I’m The Juggernaut, Bitch!
I just saw the latest X-Men movie, “The Last Stand”. And I have to say, I have mixed feelings about it.
The acting, as always, was pretty good, for the most part, considering how astonishingly lame some of the characterizations were in the script. Hugh Jackman, as always, was an outstanding Wolverine, and Sir Ian was seven kinds of studly, even if he is a septuagenarian. On the other hand, Famke Janssen sleep-walked through the freakin’ movie, and I was similarly underwhelmed with Halle Berry’s Storm and Anna Panquin’s Rogue. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t Anna Panquin an Oscar winner? You couldn’t tell it from watching this film. Then again, her part wasn’t exactly what I’d call “meaty”.
The story was the real problem in this film, though. It felt like it had been written by committee, as in somebody (with little or no working knowledge of the X-Men) had a list of elements they wanted in the movie, and it was up to the screenwriter to somehow shoehorn them in.
Danger Room: check. Cyclops dead within the first ten minutes: check. Angel somewhat uselessly inserted as an afterthought: check. Wolverine fighting a bunch of mutants for reasons that again don’t particularly advance the plot: check. Juggernaut thrown in with absolutely no mention of his being Professor Xavier’s half-brother: check. Professor X dead by halfway point of film: check. Magneto acting like an utter prick to Mystique once she loses her powers: check.
Then once they realized what a weak story they had, they were forced to rewrite scenes and re-edit them together in order to salvage what they’d already filmed, as is evidenced by the Deleted Scenes on the DVD. A couple of the scenes had to be completely rewritten to avoid the characters looking even more shallow and hackneyed than they ended up in the final production.
Which brings me to the thing that most annoyed the piss out of me, i.e. how limp and inconsistent the characters were. There was no sense of struggle in Gene / Phoenix, just Gene Grey doing a sort of thorazine shuffle through all but the last ten minutes of the film. There was again no sense of conflict with Cyclops about Gene’s death, he’s just so sad that he gives up and leaves. And since we never actually find out what happened to him, there’s this big unsatisfying empty spot throughout the entire movie.
Professor X, instead of trying to get Wolverine to understand why what he did to Gene’s mind was necessary, just brushes him off with a snippy remark that was completely out of character. Magneto has at least two really weak lapses in character, one when he just out and out dumps Mystique the instant she loses her mutant abilities. Unquestioning loyalty doesn’t account for anything, Eric? Another was when Phoenix (finally!) starts doing something other than stand there in the mist with her hair blowing like she’s in a fucking Clannad video, he turns around and goes “What have I done?” What have you done? You’ve released Gene Grey’s inner dark goddess: isn’t that what you’ve talked about and planned since the beginning of the movie? Consistency of character would have Magneto marveling at her power even as he retreated in fear.
And while we’re talking consistency, why is everyone so surprised when Rogue takes the cure? Isn’t that all she’s wanted for the last two goddamn movies? The writers made sure throughout the first two films that we knew that she would give up her powers in an instant if she could, so when she does we’re supposed to be shocked? Huh? Wha?
Oh, and anyone want to explain what happened to Nightcrawler? No explanation of why he is no longer there? No mention of him? Not even a throw-away line? Nothing? Really?
On the whole, this was merely an okay movie when it had the potential to be just as strong as the two previous installments. That’s always disappointing.
But even so, I still want adamantium claws for Christmas.
In other news, cats don’t like marshmallows. Just so you know.
The acting, as always, was pretty good, for the most part, considering how astonishingly lame some of the characterizations were in the script. Hugh Jackman, as always, was an outstanding Wolverine, and Sir Ian was seven kinds of studly, even if he is a septuagenarian. On the other hand, Famke Janssen sleep-walked through the freakin’ movie, and I was similarly underwhelmed with Halle Berry’s Storm and Anna Panquin’s Rogue. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t Anna Panquin an Oscar winner? You couldn’t tell it from watching this film. Then again, her part wasn’t exactly what I’d call “meaty”.
The story was the real problem in this film, though. It felt like it had been written by committee, as in somebody (with little or no working knowledge of the X-Men) had a list of elements they wanted in the movie, and it was up to the screenwriter to somehow shoehorn them in.
Danger Room: check. Cyclops dead within the first ten minutes: check. Angel somewhat uselessly inserted as an afterthought: check. Wolverine fighting a bunch of mutants for reasons that again don’t particularly advance the plot: check. Juggernaut thrown in with absolutely no mention of his being Professor Xavier’s half-brother: check. Professor X dead by halfway point of film: check. Magneto acting like an utter prick to Mystique once she loses her powers: check.
Then once they realized what a weak story they had, they were forced to rewrite scenes and re-edit them together in order to salvage what they’d already filmed, as is evidenced by the Deleted Scenes on the DVD. A couple of the scenes had to be completely rewritten to avoid the characters looking even more shallow and hackneyed than they ended up in the final production.
Which brings me to the thing that most annoyed the piss out of me, i.e. how limp and inconsistent the characters were. There was no sense of struggle in Gene / Phoenix, just Gene Grey doing a sort of thorazine shuffle through all but the last ten minutes of the film. There was again no sense of conflict with Cyclops about Gene’s death, he’s just so sad that he gives up and leaves. And since we never actually find out what happened to him, there’s this big unsatisfying empty spot throughout the entire movie.
Professor X, instead of trying to get Wolverine to understand why what he did to Gene’s mind was necessary, just brushes him off with a snippy remark that was completely out of character. Magneto has at least two really weak lapses in character, one when he just out and out dumps Mystique the instant she loses her mutant abilities. Unquestioning loyalty doesn’t account for anything, Eric? Another was when Phoenix (finally!) starts doing something other than stand there in the mist with her hair blowing like she’s in a fucking Clannad video, he turns around and goes “What have I done?” What have you done? You’ve released Gene Grey’s inner dark goddess: isn’t that what you’ve talked about and planned since the beginning of the movie? Consistency of character would have Magneto marveling at her power even as he retreated in fear.
And while we’re talking consistency, why is everyone so surprised when Rogue takes the cure? Isn’t that all she’s wanted for the last two goddamn movies? The writers made sure throughout the first two films that we knew that she would give up her powers in an instant if she could, so when she does we’re supposed to be shocked? Huh? Wha?
Oh, and anyone want to explain what happened to Nightcrawler? No explanation of why he is no longer there? No mention of him? Not even a throw-away line? Nothing? Really?
On the whole, this was merely an okay movie when it had the potential to be just as strong as the two previous installments. That’s always disappointing.
But even so, I still want adamantium claws for Christmas.
In other news, cats don’t like marshmallows. Just so you know.