I like the mystery in the scene where Ennis is swimming to the rescue -- the shadows of the clouds and his own body making a long narrow shape shooting along underneath him and then something ropy, muscular and cold "snaking" around his body. We've been primed to expect danger in the water, maybe a creature, and then... there it is. Oh wait, no it's nothing. Or is it?
In this passage, did you make a mistake with a first name or leave a sentence out? It doesn't seem to make sense:
Both of them were silent as David maneuvered the car out of the McClure's yard. “Well,” David finally said, deadpan, “you sure know how to make a first impression.”
David glanced over, a little startled. “What's that again?”
Ennis spent a few moments trying to sift out the still-jumbled recollection. “When I got way out, I could hear people on the beach yellin'. And I was just thinkin' a that. . . .”
Glad to see you're still working on this -- better late than never!
I really like thisrebob66November 23 2014, 17:06:38 UTC
When I read the first entry to this story, I didn't think I was going to read much of it because it occurs after Jack's death. But I kept reading and I have truly enjoyed the story you have written. Great story line, great characters, and very well written. I can't wait until more is posted. Please add me as a friend or put me on the list to get notified when this happens.
I have loved this story, very late to the party.... I think your BBM post jack's death is the perfect sequel (I also love Madlori Human Interest and Two Crows Joy for a "what if " outcome to BBM). Someone may have already asked this so forgive me if I have repeated. In this chapter I get the feeling that the neighbour who speaks to Ennis about the old Mr Bailey could be Jack reminding him of his advice on rip tides? Also, the brother when saying goodbye to Ennis could he have been Nathan somehow? Love your writing, is there going to be a final chapter?
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Hugs,
Jackie
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In this passage, did you make a mistake with a first name or leave a sentence out? It doesn't seem to make sense:
Both of them were silent as David maneuvered the car out of the McClure's yard. “Well,” David finally said, deadpan, “you sure know how to make a first impression.”
David glanced over, a little startled. “What's that again?”
Ennis spent a few moments trying to sift out the still-jumbled recollection. “When I got way out, I could hear people on the beach yellin'. And I was just thinkin' a that. . . .”
Glad to see you're still working on this -- better late than never!
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Yeah, I must have the longest-running WIP in the fandom, for sure!
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Rebob
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I think your BBM post jack's death is the perfect sequel (I also love Madlori Human Interest and Two Crows Joy for a "what if " outcome to BBM).
Someone may have already asked this so forgive me if I have repeated. In this chapter I get the feeling that the neighbour who speaks to Ennis about the old Mr Bailey could be Jack reminding him of his advice on rip tides? Also, the brother when saying goodbye to Ennis could he have been Nathan somehow?
Love your writing, is there going to be a final chapter?
Reply
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