Stargate SG-1: Five ways Mitchell got even with SG-1 for stealing his pants
Title: Five ways Mitchell got even with SG-1 for stealing his pants
Author: tarimanveri
Summary: He didn't.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Frequent loss of pants, misappropriation of Breton place names
Spoilers: Vague seasons 9 & 10, "Unending"
Word Count: 746.
Beta: Fear my mad proofreading skills
Recipient: The intarnetz at large
Originally archived at: sg1_five_things here.
Author's Notes: Come on. We all know Cameron doesn't have it in him to exact revenge against masterminds the likes of the rest of SG-1.
Five ways Mitchell got even with SG-1 for stealing his pants
1. He didn’t. In addition to the times he’d lost his pants perfectly legitimately thank you very much, it took him twice more to suspect there might be a conspiracy afoot, and a third time for him to be sure. His team might look innocent, but his pants hadn’t gotten up and walked out of his tent by themselves. Besides, after they’d all searched the camp for half an hour and Sam and Daniel had spent another half an hour explaining exactly why no, they absolutely could not go back to the SGC, get him a new pair of pants, and bring them back so just so he could walk into his own damn base with a shred of dignity intact, Sam didn’t look quite innocent enough. And when they got back to the ‘Gate and his pants were hanging down from the top of the ring, flapping gently in the morning breeze, Vala looked a little too innocent and Daniel a little too surprised, and Teal’c’s reaction was so perfectly convincing that he knew it had been a team effort. He thought back on the first two times, and realized this might just be turning into a thing. And if the rest of SG-1 felt like they were ready to have a thing they did just to mess with him, well, he wasn’t going object to that.
2. He didn’t. For once they hadn’t stolen his pants, per se. It was more that he’d been the one unlucky enough to get attacked by the giant spiky cross between a porcupine and a small dinosaur on P4K-982, and they’d been the ones to cut his pants off so they could get a better look at the six-inch quills stuck halfway into the side of his ass and hip. But Vala held his head in her lap and stroked his hair while Teal’c held him in place, Sam administered the really good drugs, and Daniel wielded the scissors, so he didn’t mind the loss so much. Plus, an assful of giant space porcupine quills trumped the embarrassment of walking back through the ‘Gate pantsless, and pants weren’t so important anyway when you were riding a stretcher. One day he might even forgive Daniel for the steady stream of information he kept up on the way back to the ‘Gate about pre-modern medicine and how they’d have gone about removing those quills in a time before anesthetic.
3. He didn’t. He managed to muster up what he really hoped could pass for a death glare, but that was all. Because when Sam Carter, the hottest officer in the US Air Force, to say nothing of saving the galaxy, was standing there with her arms crossed and looking him up and down, smirking at his underwear like she’d personally arranged to test the newly developed remote beaming technology the day he’d accidentally picked up a locator beacon and put it in his pants pocket, it wasn’t time to contemplate revenge. It was time to contemplate death. Swift death, if she noticed him getting hard. Or maybe not death, when she whistled, grinned, and dragged him off. He hadn’t realized the hangar even had storage closets, but no revenge could have been as satisfying.
4. He didn’t. After a couple of years on the Odyssey, even practical jokes weren’t fun anymore. After fifty years on the Odyssey, he began misplacing his pants on a regular basis or forgetting to put them on before he came to breakfast. At first the rest of his team had to explain why they found it so funny. Then it stopped being funny, even though he still forgot them.
5. He didn’t. He might, however, have prodded Daniel into a tangent on the cultural significance of pants during their negotiations with the kilt-wearing Broerec’h. Their new allies had welcomed the naquadah generators and antibiotics, but the SGC hadn’t anticipated their sudden desire to have pants as part of the trade agreement. When SG-1 left, the heads of four of the most powerful clans of the planet’s council of clans escorted them to the Stargate wearing the team’s pants under their kilts, and the head of the fifth most powerful clan had Vala’s pair (which had been too small) draped over his shoulders. With the confidence born of practice, Cameron held his head high as he and the rest of his team stepped pantsless though the gate and arrived, still pantsless, back at the SGC.
