Primeval Fanfic: Boy Scouts In The Ice Age
Title: Boy Scouts In The Ice Age
Author: TalliW
Characters: Nick Cutter, Jenny Lewis, a few cavemen, Stephen Hart
Rating: K
Disclaimer: Primeval is the property of Impossible Pictures. I write just for fun.
Acknowledgments: Thanks to Fredbassett for beta-reading. I couldn't have done it without you.
Summary: Cutter and Jenny are stranded in the Ice Age
AN: That's a very belated birthday present for reggietate. Or an early easter egg. ;)
It doesn’t actually fit your prompt exactly but I hope you like it anyway.
Nick Cutter's eyes went as big as saucers as Jenny unpacked the contents of her handbag.
"You really weren't kidding when you said you should have been a boy scout."
Jenny grinned. "I was the only girl in our Oxfordshire scout group long before they had to accept girls in officially," she declared proudly as she laid the Swiss Army Knife next to the matches, the pocket torch, the package of moist toilet tissues and the four Tempo Hanky Pocket Packs. Every time she reached into the depths of her handbag she produced another valuable item. Cutter was especially pleased when she brought out four chocolate bars, an apple and a handful of sugar and salt sachets.
Ignoring the handful of private items she hastily shoved back into her bag, he asked interestedly, "How did that come about?"
"I could have joined the Girl Guides but I found the things the boys were allowed to do far more interesting. So I pestered the local scout group until they agreed to give me a week to prove myself. When I helped them out of a situation with a man whose's crops the group had accidentally trampled I was in," Jenny told him.
"What did you do? Trot out a pack of lies to the owner of the field?"
"If you have to know I just apologised politely and begged him not to press charges against my friends. Apparently he couldn't resist the pleading look of a little girl with pig-tails and a dental brace. For compensation we helped him muck out the stables and the scout leader chopped some wood. We parted with the farmer on good terms and I’d earned my place in the scout group."
Cutter threw an amused look at Jenny who seemed to be lost in memories. Good memories if the faint smile on her lips was any indication. Then a shiver ran through her body and she snapped back into reality.
"Cutter, make yourself useful. We need wood for a campfire."
"Where should I get wood here?"
Nick Cutter looked out of the cave at the snowy landscape of the Quaternary and furrowed his brow.
It really hadn't been his best idea to take a look into the Ice Age. But his curiosity had been piqued after he had seen the Giant Deer.
How could he have known that the anomaly opened directly onto a slope and that he would lose his balance and topple down as soon as he had poked his head through?
Still, he hadn't expected that Jenny Lewis of all people would join him not even two minutes later, still armed with her handbag and mobile, and with those terrible high-heels on her feet. He would probably have bruises on his backside from the pointed heels for weeks.
Cutter didn't believe her explanation that she had been pushed in by the Giant Deer one little bit. He would rather bet feminine curiosity had got the better of her. Or she had come to his rescue. But that thought was more than ridiculous.
"Then pick up that old mammoth dung we saw outside," Jenny ordered.
"You are kidding me? You want to use shit as to make a fire?"
"It's not my preferred method of maintaining a fire but it doesn't look like we have much choice. At least it will keep us warm overnight. Besides dried animal dung is still used as fuel in large parts of the developing world. So it can't be that bad."
"I bet you’ve been watching the National Geography channel a lot," Cutter huffed but then followed Jenny's order reluctantly.
A while later he had stacked a nice amount of dried mammoth dung in the cave right next to the stone circle Jenny had prepared for a safe camp fire. It hadn't been the most pleasant work but the movement had kept him warm at least. Luckily he had donned his thick wool jacket this morning. Jenny didn't look like her designer suit was providing much protection against the cold.
Nevertheless Cutter didn't intend to waste the opportunity to nettle her. "I might have needed your help. It's freezing cold out there," he said.
"I had other things to do. Please, would you now get the fire lit before the night closes in."
Cutter couldn't believe her audacity. Who did she think she was? Ordering him around like a little servant. Her boy scout abilities really left much to be desired if he had to do all the important work.
Grumbling under his breath Cutter grasped some dung and one of the paper tissues to light the fire. He was doing it only because they probably wouldn't survive the night without it, he told himself. In no way was he bowing to Jenny Lewis' command.
