Shades of Grey Chapter 40
Title: Shades of Grey Chapter 40
Author: TalliW
Characters: Stephen Hart, Tom Ryan, Nick Cutter, James Lester, Abby Maitland, Connor Temple, Jenny Lewis, Lyle, Finn,
Cutter, Ditzy
Rating: K+, T in later chapters
Disclaimer: Primeval is the property of Impossible Pictures. I write just for fun.
Lyle and Finn belong to Fredbassett.
Acknowledgments: Thanks to the wonderful Fredbassett for beta duty.
Summary: Ryan has survived but he isn't the man he was. Can Stephen and Cutter manage to work together to help him? Perhaps Ryan has changed in more ways than it appears on first sight.
AN: For the former chapters look at my Masterlist
"There you are. Right on time," Ryan said without turning around as Stephen walked into the kitchen..
A moment later, Stephen stared dumbfounded at the pancakes Ryan piled on his plate.
"Piggie pancakes?"
"I'm still fond of them," Ryan declared with a smile before he sat down and started to make a sizable dent in the pile on his own plate.
Finally sated, Ryan put his cutlery down and and leaned back in the chair, his arms folded over his chest.
"So what exactly is bothering you? That you’ve developed feelings for a man, that I reciprocate them or that I want to shove my cock up your arse?"
Stephen nearly choked on the last piece of his pancake. Apparently Ryan didn't like to beat around the bush.
"It's complicated," he finally managed to gasp out.
"Maybe you’re making it more complicated than it is. Do you want me?"
Stephen blushed a light shade of red and looked everywhere but Ryan, which Ryan took as a sort of affirmation.
"I don't think you mind that I love you back so it must be the cock up your arse prospect. Would you prefer to top? Or do you find anal sex off-putting generally?"
Stephen's blush deepened to a tomato red. This was really not the conversation he had imagined having with Ryan after Ryan's memories had resurfaced.
Of course he wanted Ryan. He had fantasised about doing it with Ryan since he had seen him naked in the ARC’s shower room, finally admitting to himself that his preference might actually lean more towards the higher end of the Kinsey scale. And he certainly didn't mind the anal sex. He had tried out butt plugs and anal dildos and had found the experience quite enjoyable.
It would be easy to blame his unease on his lack of experience and finally getting his heart's desire. Judging by the smoldering look Ryan was currently giving him he would be naked the moment he had voiced that he didn't mind who was in charge in bed.
But the time he had cared for Tom hadn't gone by without a trace. Agreeing to something he wasn't ready for would be plain wrong and would diminish the experience.
"I'm sorry, Ryan, that’s going a little fast for me. I can't shift gears so quickly," Stephen said honestly, his voice tinged with a whiff of regret. "All the time I had to force myself to see you as a child and now....
"...you still see six year old Tom instead me."
"In a way."
Ryan pulled a face. "That does rather complicate matters. I'd certainly not expected I would have to compete for your affection against my younger self."
Then Ryan gave a shrug and started to collect the dishes. "It will mean a lot of wanking and maybe blue balls for me but I guess I can wait until you are ready."
Stephen looked at Ryan in surprise, still not daring to believe his luck. He had dreaded this moment, so sure that Ryan, even if he might feel something more for him behind gratitude, wouldn't want to wait until he'd overcome his inhibitions.
"Ehm, Stephen, it won't take forever, right?" Ryan asked, leaning against the kitchen sink. "Until you have shifted gears again, I mean? I love you but I'm only human, you know."
"No, it won't take all that long, " Stephen assured Ryan with a smile. The man across from him seemed to combine the best of Tom and Captain Ryan. That would make it easier for him to see him as a different person. It also gave Stephen hope that Ryan might be serious about a relationship. The old Ryan hadn't been so outspoken and had not shown his feelings so openly. For the first time, Stephen allowed himself to think that there actually might be a chance of happiness for him and Ryan.
"Okay, time to face the crowd and tell them the happy news. I just hope I’ll have some blood left after Ditzy's examination."
With an energy Stephen was used to from Ryan's younger persona, Ryan bounded down the stairs until the disapproving tsk of one of Stephen's neighbours stopped him in his tracks.
