Shades of Grey Chapter 33
Title: Shades of Grey Chapter 33
Author: TalliW
Characters: Stephen Hart, Tom Ryan, Nick Cutter, James Lester, Abby Maitland, Connor Temple, Jenny Lewis, Oliver Leek, Lyle, Finn, Helen Cutter, Ditzy
Rating: K+, T in later chapters
Disclaimer: Primeval is the property of Impossible Pictures. I write just for fun.
Lyle and Finn belong to Fredbassett.
Acknowledgments: Thanks to the wonderful Fredbassett for beta duty.
Summary: Ryan has survived but he isn't the man he was. Can Stephen and Cutter manage to work together to help him? Perhaps Ryan has changed in more ways than it appears on first sight.
AN: For the former chapters look at my Masterlist
Ryan and Stephen stared with rapt attention at the tiny blossom the cactus plant had developed. It was dark red and about to burgeon.
"Isn't it beautiful?" Ryan asked admiringly.
"Yes, it is," Stephen confirmed, amused by the fact that he'd grown attached to Stanley, the cactus, just as much as Ryan.
"Jenny will be really happy when I tell her. No, I’ll show her, that’ll be better. May I, Stephen?"
When Stephen nodded in agreement, Ryan lifted the flower pot and whispered against the pottery vessel, "Come on, Stanley, get ready. Today you’re allowed to come with us."
Stephen trailed patiently after Ryan during his detour through the ARC to show everyone Stanley’s blossom. Ryan's exuberance made him smile and he could see that Ryan had the same effect on his colleagues.
Suddenly Ryan's attention was drawn to Connor and the oblong shape in Connor's knapsack.
"Wow, you’ve brought it."
The next minute Stephen was left alone with a cactus in his hands while Ryan raced down the ramp with Connor's skateboard, loudly yelling, "Make way!"
With a sigh, Stephen watched Ryan cruise around the atrium on the skateboard, in the process almost crashing into Finn, and decided that buying protective gear for Ryan might be a good idea.
"Oh my, he’s in a bad mood today," Lorraine muttered as she left Lester's office. "Are you sure you want to go in there, my dear?"
Ryan just gave her his best smile and walked on, unperturbed.
After Ryan had ascertained that they were alone he pulled a small bag out of the back pocket of his jeans. "Uncle James, look, what I brought you. That is the sort you like, isn't it?"
Lester's face brightened up as Ryan handed him the bag filled with his favourite sort of almond toffees. "Thank you, Tom," Lester said, very pleased with the unexpected gift.
"You’re welcome. No one knows I got them for you. I told you your secret is safe with me."
"And with us too."
Lester almost dropped the bag as Cutter's voice rang through the door crack.
"Uncle Nick, that's not nice," Ryan called, scandalised.
After stashing the toffee bag in his upper drawer Lester quickly regained his composure and gave vent to his anger.
"Your parents never taught you that eavesdropping is rude?" Lester snarled and put on his sternest face.
Stephen, standing behind Cutter, had the grace to blush. But Cutter only smirked and entered the office.
"Toffee lover, huh? So why is Lorraine mistreating her keyboard and cursing you? What happened?"
With amazement, Cutter and Stephen watched how the hard lines on Lester's face softened as Lester turned towards Ryan. "Tom, could you please leave us alone for a moment?" Lester asked in a friendly fashion.
"Adult things again?"
"That's right, Tom. It will be just for a moment."
With a theatrical sigh Ryan meandered to the exit and left them alone.
Cutter was quite perplexed. "What? You are telling us? Just like that?“
"As is might concern Stephen's safety I would have briefed you on the situation anyway. I just got word that Leek never arrived at his destination. The car had an accident on the motorway. The agents lost consciousness and when they came around again Leek had vanished. MI5 just didn't think it necessary to inform me right away. I'm not sure Leek is still a threat but just to be on the safe side be a little more careful and look out for a civil servant turned wannabee villain and more kitty cats."
"I can't believe it?" Stephen mumbled on the way to Cutter's office.
