Shades of Grey Chapter 19
Title: Shades of Grey Chapter 19
Author: TalliW
Characters: Stephen Hart, Tom Ryan, Nick Cutter, James Lester, Abby Maitland, Connor Temple, Jenny Lewis, Oliver Leek, Lyle, Finn, Helen Cutter, Ditzy
Rating: K+, T in later chapters
Disclaimer: Primeval is the property of Impossible Pictures. I write just for fun.
Lyle and Finn belong to Fredbassett.
Acknowledgments: Thanks to the wonderful Fredbassett for beta duty.
Summary: Ryan has survived but he isn't the man he was. Can Stephen and Cutter manage to work together to help him? Perhaps Ryan has changed in more ways than it appears on first sight.
Chapter 19
In the dead of night, Stephen was woken up by something tugging at his arm. Next to his bed stood Ryan in his pyjamas with his stuffed rabbit clutched in his arms.
"Stephen, the grey monsters. They’re coming to get me," Ryan snivelled.
Stephen cursed silently. He’d feared the hypnosis session might have unpleasant repercussions.
Even during dinner, Ryan had been unusually quiet. Stephen had caught him a few times just staring aimlessly into the air as if he was trying to remember something. But every time Stephen had got his hopes up that this might be the special moment Ryan's old self would emerge, they’d been crushed.
At the end of dinner, Stephen had mostly accepted that there was no quick way of healing Ryan's mind. It would take time and probably a lot of counselling sessions for Ryan to get over his traumatic experiences. And whatever had happened in his childhood would eventually have to dealt with as well. Ryan would have a hard time ahead. The nightmares were probably only the beginning.
Returning his thoughts to more pressing matters, Stephen smiled reassuringly at Ryan.
"It was only a dream, Tom. There aren't any grey monsters here."
"They hid under the bed when I switched the light on."
Sighing, Stephen shoved the bedcovers aside and swung his bare feet onto the floor. Ryan kept close to him when he walked to the spare room he had turned into a childrens’ room for Ryan.
"See, no monsters under the bed."
"And the wardrobe?"
Stephen opened the door of the wardrobe and moved the clothes on the hanger aside to show Ryan that indeed no monster was hiding behind them.
"But I saw them."
"It was just a dream, Tom. Now go back to bed."
Ryan inhaled deeply and was just about to climb into his bed when something rustled outside the windows.
Stephen knew it was just a branch of the old chestnut tree in front of his house but for Ryan it was the proof that something was really after him.
"I'm not tired. Can I watch TV?" he asked anxiously.
"Don't give me that. You can barely keep your eyes open. I promise you’re safe here. How about I keep the door open a crack."
"And the lights on?"
"All right. The lights stay on too. Off to bed with you now."
Ryan pulled the bedcovers up to his chin and closed his eyes, only to open them a few seconds later again.
"I can't sleep with the lights on," he complained.
"Then I'll have to switch them off."
"But the monsters come if it's dark."
"Tom, there aren't any monsters. It was just a bad dream." Stephen tried to convince Ryan without success.
Ryans eyes, wide with fear, looked pleading at Stephen, "Can't you stay here? You can sleep in my bed."
Stephen eyed the bed with a good amount of trepidation. It was barely big enough to fit Ryan's muscular body.
Spending the night with Ryan, cramped in such a small space, wasn't going to get him any sleep. As he desperately needed a few hours’ rest that only left one other option.
"Your bed is to small for both of us. You can sleep in mine instead. But only for tonight."
Ryan was already out of bed and on the way to the master bedroom before Stephen had finished his last sentence. Stephen was about to follow him when Ryan came sprinting back. He quickly grasped his stuffed rabbit and his favourite toy car, a fire-red Lamborghini, gave Stephen a brilliant smile, and then hurried ahead.
By the time Stephen reached his bedroom, Ryan already lay snuggled under the duvet on the right side of the bed, his face showing an expression of complete contentment.
Stephen rumnaged in his wardrobe to find the top to the pyjama bottoms he’d been wearing to bed since Ryan had lived with him. When he couldn't find it he decided on a plain white teeshirt before he joined Ryan in the bed.
Stephen had just switched off the bedside lamp and was trying to get back to sleep when Ryan got fidgety next to him.
He then started talking. "Now Stanley is all alone. I’m sure he’s afraid without me."
