Comments | tasteetriceps: Love's labours: Postpartum

tasteetriceps

Love's labours: Postpartum

Feb 07, 2008 21:21

I thought i stopped eating on Tuesday afternoon and started barfing that night because that was about the time it became defined in my mind that we were done, "broken up" if you will--except that he'd never confessed to being a boyfriend in the first place**. But then i realised that i only had food poisoning or a virus or something. I'm not 21 ( Read more... )

Comments 14

hiphopdiary February 10 2008, 03:59:13 UTC

tasteetriceps February 10 2008, 04:16:39 UTC

Indeed.

pene February 10 2008, 06:01:18 UTC

glad you're okay and always wise. and when you're not so okay I hope the wise and the sense stick with you, gorgeous thing.
xx

tasteetriceps February 13 2008, 02:23:00 UTC

Thank you. I still miss what was, but i'd missed THAT for a long time. I miss him too, but i'm sure we'll hang out later. I move a little more onward every day. One of the primary things we always struggled to work out was how each to carry on with our own very time-consuming projects when it was so easy just to trip off to la la land together. I have a lot more of that kind of focus every time we just cool it altogether. It's good.

shascita February 10 2008, 11:56:40 UTC

i'm gonna be lame and remind you that one door less open leads to lots of other doors opening, but what's awesome is that you get that already... i relate to a lot of what you're saying here & am hesitating on some final steps... there's something in particular you said that really struck me, and i wanted to ask you more about it...

"In younger days, any lingering unhappiness threw me into a state of panic--and considering how some ancient profound unhappiness was pretty much my unconscious base of operations then, i guess it's no wonder i was an anxious wreck inside."

i've noticed some of this "ancient profound unhappiness" inside of myself & was intrigued by your talking about yours in the past tense..! :) was it just time that pushed it into the past, or did you take measures to move through, beyond that?

take care :)

love you tasteetriceps February 13 2008, 03:06:51 UTC

It's still with me--but rather than feeling like some unshakable part of me, it's more like a familiar shadow that creeps up between me and the sun. There's just no substitute for the sun.

I can't force my way out of it, but i'm definitely much, much quicker to disengage from any identification with that feeling. Often i just start walking, and then i find that i've walked right out of it--or hiked, or danced, or hammer-and-nailed, or grooved to some fine music (which is very consciousness-altering), or socialised whether with good friends or a grocery store clerk. Dropping down into my body and doing instead of brooding is that technique ( ... )

(The comment has been removed)

tasteetriceps February 13 2008, 03:21:40 UTC

Done.

Yay! I'll send something back. It'll be good.

tasteetriceps February 13 2008, 04:09:50 UTC

Um nevermind, the email address yo tengo pa' ti no funciona. Where to write?

tectonics? admirabilia February 12 2008, 00:22:53 UTC

I hated 'Crash' that Oscar-stealer of a film, because it taints my best relationship imagery ( ... )

Re: tectonics? tasteetriceps February 13 2008, 03:19:17 UTC

I don't know that movie. What's it about ( ... )

Ugh.. admirabilia February 13 2008, 14:09:28 UTC

I woke up this morning to your happy comment and an unsent midnight email on my laptop.... full of personal turmoil and 'break up' phrasing.

I wish i would take my own advice.

I feel like i'm stuck on a loop right now, trying to break it off again and again, but instead making small detours arround the problem when it comes up... knowing that i want to be single, and get to the bottom of being me before i get into a relationship again, but meanwhile i'm stuck in this really great relationship that i can't handle with anything resembling grace.. ugh.

I feel like a hypocritical supporter of your broken heart because right now, this minute, this morning, i just want to go streaking naked into the 20cm of new snow that has built up over the blackness of my own self-resentment and scream... WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG.

OMG.
sorry.

I totally love you too.

tasteetriceps February 13 2008, 16:18:10 UTC

I feel like this come-together/move-apart cycling is part of how i re-encounter my issues as they are developing and then deal with them by myself. Viney entanglement in another person's life & personality makes it hard to sort out what's mine, what's yours, what's compulsive, what's improving, what's the forest look like from out of the trees. I think that if our society offered the lot of us some more realistic view of love, these cycles would not be seen as relationship "problems" but rather as a necessary part of healthy development--and of personal health! I can't be 100% or 60% in a relationship with someone else because that just doesn't allow any room for relating to myself, to my projects, to other people, or to wherever spontaneity & inspiration may lead ( ... )

Thread 6