"That Leek managed to escape?"
"Nah! That Lester's love of toffees was the big secret Tom was guarding. A whole afternoon I tried to prise that information out of him. Not even pudding and ice-cream worked."
"What did he do?"
"Tom ate the pudding, licked the icecream and then he told me that he loves me very much but still couldn’t tell me Lester's secret because he’d promised not to. All the time he blabs out everything and if it's really important he gets all secretive."
"What did you think their big secret was about?" Cutter asked, amused.
"I don't know. Something that Tom accidentally overheard and which had to do with Lester's work. Helen said Lester’s playing a double game."
Cutter's smile froze immediately. "Helen? You talked to Helen?"
"She showed up at my door recently."
"And you didn't deem it worthy of a mention?"
"I was worried you might jump to the wrong conclusion. She didn't stay long. She just made some weird insinuations and wanted to tell me something about Lester if I met her at the car park. But I was delayed because of Tom and she was gone when I got to the agreed place."
"Oh, that's so typical of Helen. Turning up mysteriously, trying to be divisive and then vanishing again. I bet she made everything up out of thin air."
"Quite likely. I've found no proof that Lester is betraying us. If Helen discovered something fishy it was probably Leek's doing."
Cutter rubbed a palm over his face in open distress. "I guess it was too much to hope that Helen would leave us alone. Stephen, be honest. Was she trying to seduce you?"
Stephen swallowed heavily. What did that matter? Couldn't Cutter let it rest?
"I'm not interested in her," Stephen declared.
"That wasn't what I was asking," Cutter said pained. "You don't have to spare me. I have accepted what a bitch she is."
"Tom all but threw her out of the door. Whatever Helen had planned he prevented it," Stephen answered diplomatically. Some things, like Helen's provocative pose, just weren’t worth mentioning. Cutter had already suffered enough because of his wife.
"That's good. She's only trying to set us against each other again."
"We won't let her."
"No, we won't."
Stephen and Cutter shared a smile as Ryan burst into their office. "Can I play with Connor? He has this new cool videogame where you have to hunt vampires."
"Looks like you have the day off," Cutter said after Ryan had left with Connor and Abby.
"Mmmh, a pity. I’d planned to make lasagne for dinner."
Stephen shut his computer down and packed up his things whilst watching Cutter from the corner of his eyes. It took over a minute until Cutter caught on at last.
"Did you just say lasagna?"
"There's also a dinosaur marathon on the discovery channel," Stephen added. "Care to come over?
"Lasagna and dinosaur documentaries? Like old times? Of course I’ll come. Just give me an hour."
"Think of the booze," Stephen called after Cutter.
"You bet. There’s nothing better than a twenty year old scotch after a good meal."
Stephen and Cutter slouched on the couch after completely demolishing the lasagna. The scotch had loosened their tongues. Now the sound of the telly was turned down and they were talking about anything and everything.
"All right, I concede Lester isn't the arse I believed him to be but he certainly isn't Florence Nightingdale."
"I didn't know you were looking for a nurse," Stephen chuckled and took another sip of his scotch.
"I'm not looking for anyone. Besides Lester is a man."
"And?"
"He's a man. I'm a man. I'm not bent."
"Well, not everything is just black and white. There are always shades of grey. Like bisexuality."
"I'm married for God's sake."
"Wrong. Officially you’re a widower. So you’re a free man and can choose any partner you want," Stephen pointed out.
"Really, Stephen, if you want to hook me up with someone why Lester of all people? Can't you find me a nice busty brunette?" Cutter laughed good-humouredly.
"Because you and Lester have been dancing around each other like two positive magnets for quite a while and I know you are into men."
"What? Surely not. Whatever gave you that idea?"
"Oh please. Cutter, I'm not blind. Besides I saw you one evening. With Ryan. In the shower room."
Stephen clenched his fists as emotional pain welled up inside him just as strong as back then when he'd seen Cutter and Ryan bringing each other off.
