Stargate SG-1: This One's For the Lovers
Title: This One's For the Lovers
Author: tarimanveri
Summary: fanfic100 prompt #23 - lovers
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: drugs, sex, and rock'n'roll
Spoilers: vague season six
Word Count: 1056
Beta: none
Recipient: none
Originally archived at: fanfic100
Author's Notes: This takes place sometime early in Season 6 during the oh-so-ficcable "adjustment to Earth customs" period. Jonas gets tag-teamed. They get drunk. He gets confused.
This One's For the Lovers
The two technicians, Cardell and Lewynski, had been eying Jonas with speculative curiosity for some time now, every time he came into Sam’s lab. He’d begun to notice it himself several weeks ago. They would look at him, then look at each other, then duck down behind their computer screens and - mostly - not look up until he was leaving.
They ran him to ground outside the mess hall one Friday night when O’Neill had taken Teal’c to see a hockey game, and Dr. Frasier had sent Sam home with the ‘flu.
“Hey,” said Lewynski, the little curly-haired one with the glasses and the lab coat.
“What are you up to tonight?” asked Cardell, the tall blonde one, placing herself between Jonas and the entrance to the mess hall.
“I, uh, I just had some reading I was going to do,” said Jonas, who hadn’t noticed them this time until they were upon him and who really had been planning to use the evening for some quiet study of the schematics of the SGC’s latest bit of Goa’uld technology.
The two technicians shared a significant-looking glance. “We’re going out for a few drinks, if you’re interested,” said Cardell.
“It must get a bit lonely around here on the weekends,” added Lewynski.
Torn between the sudden dissociation from what he’d been thinking about, his plans for the evening, and trying to remember Cardell and Lewynski’s first names, Jonas found himself absentmindedly agreeing. To both the drinks and the “lonely around here on the weekends,” apparently.
***
“So tell us, do you know,” said Cardell, after she and Lewynski had each worked through several drinks in the crowded little bar they’d brought him to, “are Colonel O’Neill and Major Carter doing it?”
For a split second Jonas was confused. He bit back a “doing what?” Then it sunk in, and, well… Maybe he hadn’t heard her correctly. The bar was noisy. The jukebox or at least, he thought it was a jukebox, was spitting out something that sounded like “This one’s for the lovers and for my mother just to prove…”
“We’ve been wondering for a while,” added Lewynski. “SG-1 are - well, they used to be - so tight, you know, you could never get anything out of any of them. We sometimes wondered whether it was Sam and Dr. Jackson and not... I mean, obviously now…”
Jonas really didn’t know what to say to that. He suddenly wished he’d had more to drink - that second round with the two of them, and maybe the third and fourth as well.
“Anyway, we can hardly ever pry anything about SG-1 out of Sam.” The fourth round seemed to be working on Cardell. “She’s like… a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in…” She waved a vague hand in the air. “An invisibility suit,” she concluded. “We’re positive some of SG-1 must be doing it,” she added, leaning closer to Jonas, “and we thought that maybe you knew and could tell…”
Jonas was afraid his dismay might show on his face. Not only had it never crossed his mind to gossip about SG-1, it had never occurred to him that any of its members were… yes. It was possible that he even looked horrified, as Cardell’s focus abruptly went from off in space to turned intently upon him.
“Wait, you’re not doing Sam, are you?” she demanded.
“Oh God, or do you have a girlfriend on Kelowna?” asked Lewynski, who’d been quiet since she’d mentioned Daniel, staring down into the dregs of her fourth round and swirling the melting ice around in the glass. “That is so sad,” she wailed, without waiting for him to answer, or rather, seemingly failing to notice that he hadn’t answered her question yet. “You must be so lonely!”
Jonas was really starting to wish he’d had that second drink.
“You can always call on us, you know,” said Cardell, leaning toward him. “We’d be happy to... take care of you.”
