Colours splayed on a glass door
Title: Colours splayed on a glass door
Author: xoxo_nat_xx
Pairing: Yesung/Ryeowook
Ratings: PG-13
Summary: What do you say, when the world seems like it is against you, as if you have ruined every single living being, every single thing that is worth living for, and you are trapped in your own world, behind that glass door that holds the entrance to your heart?
Even when you physically let someone in, is the other truly in, or is it all, just a facade?
White, blue, red and yellow.
Colours, bright vivid colours dance across his field of vision, and it excites him, for a reason. Ryeowook sits in a chair beside that glass door, observing the scene in front of him. He likes this view, the one-way mirror, so he can observe every single being outside that door, but no one can see him in his house.
Rain is falling, and every single student has now donned now their raincoats, and their parents hold colourful umbrellas, shielding themselves from the rain, in a fairly proper manner. Children step into rain puddles every now and then, and their high-pitch infectious laughter rings bright and loud through the air, cutting through the stale atmosphere that surrounded Ryeowook previously.
It's like his world has exploded, with the plethora of colours spinning him dizzy, even when he is just sitting here, in his own house, staring at the world outside through this small, glass door.
Some kids press their fingers, and their faces, against the glass door, trying to peer through that thick, opaque glass that only favours Ryeowook's view. Initially, Ryeowook cringes, trying to escape from those prying gazes, even though he already knows they cannot see him. He's sensitive to others, and sitting behind this glass door is the only way for him to communicate with the outside world.
Ryeowook detests going out, it's like there is some attracting factor on him, everyone just cannot help it but stare at him. Even when he fidgets slightly, uncomfortably, under their not-so-obvious-or-covert-glances, passersby continue to do so. And Ryeowook definitely cannot withstand those glances, those that seem to hold a slight pity, or sympathy in them. He feels like glaring back defiantly, but he drops his gaze immediately when they connect, and he cowers and leaves instead.
Sitting here, peacefully, holding the cup of milk that Hyeon Jin has just poured for him, he prefers this, much, much more than going out. He knows that he has to give up the fresh air, the smell after the rain, the opportunity of making friends in school, hanging out casually after lessons, all of these, but he's willing to do so, just to remain unseen.
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The rain is special, the most special, and the most well-liked weather of Ryeowook's. It further promotes that sense of calm, and peacefulness within him, and he comes to terms with what has happened to him at this very moment. He used to begrudge everyone else, but the rain has made him more tame, replacing that childish, throwing-tantrum child with one who is more mature, a thinking, functioning individual.
Although he isn't really able to function fully, he dreams that he does, with the soft pitter-patter of the rain as his background music, weaving in, and out with those infectious laughter, shouts, and screams.
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Someone catches Ryeowook's eye, and it is rare and seldom that someone does. Ryeowook's only ten, and his attention span is of a typical child. The center of his attention is a male, of only about age 12 himself. Ryeowook feels his mouth being tugged into a reluctant smile, as he spots the guy carrying an umbrella, and wearing a raincoat. It's as if he wants to grow up quickly, wants to be an adult, yet wants to hold on that naïve, childish part of him, forever, and ever.
The guy steps into a rain puddle, splashing water all about. Some shrieks and curses are heard, emitting from mouths of several entities that Ryeowook suddenly finds himself not that bothered by. He focuses on the sole guy, who is also uncaring of his surroundings, involved, immersed in his own world instead. Several adults shake their fists at him, especially hot-headed ones, but the guy just doesn't bother, still, and still, spinning about in that, sole, rain puddle.
Ryeowook lifts a palm tentatively, and presses it against the glass door. How much, how much he wants to be able to be like that guy, uncaring, and not concerned about others in this small, much too small world of his. It’s like the world has shrunk whenever he goes out, that the world can only fit him, and the gazes of others. It's suffocating, and he cannot break out from this situation no matter how hard he tries. He admires the other guy for his aloofness, his courage, his freedom, his spirit.
Ryeowook suddenly realizes, his inner soul is calling for release, and he wants release, just like that guy out there.
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Ryeowook makes a mental note; every single time the guy walks or passes by his glass door. The time, the attire, the expression on his face, every single detail is kept carefully in a notebook of his. He yearns to be something like that guy, and this is his own way of fulfilling his wish. The emotions of the other guy influence him as well, although he doesn't know it yet. A smile could simply make his day, while a dull face completely destroys whatever bubbly feeling that is threatening to erupt from him.
And one day, the guy does something that is completely out of his normal routine.
Ryeowook sees him as usual, and his heart is lifted at the sight of the other. However, Ryeowook is totally unprepared, when the guy stops in front of his glass door, and peer angrily into it. He stares, and finds nothing, but he is not willing to give up. He raises the sleeve of his uniform slightly, rubbing the glass carefully, observing it from a tilted angle to ensure that there's no dirt, and he tries again. And again.
