About Otakon
in this post I discuss my mixed feelings about Otakon and why I feel I am screwed no matter what. I'm putting it behind a cut because I tend to ramble on and on and on and on and on and (gunshot)... so yeah.
I subscribe to the idea that "those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter" when it comes to writing about myself here. Basically, I think that if someone is going to be my friend they will probably care aobut what I have to say and so, if you read my introspection and think "I don't care about this." then you fit into the second group. I don't know why I stated with that. That's just me asserting my feelings. But whatever.
I have very mixed feelings about Otakon (really cons in general but Otakon specifically) because I really want to go but I know that it ends up making me kind of... not happy. I dunno. Amazingly enough it doesn't have anything to do with what went town in 2005 (though it kind of does, but in a different way, which I will explain later). Here's how it stands-
-If I go, I will be going alone, which I swore I would not do again this year after having an anxiety-packed Friday in 2007 and being generally put-off the experience in 2008.
-I had been operating on a "wait and see what happens" basis until recently on whether I'd go because I didn't have a group to go with. Since I don't actually LOOK for groups to go with, I was convinced that I wasn't going.
-Recently I decided that I pretty much WAS going, alone, anyway. I will probably feel bad if I don't go, feeling like I might have had a really good time if I had gone.
-Otakon ends on my Birthday, which makes it a nice "what I did for my birthday" thing.
-I don't usually go on Sunday when alone- I usually get up to the con noon-2 or so and that's way late to do anything worthwhile on Sunday, so that means I will be experiencing a post-con low ON my birthday, which will extra suck.
I think those are the major points.
I was sold on con-going after 2005 (again, despite all that happened) and am convinced that there is a SUPER AMAZING AWESOME TIME to be had, but the pieces just aren't there. I feel like I'm operating at 25% awesomeness by going alone. When I go alone I spend most of my time walking around hoping that I will run into someone I know, which is horribly unlikely. I sit and people-watch, which is nice. I go to the dealers room. repeat cycle. That's not TOO bad a time (clearly, or else I wouldn't think of going back). I know there's mucho more to be done but I don't usually end up doing it. I go to the AMV and masquerades. Then home.
There's a saying that goes "you're never lonelier than when you are alone in a crowded place" and that's how Otakon is. When I'm alone at home it makes sense. When I'm alone at a con it's painfully obvious that I'm alone in a context that doesn't call for it. If I go this year I will probably be overwhelmed by those feelings on my birthday. And I'm turning 29, so I get to officially begin OMG I'M ALMOST 30 WHERE IS MY LIFE AT??? time.
I actually remember con-going as a generally fun experience when done with friends after 2005- instead of traumatizing me it's actually acting as my "see, that was the high point of con-going" memory. I know there's a good time to be had with others. I just need others. And I don't know how to make that happen on my own because I'm so used to (1) not reaching out to others (2) having the few attempts at that not work and (3) making friends through other friends.
I've just been extra lonely lately and I'm not 100% sure why. So, Otakon is an issue that I don't know what to do about. Most likely I will go, and figure out how to emotionally take care of myself so that it's a good experience. And maybe I'll get lucky and someone will take me in and I can have someone to hang out with. Preferally someone female (ah, the original ideals, regardless of whether it's for romance or platonic friendship I always look to women). I have until the end of next week (I think) to pre-register and I have the money for it, though technically I would be better off saving the money. It would be just fine to spend the money on myself to do something nice for my birthday.
So yeah. The plan is to go like I have the previous two years and figure out how to make it a good experience... FROM WITHIN. And maybe find someone to spend some time with. I tried to reach out to someone two years ago but that ended up coming to nothing, which makes me sad but there's not much I can do about it comfortably. Ah. That's a whole story in itself. I think maybe this is where I stop typing or start repeating myself. So, that's all.
I subscribe to the idea that "those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter" when it comes to writing about myself here. Basically, I think that if someone is going to be my friend they will probably care aobut what I have to say and so, if you read my introspection and think "I don't care about this." then you fit into the second group. I don't know why I stated with that. That's just me asserting my feelings. But whatever.
I have very mixed feelings about Otakon (really cons in general but Otakon specifically) because I really want to go but I know that it ends up making me kind of... not happy. I dunno. Amazingly enough it doesn't have anything to do with what went town in 2005 (though it kind of does, but in a different way, which I will explain later). Here's how it stands-
-If I go, I will be going alone, which I swore I would not do again this year after having an anxiety-packed Friday in 2007 and being generally put-off the experience in 2008.
-I had been operating on a "wait and see what happens" basis until recently on whether I'd go because I didn't have a group to go with. Since I don't actually LOOK for groups to go with, I was convinced that I wasn't going.
-Recently I decided that I pretty much WAS going, alone, anyway. I will probably feel bad if I don't go, feeling like I might have had a really good time if I had gone.
-Otakon ends on my Birthday, which makes it a nice "what I did for my birthday" thing.
-I don't usually go on Sunday when alone- I usually get up to the con noon-2 or so and that's way late to do anything worthwhile on Sunday, so that means I will be experiencing a post-con low ON my birthday, which will extra suck.
I think those are the major points.
I was sold on con-going after 2005 (again, despite all that happened) and am convinced that there is a SUPER AMAZING AWESOME TIME to be had, but the pieces just aren't there. I feel like I'm operating at 25% awesomeness by going alone. When I go alone I spend most of my time walking around hoping that I will run into someone I know, which is horribly unlikely. I sit and people-watch, which is nice. I go to the dealers room. repeat cycle. That's not TOO bad a time (clearly, or else I wouldn't think of going back). I know there's mucho more to be done but I don't usually end up doing it. I go to the AMV and masquerades. Then home.
There's a saying that goes "you're never lonelier than when you are alone in a crowded place" and that's how Otakon is. When I'm alone at home it makes sense. When I'm alone at a con it's painfully obvious that I'm alone in a context that doesn't call for it. If I go this year I will probably be overwhelmed by those feelings on my birthday. And I'm turning 29, so I get to officially begin OMG I'M ALMOST 30 WHERE IS MY LIFE AT??? time.
I actually remember con-going as a generally fun experience when done with friends after 2005- instead of traumatizing me it's actually acting as my "see, that was the high point of con-going" memory. I know there's a good time to be had with others. I just need others. And I don't know how to make that happen on my own because I'm so used to (1) not reaching out to others (2) having the few attempts at that not work and (3) making friends through other friends.
I've just been extra lonely lately and I'm not 100% sure why. So, Otakon is an issue that I don't know what to do about. Most likely I will go, and figure out how to emotionally take care of myself so that it's a good experience. And maybe I'll get lucky and someone will take me in and I can have someone to hang out with. Preferally someone female (ah, the original ideals, regardless of whether it's for romance or platonic friendship I always look to women). I have until the end of next week (I think) to pre-register and I have the money for it, though technically I would be better off saving the money. It would be just fine to spend the money on myself to do something nice for my birthday.
So yeah. The plan is to go like I have the previous two years and figure out how to make it a good experience... FROM WITHIN. And maybe find someone to spend some time with. I tried to reach out to someone two years ago but that ended up coming to nothing, which makes me sad but there's not much I can do about it comfortably. Ah. That's a whole story in itself. I think maybe this is where I stop typing or start repeating myself. So, that's all.