Recognising her as the old bat who had made snide remarks when Ryan had been clingy or had simply held hands with him Stephen gave her a dirty look.
At the time, Ryan hadn't understand the rude words and Stephen had chosen to ignore them to prevent straining the relations with his neighbours. But this time he wouldn't allow her to mouth more of her homophobic filth.
The woman straightened her back, obviously preparing herself for a verbal attack as Ryan turned around to Stephen and gave him a mischievous look.
The next moment, Stephen found himself pushed against the corridor wall with Ryan's mouth firmly affixed to his lips.
There was the sound of a gasp and a few seconds later the unmistakable noise of a slamming door.
"I hope that’ll teach her to keep her mouth shut in the future. No one insults my boyfriend and gets away with it," Ryan whispered against Stephen's lips before he stepped back and continued walking as if nothing had happened.
Stephen exhaled forcefully and discreetly adjusted his trousers. Apparently his body was already a step ahead of his mind.
"Should I apologise for the kiss?" Ryan asked with a knowing grin as Stephen finally caught up with him. He gave a hearty laugh when Stephen shook his head, his cheeks once again tinted with a flaming red.
There was astonishingly little excitement at the ARC when Ryan declared his memory had resurfaced.
Connor and Abby stared at Ryan as if he'd stolen their favourite toy. Cutter fiddled nervously with the bag of wine-gums he had intended to give Tom, and Jenny and Lester looked somehow gutted. Not even Lyle and Finn seemed to be overly happy with the new development.
Ryan just rolled his eyes over their demeanour.
"Oh please. I'm still the same person, only a little more grown-up in a manner of speaking. Well not exactly the same," Ryan corrected himself quickly with a sideways glance at Stephen. "But I really haven't changed as much as you assume."
Before anyone else could say anything Cutter asked slyly,"What's the directive regarding use of force against prehistoric animals?"
If Ryan was surprised about the unusual question he didn't show it.
"For situations that warrant immediate action to protect person's lives, use of deathly force is justified," he rattled off. Then he frowned and mumbled, "But it's wrong to kill animals for just following their natural instincts."
Ryan blinked in irritation as he realised that Tom's view of things was battling against the one he had as a soldier. The thought of shooting at living beings almost made him nauseous.. Apparently Cutter's animal protection attitude had influenced him quite a lot. If he didn't resolve that issue quickly he would be unable to maintain his military position. A soldier who shied away from using fire power was close to useless.
Stephen, sensing Ryan's troubled thoughts, put a hand on Ryan's arm and rubbed soothingly.
Thankful for the silent support, Ryan smiled at Stephen and for a moment touched Stephen's hand with his own.
That small gesture, more than anything else, seemed to convince people that the Ryan they had started to care for wasn't entirely gone.
Cutter visibly relaxed. Connor gave Ryan a small smile that broadened when Ryan smiled back while Lyle declared formally,"Good to have you back, sir."
"Well, Captain Ryan, should you ever be in need of passing the time feel free to come by and collect one of your unfinished colouring books," Lester said drily. "I also still have the toy cars in my desk. For now, however, I have to insist on a visit to the infirmary. I think another medical examination is due. Would you like me to inform the major in the meantime?"
"Yes, please, call him. And thanks for the offer, James, but I think the times of colouring books are over. I might make an exception for the toy cars though," Ryan answered before he obediently walked off to the infirmary.
Two hours later, the team witnessed a rather strange reunion.
"Major," Ryan said, standing to attention as if he was facing a superior instead his adoptive father.
"Captain," the major answered curtly. "I was informed you have regained your memories."
"Yes, major, I have."
"That's great news. Lilith and I were very worried about you. I wish we had be able to come here earlier."
"You could have done nothing anyway. I didn't even recognise you, after all."
"That's true. Still we should have been here."
"I had friends who did take care of me."
"I know. I'm very grateful to them. Especially your Stephen."
Major Ryan and Ryan shared a warm smile that stood in strong contrast to their rather formal conversation.
"Well, about him... Dad, I would like to introduce you to my boyfriend."
The major staggered slightly and gasped for breath, making Stephen fear that this news had induced a heart attack. But then the major caught himself and calmly stretched his hand out to Stephen and sort of welcomed him into the family.
