[Fic] Unspoken
Title: Unspoken
Author: Emi-san
Rating: G?
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: I don't own Prince of Tennis (although don't we all wish we did? *sigh*)
Notes: Written for challenge #1 at fujicestfest, and sort of inspired by the "family feuds" discussion question posted by vanillafire there. Also known as my break-out of 3 years of writing hiatus ^^;;
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"If I hold onto him long enough, he might not break away from me."
That was what passed through Syuusuke's head, as he pulled Yuuta closer into the hug. His brother's chest felt amazingly warm and secure, so good that he buried his face deeper in that warmth regardless of what Yuuta might have to say about it. It had been a while since last, and now he just wanted this moment to go on forever. Syuusuke wished they could have more moments like this. More moments where they could just be close to each other, like when they were children, without all the complications.
Yuuta didn't hug him back, but that was expected. They had just had an argument again, one of those they'd been having increasingly often lately. It would start about petty things... like Yuuta not coming home often enough, or hanging out with certain people that Syuusuke felt anything but happy about leaving his little brother alone with, or even about him wearing something that didn't perfectly suit him. Then, it moved on to flaws about the other's personality, like how Yuuta never thought about how his family felt back at home, how he never cared about the people who worried about him, and so on. Syuusuke would start and drive those arguments every time, even though he always felt awful, since in reality, he didn't want to say anything that would make Yuuta sad. Syuusuke didn't need to criticize anything about Yuuta, since just them being together was already perfect. What he really wanted to do was to tell Yuuta how much he loved him, how indescribably happy he was whenever he came home, how good it felt when he could reach out and touch his face, and how nothing else in the whole world mattered, as long as they were together. He wished he could only say things that made Yuuta feel happy, and not bad, all day long. But that was exactly the reason why he couldn't say what was really on his mind.
And that was also exactly what their arguments were never about. The real problem. That one thing that was always left unsaid. Syuusuke desperately wanted to say it, which was why the arguments started, but in the end, he never went all the way with it. In a way, he felt that he couldn't proceed since he was too disgusted with himself... since he knew that if he did go all the way, Yuuta wouldn't have a chance to defend himself. Because no matter how petty they were, Yuuta never, ever won those arguments. Not even once.
Before he realized it, Syuusuke had started to cry silently in Yuuta's arms. He knew Yuuta would eventually notice it, push him away and get him a handkerchief, so he tried to be as quiet as possible, but he couldn't hold it back. Yes, he was a terrible brother, for even considering taking advantage of Yuuta's feelings like that, and yet he did just that. All the time.
"Yuuta doesn't win, because I have too much power over him", he thought. "He will not ever win against me. No matter how much we disagree, he will always listen to me... because I am his aniki."
---
Yuuta shifted a bit. It was hard for him to breathe, when he was being hugged this tightly. He had given up on fighting it though, so he just let his aniki touch him (and probably smell him too). He could allow him that much, even though he didn't like it.
They had just been arguing. Yuuta couldn't even remember how it started anymore, but in the end his aniki had proved that he was right, and Yuuta had given in and admitted it. He didn't understand it though. Why did they start? Most of the time, it didn't even feel like they ever argued about anything important, so why were these fights necessary at all?
Even though he couldn't see his face, Yuuta could feel from the embrace that his brother was relieved and happy, if only for a short while. Yuuta could almost sense what his aniki was thinking, when they were this close. He then tightened up, and felt like an idiot since he realized that he already knew the answer to his questions. He knew what Syuusuke really wanted. Their fights were about that all the time. It never really came out, of course, but it was basically everything but directly out in the open by now.
What still bothered him though, was that he didn't know what his aniki was trying to accomplish. Since they never argued about the real matter at hand, it was still easy for Yuuta to give in after a while, although it didn't feel right. Why was he in the end never able to stand up against his aniki? Was really the only way for him to break free of his influence to run away and not be around him? Yuuta clenched his fists as anger built up inside him. "Does aniki know that? Is he trying to break me down on purpose?"
His thoughts were interrupted though, when he noticed that his brother had started to shake a little. Syuusuke was crying again, even though he was doing his best to hold back, hide his face and be silent. And all of a sudden, Yuuta felt like he was going to cry too. His aniki was so close, and so real, that for a moment it was like he could feel all of his sadness and suffering in the warmth filtered through the fabric of their shirts. He desperately wanted to hug him, wipe away his tears, make him feel better, even kiss him if that was necessary. He wanted him to smile again, in the bright and carefree way he had always done when they were children. Yuuta wanted that more than anything, and he hated seeing his aniki wretched and broken like this.
But he did not hug him back.
He wanted to make his brother happy, and he knew just how he could do that, but it was also the most dangerous thing he could ever do. He could not give in one inch, or they would both fall.
"If I embrace him back, I might never be able to let go again."
And so, he waited without saying a word until Syuusuke pulled away by himself, and equally silent walked into the kitchen to wipe his face with one of the towels there.
---
Comments and critque are welcome~ From now on, all my fics will be archived at this LJ, so er, stay tuned? ^_^;
Author: Emi-san
Rating: G?