Lewynski was now crying on his shoulder and Cardell was stroking the back of his neck and wiggling her eyebrows so suggestively at him that there was no way he could mistake her intention. He wished he could, but apparently that particular look was universal. This was uncomfortable. It wasn’t as if they weren’t perfectly nice women, but… His discussions with Teal’c about the habits of the Ta’uri had never extended to fending off the unsolicited attentions of drunken lab technicians, let alone letting them down gently before they could do something they’d regret later.
“Come back to my place tonight?” purred Cardell, now dipping her fingers under his collar and tickling the hollow of his throat.
Jonas swallowed. The situation was definitely not good and he could only think of one way to get out of it, if not gracefully, well then, at least well out of it.
“That metaphor about baseball,” he said, frowning with what he hoped looked like a good if unsubtle dose of ‘I’m not from this planet, remember?’ confusion. “Batting… swinging… it’s quite colloquial - I’m not entirely sure how it goes, but I’m kind of… it.”
Lewynski wiped her nose on his sleeve and looked up blankly. Cardell, who at least had the intellectual advantage of not having spent the last five minutes sobbing her eyes out, sat up, her face brightening with realization as it sank in. “Oh,” she said. “You bat… for the other team.”
“That’s it,” said Jonas, nodding.
“You’re gay!” Cardell said, loudly, a bit too loudly for Jonas. As he understood it, it wasn’t widely accepted in American society yet. The last thing he needed was to attract the wrong kind of attention, particularly since he was counting on both technicians having forgotten he’d said it by the next morning.
“You’re gay?” sniffled Lewynski. “And you had to leave your boyfriend behind on Kelowna forever?” She was off again. “That is so sad!”
“I can’t believe I didn’t see it before,” said Cardell, exaggeratedly smacking herself in the forehead.
They didn’t seem put off. They didn’t seem put off at all.
“We’ve gotta get you to a gay bar!” said Cardell. “Find you a boyfriend. My gay friend… tell you what, I’ll set you up with…”
Jonas fled. He’d had enough of Earth for one night.
Author: tarimanveri
Summary: fanfic100 prompt #23 - lovers
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: drugs, sex, and rock'n'roll
Spoilers: vague season six
Word Count: 1056
Beta: none
Recipient: none
Originally archived at: fanfic100
Author's Notes: This takes place sometime early in Season 6 during the oh-so-ficcable "adjustment to Earth customs" period. Jonas gets tag-teamed. They get drunk. He gets confused.
This One's For the Lovers
The two technicians, Cardell and Lewynski, had been eying Jonas with speculative curiosity for some time now, every time he came into Sam’s lab. He’d begun to notice it himself several weeks ago. They would look at him, then look at each other, then duck down behind their computer screens and - mostly - not look up until he was leaving.
They ran him to ground outside the mess hall one Friday night when O’Neill had taken Teal’c to see a hockey game, and Dr. Frasier had sent Sam home with the ‘flu.
“Hey,” said Lewynski, the little curly-haired one with the glasses and the lab coat.
“What are you up to tonight?” asked Cardell, the tall blonde one, placing herself between Jonas and the entrance to the mess hall.
“I, uh, I just had some reading I was going to do,” said Jonas, who hadn’t noticed them this time until they were upon him and who really had been planning to use the evening for some quiet study of the schematics of the SGC’s latest bit of Goa’uld technology.
The two technicians shared a significant-looking glance. “We’re going out for a few drinks, if you’re interested,” said Cardell.
“It must get a bit lonely around here on the weekends,” added Lewynski.
Torn between the sudden dissociation from what he’d been thinking about, his plans for the evening, and trying to remember Cardell and Lewynski’s first names, Jonas found himself absentmindedly agreeing. To both the drinks and the “lonely around here on the weekends,” apparently.
***
“So tell us, do you know,” said Cardell, after she and Lewynski had each worked through several drinks in the crowded little bar they’d brought him to, “are Colonel O’Neill and Major Carter doing it?”
