Another day, another 1000 words
Again, I am going to attemt 1000 words. This times it's very early in the morning and I'm currently waiting for Cuttermeran to cut me some video, so no promises that I'll get there. We'll just have to see.
I know this, but I hate to admit it even to myself. I love being infatuated. But it is a two folded thing. It is really the only thing that gives me the feeling of being extremely alive, and of striving for something, and is also the main thing that keeps me from being fullfilled and 'content' in a relationship.
It could be asked which one is the chicken and which the egg. Is the reason I become infatuated because I am not fullfilled currently, or do I become infatuated and then tell myself that I am not fullfilled, making this my reality?
Or could it be a little either way? Could one of these lead to another, either starting first, building and re-enforcing each other until something breaks?
I was told today that I 'should' make a list of 10 things that I want to do in the new year that would make me a 'better person', or at least a happier one. This is not a list of 'must dos' like a New Years Resolution but more of a focusing goal sheet. "Watch the sunrise", was the example that was given me. And that's the kind of thing I would like to put on mine. Something both esateric but pratical. I'll build my list in two parts. Five points ephemerically whimsical and five points more practical. Five for body and five for mind.
So let's start out as follows:
1. At least four out of every seven days get up before 8am.
2. At least two of every seven days go to bed before 11am.
3. At least one out of every seven days, dont' use a computer when not at work.
4. Jump out of bed as soon as I awake, at least four out of every seven days.
5. Meditate three a week. On a tree, on a cloud, on a sunrise or sunset. Settle my mind.
6. Write 1000 words three times a week.
7. Run three times a week for twenty minutes.
8. Start a martial art.
9. Don't take on any new personal project until projects I'm currently working on a finished.
10. Make lunch for myself at least twice a week.
Wow. Interesting lists. Maybe I'll give myself until I go away to Queensland to figure it out. Work out exactly what I want. Because this is what this list is for. A list of things I want for myself.
I'm getting really tired now. I really have to stop doing these crazed late our shifts. I don't know why I always seem to get stuck with the projects that need to be out 'yesterweek'. I like to blame it on the fact that The Company just doesn't plan things 'properly'. Would I really be happy with my job if I didn't have these days/nights? If I didn't have these then all days would be long, and there would be nothing to keep me challenged. Is that why I put my hand up for these 'interesting' projects. Because I know, have an incling, that they're going ot screw me over?
I don't think they'll really help me "get up in the company" as someone suggested. Is there any up. Do I want 'up'? The only real up is more money. And I have no plans for money. The only things I want really are a clear mind. I have no real need for money. The only thing I want money for is to be able to have the power to make those things possible that come to my mind. Inventions and planned invetions. Schemes. But these need more time than they need money.
Imagine what it would be like to live a year where, at the end of each pay-week, when you get your pay slip, before the new week's pay goes into your account, you give all money currently in your account to a charity. It would be interesting. You'd have no feeling that you need to save for yourself, only for someone else. You'd have a reason to save, but not feel any guild that it is a greedy one. Maybe I should try it sometime. But sometime becomes never. The only real some-time is now.
Ok, getting really tired now. I can feel the horrid, dreaded rasping and scraping from my throat. Not a good sign. And tomorrow is New Years. The 'biggest party of the year'! I'd like to stay up all night. I hope I meet some great people. That would make my night. That is what always makes my night. A good conversation with great people. And a great dance!
Not enough people dance without any care of what people think of what they're doing. If everyone did it would be chaos, and I'd be in heaven! It's great to be able to dance with someone who just lets go. It's sexual, and not sexual. Then again I've only ever danced like this with women, so maybe that's something else altogether.
How does one become content. I once read a comic that said, "... [something] the contented man. Thus, all progress is made by the un-contented man.". It was on my grandfathers wall and it affected me grately. I always seem to come back to that when I think about contentmeant. I almost use it as an excuse for not being content. But maybe being content in one area of ones life just lets you move all your concentration, all your energy onto another. That would be good.
I've really got to find that cartoon again.
And that's it!