Ryeowook stares at the scene in front of him, but for the first time, he doesn't draw back; he just continues to gape at the spectacle unfolding in front of him. Perhaps it is his wish coming true, the wish that he is finally being taken notice of by this other guy, who entirely doesn't know who he is, who is a part of his life, but Ryeowook isn't part of his.
The guy tries again, and again, until he's frustrated, until Ryeowook can almost feel the palpable anger in the air, on the other side of the glass door. Ryeowook lifts his arm, slowly but surely, and places it on the exact opposite site where the other has placed his palm against, resting from all his exertions. He wants to comfort the other, and for some reason, he wants, he wants to get up from this chair of his, and walk out, just for once.
As his arm makes contact with the cooling glass piece, the guy on the opposite side starts, and lifts his head suddenly to stare, as if he is staring right back at Ryeowook, as if he can sense Ryeowook on the other side of the glass door. Ryeowook feels himself raising his head to meet the other's gaze, from his seating position. He is held, tightly, by the other's gaze, and he feels as if he is unable to tear away at all. Both of them continue staring at each other, and Ryeowook refuses to look away, because this may be the only chance for him to have real eye contact with someone from the outside world.
He only jumps slightly, when Hyeon Jin places a soft hand on his shoulder, asking him if, perhaps, she should invite the other guy in for a drink.
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"Awesome". He states, as he is left gaping at the one-way glass piece in front of him. He peers at it from Ryeowook's side, marveling at the scenery that Ryeowook has been appreciating since that incident happened. He then opens the glass door and pokes his face outside, reaffirming the truth.
"Cool.", he exhales, his breath clouding the glass slightly.
Ryeowook giggles at the sight in front of him; the other has been checking the glass for at least 10 minutes, 10 minutes since Hyeon Jin opened the glass door and invited him in politely; 9 minutes after he had stood foolishly outside the door, stunned; 8 minutes since he took his first step into the house, tentative, and the rest he spent, pre-occupied with that glass door.
It has been a long time since Ryeowook laughed, unlike those previous chuckles, soundless, mirthless. The ones that now fill the air are bursting with joy, and anticipation.
Ryeowook continues to stare amusedly at the other, as the latter tests out several funny faces behind the glass door. It has been long since he had contact with another human being, other than Hyeon Jin. He doesn't know where his parents are, currently, and the only stable thing that exists in his world, the only person he can hold onto without feeling dizzy and lost is Hyeon Jin alone.
As the other finally settles down in front of him and sticks out his hand rather rigidly in his self-introduction, "Hey, I'm Yesung", Ryeowook feels that perhaps, it is time for him to add another pillar into this crumbling world of his.
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Trapped souls, chained onto a rock, screaming, shouting for help, but Ryeowook can only look on; he's helpless, he wants to, he desires to reach out to help, but he only finds himself chained to the spot as well.
Tortured shrieks fill the air, and Ryeowook plugs his ears with his fingers, trying to stop them from filling his mind. Distorted images flash across him, the colours dull yet dazzling, intense at the same time.
Before he knows it, he's underwater, and trying to crawl upwards towards that speck of sunlight to gain some air. But someone's grabbing hold of his leg, and he's unable to swim upwards, trapped in exact same position over and over again. He kicks hard, tries to fight back, but that hold is strong, that Ryeowook feels like he's losing strength over time.
His lungs are bursting from the lack of air, screaming for just one, just one bit of oxygen, but the grip is relentless, holding him back. He feels as though the end is near, and he cannot shy away from it this time; it's finally time for him to go. He draws his mouth open to let out a piercing scream, only to gurgle in pain as water rushes into his lungs and fills his soul until Ryeowook's positive that he is dead.
Ryeowook sits up straight in his bed, all of a sudden. Hyeon Jin looks at him in concern, standing beside his bed, pressing a hand to his forehead to ensure that Ryeowook isn't have a fever. Ryeowook looks at her, wide-eyed and fearful. His mouth opens hesitantly, and he brings up his hand to gesture futilely towards himself.
Hyeon Jin nods, after a while, and she turns around and exits the room, because Ryeowook knows she doesn't want him to see the worry and pain contorting her face.
Ryeowook knows, deep down he is afraid, scared as well, but he manages to put on a strong front, to cover and hide those fears within himself.
It has been, consecutively, the third night he has woke up screaming, screaming from those haunting memories of those incidents that have left him like this. No matter how hard he tries to convince himself in the day, sitting by that door just plainly observing everything outside, it cannot erase those memories in him, it cannot block them out, and they just escape, blatantly crawling their way into his mind whenever he's asleep.
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Yesung pulls a chair over to sit by Ryeowook, silently enjoying the same view as other children make their way home. He twists his face a little, as he thinks how he should ask Ryeowook this particular question that has bothering him for some time. Ryeowook's unusual, definitely, this Yesung knows ever since he stepped into the house. And it's not like Ryeowook is unusual only for him, Ryeowook is like that to the world, and the world seems to treat him differently as well.
Ryeowook flinches all of a sudden, and Yesung drops his gaze immediately, staring at the floor wide-eyed. Muttering an apology hurriedly, Yesung lifts himself out of the chair, mentally berating himself for being too obvious with his stares, that it has almost scared Ryeowook.