"That was apparently quite a shock for him," Stephen commented when the major was seated in Lester's office, animatedly talking to Lester and Ditzy. "Maybe you should have waited before telling him about us... me. We aren't really yet... I mean we haven't... Did he even know you’re gay?"
"He knows I’ve had my share of blokes," Ryan replied. "Stephen, just because we haven’t fucked yet doesn't mean we aren't together."
Once again, Stephen found himself pinned against a wall. "You belong to me now. For forever," Ryan said and punctuated his statement with a searing kiss.
Ryan's possessiveness might have been scary if not for the warmth in his eyes and the slight smile tilting his lips when they parted again.
"After all, I have the necklace to prove it."
Ryan gently lifted his pedant out from under his shirt and held it against the one Stephen was wearing. The two halves fitted perfectly together and once again formed a filigree heart.
"Two halves of a whole, Stephen. That's what we are. Never forget that."
Stephen swallowed past the lump in his throat. Ryan made it sound so natural it was easy to believe in a happily ever after.
"Besides, my adoptive father wasn't shocked about you, rather about that I called him 'dad'. I've never done that before. I always addressed him and his wife with their ranks. I wasn't ready to accept them as my parents."
Stephen nodded in understanding. He could remember yelling at his stepfather that he wasn't his real father and never would be. His impulsive outburst had made the situation between them even more difficult after his mother's death.
"Although the term boyfriend might have been a surprise for him as well," Ryan added. "I've never had one before."
"You haven’t?" Stephen asked dumbfounded.
"I’ve only had fuck-buddies, Stephen. This is new for me too."
Stephen did the only thing he could think of after that revelation. He took Ryan's face in his hands and gave him a gentle kiss, full of promise and love.
Major Ryan still looked visibly shaken when he followed Lester and the medic into his office. But that didn't influence his ability to ask the hard questions.
"Lieutenant Owen, is Captain Ryan fit for active duty or not?"
"Well, physically absolutely. The level of pheromones he’s giving off is barely measurable now he isn't so exuberantly joyful any more. But there's still the minor problem of his increased healing skills. Until now we have managed to keep that out of the records. But in the line of duty it's bound to happen that he’ll get injured. People will start to notice if he's healing so fast."
"It isn't certain he still possesses this skills. Helen Cutter declared it wears off."
"She finally admitted to being responsible for Ryan's condition?" Lester asked with interest. He still hadn't found out which position in the grand scheme of things Major Ryan and his wife occupied. They had far too much powers and access to high security information to be simply military.
"Not exactly. But a vial with an unknown liquid was found in Helen Cutter's clothes. According to the doctors, it contains a mix of non-proteinogenic amino acids. Remains of those were also found in Helen Cutter's blood sample along with evidence that she suffered from an overproduction of defective leukocytes. Miraculously, that condition has been cured in the brief span she’s spent in the mental health facility."
"Let me guess, she isn't there any more," Lester muttered sarcastically.
"She was shipped off to the next research facility quickly after that discovery. Unfortunately for the scientists, the amino acids in the vial and blood had already started to disintegrate, prompting Miss Cutter to gloat about their burst of frantic activity. An idiotic lab assistant pointed out that they still had a whole body full of contaminated blood at their disposal and she just laughed at that. They logged her exact words as, 'Don't bother. You won't find anything strange in my bloodstream any more. In a couple of weeks the effects will stop as well. Without my help you will find out nothing."
"And now she wants to make a deal with them, am I right?" Cutter said from the entrance.
"James, I think the ARC's security measures need a brush up. Soundproof panels, maybe, and lockable doors," Major Ryan remarked with a pointed look in Cutter's direction. "Yes, your wife made an offer" he said, answering Cutter's question. "But at the moment they’re concentrating their efforts on finding Oliver Leek. Because he was be able to walk away from the warehouse and they found a couple of used syringes in the bin, they assume Helen has healed him with the same substance. I would prefer to let them continue thinking those two are the only people who have been exposed to that healing drug. I don't want to see my son end up as their guinea pig."
After that, Major Ryan left the room to tell Ryan in person that after he'd conquered the minor obstacle of a psychological evaluation he would be reinstalled in his old position.
Cutter only hoped Ryan and Stephen had by now finished the snogging session he had incidentally walked in earlier.