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: I don't own Prince of Tennis (although don't we all wish we did? *sigh*)
Notes: Written for challenge #1 at fujicestfest, and sort of inspired by the "family feuds" discussion question posted by vanillafire there. Also known as my break-out of 3 years of writing hiatus ^^;;
---
"If I hold onto him long enough, he might not break away from me."
That was what passed through Syuusuke's head, as he pulled Yuuta closer into the hug. His brother's chest felt amazingly warm and secure, so good that he buried his face deeper in that warmth regardless of what Yuuta might have to say about it. It had been a while since last, and now he just wanted this moment to go on forever. Syuusuke wished they could have more moments like this. More moments where they could just be close to each other, like when they were children, without all the complications.
Yuuta didn't hug him back, but that was expected. They had just had an argument again, one of those they'd been having increasingly often lately. It would start about petty things... like Yuuta not coming home often enough, or hanging out with certain people that Syuusuke felt anything but happy about leaving his little brother alone with, or even about him wearing something that didn't perfectly suit him. Then, it moved on to flaws about the other's personality, like how Yuuta never thought about how his family felt back at home, how he never cared about the people who worried about him, and so on. Syuusuke would start and drive those arguments every time, even though he always felt awful, since in reality, he didn't want to say anything that would make Yuuta sad. Syuusuke didn't need to criticize anything about Yuuta, since just them being together was already perfect. What he really wanted to do was to tell Yuuta how much he loved him, how indescribably happy he was whenever he came home, how good it felt when he could reach out and touch his face, and how nothing else in the whole world mattered, as long as they were together. He wished he could only say things that made Yuuta feel happy, and not bad, all day long. But that was exactly the reason why he couldn't say what was really on his mind.
And that was also exactly what their arguments were never about. The real problem. That one thing that was always left unsaid. Syuusuke desperately wanted to say it, which was why the arguments started, but in the end, he never went all the way with it. In a way, he felt that he couldn't proceed since he was too disgusted with himself... since he knew that if he did go all the way, Yuuta wouldn't have a chance to defend himself. Because no matter how petty they were, Yuuta never, ever won those arguments. Not even once.
Before he realized it, Syuusuke had started to cry silently in Yuuta's arms. He knew Yuuta would eventually notice it, push him away and get him a handkerchief, so he tried to be as quiet as possible, but he couldn't hold it back. Yes, he was a terrible brother, for even considering taking advantage of Yuuta's feelings like that, and yet he did just that. All the time.
"Yuuta doesn't win, because I have too much power over him", he thought. "He will not ever win against me. No matter how much we disagree, he will always listen to me... because I am his aniki."
---
Yuuta shifted a bit. It was hard for him to breathe, when he was being hugged this tightly. He had given up on fighting it though, so he just let his aniki touch him (and probably smell him too). He could allow him that much, even though he didn't like it.
They had just been arguing. Yuuta couldn't even remember how it started anymore, but in the end his aniki had proved that he was right, and Yuuta had given in and admitted it. He didn't understand it though. Why did they start? Most of the time, it didn't even feel like they ever argued about anything important, so why were these fights necessary at all?
Even though he couldn't see his face, Yuuta could feel from the embrace that his brother was relieved and happy, if only for a short while. Yuuta could almost sense what his aniki was thinking, when they were this close. He then tightened up, and felt like an idiot since he realized that he already knew the answer to his questions. He knew what Syuusuke really wanted. Their fights were about that all the time. It never really came out, of course, but it was basically everything but directly out in the open by now.
What still bothered him though, was that he didn't know what his aniki was trying to accomplish. Since they never argued about the real matter at hand, it was still easy for Yuuta to give in after a while, although it didn't feel right. Why was he in the end never able to stand up against his aniki? Was really the only way for him to break free of his influence to run away and not be around him? Yuuta clenched his fists as anger built up inside him. "Does aniki know that? Is he trying to break me down on purpose?"
His thoughts were interrupted though, when he noticed that his brother had started to shake a little. Syuusuke was crying again, even though he was doing his best to hold back, hide his face and be silent. And all of a sudden, Yuuta felt like he was going to cry too. His aniki was so close, and so real, that for a moment it was like he could feel all of his sadness and suffering in the warmth filtered through the fabric of their shirts. He desperately wanted to hug him, wipe away his tears, make him feel better, even kiss him if that was necessary. He wanted him to smile again, in the bright and carefree way he had always done when they were children. Yuuta wanted that more than anything, and he hated seeing his aniki wretched and broken like this.
But he did not hug him back.
He wanted to make his brother happy, and he knew just how he could do that, but it was also the most dangerous thing he could ever do. He could not give in one inch, or they would both fall.
"If I embrace him back, I might never be able to let go again."
And so, he waited without saying a word until Syuusuke pulled away by himself, and equally silent walked into the kitchen to wipe his face with one of the towels there.
---
Comments and critque are welcome~ From now on, all my fics will be archived at this LJ, so er, stay tuned? ^_^;