He doesn't expect it when Ryeowook grabs his hand softly and tugs him to sit back down. He doesn't expect to see that dazzling smile that overwhelms his senses when Ryeowook shakes his hand slightly to reclaim his attention. Bedazzled, he can only stare dumbly as Ryeowook shakes his head from left to right, telling him that it is alright for him to look, that it is only alright, for him, to look.
Ryeowook points to something outside the glass door, and Yesung follows his finger, joining Ryeowook in his quiet appreciation of the scenery outside.
They talk about colours, dull, bright, vibrant colours, all of them. They discuss the meaning of colours, and it always ends up with Ryeowook pressing his forehead against the glass door, exhausted, yet joyous because Yesung continues to visit him day after day.
Yesung learns the meaning of silence, the beautiful joy of it all, and he shares it with Ryeowook, who quietly basks in it all as well.
Ryeowook is learning how to open up himself to someone other than Hyeon Jin, and it scares him, that one day he may frighten Yesung off, so much that a gaping hole is left in the process, and he is unable to find someone to heal it, just like how Yesung does.
And the nightmares begin to die down.
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Ryeowook sees it on the tip of Yesung's tongue, but the question always gets swallowed into the depths of Yesung's stomach before it could make its presence known. It has always been like this, for the past one hundred and thirty seven days since he met Yesung through that accidental meeting.
Somehow, he already knows what Yesung wants to know, but he isn't ready to reveal it yet.
He never expects that today, today will be the day that Yesung asks for clarification, a day where he has just suffered another bout of nightmare, another painful seizure that strikes through him the very night, leaving him gasping for air and for help, which only Hyeon Jin can provide in terms of medication.
And when the question does come out, Yesung's taken aback at Ryeowook's reaction. Never had he expected that there's so much fire in that small body of his, so much pain, anger and frustration boiling in him, for so long, so long that Yesung wonders why he hasn't noticed it for the past one hundred and thirty seven days.
Ryeowook lashes out, and he immediately regrets it when he sees the light in Yesung's eyes fall. He turns away, bitter, yet heart-wrenching when he recalls the expression on Yesung's face. He never knew he could hurt someone so much, so deeply, even when they have only just met for some wonderful months.
Yesung just stares at Ryeowook, his mind churning and spinning with all the possibilities that are now crossed out, as Ryeowook lays it plainly right out in his face. Wrong, wrong and wrong. He momentarily feels a prick in his eyes, but he quickly blinks it back, as Ryeowook turns around again, to face the glass door, expressionless.
Yesung picks up his bag and opens the glass door hurriedly, throwing himself out of the house as soon as possible. He stops there, though, his back leaning heavily against the glass door, and he tells himself so much not to cry, and he tries his best to keep his promise. He prefers standing here, then to that spot right beside Ryeowook.
Because he cannot see what Ryeowook is feeling right now, but Ryeowook can see the amount of pain he has caused Yesung,, instead. And Yesung remains, motionless, seeing the scene outside for real, no more through that glass door which has shattered in his heart.
All the assumptions are now thrown out of the window, Yesung thinks to himself. Every single expectation, wrong, wrong, and wrong.
Ryeowook lifts the cup that is resting serenely in his lap, and throws it across the room, hearing and reveling in the piercing, breaking sounds it makes, just like how his heart is currently feeling. At least he finally feels it taking form, the pent-up anger finally taking the form of an eagle, feeding, feeding on the fears and emotions of others, pecking them to bits and pieces, until there's none of them left, just like how Yesung is now.
No more, Ryeowook thinks to himself. No more, because he just ruined everything by his own hands.
Just like how he ruined his parents' lives, when they wanted a healthy child who laughs and plays along with them, only to get a child that was involved a car accident leaving him paralysed waist down.
Just like how he ruined his own dream of becoming a singer, when he failed to notice that his driver was drunk, and walked sloppily against the side-walks, when Ryeowook was supposed to be fetched home, and he foolishly forgot to buckle up properly.
Just like how he ruined his parents' hopes of becoming their successor, when the doctor informed them that he can no longer be like any other normal child.
Just like how he ruined his heart, when he shies away from all those curious glances from other school mates, from other class mates, from his friends, from adults, from working colleagues of his parents, that now they leave him in this house, all by himself, as if he is abandoned, unwanted.
Just like how he ruined Hyeon Jin's life, who wanted to be a nurse in a prestigious hospital, only to end up working for Ryeowook's parents and taking care of Ryeowook, because he suffers from seizures every now and then, and those nightmares that still haunt him ever since the day of the accident.
Just like how he ruins Yesung's heart, when Yesung truly wants to make a connection with him, to get him to open up to him, only to find barbs and thorns prickling him on his way to Ryeowook's heart, only to be pierced, one by one, until Yesung finds himself unable to take the agony that is threatening to overwhelm him, and he leaves Ryeowook alone.
