[Fandom: Tokio Hotel] Sleeping with ghosts [PG15]
Title: Sleeping with ghosts
Pairing: None
Rating: PG15
Beta: di_glossia(thank you!)
Genre: Drama, Hurt/Comfort
Warnings: Death
Disclamer: Tokio Hotel aren't mine.
Summary:
"Tom. Where is Tom?!"
His mother looked at him, perplexed and worried.
"Sweetheart, who is Tom?"
Sleeping with ghosts
CHAPTER 5
-Heart-
****
Moving fast. Faster and faster. Not stopping.
And always going too fast.
Too fast.
"Give me a drink."
Laughing. Tearing the beer from Tom’s hands. Laughing.
"Be careful."
Obviously.
"Sure.”
Laughing.
The trill of a laugh. And going faster and faster.
Pressing the accelerator to the floor.
The thrill of speed. The alcoholic intoxication in the body.
Too much alcohol.
Too fast.
Not stopping.
Two laughs that are lost in the night. Two laughs that are chasing one another.
The dark continues. Sometimes a flash of light. But it’s always too fast.
Tom…
The light.
Blinding. Sudden. White. So bright that you’re forced to close your eyes.
Not seeing.
Not feeling.
Not talking.
Screaming.
Hearing a scream.
"BILL!"
Darkness.
The end.
Darkness.
****
Us.
Me and you.
Bill and Tom.
Will be.
It’s the future. It’s the present. It’s the past.
Some things simply are. Some things never change.
Always.
Till the end. And the end will continue on forever.
Together.
You and me.
Bill and Tom.
Can you believe it?
****
He opened his eyes.
We will always be together.
A distant promise. A promise that he couldn’t delete from his mind.
A tear falling down his cheek. A solitary tear.
Alone.
Like him.
And now he knew. He knew. And perhaps he had always known.
He closed his eyes, trying to stabilize his breath.
Bill and Tom.
Now he knew.
Now everything was clear.
Tom was not his brother.
Tom had never existed in his life.
But Tom was real.
And he wasn’t Bill.
Bill had never existed in his life.
But Bill was not real anymore.
Now he knew.
*
"I have to try…”
His mother shook her head violently. "I won’t listen to any of your reasoning. Don’t even try it. You’re not getting out of that bed!"
"But I'm fine," he protested.
His mother rolled her eyes. "No, you’re not! I won’t let you go around the hospital looking for someone who couldn’t possibly exist!"
He felt tears sting his eyes. Of course he existed. Of course.
He wasn’t mad. And now he knew. Now he had everything in front of his eyes.
Now he knew, damn it.
"Please, mom…"
"No!"
He sighed. "Why don’t you understand…"
His mother shook her head. "I don’t want anything to happen to you…"
He closed his eyes.
It was too important to let go. He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t ever forgive himself.
He would never be able to erase the guilt.
He should do it.
He had to try. And his mother had to understand. It was something more important, stronger, than what she thought.
He opened his eyes. "You find him…" he murmured. He knew that his mother would never accept such a thing, but he should at least try.
"No way…I'm not going to roam the hospital in search of a ghost…and even if he existed, you can’t know if he’s actually here…"
"I know…but I'm sure…"
His mother looked into his eyes. For a moment they remained like this, staring, looking for answers that neither possessed.
Eventually she gave up.
"Okay…I’ll go look but I’ll go only one time around the hospital. If I find him, okay… otherwise…"
She was already at the door when he called. "Mom…his name is Tom…and he has dreadlocks and…" he sighed, "… he was in a car accident."
*
"Sorry, Mrs., I can’t help you…"
The woman sighed. She had completed a quick tour in the hospital. She had looked in a couple rooms. She had decided to seek information from the nurses…but not knowing the boy’s last name, it was virtually impossible to track him down.
… and, at the root of it, she didn’t care enough about searching to waste the time it would take to find him.
She didn’t believe what her son had told her.
It was absurd. Something that happened in the movies, maybe. Not in real life.