Author: tarimanveri
Summary: He didn't.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Frequent loss of pants, misappropriation of Breton place names
Spoilers: Vague seasons 9 & 10, "Unending"
Word Count: 746.
Beta: Fear my mad proofreading skills
Recipient: The intarnetz at large
Originally archived at: sg1_five_things here.
Author's Notes: Come on. We all know Cameron doesn't have it in him to exact revenge against masterminds the likes of the rest of SG-1.
Five ways Mitchell got even with SG-1 for stealing his pants
1. He didn’t. In addition to the times he’d lost his pants perfectly legitimately thank you very much, it took him twice more to suspect there might be a conspiracy afoot, and a third time for him to be sure. His team might look innocent, but his pants hadn’t gotten up and walked out of his tent by themselves. Besides, after they’d all searched the camp for half an hour and Sam and Daniel had spent another half an hour explaining exactly why no, they absolutely could not go back to the SGC, get him a new pair of pants, and bring them back so just so he could walk into his own damn base with a shred of dignity intact, Sam didn’t look quite innocent enough. And when they got back to the ‘Gate and his pants were hanging down from the top of the ring, flapping gently in the morning breeze, Vala looked a little too innocent and Daniel a little too surprised, and Teal’c’s reaction was so perfectly convincing that he knew it had been a team effort. He thought back on the first two times, and realized this might just be turning into a thing. And if the rest of SG-1 felt like they were ready to have a thing they did just to mess with him, well, he wasn’t going object to that.
2. He didn’t. For once they hadn’t stolen his pants, per se. It was more that he’d been the one unlucky enough to get attacked by the giant spiky cross between a porcupine and a small dinosaur on P4K-982, and they’d been the ones to cut his pants off so they could get a better look at the six-inch quills stuck halfway into the side of his ass and hip. But Vala held his head in her lap and stroked his hair while Teal’c held him in place, Sam administered the really good drugs, and Daniel wielded the scissors, so he didn’t mind the loss so much. Plus, an assful of giant space porcupine quills trumped the embarrassment of walking back through the ‘Gate pantsless, and pants weren’t so important anyway when you were riding a stretcher. One day he might even forgive Daniel for the steady stream of information he kept up on the way back to the ‘Gate about pre-modern medicine and how they’d have gone about removing those quills in a time before anesthetic.
3. He didn’t. He managed to muster up what he really hoped could pass for a death glare, but that was all. Because when Sam Carter, the hottest officer in the US Air Force, to say nothing of saving the galaxy, was standing there with her arms crossed and looking him up and down, smirking at his underwear like she’d personally arranged to test the newly developed remote beaming technology the day he’d accidentally picked up a locator beacon and put it in his pants pocket, it wasn’t time to contemplate revenge. It was time to contemplate death. Swift death, if she noticed him getting hard. Or maybe not death, when she whistled, grinned, and dragged him off. He hadn’t realized the hangar even had storage closets, but no revenge could have been as satisfying.
4. He didn’t. After a couple of years on the Odyssey, even practical jokes weren’t fun anymore. After fifty years on the Odyssey, he began misplacing his pants on a regular basis or forgetting to put them on before he came to breakfast. At first the rest of his team had to explain why they found it so funny. Then it stopped being funny, even though he still forgot them.
5. He didn’t. He might, however, have prodded Daniel into a tangent on the cultural significance of pants during their negotiations with the kilt-wearing Broerec’h. Their new allies had welcomed the naquadah generators and antibiotics, but the SGC hadn’t anticipated their sudden desire to have pants as part of the trade agreement. When SG-1 left, the heads of four of the most powerful clans of the planet’s council of clans escorted them to the Stargate wearing the team’s pants under their kilts, and the head of the fifth most powerful clan had Vala’s pair (which had been too small) draped over his shoulders. With the confidence born of practice, Cameron held his head high as he and the rest of his team stepped pantsless though the gate and arrived, still pantsless, back at the SGC.