Decartes and Spinoza are Killing Me
i just feel like letting somethings out
im screwing up big time. I fuck up at school and wait until the last minute to do my work. Dont get me wrong i love learning but i just cannot do work, specially if im at home. Im tooo freakin lazy. I have tried to change but i just cant, itll only last days. I dont know what to do. this really makes me feel bad and logically im harming myself. I need to get outof humanitas i just know i wont make it. I wanna graduate next year and just go to the Navy already. I think thats the best thing for me, i need discipline, i need organization inflicted on me. High school was my down fall, i used to do all my hw in middle school. i had As and Bs.Now i just look at them(my grades) and think i could have never gotten accepted by a good university.
ive noticed that im really irrational and too much of an idealist. I rely on my senses more than on the truth and reason. But then again i cant rely on that either because most of the times what i think is the truth is not at all, Or my reason. my intuition leads me to believe things and i persue them as to be truth. I jump to conclusions too soon. All of this makes me think that im a bad person and im so damn fragile because ive got things all wrong. Locke said that knowledge of the world could only be gained first by the senses. But still you cant rely on it everytime it happens you cant make aumptions on your feelings. Im driven by my feelings, they control me, my feelings are my ideas. I cant change who i am. I cant hide or exchange my feelings for rationalism. Hopefully this is just a stage in my out of lesson years. If i continue to be this way im afarid ill become a failure. Cause and effect. Ill never become what i want to be and that really worries me .