Because Ryeowook just ruins everything, he thinks to himself. Sometimes he forgets that Yesung's only 12, and he's only 10, and he should be behaving like an untainted, innocent child, instead of one who has seen the cruelties of this world until he's sick and tired of it, until he is unable to take it anymore, that he pushes every single thing to the next available person right beside him.
Damn dignity, he doesn't want any of it, at this very moment in his childhood.
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The scene is replaying, again and again, and Ryeowook does not know where to find that 'stop' button which can bring all of this to a halt. He sees the glint in Yesung's eyes, he sees the agony Yesung undergoes when he spits out his anger, he sees the misery, the distress, everything, he takes in all, all of them.
Ryeowook is always left, at the end, with this haunting conclusion, that no matter how hard he can try, Yesung will be unable to forgive him.
Ryeowook wakes up, screaming so loudly that he thinks his heart almost bursts out in pain with this much exertion. He fists his blanket and draws it up to his chin, curling into a ball. The nightmares are back, yes, they are, but now they are made up of something vastly different from those previous ones.
He sees Hyeon Jin standing in the doorway of his room, and he notices the tears evident in her eyes as she starts to turn around again, knowing that Ryeowook hates others seeing this weak side of him. Ryeowook feels helpless, truly helpless now, not just in his dreams, but also in real life. He's destroying everything around him, and his dreams incessantly remind him about how he broke that fragile friendship.
Ryeowook lets out a strangled squeak, raising his hand up towards Hyeon Jin. Hyeon Jin freezes, and Ryeowook nods, tentatively, forcing that bit of smile onto his face. His personal nurse walks towards him and holds him dear, and he feels those fresh tears streaking down his face, just that he knows they are mixed with both happiness, and hurt.
It's time he tries to correct whatever he has done wrong, to right whatever he has torn down previously; no more hiding, no more hiding for a child of 10, for him.
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Ryeowook resumes his daily observation of the outside world through the glass door. However, the world no longer captures his attention, as he is only focused on one sole matter, to find the friend he has lost so easily that day. He wants to apologise, to take everything back, to make things better, to soothe his heart, to relieve Yesung's.
Yet somehow, he doesn't see Yesung pass by anymore.
One day, Hyeon Jin brings in buckets of paint, and sets them down right beside his chair. Ryeowook stares quietly at his personal nurse, who replies with a grin stretched across her face. She pulls out the dusty wheelchair that Ryeowook has been so averse towards, and Ryeowook frowns slightly, touching the wheelchair tentatively.
Hyeon Jin touches the furrowed brows and smooths out Ryeowook's forehead. She smiles, and Ryeowook understands.
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It has been some time since Yesung walked by the house; he wonders if everything is still the same, if Ryeowook is still sitting on the other side of the glass door, watching, watching the world through that door of his, quietly, with a gentle smile gracing his face.
When Yesung finally finds the house, he stops, and gapes in shock, not able to recognize that glass door anymore.
The glass door is splayed, full of different, vibrant colours that shout out to him immediately. He remembers his discussion with Ryeowook, some nonsensical conversation about colours that he is surprised Ryeowook still remembers.
Yesung sees the clumsy hand that painted the door, and he immediately knows that Ryeowook did this by himself, although with disabilities, he still did it, and Yesung feels a swell of pride overwhelm him. Among the variety of colours present, two catch his eye, and he cannot fight the smile that is spreading rapidly across his face.
Light blue, associated with health, healing, tranquility, understanding and softness, everything Ryeowook wants the world to have, to see him in this light, in this soft, peaceful, blue light.
And light red, which symbolizes love, passion, sensitivity, and friendship.
Yesung observes the amount of effort Ryeowook must have placed in this project, and he knows that now, Ryeowook is ready to open up to the world, to get the world to accept him for who he is, and is ready for Yesung to finally, really, be his friend. He sees the effort Ryeowook put in, sitting in his wheelchair, bringing up his paintbrush again and again, on the other side of the glass door, the one that is outside, and Ryeowook doesn't seem to mind the stares anymore.
The door opens gently, and Yesung continues to stand in that spot of his. He knows that he, and Ryeowook are now both equals, Yesung cannot view whatever that is inside because of the one-way mirror, and Ryeowook cannot see the outside world anymore, because he has painted the door himself.
Yesung observes the amount of effort Ryeowook must have placed in this project, and he knows that now, Ryeowook is ready to open up to the world, to get the world to accept him for who he is, and is ready for Yesung to finally, really, be his friend.
Yesung sees a lock of black hair sweep across the other's forehead, and his eyes spot that uncertain smile on the other's face. He sees the apology evident in those eyes, and he silently mouths his back.
Ryeowook pushes the glass door wide open, and Yesung smiles.
And no more words are needed, they understand each other.
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A/N: It took me three days to churn this out. The first to come up with the plot, the second to come up with the introduction, and the third (which is also the longest I ever spent just to write a fic) to come up with the ending. I kind of rushed the ending out, so it may seem a little fail =(. Enjoy, and comment please! ^^
And sorry for the lack of speech, at all.
