Shit Happens. A fic for Crys :D
Title: Shit Happens.
Pairing: Ryo/Shige
Rating: PG? They don’t have the cleanest vocabulary xD
Summary: Ryo and Shige fail at living together.
For crystallekil . Because this caught my eye and I love you dammit.
I swear I wasn’t trying to kill you when I was writing this xD BE WARNED.
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Shige and Ryo have been friends for years.
Well, sort of.
They attended the same middle school, high school, and now they also went to the same university. They saw each other around campus or in class and occasionally they would have a conversation with each other about the weather, their health, or upcoming due dates. If they were feeling really friendly, the conversation would last a minute.
Or longer. Maybe.
For being semi-friends/acquaintances/ classmates, the two got along relatively well. Well, they did when Ryo didn’t try to snatch Shige’s homework for answers or if Shige decided to not hold said homework up in the air just out of Ryo’s reach.
So somehow, amongst all those random and annoying encounters with Ryo, Shige got the idea that Ryo would be a great roommate.
Of course, Shige’s ideas never were the greatest. And he found out the hard way the day Ryo brought his belongings to Shige’s apartment.
“Where do I put my stuff?” Ryo asked as he struggled to hold a box that was clearly much larger than he was.
Shige pointed to a hallway just past the small kitchen, “First door on the left. Need any help?”
Ryo nodded, “Yeah. Pick a box. Mind if I shower real quick?”
Shige shook his head as Ryo passed by, “Go ahead. I’ll get the last of the boxes.”
“If you say so…”
As soon as Shige heard Ryo head into the bathroom, he walked outside of his apartment expecting to haul in three or four more boxes. He didn’t expect to find a whole fucking wall of boxes to the left of his door.
“What the...how much shit does he have?!”
When Ryo finished his shower, he was rather surprised to find a motionless Shige underneath piles of boxes in his new room.
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Ryo began to feel pretty bad about the spine injury he indirectly caused Shige when he moved in three months ago. Of course, it healed after two weeks, but he could still see Shige wasn’t doing a lot of cleaning or lifting because of the after effects. Well, either that or he was lazy.
Ryo would bet money on the latter. Or porn.
So Ryo began to shop around for the one thing he knew Shige would absolutely love. And when he found it, he was convinced he’d see Shige moving around a lot more than he currently did. Or previously if Shige had always been as lifeless as Ryo suspected.
“Ryo-chan, are you sure he’s going to like it?” Pi said as he poked at the carrier on his arm.
“He’ll love it. I read one of his stupid blog entries and he has an imaginary one that he obsesses over. Isn’t that sad? So me, being the amazing person I am, decided to buy him a real one.”
Pi stuck is hand inside the carrier to touch said present, “Maybe he doesn’t have a real one because he doesn’t know how to care for one.”
“He’ll learn.”
When Ryo returned to the apartment after shopping for an apology gift to Shige (even if it was three months late), Ryo immediately set up the gift in front of the couch as he called Shige to the room.
“Ryo I’m studying. What do you want?”
“So you know how you gave yourself that spine injury three months ago?”
“That was because I lifted sixteen of your insanely heavy boxes that are bigger than you are! And they fell on me!”
“Well. Yeah. I got you a gift to apologize!”
“Seriously? Thanks. Where is it?”
Ryo grinned as he pointed at the couch, “Go look.”
Shige hesitantly walked around the couch and stopped when he looked down in front of the couch, “Um. Ryo?”
“Yeah?”
“You got me a cat?”
“A kitten. But yeah, when it grows it will be a cat.” Ryo stood in the doorway awkwardly for a few minutes as Shige continued to look incredulously at the kitten, “You don’t like it?”
“I’m allergic to cats.”
If it was awkward before, the silence that carried after Shige’s comment definitely made it more awkward than their neighbor Massu ever could.
“Oh.”
After a few mewls from the small kitten and several sneezes and tissues from Shige, Ryo finally spoke up, “So should I take her back?”
“Yes.”
“Okay.”
