I mean, what the hell?
Then I get the lil cheat card crap, and I'm happy beyond relief. I mean, OH MY GOD! NOW I CAN VIEW MOVIES AND ALL THAT OTHER CRAP FOR FREE!
Grr, but then it kept on changing, the codes... Lately, our satellite provider has found a way to make it say errors every 20 or so minutes, so yeah..
Still, I could pull it out and put it back in during commercials. No biggie, but I've been trying to persuade my mom to get ONE . FUCKING . CHANNEL. ONE!!!!
It's not like I need the Pacific and Eastern one, so I can view the show I want 3 hours ahead! JUST ONE! I MEAN, HOW MUCH IS THAT? and A MONTH!
I watch The WB on Fridays, Sundays and Tuesdays, and more if there are intresting shows on... I mean, I'LL PAY IF I HAVE TO! Grr....
My social life isn't anything. I can't go to the movies with my friends, since I dont 'have the time' and my parents don't like my friends... I mean, what the hell are they THINKING of?
I don't go to sleep overs, I couldn't go to parties when I was younger, and DAMN! I couldn't even go to movies or shopping sprees with my friends. I mean, what kind of world am I living in?
Then they push all these courses on me, and try to make my life a living hell. Hello? THIS IS MY LIFE! LET ME LIVE IT AND LET ME DECIDE ON WHAT I WANNA DO! Grr....
My mom is then always lecturing me of not having a boyfriend untill university, and that I should marry someone who's smart, and can support me, while I still have a job that can compare to his so he won't make me suffer...
There's something called divorce, dimwit. She wants me to live the life SHE wanted. Not me, HER! MY MOM! THE PERSON WHO GAVE BIRTH TO ME!
I mean, she has the guts to tell me that I was actually a mistake, because their condom or whatever broke, I suppose. That I'm stupid. That she shouldnt' be spending her money on me. That I need to work harder. All that other crap...
Does she even TRY to consider how I feel about my life? She caught me crying once, and asked me why I was crying. I told her that she'd just tell me to stop crying over something that stupid. She said 'try me'. I told her that me and a friend were fighting, and then she was 'THAT IS SOO STUPID! Friends are nothing! You dont' need friends! Friends don't do anything for you!'
Do you know how much she sounded like a bitch? Do you know how it pained me, that my mom was making me feel even worse? That my self esteem was going way way way WAY down?
Whenever I get a bad mark on a test, or a piece of homework, you know what I do? I cry. Maybe you might not see those tears, but there's something to maintain, and thats my dignity. That is, if I can even save it.
I'm rambling how much my mother is a bitch right now.. How pathetic am I? I'll just stop... -sigh- Okay... whatever.
Erg... That was long, and I was just rambling... =X I feel a bit better, I suppose, but not much...
I'm just gonna wish that I'm going to die, and that instead of my mom giving the guilt trip to me, she's going to have to live with the guilt that she made my life hell... =X Along with all those other people at school.