Nick Cutter looked proudly at the crackling fire. He certainly wasn't a bad boy scout either. Almost challengingly, he glanced over to Jenny. If she dared to bitch about how long it had taken him to get the fire burning he would give her a piece of his mind. It hadn't been easy to light the mammoth dung.
But Jenny just bestowed a genuine smile on him, handed him a chocolate bar and half of an apple and then sat down beside him at the fire.
"Do you think the anomaly will reopen soon?"
"Probably," he answered brusquely. "We’ve always got back in the past."
"Then we should think about a way to get up that icy mountain. I'm wondering how the Giant Deer managed it."
"Maybe the anomaly moves around."
"Does that happen often?"
Cutter ignored her question and said, "There might also be another anomaly. One that's easier accessible. We have to check that out tomorrow."
Jenny shivered at the thought of wandering around in the cold and skidded closer to the fire.
"How often have you been in such a situation? Being stuck in the past after the anomaly has closed?"
Cutter sighed silently whilst he tried to find a comfortable position on the hard ground. Why could women never be quiet?
From the corner of his eye he saw Jenny fiddling with her chocolate bar. She was nervous and tightly-drawn and not at all as composed as she tried to appear. Jenny Lewis had most likely never been in a situation like this before.
A little friendlier than he had first intended he answered her question. "Just once before. With Stephen and this kid, Taylor, in the Silurian."
Jenny stared at the flames while she nibbled on her chocolate bar. The fire was illuminating the cave and distributed just enough heat to warm her front.
"At least it was warm in the Silurian," she mumbled absentmindedly.
"Oh yes, 40° C in the shade and giant scorpions for company; the perfect paradise."
After a while Jenny turned around to get her backside warmed but quickly moved back to her previous position as her front began to cool down.
Cutter fared far better with his thick jacket. He had actually started to enjoy sitting by the campfire and munching apples and chocolate. He always had loved expeditions in the field.
'But for someone like Jenny Lewis that must be hell,' he thought.The woman just didn't look like she cared much for camping despite her scout’s attitude.
But once again Jenny surprised him.
"God, I missed this. Nothing feels so great as looking into the flames of a campfire in the evening and eating sweets," she said before she took a small bite from her chocolate bar. "I just wish it wasn't so bloody cold and we had some decent camping equipment handy."
Cutter chewed the last piece of his apple-half and looked at Jenny curiously.
Noticing his look Jenny enquired, "Is something wrong?"
"No, no. Just never pictured you as someone who would like camping."
Jenny laughed out loud. "I can imagine. But my parents were crazy about everything involving nature. Hiking, camping trips or at least outdoor picnics. Every holiday they dragged me and my sister out in the woods for some family time."
"And you loved it?"
"Christ, no. I hated it. All my friends spent their time in cool holiday camps with other kids, only I was under the thumb of my parents in some godforsaken forest with a bunch of old farts. I only realised how much it meant to me when we stopped going camping years later."
"What happened?"
"My sister got sick. Nearly died of meningocephalitis she had got through a tick. My parents never went into the woods with us after that ever again."
"We always realise too late what we have had," Cutter answered melancholically, his eyes trained on Jenny but his mind miles away.
Jenny shuddered with cold again and Cutter contemplated lending her his jacket. But then he would freeze himself and he had no intention of adding being cold to his condition. The hard stone ground was already uncomfortable enough on his bruised backside.
"Come here," he said and opened his arms inviting. "It will keep your back warm," he added quickly as he noticed Jenny's look.
Jenny only hesitated for a moment before she slid over to Cutter and sat down between his legs. His arms closed instantly around her midriff and drew her closer to his body.
"God, Cutter! You are hotter than a radiator," she sighed with pleasure whilst she snuggled deeper in his embrace.
"Glad to be of service."
Cutter rested his chin on Jenny's right shoulder and together they stared into the dancing flames of the fire.
The fragrance of peach and orange blossom was overwhelming and Cutter inhaled the typical feminine smell deeply.
Jenny had sagged against him and her regular breathing indicated that she was asleep. He felt less exhausted as before so he guessed he must have also taken a short nap. Still he was surprised he'd managed to sleep in such a cramped position.