Ryo was a bit disappointed that Shige wasn’t as thrilled as Ryo thought he’d be. Ryo even thought of a killer name for the kitten.
Tortilla.
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Shige was sick and tired of hearing sex noises while he was studying.
When he first met Ryo, Shige never thought that Ryo would be the type to watch porn. Or keep it in stashes under his bed like Shige never heard or knew.
So when winter exams were approaching, Shige had the ingenious plan that would keep his apartment porn free for the week so he could keep studying his notes and not the noises coming from across the hall.
The only thing he’d have to fear would be Ryo’s bite-sized fury and sexual frustration.
And that would be something to laugh at.
The night before Shige’s first exam, Shige heard objects falling to the ground in Ryo’s room, and if he listened hard enough he could make out the faint sounds of cursing.
That of course, made Shige smile.
It wasn’t long before Ryo stormed into Shige’s room looking as pissed as ever.
“Where is it?”
“What?”
“You know damn well what! Where’s my porn!?”
“Somewhere you can’t reach.”
“The fuck, Shige!? What did you do with it!?”
“I have exams this week. I need it to be quiet so I can spend more time studying and less time blocking out you and your porn.”
“You-!”
“You’ll get it back at the end of the week. I promise.”
“I’ll look for it.”
“I gave all our chairs and stepping stools to Massu and he knows not to give them to you. And you can’t move a couch by yourself.”
“I’ll climb.”
“Good luck.”
Shige wasn’t at all surprised to find Ryo tip-toeing on the kitchen counters in attempt to reach for the highest cabinet with his ‘Porn Box’ sitting on top mocking him.
“You’re pathetic.”
“No. I’m normal. What guy doesn’t watch porn you evil-!”
“Jin and Pi already placed bets on how long you will last without it. Do us all a favor and deprive them from their money. I’m off to class.”
That week had been a wonderful break for Shige who managed to ace all of his exams. Ryo, however, wasn’t the happiest person that week due to his sexual frustration and unmet porn needs. And when Ryo did get the porn box back and the prize money from Jin and Pi, Shige decided it would be best to stay with his less horny friend Koyama for the night.
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Ryo and Shige had been living together for about a year and got along…
Well, they got along. A little. Sometimes.
So when Shige was cooking dinner and Ryo offered to help, he was a bit reluctant to accept the offer.
“Do you even know how to cook?”
Ryo chuckled, “I can probably cook better than you.”
Shige grinned as he pointed at the stove and let Ryo stir the boiling noodles he had placed on the stove five minutes prior to Ryo’s interruption.
The two began to talk comfortably and openly as they cooked; mentioning their family, friends, favorite memories, or something that had happened just that week. They even brought up all the time’s they couldn’t stand each other and what they did to make each other mad.
Eventually, the two got so enthralled in their conversation, that they forgot one dish was left cooking on the stove when they sat on the couch to eat.
“Hey Ryo? Do you smell that?”
“Yeah…did you turn off the stove?”
“No I thought you did.”
Both turned towards the stove only to see flames eating at the pot that was still sitting on the stove.
“Shit! I’ll turn off the stove! Shige get the fire extinguisher!”
“I don’t have one!”
“Then fill up a bucket with water!”
After Ryo had successfully turned off the stove and Shige poured an insane amount of water onto the burning (and once edible) dish, the two rushed over to their windows in order to air out the smoke and steam that now filled their apartment.
Ryo wandered over to the couch and plopped himself next to Shige, “We can’t cook.”
“It’s take out from now on.”
Ryo chuckled and looked over at Shige, “We make a good team, huh?”
Shige grinned back at Ryo, “I guess we do.”
Ryo kicked up his feet on the small coffee table and began to look through the small stack of mail lying there and found an envelope addressed to both him and Shige from Jin, “Looks like Jin sent us a card.”
Ryo tore open the envelope and examined the postcard and snorted as he threw the card at Shige to read. It read “Greetings from L.A.!” with a slightly scandalous picture of Jin and Pi doing body shots off of each other.
“That’s nice of them.”
“Yeah.”
THE END.
(Don't lie. This ending was EPIC.)