"Stanley is a big strong cactus. He can take care of himself," Stephen replied, marveling at the absurdity of the discussion.
"But not against monsters. They’re much stronger."
"Then go and get your cactus."
"Me? Alone?" Ryan asked horrified. "Can't you go?"
"All right, I’ll go. But only if you keep quiet and try to sleep after that."
Drowsily, Stephen staggered to the spare room and fetched the pot plant Ryan loved so much. On the way back, he stubbed his toes on the car transporter Ryan had left on the floor near the window and almost crashed the cactus against the wall as he stumbled over one of Ryan's shoes. After that he managed to reach his bedroom without any major disaster.
Carefully, Stephen placed the cactus on the bedside cabinet, switched the light off for hopefully the last time and dropped off like a log as soon he climbed into bed.
Ryan listened to the sound of even breathing until he was convinced Stephen was really asleep. Then he scooted cautiously closer.
"Good night, Stephen, good night, Robby, good night, Stanley," Ryan whispered in the darkness as he gently looped his arm around Stephen's waist, his body firmly snuggled against Stephen's backside.
"Wah... Uh... Yes, I'm coming."
Stephen scrambled out of bed and hurried to the front door to stop the annoying ringing. He forcefully pulled the door open with the intention of giving the person disturbing their precious sleep so early in the morning a good dressing down.
"Mr. Hart, I assume. Good morning," a woman in her twenties greeted Stephen cheerfully, sounding far too awake for this time of day.
Bleary-eyed, Stephen stared at the woman, impatiently waiting for an explanation as to why she had rung his door bell so aggressively. If she was another one of the Jehovah's Witnesses coming to rescue his soul then he would definitely tell her to take a hike.
"My name's Cynthia Willard. We have an appointment," she declared while trying her best not to stare at Stephen's attire.
Stephen furrowed his brow, still none the wiser and tried to remember why he would have made an appointment with the young woman.
Then a light bulb went on inside his mind.
"The nanny!"
"I prefer the term child care worker."
"Whatever. But I arranged our meeting for two."
"It's five minutes past two."
"Shit. I mean, come in, take a seat in the living room. I'll be there in a moment."
Stephen vanished into his bedroom and replaced his pyjama bottoms and wrinkled teeshirt with jeans and a fresh shirt then quickly took a look around for Ryan.
He found him in the spare room. Ryan was sitting peacefully on the floor playing with his toy cars as if the door bell hadn't just rung for half a minute non-stop.
When Ryan noticed Stephen standing in the doorway he gave him a genuine smile, and it just about melted Stephen's heart.
"Oh, you are awake."
"Yes, I guess I overslept. When did you get up?"
"A while ago," Ryan shrugged. "You looked tired so I let you sleep and found something to eat."
"Let me guess, cookies and chocolate?"
"And cornflakes with milk for lunch," Ryan declared grinning.
"Well, Tom, there is someone I want you to meet. The nanny we talked about yesterday. She’ll take care of you when I'm at work."
Rather reluctantly, Ryan stood up and sauntered after Stephen. He didn't like the thought that someone else but Stephen and his friends would take care of him.
After a quick introduction, Cynthia Willard and Ryan eyed each other speculatively.
It was obvious from Ryan's closed off expression that he didn't like the woman; whether out of natural dislike or simply because he didn't want Stephen to leave him, Stephen wasn't sure.
But the woman came across as rather competent and he needed a carer for Ryan from Monday onwards. She also was the only person ready to come on short notice, so Stephen was willing to give it a shot. Before then he had two days to convince Ryan that it was for the best.
With something akin to excitement, Stephen closed the door behind Ryan's future carer. Although he didn't like the fact that Lester had pressured him into returning to the ARC he missed his work. But he knew he would never have gone through with entrusting Ryan to a babysitter if he hadn't been forced to by Lester.
"Why can't I stay with you at work?" Ryan asked, pouting, as Stephen cleaned up the mess of spilled milk and cornflakes Ryan had left in the kitchen while making his lunch.
"I told you, my work is dangerous."
"Then Uncle Lester can look after me or Aunt Jenny or one of the others. Anyone but Mister Leek. I promise I'll behave."
Sighing, Stephen turned around to Ryan and gently caressed his cheek.