Author: xoxo_nat_xx
Pairing: Yesung/Ryeowook
Ratings: PG-13
Summary: What do you say, when the world seems like it is against you, as if you have ruined every single living being, every single thing that is worth living for, and you are trapped in your own world, behind that glass door that holds the entrance to your heart?
Even when you physically let someone in, is the other truly in, or is it all, just a facade?
White, blue, red and yellow.
Colours, bright vivid colours dance across his field of vision, and it excites him, for a reason. Ryeowook sits in a chair beside that glass door, observing the scene in front of him. He likes this view, the one-way mirror, so he can observe every single being outside that door, but no one can see him in his house.
Rain is falling, and every single student has now donned now their raincoats, and their parents hold colourful umbrellas, shielding themselves from the rain, in a fairly proper manner. Children step into rain puddles every now and then, and their high-pitch infectious laughter rings bright and loud through the air, cutting through the stale atmosphere that surrounded Ryeowook previously.
It's like his world has exploded, with the plethora of colours spinning him dizzy, even when he is just sitting here, in his own house, staring at the world outside through this small, glass door.
Some kids press their fingers, and their faces, against the glass door, trying to peer through that thick, opaque glass that only favours Ryeowook's view. Initially, Ryeowook cringes, trying to escape from those prying gazes, even though he already knows they cannot see him. He's sensitive to others, and sitting behind this glass door is the only way for him to communicate with the outside world.
Ryeowook detests going out, it's like there is some attracting factor on him, everyone just cannot help it but stare at him. Even when he fidgets slightly, uncomfortably, under their not-so-obvious-or-covert-glances, passersby continue to do so. And Ryeowook definitely cannot withstand those glances, those that seem to hold a slight pity, or sympathy in them. He feels like glaring back defiantly, but he drops his gaze immediately when they connect, and he cowers and leaves instead.
Sitting here, peacefully, holding the cup of milk that Hyeon Jin has just poured for him, he prefers this, much, much more than going out. He knows that he has to give up the fresh air, the smell after the rain, the opportunity of making friends in school, hanging out casually after lessons, all of these, but he's willing to do so, just to remain unseen.
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The rain is special, the most special, and the most well-liked weather of Ryeowook's. It further promotes that sense of calm, and peacefulness within him, and he comes to terms with what has happened to him at this very moment. He used to begrudge everyone else, but the rain has made him more tame, replacing that childish, throwing-tantrum child with one who is more mature, a thinking, functioning individual.
Although he isn't really able to function fully, he dreams that he does, with the soft pitter-patter of the rain as his background music, weaving in, and out with those infectious laughter, shouts, and screams.
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Someone catches Ryeowook's eye, and it is rare and seldom that someone does. Ryeowook's only ten, and his attention span is of a typical child. The center of his attention is a male, of only about age 12 himself. Ryeowook feels his mouth being tugged into a reluctant smile, as he spots the guy carrying an umbrella, and wearing a raincoat. It's as if he wants to grow up quickly, wants to be an adult, yet wants to hold on that naïve, childish part of him, forever, and ever.
The guy steps into a rain puddle, splashing water all about. Some shrieks and curses are heard, emitting from mouths of several entities that Ryeowook suddenly finds himself not that bothered by. He focuses on the sole guy, who is also uncaring of his surroundings, involved, immersed in his own world instead. Several adults shake their fists at him, especially hot-headed ones, but the guy just doesn't bother, still, and still, spinning about in that, sole, rain puddle.
Ryeowook lifts a palm tentatively, and presses it against the glass door. How much, how much he wants to be able to be like that guy, uncaring, and not concerned about others in this small, much too small world of his. It’s like the world has shrunk whenever he goes out, that the world can only fit him, and the gazes of others. It's suffocating, and he cannot break out from this situation no matter how hard he tries. He admires the other guy for his aloofness, his courage, his freedom, his spirit.
Ryeowook suddenly realizes, his inner soul is calling for release, and he wants release, just like that guy out there.
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Ryeowook makes a mental note; every single time the guy walks or passes by his glass door. The time, the attire, the expression on his face, every single detail is kept carefully in a notebook of his. He yearns to be something like that guy, and this is his own way of fulfilling his wish. The emotions of the other guy influence him as well, although he doesn't know it yet. A smile could simply make his day, while a dull face completely destroys whatever bubbly feeling that is threatening to erupt from him.
And one day, the guy does something that is completely out of his normal routine.
Ryeowook sees him as usual, and his heart is lifted at the sight of the other. However, Ryeowook is totally unprepared, when the guy stops in front of his glass door, and peer angrily into it. He stares, and finds nothing, but he is not willing to give up. He raises the sleeve of his uniform slightly, rubbing the glass carefully, observing it from a tilted angle to ensure that there's no dirt, and he tries again. And again.
Ryeowook stares at the scene in front of him, but for the first time, he doesn't draw back; he just continues to gape at the spectacle unfolding in front of him. Perhaps it is his wish coming true, the wish that he is finally being taken notice of by this other guy, who entirely doesn't know who he is, who is a part of his life, but Ryeowook isn't part of his.