Jenny mumbled something in her sleep and some loose tendrils of her bun tickled Cutter's cheek. It had been ages since he had been in such immediate proximity to a woman. The last time had been with Claudia in the golf hotel. But the situation hadn't allowed much time to enjoy the moment. Now he had all the time in the world.
Slowly Jenny became aware of her surroundings. Mark was keeping her tight to his body and had his face pressed into her hair. Then she realised with a start that it couldn't be her former fiance. Mark had moved out three weeks ago and he had never liked to cuddle.
"Morning, sleepyhead," Cutter mumbled softly against her ear as he felt her stir.
Jenny yelped, startled, as she heard the familiar voice. "What are you doing in my bed, Cutter?
As she tried to raise up his arms fastened around her body and kept her in place.
"Easy, Jenny. Let the blood flow return to normal first."
Jenny realised he was right as the blood rushed painfully back into her extremities and made her feel a little dizzy. She definitely wasn't in her comfortable double bed at home.
"Anomaly, Ice Age, dungfire, a dashing hero. Do you remember now?"
"Oh well. I had hoped that was a nightmare."
Cutter helped her stand up and then stretched his cramped body.
Whilst Jenny stalked to the exit of the cave she looked back over her shoulder to Cutter who just pulled a face as he rolled his head back and forwards to loosen his stiff neck.
"And where is the dashing hero hiding?" she called teasingly.
She was gone before Cutter had formulated a clever reply.
„These damned high heels are a pain in the rear," Jenny cursed as she returned. Swiftly she slipped out of her shoes, snatched the left one and banged it against the wall of the cave. With a sickening noise the heel broke off. She repeated the process with the second shoe and then slipped back into her footwear.
"Ah, that's better."
Cutter watched amused as she hurried over to the fire and held her behind as close to the flames as possible.
"Breakfast?" he asked and chucked half of a chocolate bar in her direction. Jenny caught it with ease.
"No sight of an anomaly," Cutter announced tiredly. After a short trip to take care of nature's call he'd decided that it was better when Jenny stayed in the cave. It wouldn't do if she caught pneumonia in her flimsy clothing.
"And on the mountain?"
"Couldn't see any glittering so I guess it hasn't reopened."
When Cutter sat down at the fire he noticed the new stack of dry dung next to it.
"You shouldn't expose yourself to the biting cold unnecessarily," he scolded.
"It was necessary. Without any fuel we won’t survive long enough to die from pneumonia. Here, eat some snow to keep yourself hydrated."
The next two days passed in a similar manner. After sleeping huddled together at the campfire Cutter left the cave to go looking for an anomaly. He returned frozen to the marrow and frustrated.
Meanwhile Jenny had gathered some more mammoth dung for the fire and welcomed him back with a smile and a piece of chocolate.
"What's going on?" Jenny was raised up from her slumber by a bugle blast. No, it wasn't a bugle blast but Cutter sneezing right into her ear.
"Atishoo," Cutter sneezed again and Jenny hurried to get away from him.
"Bless you. Seems you have caught a cold."
"Rubbish! I never get a cold. The only time I sneeze it when my allergy kicks in."
"What are you allergic to?"
"Bloody... Atishoo...daffodils."
"It's very unlikely daffodils grow in this climate. Face it, Cutter, you’ve caught a cold in the time you’ve been outside searching for the anomaly."
"I'm fit as a fiddle," Cutter declared hoarsely before he sneezed twice in a row. A moment later he was shaken by a coughing fit.
"I can see that."
"All right. I might have caught a cold yesterday. But... Atishoo ...give me a few hours and I will be back in business. A cold never bothers me long. I have an iron constitution."
But hours later Cutter's condition had only got worse. The pile of Tempo hankies had dwindled considerately, and still there was no end in sight of Cutter's runny nose. Also their small supply of food was almost used up by now. Only the sugar and salt sachets remained. Just when Cutter urgently needed proper food to fight off his infection.
"Give me your gun," Jenny said determined. "I’ll see if I can find something edible. We need food."
Cutter turned to her with a puffy face. "You aren't properly dressed for this weather. You can't go out there."
He heaved himself up with difficulty and staggered to the exit.
"Where do you think you are going, Cutter? Get your arse back to the fire."
