Warning: Burned-Out Gamer Rant
Stressed. Due to shifting work schedules, Monday and Tuesday, my wife can't game. Thursday and Friday, one of my friends can't game, and another of my friends leaves for work about an hour before we'd usually wrap up a game night. My Wednesday game crashed and burned - a failed experiment.
So, I was wracking my mind on how to find a way to get a game going that the most number of people would enjoy. While I was puzzling this out, a decision was made 'for me', regardless of how I felt about it. This really upset me, and now I'm wondering if I should run anything at all for the next little while.
Part of it is burn-out, I think. I've been running games for specific people... Shadowrun for one friend, because he likes the game. A super hero campaign for my wife, because she has a super hero character she really enjoys playing. Abney Park for another friend, because they like steampunk.
At one point I'd asked a friend to run 7th Sea - I was really itching to *play*. He didn't get around to it, so someone else decided to run it. But instead of running 7th Sea - the game and setting I know - so I could kick back and enjoy it, he started shifting the setting some to what he wanted - and was upset because he felt 'constrained' by the setting - and by my character and my sister's characters, who were built with the setting in mind. So that game ended. I tried running the game, but he mentioned not liking my expy that was there, either. :\ So that game ended.
Which basically means, I've been busting my hump running games 'for' people, but nobody's been willing to run games 'for' me. I don't mean my character has to be the centre of attention - I like working with groups - but I would like to play in a setting I'm familiar with and that I enjoy. I want a chance to relax, and just settle into the game and relax.
And currently, there's no game doing that. The Pathfinder game I'm in is fine - but it isn't that type of game. The GM has a campaign in mind - a 'threat to the world' sort of thing which has the group hustling to get things done on a time limit. The last two 'chapters' have been like this too, meaning we've never had a chance to truly settle in and actually live in the setting. There's also a feeling of competition - the GM's putting threats against us to put us through our paces, which sort of prevents us from truly shining, or getting a chance to just relax, roleplay, and explore any given place. It's not a bad campaign, but it isn't a campaign I can relax in.
Another of our GMs is also a 'storyteller' GM. He wants a specific feel to the game, and wants things done in a certain way. Certain key NPCs tend to show up, and they feel somewhat... untouchable. He wants things drawn out and 'epic', and I'm very much a problem solver - I look for the most efficient path to getting things done. Most of his games are super hero games, and I've often found it takes a very specific GM to run a good super hero game (I don't even think I qualify there). I don't think he'd be willing to run a 'vanilla' setting, without adding his own mythos to it, which sort of curtails asking him to run things.
And Cat doesn't feel she can run games. She's good at it, but she gets anxiety attacks, which kind of puts a damper on that. So... I'm really stumped as to what to do. :( I've been debating for the last half hour or so whether I should take a break from gaming completely. Just stick with board games for a while, and put RPing behind me for a bit. I don't know.