Author: TalliW
Characters: Stephen Hart, Tom Ryan, Nick Cutter, James Lester, Abby Maitland, Connor Temple, Jenny Lewis, Lyle, Finn,
Cutter, Ditzy
Rating: K+, T in later chapters
Disclaimer: Primeval is the property of Impossible Pictures. I write just for fun.
Lyle and Finn belong to Fredbassett.
Acknowledgments: Thanks to the wonderful Fredbassett for beta duty.
Summary: Ryan has survived but he isn't the man he was. Can Stephen and Cutter manage to work together to help him? Perhaps Ryan has changed in more ways than it appears on first sight.
AN: For the former chapters look at my Masterlist
"There you are. Right on time," Ryan said without turning around as Stephen walked into the kitchen..
A moment later, Stephen stared dumbfounded at the pancakes Ryan piled on his plate.
"Piggie pancakes?"
"I'm still fond of them," Ryan declared with a smile before he sat down and started to make a sizable dent in the pile on his own plate.
Finally sated, Ryan put his cutlery down and and leaned back in the chair, his arms folded over his chest.
"So what exactly is bothering you? That you’ve developed feelings for a man, that I reciprocate them or that I want to shove my cock up your arse?"
Stephen nearly choked on the last piece of his pancake. Apparently Ryan didn't like to beat around the bush.
"It's complicated," he finally managed to gasp out.
"Maybe you’re making it more complicated than it is. Do you want me?"
Stephen blushed a light shade of red and looked everywhere but Ryan, which Ryan took as a sort of affirmation.
"I don't think you mind that I love you back so it must be the cock up your arse prospect. Would you prefer to top? Or do you find anal sex off-putting generally?"
Stephen's blush deepened to a tomato red. This was really not the conversation he had imagined having with Ryan after Ryan's memories had resurfaced.
Of course he wanted Ryan. He had fantasised about doing it with Ryan since he had seen him naked in the ARC’s shower room, finally admitting to himself that his preference might actually lean more towards the higher end of the Kinsey scale. And he certainly didn't mind the anal sex. He had tried out butt plugs and anal dildos and had found the experience quite enjoyable.
It would be easy to blame his unease on his lack of experience and finally getting his heart's desire. Judging by the smoldering look Ryan was currently giving him he would be naked the moment he had voiced that he didn't mind who was in charge in bed.
But the time he had cared for Tom hadn't gone by without a trace. Agreeing to something he wasn't ready for would be plain wrong and would diminish the experience.
"I'm sorry, Ryan, that’s going a little fast for me. I can't shift gears so quickly," Stephen said honestly, his voice tinged with a whiff of regret. "All the time I had to force myself to see you as a child and now....
"...you still see six year old Tom instead me."
"In a way."
Ryan pulled a face. "That does rather complicate matters. I'd certainly not expected I would have to compete for your affection against my younger self."
Then Ryan gave a shrug and started to collect the dishes. "It will mean a lot of wanking and maybe blue balls for me but I guess I can wait until you are ready."
Stephen looked at Ryan in surprise, still not daring to believe his luck. He had dreaded this moment, so sure that Ryan, even if he might feel something more for him behind gratitude, wouldn't want to wait until he'd overcome his inhibitions.
"Ehm, Stephen, it won't take forever, right?" Ryan asked, leaning against the kitchen sink. "Until you have shifted gears again, I mean? I love you but I'm only human, you know."
"No, it won't take all that long, " Stephen assured Ryan with a smile. The man across from him seemed to combine the best of Tom and Captain Ryan. That would make it easier for him to see him as a different person. It also gave Stephen hope that Ryan might be serious about a relationship. The old Ryan hadn't been so outspoken and had not shown his feelings so openly. For the first time, Stephen allowed himself to think that there actually might be a chance of happiness for him and Ryan.
"Okay, time to face the crowd and tell them the happy news. I just hope I’ll have some blood left after Ditzy's examination."
With an energy Stephen was used to from Ryan's younger persona, Ryan bounded down the stairs until the disapproving tsk of one of Stephen's neighbours stopped him in his tracks.
Recognising her as the old bat who had made snide remarks when Ryan had been clingy or had simply held hands with him Stephen gave her a dirty look.