"I'm fit and healthy as a spring chicken. I will get us..." His speech was interrupted by a coughing fit and a powerful sneeze.
"Like a spring chicken with a hefty cold maybe. You’ll catch your death if you go out there in this condition."
Cutter tried to protest as Jenny pulled him back to the fire. But his nose started tickling again. With some difficulty he managed to hold back another blast but lost as his body wanted to get rid of the mucus in his lungs a moment later.
"You can't go out there and kill animals. It might affect our future."
"The gun is just for protection, Cutter. I will only shoot if it's absolutely necessary."
"Do you even know how to handle a gun?"
"I always have been a good shot. Now give me the weapon. Or do I have to force you?"
Cutter laughed haughtily. "And how do you think... Ouch!"
With a skillful grip Jenny had wrenched the gun from Cutter's waistband and walked to the mouth of the cave.
"Jenny, wait." Cutter quickly shrugged out of his jacket and offered it to her. "At least take my jacket before you freeze to death. Your clothes aren’t very suitable for this weather."
"Cutter, you’re sick. You need your coat yourself."
"You need it more than me right now," he said stubbornly. "Don't worry. It's warm enough in the cave. If I sit near the fire I can easily manage without it for a while."
Thankful, Jenny slipped on the thick wool jacket and fastened the buttons.
"I'll be back in an hour," she declared and vanished in the white cold.
Almost punctual, she returned loaded with a small chunk of frozen meat.
"I found some sort of reindeer carcass near the stream. The poor animal must have died on the way to the watering place. Most of its flesh was already missing but I still got enough to make us a nice barbecue tonight. Something must have disturbed the predator."
There was no answer from Cutter and, worried, Jenny rushed over to him. He lay on his side near the campfire, his head bedded on the hard stone ground and he was shivering violently.
Jenny cursed her own stupidity. She shouldn't have left him alone. Carefully she maneuvered him around so he was resting against her body.
Cutter mumbled something unintelligible as Jenny gently felt his forehead. His skin was burning hot.
He woke up, comfortable, warm and relaxed. His head was resting against Jenny's bosom and she was softly stroking his hair.
"Welcome back, Cutter. I was afraid I was too late."
Cutter lifted his head and peered at his surroundings. They still were in the cave so the rescue party had only been a dream.
As soon as he moved, his head started pounding and his throat ached worse than before.
"Damned cold. This time it got me bad," he croaked, jaded.
"Your fever has broken but your temperature is still a little high. How do you feel?"
"Head hurts like hell. At least the nose isn't running anymore."
"Yeah, we have run out of tissues. I don't think it's a good sign though. It's always better that the snot comes out rather than entrenching itself in the frontal sinus. I suspect that's where your headache is coming from."
"Great. Do you have some more good news?"
"I got us meat. And before you get agitated the animal was already dead. I just gathered the rest of the meat the predator had left."
"Good. We must not interfere with balance of nature."
Cutter registered the grey-green of his jacket on Jenny's arms.
"You are still wearing my jacket," he stated.
"Yes, I am It’s served me well through the night. This time I was keeping you warm."
Cutter lowered his head back to Jenny's bosom and closed his eyes. He was far too tired and comfortable to want to change position. If she liked his jacket that much she could take care of him for a little while longer.
He heard her potter around next to him while she tried to move her body as little as possible. He didn't mind when her bosom heaved a little stronger occasionally. It was a pleasurable feeling.
Before he knew what was happening the lovely smell of roasted meat wafted up to him from the stones around the fire, so strong he could even smell it despite his rhinitis.
"Lunch is ready. Come on, Cutter, wake up. You need to eat."
Jenny pursed her lips as she watched Cutter stagger outside to empty his bladder. He still hadn't got significantly better. His throat wasn't aching as much any more but his headache hadn't eased and he was still coughing. She was positive that he had a sinus infection now.
Jenny hadn't dared to leave him alone for the last two days and now they were running out of food again.
In the hours Cutter had fallen in a uneasy sleep, she had contemplated her options. Food wasn't the only thing they needed badly. She had the feeling the nights had got colder with every passing day. If the temperature dropped further even the fire wouldn't keep them warm enough anymore.
She hated the thought of resorting to killing animals. But if they wanted to survive there wasn't much choice. The pelts would keep them warm and the meat would provide sustenance.
