Craig
In a comment to my previous entry, didicam reminded me about someone from my past. I decided to post it as a separate entry with extended recollections, for all to enjoy. These are all true, mind you; you can't make this stuff up.
Craig was my neighbor in Key West -- that is to say, he lived with his dad next to me in the trailer park. He was a pudgy, short man of 31 who looked not unlike a mole. I befriended Craig for reasons unknown -- most likely the fact that I give everyone the benefit of the doubt -- and we had several adventures. Here are some of my most vivid memories:
- Craig was a wrestling fan. He tried to use the Stone Cold Stunner pro wrestling move in a bar fight...twice! The first time, he just ran away. The second, he got his ass handed to him. He came over, begging me to beat up the guy. When demonstrating what he did to him, he accidentally kneed me in the balls.
- I had a car, and I would let Craig do his grocery shopping with me in New Town (the newer, less touristy part of Key West). One day, his dad asked him to buy some Listerine -- the strong stuff, not the minty kind. He got it, brought it home, and his dad informed Craig the Listerine was for him, not his dad.
- Craig was bragging to me about some action he was getting with a "hot" girl. It was later revealed the girl was a prostitute, and he had paid $100 for her services ($50 hooker, $50 hotel room). He then said, "We gotta get you some." No thanks, big guy.
-He could rarely hold down a job for more than a week. When he did, as a prep cook at a nearby restaurant, he started to get some money. He used it on buying customized airbrushed tanktops from an artist down the road. These shirts would cost upwards of $150, and fit in one of two categories: Miller Lite propoganda, or album covers/art from crappy hair metal bands.
- Craig liked to visit me after bar time, around 2am. Other times, I would just hear him puking up the countless rum-and-Cokes he had that night outside my window.
- He was really smooth with the ladies. When we were in public and he saw a woman, he'd say one of two things: "Nice tits" or "Grow hair." Almost without fail, and always in a regular speaking voice. didicam lived with me for a while in Key West, and I have a suspicion that the reason she shaved her head years later was from trauma of Craig's statements. If she had more money, I think she may have gotten a breast reduction.
- Speaking of Didi, she told me shortly after moving in with me, that Craig would come over after work and hit on her. When I heard this, I had a little talk with him, cutting a fine wrestling promo, something like, "If you ever bother her again, I will beat you. Badly. You know I could do it. I know you're afraid of me. You should be. Bones will break. Your blood will flow." He was speechless. That night around 2:30, the phone rang. We didn't answer, but this was on my voicemail: "After all we've been through, from front to back, how could you think I'd do something like that?" Then his dad yelled at him for waking him up, and he said a sad "later..." and hung up the phone. Shortly after, he wailed from his porch, "Duuuude! I'm sooorrry!!!"
- My buddy and neighbor Robin, a former metal singer, promoter, and powerlifter, did webpages. Craig paid him to make one for him, called the Ultimate Rocker's homepage. It was friggin' hysterical. If only it was still around. If there is an Internet Heaven, surely that page is there.
Didi, feel free to add any of your thoughts/memories of Craig.
Craig was my neighbor in Key West -- that is to say, he lived with his dad next to me in the trailer park. He was a pudgy, short man of 31 who looked not unlike a mole. I befriended Craig for reasons unknown -- most likely the fact that I give everyone the benefit of the doubt -- and we had several adventures. Here are some of my most vivid memories:
- Craig was a wrestling fan. He tried to use the Stone Cold Stunner pro wrestling move in a bar fight...twice! The first time, he just ran away. The second, he got his ass handed to him. He came over, begging me to beat up the guy. When demonstrating what he did to him, he accidentally kneed me in the balls.
- I had a car, and I would let Craig do his grocery shopping with me in New Town (the newer, less touristy part of Key West). One day, his dad asked him to buy some Listerine -- the strong stuff, not the minty kind. He got it, brought it home, and his dad informed Craig the Listerine was for him, not his dad.
- Craig was bragging to me about some action he was getting with a "hot" girl. It was later revealed the girl was a prostitute, and he had paid $100 for her services ($50 hooker, $50 hotel room). He then said, "We gotta get you some." No thanks, big guy.
-He could rarely hold down a job for more than a week. When he did, as a prep cook at a nearby restaurant, he started to get some money. He used it on buying customized airbrushed tanktops from an artist down the road. These shirts would cost upwards of $150, and fit in one of two categories: Miller Lite propoganda, or album covers/art from crappy hair metal bands.
- Craig liked to visit me after bar time, around 2am. Other times, I would just hear him puking up the countless rum-and-Cokes he had that night outside my window.
- He was really smooth with the ladies. When we were in public and he saw a woman, he'd say one of two things: "Nice tits" or "Grow hair." Almost without fail, and always in a regular speaking voice. didicam lived with me for a while in Key West, and I have a suspicion that the reason she shaved her head years later was from trauma of Craig's statements. If she had more money, I think she may have gotten a breast reduction.
- Speaking of Didi, she told me shortly after moving in with me, that Craig would come over after work and hit on her. When I heard this, I had a little talk with him, cutting a fine wrestling promo, something like, "If you ever bother her again, I will beat you. Badly. You know I could do it. I know you're afraid of me. You should be. Bones will break. Your blood will flow." He was speechless. That night around 2:30, the phone rang. We didn't answer, but this was on my voicemail: "After all we've been through, from front to back, how could you think I'd do something like that?" Then his dad yelled at him for waking him up, and he said a sad "later..." and hung up the phone. Shortly after, he wailed from his porch, "Duuuude! I'm sooorrry!!!"
- My buddy and neighbor Robin, a former metal singer, promoter, and powerlifter, did webpages. Craig paid him to make one for him, called the Ultimate Rocker's homepage. It was friggin' hysterical. If only it was still around. If there is an Internet Heaven, surely that page is there.
Didi, feel free to add any of your thoughts/memories of Craig.