Fic : Holding Out For A Hero (Star Trek/Heroes xover) PG13 for Jaune-Chat
For jaune-chat who turns 30 today! I grabbed this from your plot box and cracked all over it XD]
Title : Holding Out For A Hero
Genre : Crack / crossover
Words : 807
Rating : PG
Summary : A band of earthlings with special abilities get beamed aboard the Enterprise and Captain Kirk has to roll out the welcome wagon.
Captain’s Log : Stardate : (fill this in later when Spock is here)
Despite my insistence that my Beta shift be replaced with cadets who know their asses from Wisconsin it seems that Starfleet in their infinite wisdom (sarcasm) have decided to land me in the middle of one of their ‘pilot schemes’. It appears that some sort of time travel incident has occurred AGAIN and we have a band of five earth people who have some kind of ability. They want to staff them onto my ship because in their words “I am experienced at handling challenging crew members”. I know what this is about. This is because of the Winter Party and what happened to my pants.
Captain’s Log : Stardate : 234.12. something (basically, the one after the last one)
So, this bunch are weird as all hell. The little blonde girl is hot very competent and can’t be hurt, so that’s interesting, though I don’t know how she’d do with a transporter incident. Maybe we should keep one of her teeth or some nail clippings around, just in case. The skinny one with the funny smile, Peter?, he’s okay.He has telepathy right now so when he and Spock get together it’s like having two de-tuned radios screaming at each other.
There’s a kid called Micah who can ‘talk’ to technology, and boy does Chekov not appreciate that. He’s used to being the whiz around here but little Micah makes him look like a Klingon cave buzzard, and it sounds like his balls have actually dropped. Then there’s Tracey, well she’s pretty much useless out here, all she can do is turn things to ice, which might be great planet side, but on board ship pretty much all she can do is freshen Bones’ Tom Collins.
My favourite is Sylar. He’s smart, he has this brain thing where he knows how everything works, and plus he has all the abilities of all the other guys, so we don’t even need them around! He loves Spock, can’t get enough of him, and he’s been great with helping Bones in the lab. Plus, come on, he’s totally hot competent. I mean that ass mind doesn’t quit and he looks strong, you know? I bet he sucks plays Vulcan chess like a black hole pro. Working on getting in his pants personel file.
Captain’s Log : Stardate : Whatever is in the last one, plus one
Crew are actually getting on okay with the newbies. Uhura and Tracy started circling each other but turns out Tracy speaks Mandarin Chinese, a dead form of the language which Uhura seems very keen to learn for some reason. Maybe she’s hoping to meet some Chinese zombies. Peter and Bones get on, he’s a nurse and can actually tell when people are lying because of the telepathy thing, unlike Bones who just assumes every patient of his is lying. Micah and Chekov have reached an uneasy truce. Honestly, I think they’re fucking playing Vulcan chess. Claire and Sulu have hit it off and Ensign Ricky seems pretty pleased not to have to go on so many dangerous away missions now she’s on board.
I’m beginning to think maybe Sylar is one of these asexuals. I can’t otherwise understand how he can resist me, I’ve been top of my game for the past week and still no dice. When I mentioned it to Spock he just smirked, and even he hasn’t been wanting to play Vulcan chess (actual Vulcan chess) lately. He spends all his time with Sylar in the lab talking about control methods and the ability to keep anger and useless emotion at bay. Still, I won’t give up. I’m Jim Kirk god dammit!
Captain’s Log : Stardate : oh come on, why can’t they pre-print these things like Earth calendars?
OMFG Spock and Sylar are totally fucking playing Vulcan chess. I caught them right at it when I went to borrow lube from Spock and accidentally used the command override codes. They were screwing playing Vulcan chess like chkariyas! So since I’ve pretty much tried it with every one of the new crew and been brutally re-buffed, I went to see Peter, who so far I left alone because he seemed kind of a goody goody. Well, whaddya know, he’s a total slut professional! He had me six ways from Sunday before I could even remember my name! Plus, that telepathy meant I didn’t have to yell so loud, which I’m pretty sure will stop me getting into so much trouble in foreign embassies. Thank God for Starfleet finally making a sensible decision! I love the new crew!