She knew Cutter would disagree but he wasn't always rational when it came to animals. It was either do or die and she wasn't willing to give up yet. She had to take care of them both.
Gradually Cutter got worried. Jenny had been gone for three hours now. Perhaps something had happened to her. Although she had a gun it wouldn't be very effective against some of the the ice age animals. And he was sure she was deliberately going after them. He had seen her determined expression. He just hadn't had the balls to stop her. It would have meant condemning them both to death.
"Ta-dah!"
Cutter blinked in confusion at the exit. He must have dozed off again. In the mouth of the cave stood Jenny in very strange clothing.
His brain registered thick brown fur. Mammoth skin, his mind screamed accusingly.
"Where did you get this?" he asked sharply as she put a fur bag down, filled with her old clothes and Cutter's jacket.
"Some nice cavemen gave it to me."
"Do you mean to tell me you’ve met hominids?"
"Exactly that. I even was talking with them. At least what you might label as talking when your counterparts can't say more than a few syllables. I can tell you that makes negotiating really difficult. But with help of gestures I finally managed to get to an understanding with the tribe. I traded some of the mammoth flesh for winter clothes and several rugs. We couldn't have eaten all of it anyway."
"You murdered a mammoth. Are you crazy?"
Jenny shook her head vehemently. "I didn't murder it. I put it out of its misery. It was already hurt by dozens of spears. It would have died from those injuries. But until then it would have suffered terrible pain. I couldn't watch any longer how it struggled to follow its herd. Cutter, it was whimpering with pain at every move."
Tears glistered in Jenny's eyes as she remembered the sight of the dying animal. Giving it a killing shot had been the only thing she could do for the magnificent creature. And she'd also tried hard to quash the feeling that she had been grateful too that this way the biggest of their problems had been resolved in one go. That was why she had gone out and about after all. They needed food and protection against the cold and a mammoth would deliver plenty of flesh and pelt.
The hominids had arrived just at the moment she had shot the dying mammoth between the eyes several times. It had been dead with the fourth bullet.
The ice age hunters had looked at her with respect, and a little fear. None of them had the power to kill a mammoth with the flick of a finger.
In spite of the fact that they had already injured the animal badly before no one dared to challenge the powerful woman for the prey.
But in the end they had come to a profitable agreement for all of them.
Cutter surveyed her from head to toe without saying a word. Jenny got more nervous with every passing second. Almost pleadingly she said," Cutter, say something. I swear I had no other choice. Its injuries were too severe. There was no way to save the mammoth. And the cavemen were already chasing after it."
"It's all right, Jenny. Good work," Cutter said finally. Still she could see how much the death of the mammoth bothered him.
"The rest of the items I traded and our share of the mammoth meat will be delivered here by the cavemen. I will go to meet them and show them the way," Jenny mumbled gloomily. The excitement of having met the cavemen and ensured Cutter's and her survival for the time being had gone completely.
The ice age men had been too afraid to enter the cave. They had been twitchy in Jenny's presence and hurriedly left after they had put the goods down at the entrance.
Cutter was a little disappointed. He had hoped for a chat with the cavemen. But then with his cold it probably wouldn't have been the best idea to get close to them.
He inspected the good they had delivered thoroughly. Jenny really had traded well. There were two sets of clothes and fur boots for both of them on top of the set Jenny was already wearing, some fur bags and a stack of rugs and blankets from different animals. They would finally have proper beds for the night.
Happily, Cutter grasped a set of fur clothes and moved into the corner of the cave furthest from Jenny. But he needn’t have bothered. Jenny didn't even look in his direction. She was sitting at the campfire and stared into the flames.
"How do I look?" Cutter threw himself into a pose in front of Jenny. The fur smelled a little strong but wasn't as scratchy as he had feared. And most importantly it was wonderfully warming.
When Jenny didn't react he crouched down beside her.
"Look, Jenny. I hate seeing those prehistorical creatures killed. I'm afraid of what it could do to our timeline. But it wasn't you who killed the mammoth. It was some of our ancestors. You just spared it more pain. You did the right thing. Now come on, stop moping and admire my new clothing."