"It was two weeks before the Future Predators appeared. I'd left my mobile in the locker room and gone back to get it. The door to the showers was open and you both were fully visible. It hit me like a sledgehammer."
Stephen didn't mention that he had originally gone back to ask Ryan out on a date. It had been pointless after what he had witnessed anyway. And he didn't reveal that he hadn't left instantly but had watched Ryan getting off by Cutter's hand. He still felt dirty for staying and getting aroused from watching.
"So you knew the whole time?" Cutter said, a little ashamed but mostly relieved that the truth was out. "Damn it, Stephen, why didn't you say something?"
"That I watched you? That's not exactly the right topic for a lunch break."
Cutter huffed, irritated. "I mean about Ryan, you fool. That you were interested in him. I had no clue you even care for men."
Stephen hung his head. "You know me. Speaking about my feelings isn't exactly in my nature. Besides it was pointless. He didn't want me."
"What he didn't want was to make a fool out of himself. You don't approach supposed straight men, especially not at your work place."
"That apparently didn't stop him from approaching you."
"Because he saw me in a gay bar the day before."
At that Stephen raised his head.
"I don't go there usually," Cutter declared quickly. "I felt just lonely and wanted company and it seemed easier to pick up a man. I wasn't even sure if I could go through with it. But to go looking for a woman would have made me feel guilty."
"Because of Helen?"
"Because of Claudia."
"Ah yes, The beautiful stranger who vanished off the earth."
"She really existed, Stephen." Cutter said emphatically.
"Okay, okay. I believe you. If you were interested in this Claudia then what was that with Ryan? I don't get it."
"Just mutual relief of tension."
"That was all? Bloody hell. And I thought..." Stephen drew a hand through his hair. "I thought it was seriously between you two. Otherwise I would have asked him out."
Cutter studied his friend intensively. He knew how emotionally reserved Stephen was. It had taken weeks until Stephen had felt comfortable to stop addressing him by his formal title after they’d become friends. And even longer until he had revealed anything about himself.
"Would you really have?" Cutter asked quietly.
"I was planning to that night."
Cutter swallowed drily. If Stephen had been ready to go so far out of his comfort zone then he'd already fallen really hard for Ryan back then.
"Playing nurse to him for the rest of your life won't get you a second chance, Stephen."
"I know. But I promised not to leave him. I won't let him down."
"You sentimental fool, you."
Stephen smiled weakly as Cutter squeezed his arm.
"Cutter, have you ever thought to leave the anomaly project and start from scratch somewhere else?"
"A few times."
"Recently?"
"After Claudia had vanished I was thinking of walking through the next anomaly and never looking back. But then I remembered how important the work is we do here. I couldn't abandon my responsibility."
"I think I have done my share of saving the world. With Tom to take care for I shouldn't continue working at the ARC."
"Then take him by the hand and run as far away from the ARC and Lester as you can."
"I'm serious, Cutter."
"So am I. Get out of here before it kills you. Get a life."
Stephen snorted sadly. "With a grown-up baby."
"He could remember one day."
"What? That he is a soldier? He certainly will not remember me because he never noticed me in the first place. At least not as a potential lover. I've heard how they made jokes about me. They called me the fancy boy."
"Stephen."
Stephen shook his head. "I'm sorry, Cutter. I have to get out of here for a while. Would you mind..."
"It's okay. I'll pick Tom up. Go. Get your head clear."
"Is Stephen gone?" Ryan asked anxiously when Cutter went to fetch him from Abby's flat.
"Just for a walk. He’ll be back in a few hours."
"Was it because of me? Because of the toffees and the secret?"
"No, Tom. It has nothing to do with you." At least not with the person you are now, Cutter added to himself.
After he'd calmed the agitated Ryan and put him to bed, Cutter settled down on the couch and began waiting for Stephen.
A few minutes later, Ryan tiptoed into Stephen's room and lay down on Stephen's bed. With his face pressed into the pillow, still smelling of Stephen, and with his stuffed rabbit clutched in his left arm, Ryan was waiting too.