"My colleagues have to work as well. I wish there was another way. But it's mostly only for a few hours a day. The rest of the time I'll spend with you."
"You just don't like me any more and now you want to get rid of me," Ryan muttered darkly.
"Tom, that isn't true. I..."
"It's true," Ryan cut him off. Shouting, "You’re mean. I hate you," he ran off to his room.
Stephen cringed when the door fell shut with a loud bang.
"Still trouble in paradise?"
Stephen shot daggers at Cutter. Whatever had compelled him to call Cutter and tell him about the problem he had with Ryan, it had been clearly a bad idea.
"So bad huh?" Cutter mumbled when Stephen didn't respond.
"He’s still ignoring me and refusing to come out of his room. I've tried almost anything. Even bribery."
"Well, I don't know what to advise you. As you recently pointed out, I and Helen don't have children."
"Oh, yeah. Sorry about this. I was upset."
"So was I, afterwards."
Stephen rubbed his chin where Cutter had hit him. "And you were very demonstrative about it," he said with a twinkle in his eye. But his sad expression immediately returned as he remembered Ryan sulking in his room.
After a moment of silence and intensive thought, Cutter suggested, "You could call Lester. With three kids he should be qualified to deal with children this age."
Stephen uttered an exasperated snort.
"Lester is the last person I want to ask for advice. By the way, when did you change your attitude towards Lester? A few days ago you seemed to be furious that someone like him had children at all."
"Nonsense. I just..." Cutter trailed off. "Look, It certainly wasn't easy to get the information about Ryan's childhood. I think he does care in some way."
Stephen gave his friend a sideways glance. That had almost sounded like Cutter... No, the thought was too weird.
"Next you’ll tell me Lester is a big teddy bear underneath that cold, sarcastic exterior."
"I wouldn't go that far. But perhaps I've been a bit biased. He is letting Ryan stay with you, isn’t he? That probably goes against every rule the Home Office has in cases like this."
"Mmmh, maybe. But I'd rather deal with Tom without Lester."
"If you don't mind, I could try talking to Tom. Maybe I can annoy him so much he’ll forget his grudge against you," Cutter said with a hint of humour.
Cutter realised Stephen must been desperate when he gave his consent with a nod.
"But please be gentle. Tom has suffered enough already."
"Go away. I don't want to see you," Ryan snarled as soon Cutter stuck his head through the gap in the door.
"It's me, Uncle Nick."
"Go away."
"Sorry, can't do. Your behaviour is hurting my best friend. I think we need to have a serious talk."
"Don't wanna talk."
"I don't care. You’re going to hear me out."
In answer, Ryan pulled his pillow over his head.
"Stephen is doing everything for you," Cutter started in a raised voice to make sure Ryan heard him despite the pillow. "And you repay him with your ingratitude."
"Not true. He wants to get rid of me."
"Who says that?"
"Stephen did."
"Bollocks. He just has to leave you in the care of a nanny whilst he's working."
"But when he doesn't want to come back...?"
"For God's sake, Stephen is loyal to a fault. He always comes back even if you’re behaving like an idiot."
Cutter sighed, frustrated. He knew his skills in dealing with children left something to be desired. But to his own amazement, his words had cut through to Ryan. A little hesitantly, Ryan peeked out from under the pillow and eyed him carefully.
"He really comes back? Always?" he asked in a small voice.
"Yes, always."
"I'm hungry."
"Come on. We'll see what Stephen can rustle up."
Cutter was surprised when Ryan slipped his hand in his own on the way to the living room. He could feel Ryan's hand tighten around his as they faced Stephen.
Stephen was expecting them with a sense of sinking desperation, as they approached him hand in hand.
His head lowered, his eyes staring a hole in the floor, Ryan mumbled, "I'm sorry."
"Okay, Tom." Stephen answered with altogether too much acceptance for Cutter's opinion.
"I'm really, really sorry."
"It's all right."
"Stephen." With a sob Ryan dashed into Stephen's arms and blubbered out more words of apology.
Stephen just closed his arms around Ryan and held him tight. His shirt around his chest and neck was completely soaked when Ryan finally calmed down.
Then both sat down on the couch and started brainstorming how to spend the remaining days until Stephen had to go back to work on Monday. Stephen was planning to make every single minute worthwhile.
Only when Ryan wolfed down a hastily-made sandwich did Stephen notice that Cutter had slipped out of his flat some time ago.