Jenny had come out of her mood then and they had enjoyed a big chunk of roasted meat for dinner after they had set up their sleeping-place and teased each other about her fur clothing. If his headache and the occasionally coughing hadn't tarnished his well being Cutter would have actually been happy.
"Oh, that feels good," Cutter groaned as Jenny massaged gently his temples and eased some of his headache.
Sleeping on and under a soft pile of pelts had been wonderful and the breakfast hadn't been bad either.
He had to admit Jenny was good at the things she was doing. He had never thought life in the Ice Age could be so cosy. If only his bloody cold would vanish soon.
It was nearly afternoon when the caveman showed up. Jenny only noticed him when she went outside to get more meat from their store.
"That's one of the few advantages of the Ice Age," Cutter said, with a twinkle in his eyes as she returned, laden with a big chunk of frozen meat. "The whole world is one big freezer."
"We have a visitor. He's standing outside the cave and was watching me."
"Is it one of the men from yesterday?"
"I don't think so. He’s clothed differently and is wearing a lot of chains made of animal teeth around his neck. And he doesn't seem to be afraid of us unlike his fellows."
Now Cutter's curiosity was piqued.
"Could be their witch doctor. He might assume his magic is protecting him. Perhaps he's here to check out the potential competition."
"Do you think he might get dangerous?"
Cutter observed the caveman from the mouth of the cave. "He could be if he thinks you are after his position. Behave naturally and just let him. I hope he realises that we mean to stay separate and don't have any interest in joining his tribe."
The cold air near the cave irritated Cutter's lungs and he had to cough. He quickly returned to his cosy berth near the fire and snuggled down in the fur blankets.
The witch doctor outside listened intently to the sound. Suddenly he entered the cave and headed straight for Cutter.
"Ta uh," he said and pointed with his forefinger at Cutter.
Concerned, Jenny reached for the gun in her fur bag. She watched anxiously as the caveman rummaged around in his own bag and dug out something he held before Cutter's face.
"Tona ta uh. Ao tona ga ei."
Jenny carefully crept closer whilst the witch doctor repeated his words.
"I think he wants to cure me from my cold," Cutter explained softly, avoiding scaring the man with abrupt movements or a loud voice.
"Or he plans to kill you to get rid of the danger of infection for his tribe."
"Where is your faith in humankind, Jenny?"
"Flew out through the window when Nancy Breggans stole my boyfriend in the first year of secondary school."
Jenny stepped closer ansd inspected the item the witch doctor still held out to Cutter.
"But I think this time you are right. That's doesn't look like it will kill you."
"Ao tona ga ei," the caveman announced proudly and shoved the strange item against Cutter's lips.
Quickly Cutter grasped the proffered item and let his thumb slide about the surface. It was something dried, his tactile sense told him.
After taking a closer look he had the strong suspicion it was dried mammoth gut still filled with herbs the animal had eaten before it had been killed.
"Do you know what that is?" he asked Jenny.
"I think I have an idea. It's probably their only source of vitamins and it’s already predigested and so easier to utilize."
"So it's all right with you that this witch doctor wants to feed me yucky innards?"
Jenny only shrugged. "Other times, other habits."
"All right. I’ll give it a try. I just hope it really helps with my cold."
Cutter tentatively bit a small piece off and swallowed it quickly without chewing.
The caveman watched with satisfaction as Cutter ate a piece of the healing power of a young mammoth bull.
He fished in his fur bag and got out another piece of dried mammoth gut, this time from a mammoth cow and offered it to Jenny.
Cutter grinned broadly as she wrinkled her nose and was apparently searching for a way to refuse the gift. She shook her head and made some gestures she hoped were conveying that she wasn't sick and therefore didn't need it.
But the medicine man wasn't having any of it.
"Oga, hia uh," he muttered and gesticulated wildly with his arms. "Oga, ga ei. "
"Come on, Jenny. You need vitamins too and you certainly don't want to anger our helpful..." When Cutter was shaken by a sneeze the caveman spun around to him.
"Tona hia uh. Tua!"
Under the witch doctor's stern look Cutter shoved the rest of the mammoth gut into his mouth and earned a nod of approval from the man. This time the piece was too big to swallow whole and Cutter started chewing reluctantly. Fortunately it didn't taste as bad as he had expected.
