Tainted Purity - Chapter 9

[tankyasue]

Title: Tainted Purity
Author: Tankyasue
Warning: Shounen-ai. Lime in later chapters.
Disclaimer: I don't own Tokyo Babylon, Clamp does.
Summary: Subaru discovers who Seishirou really is before the end of the bet.


Chapter 9 - Yuuzai

Though Subaru’s eyes had closed, beautiful crystal-like tears poured down his cheeks. Seishirou
reached out and brushed them away gently with the tips of his fingers, only to have fresh tears
replace them. At one time, he’d thought that the boy appeared most beautiful when he cried. It
had always made him appear younger and more fragile, like a beautiful porcelain doll, but right
now it just upset him.

Subaru never cried when his sister touched him. He could still remember how the boy had
greeted Hokuto after he’d gotten back from Kyoto; he’d clung to her so tightly that they had
appeared to be lovers rather than twins. His Subaru had smiled at her so beautifully, so genuinely
that every smile that he’d given him had seemed fake in comparison. Subaru should never give
anyone such affection but him.

Seishirou caressed his prey’s neck with naked fingers without getting a reaction. It was irritating
how Subaru rarely moved into his touches. Though he would allow him to kiss him and touch
him as much as he wanted, he never responded to his touch. Before, he’d just assumed that the
boy was shy, or didn’t know what was expected of him, but now it seemed like he’d been
ignoring him, like he’d been thinking of someone else… maybe even his sister.

Seishirou wrapped his fingers around his prey’s neck. There was still time before the conclusion
of the bet, but perhaps he would kill the boy now. It would be wonderful to feel his wind pipe
collapse underneath his fingers, and watch his lovely, green eyes fill with tears before he died. If
he’d dared to think of her during their time together, the boy didn’t deserve to see the next hour.

“Seishirou-san!” Subaru cried out in his sleep, surprising Seishirou enough to cause him to
release his neck. Fresh tears began to pour down the boy’s cheek. Then he started trembling.
Seishirou pulled Subaru towards him, and caressed his face and hair. This time he didn’t bother
trying to wipe away the boy’s tears.

Subaru quickly began to relax once he was in his arms, as if he had been seeking him before. The
boy was smiling at him so peacefully now that it was difficult for Seishirou to believe that he had
been crying just a moment before.

Though Subaru was beautiful when he cried, he appeared even lovelier when he was smiling.
He’d never been able to appreciate his smile before because he rarely saw him smile genuinely.
The smiles that he’d given him when he’d been awake had been forced, and oddly sad.

Seishirou smiled down at the boy briefly, though the effort seemed wasted since he couldn’t even
see him. He grasped Subaru’s gloved hand tightly, causing his mark to flare to life underneath the
thin fabric.

Subaru was his and only his. He’d belonged to him ever since he had marked him at the
beginning of their bet. He had been the one to take his virginity. Even if the boy still gave his
sister a little affection, she would never be able to own him so completely. Over time, he would
make the boy forget about her entirely, and then he would belong to no one else but him.

Seishirou dropped his prey’s hand abruptly and ran his fingers over his lips. He would have
kissed them, but somehow he knew that when Subaru was like this the sensation would be no
different than kissing a corpse.

“Why did you let me go so far with you tonight, Subaru-kun? Is it because you love me or is
there another reason?” Seishirou asked aloud as he caressed the boy’s cheek, still moist with his
tears.

His only answer was silence.

Subaru brushed a cherry blossom gently out of his hair with a gloved hand. The glove wasn’t dull
black, like the gloves that he normally wore, but a bright yellow that seemed out of place in Ueno
Park at night. He glanced down at himself, expecting the yellow gloves to be the only thing that
he’d be wearing, but instead he saw a crazy yellow outfit that made him think of sunflowers.

“Yellow’s such an ugly colour, isn’t it?” a melancholy voice whispered from somewhere in front
of him. “It’s supposed to be cheerful, but it always makes me unhappy. I’ve always preferred red
myself. It’s the colour of passion and love, but it represents blood and death as well.”

Subaru glanced up at the figure standing before him. Though he wasn’t surprised to discover that
someone else was here with him, he’d expected to find Seishirou instead of this other boy.
Subaru was certain that he had met him before, probably during one of his jobs. He’d been a
ghost then, he was almost sure of that, but now he didn’t even know if the boy was dead or alive.
He was bleeding heavily from a large wound in his chest, yet he seemed completely unaffected
by it, as if he didn’t even realize that it was there.

“K-Kudo-san,” Subaru whispered, suddenly remembering the boy’s name. How could he have
forgotten the boy that he’d met on the day that he’d discovered who his beloved ‘Seishirou-san’
really was?