Captain’s Log : Stardate : 214 whatevs
I am now banned for life from the Cardassian embassy.
Title : Holding Out For A Hero
Genre : Crack / crossover
Words : 807
Rating : PG
Summary : A band of earthlings with special abilities get beamed aboard the Enterprise and Captain Kirk has to roll out the welcome wagon.
Captain’s Log : Stardate : (fill this in later when Spock is here)
Despite my insistence that my Beta shift be replaced with cadets who know their asses from Wisconsin it seems that Starfleet in their infinite wisdom (sarcasm) have decided to land me in the middle of one of their ‘pilot schemes’. It appears that some sort of time travel incident has occurred AGAIN and we have a band of five earth people who have some kind of ability. They want to staff them onto my ship because in their words “I am experienced at handling challenging crew members”. I know what this is about. This is because of the Winter Party and what happened to my pants.
Captain’s Log : Stardate : 234.12. something (basically, the one after the last one)
So, this bunch are weird as all hell. The little blonde girl is hot very competent and can’t be hurt, so that’s interesting, though I don’t know how she’d do with a transporter incident. Maybe we should keep one of her teeth or some nail clippings around, just in case. The skinny one with the funny smile, Peter?, he’s okay.He has telepathy right now so when he and Spock get together it’s like having two de-tuned radios screaming at each other.
There’s a kid called Micah who can ‘talk’ to technology, and boy does Chekov not appreciate that. He’s used to being the whiz around here but little Micah makes him look like a Klingon cave buzzard, and it sounds like his balls have actually dropped. Then there’s Tracey, well she’s pretty much useless out here, all she can do is turn things to ice, which might be great planet side, but on board ship pretty much all she can do is freshen Bones’ Tom Collins.
My favourite is Sylar. He’s smart, he has this brain thing where he knows how everything works, and plus he has all the abilities of all the other guys, so we don’t even need them around! He loves Spock, can’t get enough of him, and he’s been great with helping Bones in the lab. Plus, come on, he’s totally hot competent. I mean that ass mind doesn’t quit and he looks strong, you know? I bet he sucks plays Vulcan chess like a black hole pro. Working on getting in his pants personel file.
Captain’s Log : Stardate : Whatever is in the last one, plus one
Crew are actually getting on okay with the newbies. Uhura and Tracy started circling each other but turns out Tracy speaks Mandarin Chinese, a dead form of the language which Uhura seems very keen to learn for some reason. Maybe she’s hoping to meet some Chinese zombies. Peter and Bones get on, he’s a nurse and can actually tell when people are lying because of the telepathy thing, unlike Bones who just assumes every patient of his is lying. Micah and Chekov have reached an uneasy truce. Honestly, I think they’re fucking playing Vulcan chess. Claire and Sulu have hit it off and Ensign Ricky seems pretty pleased not to have to go on so many dangerous away missions now she’s on board.
I’m beginning to think maybe Sylar is one of these asexuals. I can’t otherwise understand how he can resist me, I’ve been top of my game for the past week and still no dice. When I mentioned it to Spock he just smirked, and even he hasn’t been wanting to play Vulcan chess (actual Vulcan chess) lately. He spends all his time with Sylar in the lab talking about control methods and the ability to keep anger and useless emotion at bay. Still, I won’t give up. I’m Jim Kirk god dammit!
Captain’s Log : Stardate : oh come on, why can’t they pre-print these things like Earth calendars?
OMFG Spock and Sylar are totally fucking playing Vulcan chess. I caught them right at it when I went to borrow lube from Spock and accidentally used the command override codes. They were screwing playing Vulcan chess like chkariyas! So since I’ve pretty much tried it with every one of the new crew and been brutally re-buffed, I went to see Peter, who so far I left alone because he seemed kind of a goody goody. Well, whaddya know, he’s a total slut professional! He had me six ways from Sunday before I could even remember my name! Plus, that telepathy meant I didn’t have to yell so loud, which I’m pretty sure will stop me getting into so much trouble in foreign embassies. Thank God for Starfleet finally making a sensible decision! I love the new crew!
Captain’s Log : Stardate : 214 whatevs
I am now banned for life from the Cardassian embassy.