No mentions of books in this one. More personal. But less revealing. Maybe it's just the late hour. These five words becomes 1000.
I know this, but I hate to admit it even to myself. I love being infatuated. But it is a two folded thing. It is really the only thing that gives me the feeling of being extremely alive, and of striving for something, and is also the main thing that keeps me from being fullfilled and 'content' in a relationship.
It could be asked which one is the chicken and which the egg. Is the reason I become infatuated because I am not fullfilled currently, or do I become infatuated and then tell myself that I am not fullfilled, making this my reality?
Or could it be a little either way? Could one of these lead to another, either starting first, building and re-enforcing each other until something breaks?
I was told today that I 'should' make a list of 10 things that I want to do in the new year that would make me a 'better person', or at least a happier one. This is not a list of 'must dos' like a New Years Resolution but more of a focusing goal sheet. "Watch the sunrise", was the example that was given me. And that's the kind of thing I would like to put on mine. Something both esateric but pratical. I'll build my list in two parts. Five points ephemerically whimsical and five points more practical. Five for body and five for mind.
So let's start out as follows:
1. At least four out of every seven days get up before 8am.
2. At least two of every seven days go to bed before 11am.
3. At least one out of every seven days, dont' use a computer when not at work.
4. Jump out of bed as soon as I awake, at least four out of every seven days.
5. Meditate three a week. On a tree, on a cloud, on a sunrise or sunset. Settle my mind.
6. Write 1000 words three times a week.
7. Run three times a week for twenty minutes.
8. Start a martial art.
9. Don't take on any new personal project until projects I'm currently working on a finished.
10. Make lunch for myself at least twice a week.
Wow. Interesting lists. Maybe I'll give myself until I go away to Queensland to figure it out. Work out exactly what I want. Because this is what this list is for. A list of things I want for myself.
I'm getting really tired now. I really have to stop doing these crazed late our shifts. I don't know why I always seem to get stuck with the projects that need to be out 'yesterweek'. I like to blame it on the fact that The Company just doesn't plan things 'properly'. Would I really be happy with my job if I didn't have these days/nights? If I didn't have these then all days would be long, and there would be nothing to keep me challenged. Is that why I put my hand up for these 'interesting' projects. Because I know, have an incling, that they're going ot screw me over?
I don't think they'll really help me "get up in the company" as someone suggested. Is there any up. Do I want 'up'? The only real up is more money. And I have no plans for money. The only things I want really are a clear mind. I have no real need for money. The only thing I want money for is to be able to have the power to make those things possible that come to my mind. Inventions and planned invetions. Schemes. But these need more time than they need money.
Imagine what it would be like to live a year where, at the end of each pay-week, when you get your pay slip, before the new week's pay goes into your account, you give all money currently in your account to a charity. It would be interesting. You'd have no feeling that you need to save for yourself, only for someone else. You'd have a reason to save, but not feel any guild that it is a greedy one. Maybe I should try it sometime. But sometime becomes never. The only real some-time is now.
Ok, getting really tired now. I can feel the horrid, dreaded rasping and scraping from my throat. Not a good sign. And tomorrow is New Years. The 'biggest party of the year'! I'd like to stay up all night. I hope I meet some great people. That would make my night. That is what always makes my night. A good conversation with great people. And a great dance!
Not enough people dance without any care of what people think of what they're doing. If everyone did it would be chaos, and I'd be in heaven! It's great to be able to dance with someone who just lets go. It's sexual, and not sexual. Then again I've only ever danced like this with women, so maybe that's something else altogether.
How does one become content. I once read a comic that said, "... [something] the contented man. Thus, all progress is made by the un-contented man.". It was on my grandfathers wall and it affected me grately. I always seem to come back to that when I think about contentmeant. I almost use it as an excuse for not being content. But maybe being content in one area of ones life just lets you move all your concentration, all your energy onto another. That would be good.
I've really got to find that cartoon again.
And that's it!
No mentions of books in this one. More personal. But less revealing. Maybe it's just the late hour. These five words becomes 1000.