“It seems that I didn’t make a very good impression on you when we last met,” the boy said
sadly. “You had forgotten all about me until now.”

“I’m sorry-”

“Don’t apologize, it’s irritating. We both know that you don’t really feel bad about having
forgotten me. You just want to believe that you do so that you won’t have to feel bad for being so
careless. You know, you’re a lot more like the Sakurazukamori than you realize; though you
want to believe that you care about everyone around you, you don’t really care for anyone at all,
not even yourself.

“Tell me, Subaru, do you feel guilty for what you’ve done? Your actions have created a stain on
the Sumeragi household that not even time can erase. Your Grandmother will feel nothing but
shame towards you now, and your sister will never love you again.

“But, you don’t care about them, do you? You have never cared about Hokuto-chan or your
Grandmother!”

“T-That’s not true I-”

“Again with your lies! Shut the fuck up, or tell the truth for once! You willingly agreed to have
sex with the Sakurazukamori, another man, and despite how horrified you acted when I told you
about what I’d done with Takashi-sensei, you enjoyed every moment of it. Why else would you
have agreed?”

“I’d thought that Seishirou-san was lonely, and-”

“Bullshit! When are you going to stop lying to yourself and everyone around you?” Kudo
whispered angrily as his body disappeared into the night.

Seishirou instantly appeared in his place.

Subaru wasn’t surprised to see Seishirou there. In fact, it seemed like the most natural thing in
the word. Subaru wondered if he’d ever had a dream that didn’t have Seishirou in it because he
couldn’t remember any. Of course, he’d been expecting the eighteen-year-old Seishirou that he
had always dreamed about, not the twenty-five-year-old Seishirou from the present.

“Hello, Subaru-kun. How have you been?” the Sakurazukamori said with an informality that
seemed out of place after what had occurred between them.

Before Subaru could think of an answer, a drop of blood landed upon his cheek. He wiped it
away in disgust, but it stained the yellow fabric of his gloves. This time he wasn’t naïve enough
to mistake the blood for rain.

Subaru looked up to see a little girl’s corpse cradled above him within a cherry blossom tree’s
branches. Though he was sure that he’d never to seen her face before, her smile seemed oddly
familiar.

“Nine years ago, you asked me if the corpse under the cherry blossom tree was in pain,” the
Sakurazukamori said suddenly, startling him. “You know, it really is in pain, but it’s not because
the cherry blossom tree drinks its blood. The corpse is in pain because it’s lonely. But, don’t cry,
Subaru-kun. Soon you’ll be joining the corpse, and then it won’t have to be lonely anymore.”

Seishirou smiled at him as he said this, but it wasn’t a happy smile. It looked exactly like the
smile on the dead girl’s face. The Sakurazukamori then tore his heart from his chest, but his
blood never stained the pretty, yellow clothes that Hokuto had made him. The clothing had
vanished, just like Kudo had, leaving him naked and vulnerable. The semen dripping from his
backside served to remind him of the things he’d allowed the Sakurazukamori to do to his body
before.

Subaru remained alive long enough to see his heart, still beating, in the Sakurazukamori’s hand.
It made him feel happy in a way because he knew that Hokuto wouldn’t have to die to save him
anymore. As long as she was safe, nothing else mattered. His life was a cheap price to pay
compared to hers.

Subaru didn’t bother to look at anything or anyone as he exited the apartment building with no
clear destination in mind, so he didn’t recognize the two women gawking at him from the
parking lot. Even if he had seen them, he wouldn't have known that they were rather frequent
customers of the Sakurazuka Veterinary Clinic.

“Hey, isn’t that the boy who keeps visiting Sakurazuka-san at the clinic?” the younger of the two
woman asked as she watched Subaru exit from the apartment building.

“I think so… the cute kid with pretty eyes. I wonder what he’s doing here?” the other woman
answered nonchalantly as she pulled a bag of groceries out of the trunk of her car.

“B-but, Sakurazuka-san lives in that apartment building, doesn’t he? Do you think that he might
have… I mean Sakurazuka-san does seem to be unnaturally close to him.”

“Don’t be silly Midori-chan! That kind of thing would only happen in a yaoi manga. I’m sure
there’s a logical explanation… perhaps he’s related to Sakurazuka-san.”

“But they don’t look alike at all!” the young girl exclaimed shrilly. Her face had turned an
interesting shade of red. “And Sakurazuka-san always says such strange things to him, and the
way that he looks at him-”

“Enough Midori-chan!” the other woman snapped. “Why can’t you learn to butt out of other
people’s business?”

“But-”

“Here,” the older woman muttered, shoving the bag of groceries into her arms. “Take these in for
me. I’ll be there in a minute.”