Author: TalliW
Characters: Stephen Hart, Tom Ryan, Nick Cutter, James Lester, Abby Maitland, Connor Temple, Jenny Lewis, Oliver Leek, Lyle, Finn, Helen Cutter, Ditzy
Rating: K+, T in later chapters
Disclaimer: Primeval is the property of Impossible Pictures. I write just for fun.
Lyle and Finn belong to Fredbassett.
Acknowledgments: Thanks to the wonderful Fredbassett for beta duty.
Summary: Ryan has survived but he isn't the man he was. Can Stephen and Cutter manage to work together to help him? Perhaps Ryan has changed in more ways than it appears on first sight.
Chapter 19
In the dead of night, Stephen was woken up by something tugging at his arm. Next to his bed stood Ryan in his pyjamas with his stuffed rabbit clutched in his arms.
"Stephen, the grey monsters. They’re coming to get me," Ryan snivelled.
Stephen cursed silently. He’d feared the hypnosis session might have unpleasant repercussions.
Even during dinner, Ryan had been unusually quiet. Stephen had caught him a few times just staring aimlessly into the air as if he was trying to remember something. But every time Stephen had got his hopes up that this might be the special moment Ryan's old self would emerge, they’d been crushed.
At the end of dinner, Stephen had mostly accepted that there was no quick way of healing Ryan's mind. It would take time and probably a lot of counselling sessions for Ryan to get over his traumatic experiences. And whatever had happened in his childhood would eventually have to dealt with as well. Ryan would have a hard time ahead. The nightmares were probably only the beginning.
Returning his thoughts to more pressing matters, Stephen smiled reassuringly at Ryan.
"It was only a dream, Tom. There aren't any grey monsters here."
"They hid under the bed when I switched the light on."
Sighing, Stephen shoved the bedcovers aside and swung his bare feet onto the floor. Ryan kept close to him when he walked to the spare room he had turned into a childrens’ room for Ryan.
"See, no monsters under the bed."
"And the wardrobe?"
Stephen opened the door of the wardrobe and moved the clothes on the hanger aside to show Ryan that indeed no monster was hiding behind them.
"But I saw them."
"It was just a dream, Tom. Now go back to bed."
Ryan inhaled deeply and was just about to climb into his bed when something rustled outside the windows.
Stephen knew it was just a branch of the old chestnut tree in front of his house but for Ryan it was the proof that something was really after him.
"I'm not tired. Can I watch TV?" he asked anxiously.
"Don't give me that. You can barely keep your eyes open. I promise you’re safe here. How about I keep the door open a crack."
"And the lights on?"
"All right. The lights stay on too. Off to bed with you now."
Ryan pulled the bedcovers up to his chin and closed his eyes, only to open them a few seconds later again.
"I can't sleep with the lights on," he complained.
"Then I'll have to switch them off."
"But the monsters come if it's dark."
"Tom, there aren't any monsters. It was just a bad dream." Stephen tried to convince Ryan without success.
Ryans eyes, wide with fear, looked pleading at Stephen, "Can't you stay here? You can sleep in my bed."
Stephen eyed the bed with a good amount of trepidation. It was barely big enough to fit Ryan's muscular body.
Spending the night with Ryan, cramped in such a small space, wasn't going to get him any sleep. As he desperately needed a few hours’ rest that only left one other option.
"Your bed is to small for both of us. You can sleep in mine instead. But only for tonight."
Ryan was already out of bed and on the way to the master bedroom before Stephen had finished his last sentence. Stephen was about to follow him when Ryan came sprinting back. He quickly grasped his stuffed rabbit and his favourite toy car, a fire-red Lamborghini, gave Stephen a brilliant smile, and then hurried ahead.
By the time Stephen reached his bedroom, Ryan already lay snuggled under the duvet on the right side of the bed, his face showing an expression of complete contentment.
Stephen rumnaged in his wardrobe to find the top to the pyjama bottoms he’d been wearing to bed since Ryan had lived with him. When he couldn't find it he decided on a plain white teeshirt before he joined Ryan in the bed.
Stephen had just switched off the bedside lamp and was trying to get back to sleep when Ryan got fidgety next to him.
He then started talking. "Now Stanley is all alone. I’m sure he’s afraid without me."