For a split second Jonas was confused. He bit back a “doing what?” Then it sunk in, and, well… Maybe he hadn’t heard her correctly. The bar was noisy. The jukebox or at least, he thought it was a jukebox, was spitting out something that sounded like “This one’s for the lovers and for my mother just to prove…”
“We’ve been wondering for a while,” added Lewynski. “SG-1 are - well, they used to be - so tight, you know, you could never get anything out of any of them. We sometimes wondered whether it was Sam and Dr. Jackson and not... I mean, obviously now…”
Jonas really didn’t know what to say to that. He suddenly wished he’d had more to drink - that second round with the two of them, and maybe the third and fourth as well.
“Anyway, we can hardly ever pry anything about SG-1 out of Sam.” The fourth round seemed to be working on Cardell. “She’s like… a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in…” She waved a vague hand in the air. “An invisibility suit,” she concluded. “We’re positive some of SG-1 must be doing it,” she added, leaning closer to Jonas, “and we thought that maybe you knew and could tell…”
Jonas was afraid his dismay might show on his face. Not only had it never crossed his mind to gossip about SG-1, it had never occurred to him that any of its members were… yes. It was possible that he even looked horrified, as Cardell’s focus abruptly went from off in space to turned intently upon him.
“Wait, you’re not doing Sam, are you?” she demanded.
“Oh God, or do you have a girlfriend on Kelowna?” asked Lewynski, who’d been quiet since she’d mentioned Daniel, staring down into the dregs of her fourth round and swirling the melting ice around in the glass. “That is so sad,” she wailed, without waiting for him to answer, or rather, seemingly failing to notice that he hadn’t answered her question yet. “You must be so lonely!”
Jonas was really starting to wish he’d had that second drink.
“You can always call on us, you know,” said Cardell, leaning toward him. “We’d be happy to... take care of you.”
Lewynski was now crying on his shoulder and Cardell was stroking the back of his neck and wiggling her eyebrows so suggestively at him that there was no way he could mistake her intention. He wished he could, but apparently that particular look was universal. This was uncomfortable. It wasn’t as if they weren’t perfectly nice women, but… His discussions with Teal’c about the habits of the Ta’uri had never extended to fending off the unsolicited attentions of drunken lab technicians, let alone letting them down gently before they could do something they’d regret later.
“Come back to my place tonight?” purred Cardell, now dipping her fingers under his collar and tickling the hollow of his throat.
Jonas swallowed. The situation was definitely not good and he could only think of one way to get out of it, if not gracefully, well then, at least well out of it.
“That metaphor about baseball,” he said, frowning with what he hoped looked like a good if unsubtle dose of ‘I’m not from this planet, remember?’ confusion. “Batting… swinging… it’s quite colloquial - I’m not entirely sure how it goes, but I’m kind of… it.”
Lewynski wiped her nose on his sleeve and looked up blankly. Cardell, who at least had the intellectual advantage of not having spent the last five minutes sobbing her eyes out, sat up, her face brightening with realization as it sank in. “Oh,” she said. “You bat… for the other team.”
“That’s it,” said Jonas, nodding.
“You’re gay!” Cardell said, loudly, a bit too loudly for Jonas. As he understood it, it wasn’t widely accepted in American society yet. The last thing he needed was to attract the wrong kind of attention, particularly since he was counting on both technicians having forgotten he’d said it by the next morning.
“You’re gay?” sniffled Lewynski. “And you had to leave your boyfriend behind on Kelowna forever?” She was off again. “That is so sad!”
“I can’t believe I didn’t see it before,” said Cardell, exaggeratedly smacking herself in the forehead.
They didn’t seem put off. They didn’t seem put off at all.
“We’ve gotta get you to a gay bar!” said Cardell. “Find you a boyfriend. My gay friend… tell you what, I’ll set you up with…”
Jonas fled. He’d had enough of Earth for one night.