We love the abuse because it makes us feel like we are needed.

[takemeaway]

No one really reads this long forgotten journal anymore, so I feel comfortable ranting in it about the stupidest shit invading my head. This recent manic episode has really pushed my neuroses [I'm not even sure if this is the word I'm looking for, but it seems to fit to me] into overdrive. Besides the ocd, I've been on a 2 day starvation kick. Yeah

Comments

You'd be surprised...

[ophelias_lament]

...at who's reading. Still. *little wave*

I don't know if I was meant to see this, but if so - then I'm glad to know. In a way it sucks because I still consider you one of my best friends and I feel like...like I wish I could be of more help. Or there when you needed. Ya know?

Sex and alcohol. The pair did me in. The first given too quickly in an effort to feel needed, wanted, worthy. The second to forget it all in one fell swoop. I made a resolution this past spring to both commit to one person and curb the drinking. I took up working out/eating right in an effort to keep myself focused. So far its worked, but now I'm obsessed with every little calorie (down to fucking TicTacs) and pushing myself past the two-hour mark on days I worthless (like today.)

Ah, the ravages of addiction.

So yeah, I feel ya. If there's anything I can do to help, you know. I'm here.

Re: You'd be surprised...

[takemeaway]

I certainly don't mind if you read this, I guess I meant everyone else. I think most of my other 'friends' on this journal are just anonymous internet types, so I never have to actually look them in the face. [if that makes any sense] And it's not as if we haven't been through a lot, eh?

And thanks, I appreciate it. I'm always here if you need anything, as well.