The caveman turned back to Jenny and held the piece of dried gut out to her. "Oga hia uh. Tua!"
Sighing, Jenny grasped the offered item and started to take a bite.
Pleased, the caveman clapped his hands together. "Unu ga ei. Tona a oga taka uh."
"My name is Nick." Cutter tapped at his chest and said his name again.
"Tona Nick," the caveman said.
"No, only Nick. Just repeat it."
"Nick tona."
A smile tugged at Jenny's lips as Cutter rolled his eyes in annoyance.
"Me Nick. And you are?"
The caveman furrowed his bushy brows. Apparently he hadn't understood Cutter's question.
Jenny, having already some experience in dealing with the cavemen, pointed at herself, "Jenny!“ then at Cutter, "Nick," and finally at the witch doctor.
His face brightened up instantly. "Ao tona." he declared and thumbed against his chest.
"What does tona mean?" Cutter was frustrated that he couldn't communicate with the caveman as well as Jenny. He quickly pointed at Jenny, himself and the caveman whilst saying the word tona every time, assuming it had to mean something like human being.
But the witch doctor shook his head vigorously.
"Tona Nick, tona Ao," he turned to Jenny and said, "Oga Jenny."
"So oga means woman and tona man?"
With his hands the witch doctor adumbrated the feminine form of a woman with large breasts into the air. "Oga."
"Okay, I got it."
But the caveman had found joy in explaining things this way. He now drew the male form with a very long penis.
"Yeah, tona, I know. Can we finish the anatomy lesson now?"
As it got dark the witch doctor finally headed back home. By then Cutter's headache had doubled and Jenny was in stitches.
"Please calm down now. It wasn't so funny."
"Oh, I don't know. The time he tried to explain to you the wonders of birth was definitely a highlight."
It was far after midnight when Cutter's nose started running. First he snuffled. When it got worse he fished out his only handkerchief from the pocket of his old jeans and used it over and over again. By morning it was full of mucopurulent discharge and looked so disgusting that Cutter drew it in the fire.
Half an hour later Jenny put a pile of cloths next to his head.
"That was my shirt and that looks like a part of your vest." Cutter pointedly held up a handful of cloth, now cut in square pieces.
"You need hankies and that's the only usable fabric we have at hand."
"That was one of my favourite shirts." There was no mistaking the whining in Cutter's voice.
"I will get you a stack of new ones when we get back."
"All right. I will hold you to that."
He took a hanky, one that was made of Jenny's vest, and forcefully blew his nose.
By evening his headache had lessened and he could breathe through his nose freely again for the first time in days.
Cutter carefully creamed his sore nose with Jenny's skin cream and prepared himself for bed. Jenny was still pottering around in the cave as he slid into dreamland.
"Tap tap tap," sounded through the cave.
"Please, someone switch off that woodpecker," Cutter mumbled.
Jenny pulled a face and shook Cutter's shoulder slightly.
"Cutter, wake up."
"Wha? Helen? Is the woodpecker on the roof again?" Then his eyes focused on Jenny and he blushed faintly.
"Sorry, weird dream."
"Apparently."
"So, what's wrong?"
"We have a leak in the roof of the cave and water is dripping in. The heat of the fire has thawed the snow up there and now we’ve got wet feet."
"A hole in the roof?" Cutter asked still with a foggy brain.
"Yes!"
"You’re sure it wasn't the woodpecker?"
"Cutter, in case you have forgotten... We are in the Ice Age. A woodpecker would freeze his arse off. And so will we if cold water continues to flood our cave. We have to fix it."
"Why do I get the feeling you mean I should fix it, when you say we."
"Fixing the roof is more of a man's work, isn't it?"
"So are most things. Didn't stop you, though."
This put a smile on Jenny's face. "You haven’t complained until now."
"Because you have done fairly well. Can't imagine anyone better I could have been stranded with."
"Not even Helen?"
"Especially not Helen. She would have feed me to a cave bear within a few hours, in the same situation. Helen hates taking care of sick people. So where is this leak in the roof?"
In the end it was Jenny who with Cutter's help climbed up the rock and dragged a thick pelt over the hole in the cave roof.
"God, I'm getting sick of mammoth steak." Jenny put her steak down in disgust.
"Me too. A little variety would be nice."
