nobody asks dear abby anymore
parks and rec marathon, and then all the parks and rec fic on yuletide, and I wrote something! I wanted to write something longer and more epic, but I didn't which is okay because I am pleased with this anyways.
title: nobody asks dear abby anymore
rating: pg
words: 571
ships: implied andy/april and leslie/ben
spoilers for the end of s2.
"I need your advice," April says. "About Andy."
Yeah okay, she's standing in front of Leslie Knope's desk, looking at Leslie and her nametag with 'essential' on it in great big green capital letters. April is not essential, except to maybe delaying Ron Swanson's contact with the outside world, and since Ron isn't in the building (he's probably eating ham wrapped in bacon and working on a canoe in his woodshop, actually) she shouldn't be in the building. Because she isn't essential. Whatever.
"Andy?" Leslie says. Her hands are folded in front of her and she's leaning forward with slight frog eyes; April remembers how exactly much Leslie loves giving advice and all of the reasons that this could be a bad idea, though probably no worse than talking to her sister.
"Guy advice. You know."
"And you're asking me?" Leslie double-checks. She's still so gleeful it's a little bit painful for April to watch."
"Yeah." April lifts one shoulder and then drops it. "You've had boyfriends, right?"
Though when she thinks about it, Leslie's actually had a lot of boyfriends. Generally nice guys, even if some of them turn out to be kind of crazy in the end. Dave was nice, and Justin was basically awesome. And Ben seems to be into Leslie, sucked in by her enthusiasm and somewhat crazy eyes, even if Ben is like, the most cynical person after herself, he still so clearly wants to bang Leslie that it doesn't shock April at all how Leslie hasn't picked up on it yet.
Ann has, but Ann likes to ruin things. So April isn't going to count on Ann to help Leslie out in that area.
"You've had boyfriends," April repeats. "And I want one. So you can help me."
Leslie's brow is furrowed. "You want Andy to be your boyfriend?"
"Yes."
"And he likes you, like a super amount, right?"
"Yes."
"And you like him?"
"Yes."
"So what's the problem?"
Maybe April should have gone to Ron for advice, but what if she runs into Ron and Tom's ex-wife who is not named Tammy having sex in his up-to-code wood shop or something? And that would be weird, obviously, and she doesn't want to see Ron naked. It's enough that he's always boasting about his virility.
"Ann kissed Andy. And he told me about it."
"No," Leslie gasps, like it's the big reveal in some romantic comedy that's always playing at the multiplex. "She didn't. Do you want me to talk to her?"
"No." April shakes her head. "I don't want you or other people to get involved."
"Well then," Leslie says, straightening out papers on her desk and adjusting her essential personnel badge so she doesn't point out how April has already gotten her somewhat involved. "April, you should go and talk to Ann yourself so you can work this whole thing out. Yes you should. That is exactly what you should do."
"Okay." April turns to go open the door, but it creaks open before she can get there and Ben pops his head in.
"Leslie, Chris and I need you in the meeting room," he says, and goes back out. April sighs.
"That Ben guy totally wants to have sex with you," she says, and then leaves to go visit Andy in the hospital.
Leslie's turned an interesting shade of pink.
"I thought you should know." April says, and walks out for real.
title: nobody asks dear abby anymore
rating: pg
words: 571
ships: implied andy/april and leslie/ben
spoilers for the end of s2.
"I need your advice," April says. "About Andy."
Yeah okay, she's standing in front of Leslie Knope's desk, looking at Leslie and her nametag with 'essential' on it in great big green capital letters. April is not essential, except to maybe delaying Ron Swanson's contact with the outside world, and since Ron isn't in the building (he's probably eating ham wrapped in bacon and working on a canoe in his woodshop, actually) she shouldn't be in the building. Because she isn't essential. Whatever.
"Andy?" Leslie says. Her hands are folded in front of her and she's leaning forward with slight frog eyes; April remembers how exactly much Leslie loves giving advice and all of the reasons that this could be a bad idea, though probably no worse than talking to her sister.
"Guy advice. You know."
"And you're asking me?" Leslie double-checks. She's still so gleeful it's a little bit painful for April to watch."
"Yeah." April lifts one shoulder and then drops it. "You've had boyfriends, right?"
Though when she thinks about it, Leslie's actually had a lot of boyfriends. Generally nice guys, even if some of them turn out to be kind of crazy in the end. Dave was nice, and Justin was basically awesome. And Ben seems to be into Leslie, sucked in by her enthusiasm and somewhat crazy eyes, even if Ben is like, the most cynical person after herself, he still so clearly wants to bang Leslie that it doesn't shock April at all how Leslie hasn't picked up on it yet.
Ann has, but Ann likes to ruin things. So April isn't going to count on Ann to help Leslie out in that area.
"You've had boyfriends," April repeats. "And I want one. So you can help me."
Leslie's brow is furrowed. "You want Andy to be your boyfriend?"
"Yes."
"And he likes you, like a super amount, right?"
"Yes."
"And you like him?"
"Yes."
"So what's the problem?"
Maybe April should have gone to Ron for advice, but what if she runs into Ron and Tom's ex-wife who is not named Tammy having sex in his up-to-code wood shop or something? And that would be weird, obviously, and she doesn't want to see Ron naked. It's enough that he's always boasting about his virility.
"Ann kissed Andy. And he told me about it."
"No," Leslie gasps, like it's the big reveal in some romantic comedy that's always playing at the multiplex. "She didn't. Do you want me to talk to her?"
"No." April shakes her head. "I don't want you or other people to get involved."
"Well then," Leslie says, straightening out papers on her desk and adjusting her essential personnel badge so she doesn't point out how April has already gotten her somewhat involved. "April, you should go and talk to Ann yourself so you can work this whole thing out. Yes you should. That is exactly what you should do."
"Okay." April turns to go open the door, but it creaks open before she can get there and Ben pops his head in.
"Leslie, Chris and I need you in the meeting room," he says, and goes back out. April sighs.
"That Ben guy totally wants to have sex with you," she says, and then leaves to go visit Andy in the hospital.
Leslie's turned an interesting shade of pink.
"I thought you should know." April says, and walks out for real.