She looked around one last time, but…nothing. She didn’t see any boy with dreadlocks.
She had already started to walk away, when a conversation between an elderly couple not far from where she stood caught her attention.
"He doesn’t want to go home…"
She stopped for a moment to look at the face of a sweet woman. Her eyes were red from crying.
"Tom is strong, Simone…" the man in front of her said.
Tom.
Tom.
She was sure that her heart had skipped a beat on hearing that name.
Tom.
"I know, but…it’s just…you know?" The tears had begun to fall on the face of the woman, Simone. "He says he doesn’t want to leave him, that…he doesn’t want to go home. And I don’t know what to do, Gordon…"
Tom.
She could only think of that.
Perhaps his son was right.
Perhaps…this was all real.
"Excuse me," she tried to draw the attention of the couple in front of her. "We don’t…we don’t know each other, maybe what I'm about to say will be nonsense, but…I need to talk to you about something, something important…"
*
His mother was pushing the wheelchair with quick steps. Maybe she wanted to end everything quickly.
He felt bad.
As if he were about to die at any moment.
He was no longer sure he wanted to do it. He was no longer sure he was strong enough to withstand something like that. How dare he appear in front of him?
It was not his fault. He knew that.
But something stronger than his mind yelled that, for the boy, Tom, he would have been just one more reason to hate the world.
"This is the room."
He motioned to his mother to let him go inalone.
This was something that only he could do. Only him.
Alone.
He passed a man and a woman, who looked apprehensive, and then he entered.
It was incredible to see how similar he was to his memories…how was him, simply.
Tom.
The person that he had dreamed about, pleaded and screamed about until he awoke.
Tom.
The brother of the guy who had saved his life. Sacrificing his own.
*
"Tom?"
His eyes were exactly like in his memories. Exactly. Crazed, slightly slanted. But red.
"Who are you?"
Even the voice was the same. Identical. He knew it perfectly. As if he had done nothing but listen to him his whole life long.
"You don’t know me…my name is Karl…"
Those eyes were full out doubt. Uncertain.
God, he felt horrible…
"…I am…" he breathed deeply, trying to force "…I think I'm the one who received your brother’s heart…"
Tom stared.
And there was silence.
The worst silence of his whole life.
He felt pierced by those eyes. He felt as if in any moment Tom would read his death sentence.
And then he saw his eyes change. Changing from frightened to angry. Shiny. Full of tears.
"What do you want?"
His voice was cold. And scared. And it hurt. It was too much all at once, he thought he couldn’t withstand all that weight on himself.
"Nothing…I want nothing from you…but-" He bit his lower lip. "…I don’t know how and why…and I don’t even know if this is true…but it was like I have in me your brother’s memories... "
Tom didn’t look away. He continued to stare at him, heedless of the tears on his cheeks. Heedless of everything. Except him. He seemed to want to read inside him, as if to test the veracity of his statements.
"Bill…" he murmured in the end, almost without noticing.
And in that moment he realized that he had heard that name in all his dreams. Bill. That name he couldn’t connect to anything initially. The name that always seemed far away. Blurred. So different from the 'Tom' that echoed in his head.
"I…I'm sorry…"
He couldn’t stand the look of that boy. Tom’s brother’s heart was now beating inside him. He was alive thanks to that heart. While Bill was dead because of him.
It was all wrong.
Tom squeezed his eyes until they were narrow slits. "Why should you be? You're alive…"
The anger in his voice made him shiver.
Maybe he had done it all wrong.
Maybe he should have kept that secret to himself.
Maybe he shouldn’t have agreed to meet him.
"…I'm sorry to be alive," he admitted. "…but I know…I feel the bond that existed between you two…that there still is among you…"
"Go away."
He stared. Tom didn’t look at him anymore. He had turned to look out of the window.
"I said, go away…"
Without another word, he did what he was asked.
*
Maybe he had done it all wrong.
All. Wrong.
****
Note: sorry for the long wait! Only one chapter left =)