"Stanley is a big strong cactus. He can take care of himself," Stephen replied, marveling at the absurdity of the discussion.
"But not against monsters. They’re much stronger."
"Then go and get your cactus."
"Me? Alone?" Ryan asked horrified. "Can't you go?"
"All right, I’ll go. But only if you keep quiet and try to sleep after that."
Drowsily, Stephen staggered to the spare room and fetched the pot plant Ryan loved so much. On the way back, he stubbed his toes on the car transporter Ryan had left on the floor near the window and almost crashed the cactus against the wall as he stumbled over one of Ryan's shoes. After that he managed to reach his bedroom without any major disaster.
Carefully, Stephen placed the cactus on the bedside cabinet, switched the light off for hopefully the last time and dropped off like a log as soon he climbed into bed.
Ryan listened to the sound of even breathing until he was convinced Stephen was really asleep. Then he scooted cautiously closer.
"Good night, Stephen, good night, Robby, good night, Stanley," Ryan whispered in the darkness as he gently looped his arm around Stephen's waist, his body firmly snuggled against Stephen's backside.
"Wah... Uh... Yes, I'm coming."
Stephen scrambled out of bed and hurried to the front door to stop the annoying ringing. He forcefully pulled the door open with the intention of giving the person disturbing their precious sleep so early in the morning a good dressing down.
"Mr. Hart, I assume. Good morning," a woman in her twenties greeted Stephen cheerfully, sounding far too awake for this time of day.
Bleary-eyed, Stephen stared at the woman, impatiently waiting for an explanation as to why she had rung his door bell so aggressively. If she was another one of the Jehovah's Witnesses coming to rescue his soul then he would definitely tell her to take a hike.
"My name's Cynthia Willard. We have an appointment," she declared while trying her best not to stare at Stephen's attire.
Stephen furrowed his brow, still none the wiser and tried to remember why he would have made an appointment with the young woman.
Then a light bulb went on inside his mind.
"The nanny!"
"I prefer the term child care worker."
"Whatever. But I arranged our meeting for two."
"It's five minutes past two."
"Shit. I mean, come in, take a seat in the living room. I'll be there in a moment."
Stephen vanished into his bedroom and replaced his pyjama bottoms and wrinkled teeshirt with jeans and a fresh shirt then quickly took a look around for Ryan.
He found him in the spare room. Ryan was sitting peacefully on the floor playing with his toy cars as if the door bell hadn't just rung for half a minute non-stop.
When Ryan noticed Stephen standing in the doorway he gave him a genuine smile, and it just about melted Stephen's heart.
"Oh, you are awake."
"Yes, I guess I overslept. When did you get up?"
"A while ago," Ryan shrugged. "You looked tired so I let you sleep and found something to eat."
"Let me guess, cookies and chocolate?"
"And cornflakes with milk for lunch," Ryan declared grinning.
"Well, Tom, there is someone I want you to meet. The nanny we talked about yesterday. She’ll take care of you when I'm at work."
Rather reluctantly, Ryan stood up and sauntered after Stephen. He didn't like the thought that someone else but Stephen and his friends would take care of him.
After a quick introduction, Cynthia Willard and Ryan eyed each other speculatively.
It was obvious from Ryan's closed off expression that he didn't like the woman; whether out of natural dislike or simply because he didn't want Stephen to leave him, Stephen wasn't sure.
But the woman came across as rather competent and he needed a carer for Ryan from Monday onwards. She also was the only person ready to come on short notice, so Stephen was willing to give it a shot. Before then he had two days to convince Ryan that it was for the best.
With something akin to excitement, Stephen closed the door behind Ryan's future carer. Although he didn't like the fact that Lester had pressured him into returning to the ARC he missed his work. But he knew he would never have gone through with entrusting Ryan to a babysitter if he hadn't been forced to by Lester.
"Why can't I stay with you at work?" Ryan asked, pouting, as Stephen cleaned up the mess of spilled milk and cornflakes Ryan had left in the kitchen while making his lunch.
"I told you, my work is dangerous."
"Then Uncle Lester can look after me or Aunt Jenny or one of the others. Anyone but Mister Leek. I promise I'll behave."
Sighing, Stephen turned around to Ryan and gently caressed his cheek.
"My colleagues have to work as well. I wish there was another way. But it's mostly only for a few hours a day. The rest of the time I'll spend with you."