At the time, Ryan hadn't understand the rude words and Stephen had chosen to ignore them to prevent straining the relations with his neighbours. But this time he wouldn't allow her to mouth more of her homophobic filth.
The woman straightened her back, obviously preparing herself for a verbal attack as Ryan turned around to Stephen and gave him a mischievous look.
The next moment, Stephen found himself pushed against the corridor wall with Ryan's mouth firmly affixed to his lips.
There was the sound of a gasp and a few seconds later the unmistakable noise of a slamming door.
"I hope that’ll teach her to keep her mouth shut in the future. No one insults my boyfriend and gets away with it," Ryan whispered against Stephen's lips before he stepped back and continued walking as if nothing had happened.
Stephen exhaled forcefully and discreetly adjusted his trousers. Apparently his body was already a step ahead of his mind.
"Should I apologise for the kiss?" Ryan asked with a knowing grin as Stephen finally caught up with him. He gave a hearty laugh when Stephen shook his head, his cheeks once again tinted with a flaming red.
There was astonishingly little excitement at the ARC when Ryan declared his memory had resurfaced.
Connor and Abby stared at Ryan as if he'd stolen their favourite toy. Cutter fiddled nervously with the bag of wine-gums he had intended to give Tom, and Jenny and Lester looked somehow gutted. Not even Lyle and Finn seemed to be overly happy with the new development.
Ryan just rolled his eyes over their demeanour.
"Oh please. I'm still the same person, only a little more grown-up in a manner of speaking. Well not exactly the same," Ryan corrected himself quickly with a sideways glance at Stephen. "But I really haven't changed as much as you assume."
Before anyone else could say anything Cutter asked slyly,"What's the directive regarding use of force against prehistoric animals?"
If Ryan was surprised about the unusual question he didn't show it.
"For situations that warrant immediate action to protect person's lives, use of deathly force is justified," he rattled off. Then he frowned and mumbled, "But it's wrong to kill animals for just following their natural instincts."
Ryan blinked in irritation as he realised that Tom's view of things was battling against the one he had as a soldier. The thought of shooting at living beings almost made him nauseous.. Apparently Cutter's animal protection attitude had influenced him quite a lot. If he didn't resolve that issue quickly he would be unable to maintain his military position. A soldier who shied away from using fire power was close to useless.
Stephen, sensing Ryan's troubled thoughts, put a hand on Ryan's arm and rubbed soothingly.
Thankful for the silent support, Ryan smiled at Stephen and for a moment touched Stephen's hand with his own.
That small gesture, more than anything else, seemed to convince people that the Ryan they had started to care for wasn't entirely gone.
Cutter visibly relaxed. Connor gave Ryan a small smile that broadened when Ryan smiled back while Lyle declared formally,"Good to have you back, sir."
"Well, Captain Ryan, should you ever be in need of passing the time feel free to come by and collect one of your unfinished colouring books," Lester said drily. "I also still have the toy cars in my desk. For now, however, I have to insist on a visit to the infirmary. I think another medical examination is due. Would you like me to inform the major in the meantime?"
"Yes, please, call him. And thanks for the offer, James, but I think the times of colouring books are over. I might make an exception for the toy cars though," Ryan answered before he obediently walked off to the infirmary.
Two hours later, the team witnessed a rather strange reunion.
"Major," Ryan said, standing to attention as if he was facing a superior instead his adoptive father.
"Captain," the major answered curtly. "I was informed you have regained your memories."
"Yes, major, I have."
"That's great news. Lilith and I were very worried about you. I wish we had be able to come here earlier."
"You could have done nothing anyway. I didn't even recognise you, after all."
"That's true. Still we should have been here."
"I had friends who did take care of me."
"I know. I'm very grateful to them. Especially your Stephen."
Major Ryan and Ryan shared a warm smile that stood in strong contrast to their rather formal conversation.
"Well, about him... Dad, I would like to introduce you to my boyfriend."
The major staggered slightly and gasped for breath, making Stephen fear that this news had induced a heart attack. But then the major caught himself and calmly stretched his hand out to Stephen and sort of welcomed him into the family.