The guy tries again, and again, until he's frustrated, until Ryeowook can almost feel the palpable anger in the air, on the other side of the glass door. Ryeowook lifts his arm, slowly but surely, and places it on the exact opposite site where the other has placed his palm against, resting from all his exertions. He wants to comfort the other, and for some reason, he wants, he wants to get up from this chair of his, and walk out, just for once.
As his arm makes contact with the cooling glass piece, the guy on the opposite side starts, and lifts his head suddenly to stare, as if he is staring right back at Ryeowook, as if he can sense Ryeowook on the other side of the glass door. Ryeowook feels himself raising his head to meet the other's gaze, from his seating position. He is held, tightly, by the other's gaze, and he feels as if he is unable to tear away at all. Both of them continue staring at each other, and Ryeowook refuses to look away, because this may be the only chance for him to have real eye contact with someone from the outside world.
He only jumps slightly, when Hyeon Jin places a soft hand on his shoulder, asking him if, perhaps, she should invite the other guy in for a drink.
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"Awesome". He states, as he is left gaping at the one-way glass piece in front of him. He peers at it from Ryeowook's side, marveling at the scenery that Ryeowook has been appreciating since that incident happened. He then opens the glass door and pokes his face outside, reaffirming the truth.
"Cool.", he exhales, his breath clouding the glass slightly.
Ryeowook giggles at the sight in front of him; the other has been checking the glass for at least 10 minutes, 10 minutes since Hyeon Jin opened the glass door and invited him in politely; 9 minutes after he had stood foolishly outside the door, stunned; 8 minutes since he took his first step into the house, tentative, and the rest he spent, pre-occupied with that glass door.
It has been a long time since Ryeowook laughed, unlike those previous chuckles, soundless, mirthless. The ones that now fill the air are bursting with joy, and anticipation.
Ryeowook continues to stare amusedly at the other, as the latter tests out several funny faces behind the glass door. It has been long since he had contact with another human being, other than Hyeon Jin. He doesn't know where his parents are, currently, and the only stable thing that exists in his world, the only person he can hold onto without feeling dizzy and lost is Hyeon Jin alone.
As the other finally settles down in front of him and sticks out his hand rather rigidly in his self-introduction, "Hey, I'm Yesung", Ryeowook feels that perhaps, it is time for him to add another pillar into this crumbling world of his.
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Trapped souls, chained onto a rock, screaming, shouting for help, but Ryeowook can only look on; he's helpless, he wants to, he desires to reach out to help, but he only finds himself chained to the spot as well.
Tortured shrieks fill the air, and Ryeowook plugs his ears with his fingers, trying to stop them from filling his mind. Distorted images flash across him, the colours dull yet dazzling, intense at the same time.
Before he knows it, he's underwater, and trying to crawl upwards towards that speck of sunlight to gain some air. But someone's grabbing hold of his leg, and he's unable to swim upwards, trapped in exact same position over and over again. He kicks hard, tries to fight back, but that hold is strong, that Ryeowook feels like he's losing strength over time.
His lungs are bursting from the lack of air, screaming for just one, just one bit of oxygen, but the grip is relentless, holding him back. He feels as though the end is near, and he cannot shy away from it this time; it's finally time for him to go. He draws his mouth open to let out a piercing scream, only to gurgle in pain as water rushes into his lungs and fills his soul until Ryeowook's positive that he is dead.
Ryeowook sits up straight in his bed, all of a sudden. Hyeon Jin looks at him in concern, standing beside his bed, pressing a hand to his forehead to ensure that Ryeowook isn't have a fever. Ryeowook looks at her, wide-eyed and fearful. His mouth opens hesitantly, and he brings up his hand to gesture futilely towards himself.
Hyeon Jin nods, after a while, and she turns around and exits the room, because Ryeowook knows she doesn't want him to see the worry and pain contorting her face.
Ryeowook knows, deep down he is afraid, scared as well, but he manages to put on a strong front, to cover and hide those fears within himself.
It has been, consecutively, the third night he has woke up screaming, screaming from those haunting memories of those incidents that have left him like this. No matter how hard he tries to convince himself in the day, sitting by that door just plainly observing everything outside, it cannot erase those memories in him, it cannot block them out, and they just escape, blatantly crawling their way into his mind whenever he's asleep.
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Yesung pulls a chair over to sit by Ryeowook, silently enjoying the same view as other children make their way home. He twists his face a little, as he thinks how he should ask Ryeowook this particular question that has bothering him for some time. Ryeowook's unusual, definitely, this Yesung knows ever since he stepped into the house. And it's not like Ryeowook is unusual only for him, Ryeowook is like that to the world, and the world seems to treat him differently as well.
Ryeowook flinches all of a sudden, and Yesung drops his gaze immediately, staring at the floor wide-eyed. Muttering an apology hurriedly, Yesung lifts himself out of the chair, mentally berating himself for being too obvious with his stares, that it has almost scared Ryeowook.