"You just don't like me any more and now you want to get rid of me," Ryan muttered darkly.
"Tom, that isn't true. I..."
"It's true," Ryan cut him off. Shouting, "You’re mean. I hate you," he ran off to his room.
Stephen cringed when the door fell shut with a loud bang.
"Still trouble in paradise?"
Stephen shot daggers at Cutter. Whatever had compelled him to call Cutter and tell him about the problem he had with Ryan, it had been clearly a bad idea.
"So bad huh?" Cutter mumbled when Stephen didn't respond.
"He’s still ignoring me and refusing to come out of his room. I've tried almost anything. Even bribery."
"Well, I don't know what to advise you. As you recently pointed out, I and Helen don't have children."
"Oh, yeah. Sorry about this. I was upset."
"So was I, afterwards."
Stephen rubbed his chin where Cutter had hit him. "And you were very demonstrative about it," he said with a twinkle in his eye. But his sad expression immediately returned as he remembered Ryan sulking in his room.
After a moment of silence and intensive thought, Cutter suggested, "You could call Lester. With three kids he should be qualified to deal with children this age."
Stephen uttered an exasperated snort.
"Lester is the last person I want to ask for advice. By the way, when did you change your attitude towards Lester? A few days ago you seemed to be furious that someone like him had children at all."
"Nonsense. I just..." Cutter trailed off. "Look, It certainly wasn't easy to get the information about Ryan's childhood. I think he does care in some way."
Stephen gave his friend a sideways glance. That had almost sounded like Cutter... No, the thought was too weird.
"Next you’ll tell me Lester is a big teddy bear underneath that cold, sarcastic exterior."
"I wouldn't go that far. But perhaps I've been a bit biased. He is letting Ryan stay with you, isn’t he? That probably goes against every rule the Home Office has in cases like this."
"Mmmh, maybe. But I'd rather deal with Tom without Lester."
"If you don't mind, I could try talking to Tom. Maybe I can annoy him so much he’ll forget his grudge against you," Cutter said with a hint of humour.
Cutter realised Stephen must been desperate when he gave his consent with a nod.
"But please be gentle. Tom has suffered enough already."
"Go away. I don't want to see you," Ryan snarled as soon Cutter stuck his head through the gap in the door.
"It's me, Uncle Nick."
"Go away."
"Sorry, can't do. Your behaviour is hurting my best friend. I think we need to have a serious talk."
"Don't wanna talk."
"I don't care. You’re going to hear me out."
In answer, Ryan pulled his pillow over his head.
"Stephen is doing everything for you," Cutter started in a raised voice to make sure Ryan heard him despite the pillow. "And you repay him with your ingratitude."
"Not true. He wants to get rid of me."
"Who says that?"
"Stephen did."
"Bollocks. He just has to leave you in the care of a nanny whilst he's working."
"But when he doesn't want to come back...?"
"For God's sake, Stephen is loyal to a fault. He always comes back even if you’re behaving like an idiot."
Cutter sighed, frustrated. He knew his skills in dealing with children left something to be desired. But to his own amazement, his words had cut through to Ryan. A little hesitantly, Ryan peeked out from under the pillow and eyed him carefully.
"He really comes back? Always?" he asked in a small voice.
"Yes, always."
"I'm hungry."
"Come on. We'll see what Stephen can rustle up."
Cutter was surprised when Ryan slipped his hand in his own on the way to the living room. He could feel Ryan's hand tighten around his as they faced Stephen.
Stephen was expecting them with a sense of sinking desperation, as they approached him hand in hand.
His head lowered, his eyes staring a hole in the floor, Ryan mumbled, "I'm sorry."
"Okay, Tom." Stephen answered with altogether too much acceptance for Cutter's opinion.
"I'm really, really sorry."
"It's all right."
"Stephen." With a sob Ryan dashed into Stephen's arms and blubbered out more words of apology.
Stephen just closed his arms around Ryan and held him tight. His shirt around his chest and neck was completely soaked when Ryan finally calmed down.
Then both sat down on the couch and started brainstorming how to spend the remaining days until Stephen had to go back to work on Monday. Stephen was planning to make every single minute worthwhile.
Only when Ryan wolfed down a hastily-made sandwich did Stephen notice that Cutter had slipped out of his flat some time ago.