Author: TalliW
Characters: Stephen Hart, Tom Ryan, Nick Cutter, James Lester, Abby Maitland, Connor Temple, Jenny Lewis, Oliver Leek, Lyle, Finn, Helen Cutter, Ditzy
Rating: K+, T in later chapters
Disclaimer: Primeval is the property of Impossible Pictures. I write just for fun.
Lyle and Finn belong to Fredbassett.
Acknowledgments: Thanks to the wonderful Fredbassett for beta duty.
Summary: Ryan has survived but he isn't the man he was. Can Stephen and Cutter manage to work together to help him? Perhaps Ryan has changed in more ways than it appears on first sight.
AN: For the former chapters look at my Masterlist
Ryan and Stephen stared with rapt attention at the tiny blossom the cactus plant had developed. It was dark red and about to burgeon.
"Isn't it beautiful?" Ryan asked admiringly.
"Yes, it is," Stephen confirmed, amused by the fact that he'd grown attached to Stanley, the cactus, just as much as Ryan.
"Jenny will be really happy when I tell her. No, I’ll show her, that’ll be better. May I, Stephen?"
When Stephen nodded in agreement, Ryan lifted the flower pot and whispered against the pottery vessel, "Come on, Stanley, get ready. Today you’re allowed to come with us."
Stephen trailed patiently after Ryan during his detour through the ARC to show everyone Stanley’s blossom. Ryan's exuberance made him smile and he could see that Ryan had the same effect on his colleagues.
Suddenly Ryan's attention was drawn to Connor and the oblong shape in Connor's knapsack.
"Wow, you’ve brought it."
The next minute Stephen was left alone with a cactus in his hands while Ryan raced down the ramp with Connor's skateboard, loudly yelling, "Make way!"
With a sigh, Stephen watched Ryan cruise around the atrium on the skateboard, in the process almost crashing into Finn, and decided that buying protective gear for Ryan might be a good idea.
"Oh my, he’s in a bad mood today," Lorraine muttered as she left Lester's office. "Are you sure you want to go in there, my dear?"
Ryan just gave her his best smile and walked on, unperturbed.
After Ryan had ascertained that they were alone he pulled a small bag out of the back pocket of his jeans. "Uncle James, look, what I brought you. That is the sort you like, isn't it?"
Lester's face brightened up as Ryan handed him the bag filled with his favourite sort of almond toffees. "Thank you, Tom," Lester said, very pleased with the unexpected gift.
"You’re welcome. No one knows I got them for you. I told you your secret is safe with me."
"And with us too."
Lester almost dropped the bag as Cutter's voice rang through the door crack.
"Uncle Nick, that's not nice," Ryan called, scandalised.
After stashing the toffee bag in his upper drawer Lester quickly regained his composure and gave vent to his anger.
"Your parents never taught you that eavesdropping is rude?" Lester snarled and put on his sternest face.
Stephen, standing behind Cutter, had the grace to blush. But Cutter only smirked and entered the office.
"Toffee lover, huh? So why is Lorraine mistreating her keyboard and cursing you? What happened?"
With amazement, Cutter and Stephen watched how the hard lines on Lester's face softened as Lester turned towards Ryan. "Tom, could you please leave us alone for a moment?" Lester asked in a friendly fashion.
"Adult things again?"
"That's right, Tom. It will be just for a moment."
With a theatrical sigh Ryan meandered to the exit and left them alone.
Cutter was quite perplexed. "What? You are telling us? Just like that?“
"As is might concern Stephen's safety I would have briefed you on the situation anyway. I just got word that Leek never arrived at his destination. The car had an accident on the motorway. The agents lost consciousness and when they came around again Leek had vanished. MI5 just didn't think it necessary to inform me right away. I'm not sure Leek is still a threat but just to be on the safe side be a little more careful and look out for a civil servant turned wannabee villain and more kitty cats."
"I can't believe it?" Stephen mumbled on the way to Cutter's office.