The girl glanced once more at the strange boy quickly before she went inside. The older woman
ignored her and pulled a pack of cigarettes out of her pocket.

Though Subaru hadn’t heard the conversation, he instantly recognized the scent of the Mild
Seven. He raised his head from the pavement, stupidly expecting to find Seishirou standing in
front of him with the same cheery smile on his face, as if nothing unusual had happened between
them, but there was only a vaguely familiar woman glaring at him.

“Hello Sumeragi-kun,” she said casually before taking another drag on her cigarette. “What are
you doing here at this time of night?”

Subaru didn’t answer. His mind barely even registered what she’d said.

“Sakurazuka-san is a very strange person, isn’t he? I’d always thought that it was odd for a man
of his age not to have a wife or even a girlfriend, especially when he’d such a handsome,
charming guy. I never would have thought that he was like that…” she took another drag on her
cigarette. For the first time, Subaru noticed how much her hands were trembling.

“I hope you enjoy it when he pounds you in the butt you dirty, little faggot!” she cried out
suddenly. “Why did you have to ruin everything for me?”

“You were in love with him, weren’t you?” Subaru replied harshly. “Then you should thank me
for preventing you from finding out what he really is. He would have made you miserable.”
Without giving her a chance to answer, Subaru ran away. He pulled the brim of his hat over his
eyes so that she wouldn’t be able to see the tears spilling down his cheeks.

Why did you do that to me, Seishirou-san? You should have just killed me.

Subaru kept on running for a long time. He didn't stop until he realized that he had no idea
where he was anymore. Oddly, he didn’t panic; he didn’t think that he cared if he ever got home
again. Though he loved Hokuto dearly, he couldn’t face her after what he’d done, and the
Sakurazukamori... he never wanted to see him again.

Subaru wasn’t angry at the man for what had happened since that had been entirely his fault.
However, he didn’t want to be reminded of the things that he had done with him ever again. He
couldn’t remember everything that had happened. The details were fuzzy at best. Not that he cared
to know about them anyway. The things that he did remember disgusted him enough. But, the
thing that bothered him the most was why he had agreed to such a thing in the first place.

'God, I’m such an idiot!' Subaru thought, clenching his fists at his sides.

He remained like that for several minutes; just staring at down the pavement without really seeing
it. He knew that he couldn’t stay like that forever, even if a part of him wanted to. His
grandmother, and possibly even his sister, would be looking for him. They would try to take him
back, and force him to live as he had before, and he couldn’t do that. Not after what he’d done.

Subaru looked up and scanned the buildings around him, hoping to find one that he could
recognize, but they all looked the same. The place where he was looked exactly like every other
part of Tokyo. Everything was reasonably clean, and the street was completely void of litter, yet
there was a dirtiness in everything around him, including the people that passed by him on the
streets. Everyone seemed to be staring at him.

Subaru didn’t understand why until he caught his own reflection in the window of a shop. If he’d
know what he’d looked like before, he never would have left the Sakurazukamori’s apartment, at
least not before taking a shower. Traces of what had occurred a few hours before were visible all
over his body. Anyone would instantly know what he’d done just by looking at him.

Subaru suddenly began to feel guilty for thinking so poorly of the people around him. He was
much dirtier than any of them were. Subaru suddenly felt like he had to get away from everyone
somehow. He just couldn’t stand having people know about what he’d done.

He looked around frantically, hoping to find some means of escape. At first, he saw nothing, but
then he noticed a bright yellow taxi parked just a few feet away. Subaru dashed towards it.

"Um... Erm... E-Excuse me. Could you please take me to..."Subaru began, but stopped abruptly.
He hadn’t realized that he had no idea where he wanted to go, until after he’d spoken to the taxi
driver.

"Spit it out kid. Where do you want to go?" a grumpy-looking middle aged man answered from
inside the cab.

Subaru didn’t like the way that the man looked at him, but he thought that being inside the taxi
and only having to deal with one person was better than being out here and having to deal with
several. Besides, this person could take him away.

"Anywhere's fine. Just take me somewhere far away from here," Subaru said firmly. He got inside
the cab before the driver could protest further.

"That's a strange request," the driver said raising an eyebrow. "You runnin' away from home or
somethin'?"

Subaru looked down, suddenly feeling ashamed of himself. He knew that he was behaving in a
way that wasn't befitting of the thirteenth head of the Sumeragi, and yet he couldn't bring himself
to care. He couldn't redeem himself after what he’d let the Sakurazukamori do to him. All he
could do was run away. Both Hokuto and his Grandmother would be better off without him
anyway, and the Sakurazukamori wouldn't miss him either.

"S'all right kid. I'll drive ya anywhere as long as you got enough money ta pay me with. I don't
care 'bout yer family issues."