"That was apparently quite a shock for him," Stephen commented when the major was seated in Lester's office, animatedly talking to Lester and Ditzy. "Maybe you should have waited before telling him about us... me. We aren't really yet... I mean we haven't... Did he even know you’re gay?"
"He knows I’ve had my share of blokes," Ryan replied. "Stephen, just because we haven’t fucked yet doesn't mean we aren't together."
Once again, Stephen found himself pinned against a wall. "You belong to me now. For forever," Ryan said and punctuated his statement with a searing kiss.
Ryan's possessiveness might have been scary if not for the warmth in his eyes and the slight smile tilting his lips when they parted again.
"After all, I have the necklace to prove it."
Ryan gently lifted his pedant out from under his shirt and held it against the one Stephen was wearing. The two halves fitted perfectly together and once again formed a filigree heart.
"Two halves of a whole, Stephen. That's what we are. Never forget that."
Stephen swallowed past the lump in his throat. Ryan made it sound so natural it was easy to believe in a happily ever after.
"Besides, my adoptive father wasn't shocked about you, rather about that I called him 'dad'. I've never done that before. I always addressed him and his wife with their ranks. I wasn't ready to accept them as my parents."
Stephen nodded in understanding. He could remember yelling at his stepfather that he wasn't his real father and never would be. His impulsive outburst had made the situation between them even more difficult after his mother's death.
"Although the term boyfriend might have been a surprise for him as well," Ryan added. "I've never had one before."
"You haven’t?" Stephen asked dumbfounded.
"I’ve only had fuck-buddies, Stephen. This is new for me too."
Stephen did the only thing he could think of after that revelation. He took Ryan's face in his hands and gave him a gentle kiss, full of promise and love.
Major Ryan still looked visibly shaken when he followed Lester and the medic into his office. But that didn't influence his ability to ask the hard questions.
"Lieutenant Owen, is Captain Ryan fit for active duty or not?"
"Well, physically absolutely. The level of pheromones he’s giving off is barely measurable now he isn't so exuberantly joyful any more. But there's still the minor problem of his increased healing skills. Until now we have managed to keep that out of the records. But in the line of duty it's bound to happen that he’ll get injured. People will start to notice if he's healing so fast."
"It isn't certain he still possesses this skills. Helen Cutter declared it wears off."
"She finally admitted to being responsible for Ryan's condition?" Lester asked with interest. He still hadn't found out which position in the grand scheme of things Major Ryan and his wife occupied. They had far too much powers and access to high security information to be simply military.
"Not exactly. But a vial with an unknown liquid was found in Helen Cutter's clothes. According to the doctors, it contains a mix of non-proteinogenic amino acids. Remains of those were also found in Helen Cutter's blood sample along with evidence that she suffered from an overproduction of defective leukocytes. Miraculously, that condition has been cured in the brief span she’s spent in the mental health facility."
"Let me guess, she isn't there any more," Lester muttered sarcastically.
"She was shipped off to the next research facility quickly after that discovery. Unfortunately for the scientists, the amino acids in the vial and blood had already started to disintegrate, prompting Miss Cutter to gloat about their burst of frantic activity. An idiotic lab assistant pointed out that they still had a whole body full of contaminated blood at their disposal and she just laughed at that. They logged her exact words as, 'Don't bother. You won't find anything strange in my bloodstream any more. In a couple of weeks the effects will stop as well. Without my help you will find out nothing."
"And now she wants to make a deal with them, am I right?" Cutter said from the entrance.
"James, I think the ARC's security measures need a brush up. Soundproof panels, maybe, and lockable doors," Major Ryan remarked with a pointed look in Cutter's direction. "Yes, your wife made an offer" he said, answering Cutter's question. "But at the moment they’re concentrating their efforts on finding Oliver Leek. Because he was be able to walk away from the warehouse and they found a couple of used syringes in the bin, they assume Helen has healed him with the same substance. I would prefer to let them continue thinking those two are the only people who have been exposed to that healing drug. I don't want to see my son end up as their guinea pig."
After that, Major Ryan left the room to tell Ryan in person that after he'd conquered the minor obstacle of a psychological evaluation he would be reinstalled in his old position.
Cutter only hoped Ryan and Stephen had by now finished the snogging session he had incidentally walked in earlier.