"That Leek managed to escape?"
"Nah! That Lester's love of toffees was the big secret Tom was guarding. A whole afternoon I tried to prise that information out of him. Not even pudding and ice-cream worked."
"What did he do?"
"Tom ate the pudding, licked the icecream and then he told me that he loves me very much but still couldn’t tell me Lester's secret because he’d promised not to. All the time he blabs out everything and if it's really important he gets all secretive."
"What did you think their big secret was about?" Cutter asked, amused.
"I don't know. Something that Tom accidentally overheard and which had to do with Lester's work. Helen said Lester’s playing a double game."
Cutter's smile froze immediately. "Helen? You talked to Helen?"
"She showed up at my door recently."
"And you didn't deem it worthy of a mention?"
"I was worried you might jump to the wrong conclusion. She didn't stay long. She just made some weird insinuations and wanted to tell me something about Lester if I met her at the car park. But I was delayed because of Tom and she was gone when I got to the agreed place."
"Oh, that's so typical of Helen. Turning up mysteriously, trying to be divisive and then vanishing again. I bet she made everything up out of thin air."
"Quite likely. I've found no proof that Lester is betraying us. If Helen discovered something fishy it was probably Leek's doing."
Cutter rubbed a palm over his face in open distress. "I guess it was too much to hope that Helen would leave us alone. Stephen, be honest. Was she trying to seduce you?"
Stephen swallowed heavily. What did that matter? Couldn't Cutter let it rest?
"I'm not interested in her," Stephen declared.
"That wasn't what I was asking," Cutter said pained. "You don't have to spare me. I have accepted what a bitch she is."
"Tom all but threw her out of the door. Whatever Helen had planned he prevented it," Stephen answered diplomatically. Some things, like Helen's provocative pose, just weren’t worth mentioning. Cutter had already suffered enough because of his wife.
"That's good. She's only trying to set us against each other again."
"We won't let her."
"No, we won't."
Stephen and Cutter shared a smile as Ryan burst into their office. "Can I play with Connor? He has this new cool videogame where you have to hunt vampires."
"Looks like you have the day off," Cutter said after Ryan had left with Connor and Abby.
"Mmmh, a pity. I’d planned to make lasagne for dinner."
Stephen shut his computer down and packed up his things whilst watching Cutter from the corner of his eyes. It took over a minute until Cutter caught on at last.
"Did you just say lasagna?"
"There's also a dinosaur marathon on the discovery channel," Stephen added. "Care to come over?
"Lasagna and dinosaur documentaries? Like old times? Of course I’ll come. Just give me an hour."
"Think of the booze," Stephen called after Cutter.
"You bet. There’s nothing better than a twenty year old scotch after a good meal."
Stephen and Cutter slouched on the couch after completely demolishing the lasagna. The scotch had loosened their tongues. Now the sound of the telly was turned down and they were talking about anything and everything.
"All right, I concede Lester isn't the arse I believed him to be but he certainly isn't Florence Nightingdale."
"I didn't know you were looking for a nurse," Stephen chuckled and took another sip of his scotch.
"I'm not looking for anyone. Besides Lester is a man."
"And?"
"He's a man. I'm a man. I'm not bent."
"Well, not everything is just black and white. There are always shades of grey. Like bisexuality."
"I'm married for God's sake."
"Wrong. Officially you’re a widower. So you’re a free man and can choose any partner you want," Stephen pointed out.
"Really, Stephen, if you want to hook me up with someone why Lester of all people? Can't you find me a nice busty brunette?" Cutter laughed good-humouredly.
"Because you and Lester have been dancing around each other like two positive magnets for quite a while and I know you are into men."
"What? Surely not. Whatever gave you that idea?"
"Oh please. Cutter, I'm not blind. Besides I saw you one evening. With Ryan. In the shower room."
Stephen clenched his fists as emotional pain welled up inside him just as strong as back then when he'd seen Cutter and Ryan bringing each other off.