He doesn't expect it when Ryeowook grabs his hand softly and tugs him to sit back down. He doesn't expect to see that dazzling smile that overwhelms his senses when Ryeowook shakes his hand slightly to reclaim his attention. Bedazzled, he can only stare dumbly as Ryeowook shakes his head from left to right, telling him that it is alright for him to look, that it is only alright, for him, to look.
Ryeowook points to something outside the glass door, and Yesung follows his finger, joining Ryeowook in his quiet appreciation of the scenery outside.
They talk about colours, dull, bright, vibrant colours, all of them. They discuss the meaning of colours, and it always ends up with Ryeowook pressing his forehead against the glass door, exhausted, yet joyous because Yesung continues to visit him day after day.
Yesung learns the meaning of silence, the beautiful joy of it all, and he shares it with Ryeowook, who quietly basks in it all as well.
Ryeowook is learning how to open up himself to someone other than Hyeon Jin, and it scares him, that one day he may frighten Yesung off, so much that a gaping hole is left in the process, and he is unable to find someone to heal it, just like how Yesung does.
And the nightmares begin to die down.
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Ryeowook sees it on the tip of Yesung's tongue, but the question always gets swallowed into the depths of Yesung's stomach before it could make its presence known. It has always been like this, for the past one hundred and thirty seven days since he met Yesung through that accidental meeting.
Somehow, he already knows what Yesung wants to know, but he isn't ready to reveal it yet.
He never expects that today, today will be the day that Yesung asks for clarification, a day where he has just suffered another bout of nightmare, another painful seizure that strikes through him the very night, leaving him gasping for air and for help, which only Hyeon Jin can provide in terms of medication.
And when the question does come out, Yesung's taken aback at Ryeowook's reaction. Never had he expected that there's so much fire in that small body of his, so much pain, anger and frustration boiling in him, for so long, so long that Yesung wonders why he hasn't noticed it for the past one hundred and thirty seven days.
Ryeowook lashes out, and he immediately regrets it when he sees the light in Yesung's eyes fall. He turns away, bitter, yet heart-wrenching when he recalls the expression on Yesung's face. He never knew he could hurt someone so much, so deeply, even when they have only just met for some wonderful months.
Yesung just stares at Ryeowook, his mind churning and spinning with all the possibilities that are now crossed out, as Ryeowook lays it plainly right out in his face. Wrong, wrong and wrong. He momentarily feels a prick in his eyes, but he quickly blinks it back, as Ryeowook turns around again, to face the glass door, expressionless.
Yesung picks up his bag and opens the glass door hurriedly, throwing himself out of the house as soon as possible. He stops there, though, his back leaning heavily against the glass door, and he tells himself so much not to cry, and he tries his best to keep his promise. He prefers standing here, then to that spot right beside Ryeowook.
Because he cannot see what Ryeowook is feeling right now, but Ryeowook can see the amount of pain he has caused Yesung,, instead. And Yesung remains, motionless, seeing the scene outside for real, no more through that glass door which has shattered in his heart.
All the assumptions are now thrown out of the window, Yesung thinks to himself. Every single expectation, wrong, wrong, and wrong.
Ryeowook lifts the cup that is resting serenely in his lap, and throws it across the room, hearing and reveling in the piercing, breaking sounds it makes, just like how his heart is currently feeling. At least he finally feels it taking form, the pent-up anger finally taking the form of an eagle, feeding, feeding on the fears and emotions of others, pecking them to bits and pieces, until there's none of them left, just like how Yesung is now.
No more, Ryeowook thinks to himself. No more, because he just ruined everything by his own hands.
Just like how he ruined his parents' lives, when they wanted a healthy child who laughs and plays along with them, only to get a child that was involved a car accident leaving him paralysed waist down.
Just like how he ruined his own dream of becoming a singer, when he failed to notice that his driver was drunk, and walked sloppily against the side-walks, when Ryeowook was supposed to be fetched home, and he foolishly forgot to buckle up properly.
Just like how he ruined his parents' hopes of becoming their successor, when the doctor informed them that he can no longer be like any other normal child.
Just like how he ruined his heart, when he shies away from all those curious glances from other school mates, from other class mates, from his friends, from adults, from working colleagues of his parents, that now they leave him in this house, all by himself, as if he is abandoned, unwanted.
Just like how he ruined Hyeon Jin's life, who wanted to be a nurse in a prestigious hospital, only to end up working for Ryeowook's parents and taking care of Ryeowook, because he suffers from seizures every now and then, and those nightmares that still haunt him ever since the day of the accident.
Just like how he ruins Yesung's heart, when Yesung truly wants to make a connection with him, to get him to open up to him, only to find barbs and thorns prickling him on his way to Ryeowook's heart, only to be pierced, one by one, until Yesung finds himself unable to take the agony that is threatening to overwhelm him, and he leaves Ryeowook alone.