"Once a month I met with my family in L'Atelier de Joel Robuchon in Covent Garden. They make a delightful pig’s trotter on parmesan toast with truffle, mushroom and tarragon, " Jenny said yearningly. "And what I wouldn't give right now for a piece of that fantastic quail stuffed with foie gras and truffle mash."
"You have expensive tastes. I would just be happy with fish and chips."
"Wouldn't say no to that either. By the way, we are running short on salt. I don't even want to imagine how the meat will taste without any spice."
"If we get back I'll book a table in that first class restaurant for us, okay?
"You mean when we get back."
"Yes, of course. So it's a date, then; provided that your fiance hasn't any objection."
"Not bleeding likely. At the moment he is probably bitching about his cheating ex-fiance with his friends," Jenny replied bitterly.
"And did you? Cheat on him?"
"Of course not. But I could hardly tell him I spend all my time chasing dinosaurs now. So he assumed I had someone else."
"Yeah, the job is a little consuming. I haven't been for a pint with Stephen in weeks." Cutter fell silent as he remembered that the lack of time wasn't the main reason he hadn't been in a pub with Stephen lately.
"You know Helen was only trying to drive a wedge in your friendship with Stephen. Apparently it worked."
"What do you know about it? You weren’t even there."
"I've read about what happened."
Of course, leave it to Lester to set up a file about Nick Cutter being cuckolded. Lester had probably announced it loudly to the whole staff as well.
"I'm entitled to be angry. He betrayed me and slept with my wife behind my back."
"Should he have done it before your eyes?"
Cutter puffed, annoyed. "You know what I mean. I trusted him and he seduced my wife."
"You sure Helen didn't do the seducing? Despite his good looks Stephen doesn't seem to be the type of a womaniser."
"All right, Helen could have started it. But that makes no difference. He could have said 'No'."
Jenny gave him a look that indicated she considered him an idiot. "Have you never been young? You just don't turn down the offer of an attractive older woman."
"Oh really? Speaking from experience?"
"And if I am?"
Cutter swallowed drily. That gave him a whole lot of new fantasies. As if waking up with her next to him every morning wasn't already bad enough. At least he didn't need to feel guilty about her fiance anymore when he dreamed of her.
Jenny's voice yanked him back to the present.
"Nick, you have given him the cold shoulder long enough. Either you can forgive Stephen and keep working with him, or you should consider removing him from the team. But you have to resolve the conflict soon."
"That now sounds exactly like Lester."
"He’s just worried the situation will get out of control if you continue to avoid speaking to Stephen."
"Good. I will think about it. Okay?"
"Thanks. That's all we wanted."
The next morning Cutter and Jenny started to go looking for an anomaly again, their longing for home stronger than ever before.
It was two days later when Cutter raced up to the cave, yelling, "Jenny, hurry. There is an anomaly on the other side of the plateau."
Quickly, she fetched her fur coat and grabbed the rest of their possessions, already packed up in a fur bag. She threw a last look at the cave which had been their home for over two weeks now before she followed Cutter out into the cold.
"Ugah uh."
Stephen stared at the fur-clothed couple in front of him, completely unprepared for an encounter with prehistoric people.
He was still wondering how to react when the female started to snicker and then both people burst out in a hearty laugh.
"You should have seen your face, Stephen," the man guffawed and made Stephen take a closer look.
"Cutter? Miss Lewis?" he asked nonplussed, and was greeted by the smiling faces of Nick and Jenny.
"It's good to see you again, my friend," Cutter mumbled and pulled Stephen into a brief hug.
"I'm glad you’re all right. We had already feared the worst. But I see you’ve adapted well to life in the Ice Age."
"With a formidable boy scout at your side you are in safe hands," Cutter said with a smirk, and presented his arm to Jenny.
Stephen watched in surprise as Jenny took Cutter's arm and the pair stalked gracefully in the direction of the anomaly, the thick fur clothing accentuating their curves and angles in all the right places.
'Seems the time in the Ice Age has done Cutter some good.' Stephen smiled to himself before he gave the sign for departure to the rescue team.
From a distance seven caveman watched them leaving through the magical light only witch doctors dared to approach. Finally the goddess of the hunt was returning home to the land of the forefathers.