"It was two weeks before the Future Predators appeared. I'd left my mobile in the locker room and gone back to get it. The door to the showers was open and you both were fully visible. It hit me like a sledgehammer."
Stephen didn't mention that he had originally gone back to ask Ryan out on a date. It had been pointless after what he had witnessed anyway. And he didn't reveal that he hadn't left instantly but had watched Ryan getting off by Cutter's hand. He still felt dirty for staying and getting aroused from watching.
"So you knew the whole time?" Cutter said, a little ashamed but mostly relieved that the truth was out. "Damn it, Stephen, why didn't you say something?"
"That I watched you? That's not exactly the right topic for a lunch break."
Cutter huffed, irritated. "I mean about Ryan, you fool. That you were interested in him. I had no clue you even care for men."
Stephen hung his head. "You know me. Speaking about my feelings isn't exactly in my nature. Besides it was pointless. He didn't want me."
"What he didn't want was to make a fool out of himself. You don't approach supposed straight men, especially not at your work place."
"That apparently didn't stop him from approaching you."
"Because he saw me in a gay bar the day before."
At that Stephen raised his head.
"I don't go there usually," Cutter declared quickly. "I felt just lonely and wanted company and it seemed easier to pick up a man. I wasn't even sure if I could go through with it. But to go looking for a woman would have made me feel guilty."
"Because of Helen?"
"Because of Claudia."
"Ah yes, The beautiful stranger who vanished off the earth."
"She really existed, Stephen." Cutter said emphatically.
"Okay, okay. I believe you. If you were interested in this Claudia then what was that with Ryan? I don't get it."
"Just mutual relief of tension."
"That was all? Bloody hell. And I thought..." Stephen drew a hand through his hair. "I thought it was seriously between you two. Otherwise I would have asked him out."
Cutter studied his friend intensively. He knew how emotionally reserved Stephen was. It had taken weeks until Stephen had felt comfortable to stop addressing him by his formal title after they’d become friends. And even longer until he had revealed anything about himself.
"Would you really have?" Cutter asked quietly.
"I was planning to that night."
Cutter swallowed drily. If Stephen had been ready to go so far out of his comfort zone then he'd already fallen really hard for Ryan back then.
"Playing nurse to him for the rest of your life won't get you a second chance, Stephen."
"I know. But I promised not to leave him. I won't let him down."
"You sentimental fool, you."
Stephen smiled weakly as Cutter squeezed his arm.
"Cutter, have you ever thought to leave the anomaly project and start from scratch somewhere else?"
"A few times."
"Recently?"
"After Claudia had vanished I was thinking of walking through the next anomaly and never looking back. But then I remembered how important the work is we do here. I couldn't abandon my responsibility."
"I think I have done my share of saving the world. With Tom to take care for I shouldn't continue working at the ARC."
"Then take him by the hand and run as far away from the ARC and Lester as you can."
"I'm serious, Cutter."
"So am I. Get out of here before it kills you. Get a life."
Stephen snorted sadly. "With a grown-up baby."
"He could remember one day."
"What? That he is a soldier? He certainly will not remember me because he never noticed me in the first place. At least not as a potential lover. I've heard how they made jokes about me. They called me the fancy boy."
"Stephen."
Stephen shook his head. "I'm sorry, Cutter. I have to get out of here for a while. Would you mind..."
"It's okay. I'll pick Tom up. Go. Get your head clear."
"Is Stephen gone?" Ryan asked anxiously when Cutter went to fetch him from Abby's flat.
"Just for a walk. He’ll be back in a few hours."
"Was it because of me? Because of the toffees and the secret?"
"No, Tom. It has nothing to do with you." At least not with the person you are now, Cutter added to himself.
After he'd calmed the agitated Ryan and put him to bed, Cutter settled down on the couch and began waiting for Stephen.
A few minutes later, Ryan tiptoed into Stephen's room and lay down on Stephen's bed. With his face pressed into the pillow, still smelling of Stephen, and with his stuffed rabbit clutched in his left arm, Ryan was waiting too.