Because Ryeowook just ruins everything, he thinks to himself. Sometimes he forgets that Yesung's only 12, and he's only 10, and he should be behaving like an untainted, innocent child, instead of one who has seen the cruelties of this world until he's sick and tired of it, until he is unable to take it anymore, that he pushes every single thing to the next available person right beside him.
Damn dignity, he doesn't want any of it, at this very moment in his childhood.
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The scene is replaying, again and again, and Ryeowook does not know where to find that 'stop' button which can bring all of this to a halt. He sees the glint in Yesung's eyes, he sees the agony Yesung undergoes when he spits out his anger, he sees the misery, the distress, everything, he takes in all, all of them.
Ryeowook is always left, at the end, with this haunting conclusion, that no matter how hard he can try, Yesung will be unable to forgive him.
Ryeowook wakes up, screaming so loudly that he thinks his heart almost bursts out in pain with this much exertion. He fists his blanket and draws it up to his chin, curling into a ball. The nightmares are back, yes, they are, but now they are made up of something vastly different from those previous ones.
He sees Hyeon Jin standing in the doorway of his room, and he notices the tears evident in her eyes as she starts to turn around again, knowing that Ryeowook hates others seeing this weak side of him. Ryeowook feels helpless, truly helpless now, not just in his dreams, but also in real life. He's destroying everything around him, and his dreams incessantly remind him about how he broke that fragile friendship.
Ryeowook lets out a strangled squeak, raising his hand up towards Hyeon Jin. Hyeon Jin freezes, and Ryeowook nods, tentatively, forcing that bit of smile onto his face. His personal nurse walks towards him and holds him dear, and he feels those fresh tears streaking down his face, just that he knows they are mixed with both happiness, and hurt.
It's time he tries to correct whatever he has done wrong, to right whatever he has torn down previously; no more hiding, no more hiding for a child of 10, for him.
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Ryeowook resumes his daily observation of the outside world through the glass door. However, the world no longer captures his attention, as he is only focused on one sole matter, to find the friend he has lost so easily that day. He wants to apologise, to take everything back, to make things better, to soothe his heart, to relieve Yesung's.
Yet somehow, he doesn't see Yesung pass by anymore.
One day, Hyeon Jin brings in buckets of paint, and sets them down right beside his chair. Ryeowook stares quietly at his personal nurse, who replies with a grin stretched across her face. She pulls out the dusty wheelchair that Ryeowook has been so averse towards, and Ryeowook frowns slightly, touching the wheelchair tentatively.
Hyeon Jin touches the furrowed brows and smooths out Ryeowook's forehead. She smiles, and Ryeowook understands.
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It has been some time since Yesung walked by the house; he wonders if everything is still the same, if Ryeowook is still sitting on the other side of the glass door, watching, watching the world through that door of his, quietly, with a gentle smile gracing his face.
When Yesung finally finds the house, he stops, and gapes in shock, not able to recognize that glass door anymore.
The glass door is splayed, full of different, vibrant colours that shout out to him immediately. He remembers his discussion with Ryeowook, some nonsensical conversation about colours that he is surprised Ryeowook still remembers.
Yesung sees the clumsy hand that painted the door, and he immediately knows that Ryeowook did this by himself, although with disabilities, he still did it, and Yesung feels a swell of pride overwhelm him. Among the variety of colours present, two catch his eye, and he cannot fight the smile that is spreading rapidly across his face.
Light blue, associated with health, healing, tranquility, understanding and softness, everything Ryeowook wants the world to have, to see him in this light, in this soft, peaceful, blue light.
And light red, which symbolizes love, passion, sensitivity, and friendship.
Yesung observes the amount of effort Ryeowook must have placed in this project, and he knows that now, Ryeowook is ready to open up to the world, to get the world to accept him for who he is, and is ready for Yesung to finally, really, be his friend. He sees the effort Ryeowook put in, sitting in his wheelchair, bringing up his paintbrush again and again, on the other side of the glass door, the one that is outside, and Ryeowook doesn't seem to mind the stares anymore.
The door opens gently, and Yesung continues to stand in that spot of his. He knows that he, and Ryeowook are now both equals, Yesung cannot view whatever that is inside because of the one-way mirror, and Ryeowook cannot see the outside world anymore, because he has painted the door himself.
Yesung observes the amount of effort Ryeowook must have placed in this project, and he knows that now, Ryeowook is ready to open up to the world, to get the world to accept him for who he is, and is ready for Yesung to finally, really, be his friend.
Yesung sees a lock of black hair sweep across the other's forehead, and his eyes spot that uncertain smile on the other's face. He sees the apology evident in those eyes, and he silently mouths his back.
Ryeowook pushes the glass door wide open, and Yesung smiles.
And no more words are needed, they understand each other.
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A/N: It took me three days to churn this out. The first to come up with the plot, the second to come up with the introduction, and the third (which is also the longest I ever spent just to write a fic) to come up with the ending. I kind of rushed the ending out, so it may seem a little fail =(. Enjoy, and comment please! ^^
And sorry for the lack of speech, at all.