It's not that I'm not happy.

I like to think that people come in and out of our lives for a reason but lately I'm having a hard time believing that. Believing in much of anything actually. What is the point if everything is so random and excusable? I used to think that I would always find an answer, find the way, that my heart or my head would lead me in the right direction ( Read more... )

I just don't. know.

Sometimes it feels like I'm purposely sabotaging my happiness but why?

I've got to get back to reality.

Just read through all of my entries. I hadn't realized that I was so back-and-forth about everything. The happy entries still make me happy but all the rest..

What does it all mean?

I'm a pretty mixed bag.

I'm fucked up. Jesus.

"UUUGGGGHHHHH" I think justifies my frustration better than anything I could type.

I just want to be 100%.

Really though, I could be just like everyone else and not even know it considering the whole world is made up of liars.

What does that mean exactly?

I am afraid I am with a man who will never make any permanent decisions. Everyone keeps saying "relax" and "does it really matter?"

Apparently it does. I am a girl that needs a plan. A plan that is not just starting "X" amount of years from now. A solid plan, where decisions dont just change on a whim.

I am so happy and so lucky, even with the flu!