"T-Thank you," Subaru said politely. He reached into his pocket and made sure that his wallet was
there. He just hoped that he had a reasonable amount of cash with him.

The man began driving for several minutes without speaking to him again, but Subaru couldn’t
help but think that he was watching him through his rear view mirror. Nervously, he wondered
how much money he owed the man already. He reached for his wallet and briefly scanned its
contents. There wasn't as much in there as he'd hoped.

"Ya worried that ya don't have enough?" the man asked suddenly.

Subaru began to sweat.

"Don't worry. If ya don't got enough, there are things other than money that you can pay me with."

"W-What else could I pay you with besides money?"

"How about... your body," the man said evilly.

Subaru's face felt warm. "WHAT?"

The man began laughing. "Don’t play innocent, kid. I know how people like you make money."

"H-How did you know that I was an Onmyoji?"

The man burst out laughing. “You a comedian or something? Where do ya come up with dis
shit?"

"I-I'd like to get out now..." Subaru whispered, already reaching for the handle.

"So soon? But, we were just starting to get to know each other."

"Stop right now," Subaru said more firmly.

"Fine, but you'd better have enough cash, kid. Otherwise, I'll have ta show ya just what I was
talkin' about before."

The taxi stopped abruptly. Subaru quickly paid the man and got out. He was glad that he had
enough money to pay him. He didn't want to know what the man would have done to him if he
hadn't.

Subaru began walking quickly without a clear destination in mind. He just wanted to get as far
away from the Sakurazukamori as he could. He didn’t stop until he felt to exhausted to move
anymore, and collapsed on the ground. No one stopped to ask if he was okay, but really, he didn’t
expect anyone to.

When Subaru felt a little stronger, he forced himself to his feet. He would have resumed walking
until he collapsed again, but then he realized that he was standing in directly front of Rainbow
Bridge, and paused to look at it. Though he’d never actually been here before, he remembered the
bridge from the pictures that he’d seen of it. Because the bridge had appeared strong and
magnificent in those photographs, he never would have expected that it would look so ominous up
close. There was a fragility about the bridge that made it appear as though it would topple over at
any moment, and plunge into the charcoal waters beneath it.

It was that fragility that made him walk onto the bridge, wishing that it would break apart
underneath him. Of course, he knew that his feeble weight couldn’t have caused such a thing, but
he’d still wanted to believe that it could.

Subaru walked over to the very edge of the railing and looked down into the water. It seemed to
call out to him as a siren calls a sailor into the sea, and despite how much he had always loathed
suicide, he couldn’t help but think about how nice it would be to simply jump off the bridge and
drown.

Subaru chuckled softly under his breath. Since when had Sumeragi Subaru, the thirteen head of
the Sumeragi entertained thoughts of suicide?

Subconsciously, Subaru pulled off his gloves with his teeth, and threw them into the water. His
grandmother would have been furious at him, but she would never know, so he didn’t care.
Besides, the Sakurazukamori had known him since he’d first seen him at the station, so there had
never been a reason for him to wear them to begin with.

For a brief moment, he felt freer with the gloves gone. It was wonderful to actually feel the railing
beneath his hand, and the coldness of the air. But, Subaru began to regret what he’d done once he
saw the markings on the backs of his hands glowing faintly in the dark. He could now remember
in detail what had happened between the Sakurazukamori and himself. Every one of the
Sakurazukamori’s touches had marred his skin in the same way that the pentacles marred the
backs of his hands, but what sickened him the most was that a part of him had actually enjoyed
the things that the man had done to him.

Subaru gripped onto the railing so firmly that his hands began to blister and his knuckles turned
white, but he didn’t care as long as he didn’t cry. He wished that he was still the boy he was
before; the boy who hadn’t been able to understand any of Seishirou-san’s jokes because
everything that he’d known about sex had come from biology textbooks. He’d never believed then
that it was possible for two men to be together in that way. He’d thought that sex was only a
means of reproduction, and yet it had always unnerved him.

That was the person that Hokuto-chan had loved; the shy, cute boy that knew nothing of the
world’s evils. But, he wasn’t that boy anymore. Hokuto-chan would never love him again.

“I want to die,” Subaru whispered to himself, staring longingly into the water. His life didn’t
matter anymore, not to anyone. Hokuto and his Grandmother would never be able to love him
again, and the Sakurazukamori never had.

Subaru laughed sadly because he couldn’t bring himself to cry. “I can’t win your bet,
Sakurazukamori-san, but that doesn't mean that I’ll loose either. If I’m dead before you can reach
me, I know that you won't be sad, but maybe it will upset you, at least a little bit. Then I’ll be the
one person who made you feel something, and either way Hokuto-chan won’t have to die
anymore."