Writer's Block opens my thoughts

[tatredbutrfly]

Today's writer's block brought up many old memories that I had packed away. I can't say that I was a sheltered teenager, my parents argued. I never saw my parents really physically fight,but there were some heated verbal battles and often the verbal battles led to my mother telling me I was going to have to choose between my parents or her trying

Comments

[sammi]

^ This.

[blue_eye]

Ouch.

{{{hugs}}}

[spirited_lizard]

Every time when I hear on tv that someone got hit by her husband but stayed with him, I always say to myself that if it happened to me, he would only hit me once, and even only because I wasn't expecting it or something. But it would never happen a second time. I'd rather stab him. Or send my big brother after him. ;) But seriously, I wouldn't let it happen a second time.

Of course, I haven't been in a situation like that before, so it might be wrong to say something now, but I just can't imagine that I would let it happen.

[cthulhu_shuman]

You have to keep in mind that when you see the news story, that's all you know about it. To you, the only trait the guy has is that he hit her. To her, he's a complete human being who took care of her when she was sick, who got her thoughtful presents, who listened to her when she was sad, who hit her once, who at least acts like he loves her with his whole heart. Everyone's been in at least one relationship that other people questioned, even if it's as simple as that childhood friend you have who's kind of a jerk now. And yes, hitting is on a completely different magnitude, but it's a lot of the same thought process

[tatredbutrfly]

I think in the beginning she probably really loves him and then as times goes on she becomes sick because she can't really separate things out anymore any she has become secluded from family and friends because she has hidden the abuse. She feels like all she has is him. She gave everything up for him so she must love him and he must love her. And if there are children usually that adds more complications because if they aren't abusing the kids they wife thinks they should stay for the kids sake. they are millions of excuses they make. A person that hasn't been there can never understand unless they have worked with these people and have some true empathy.

[cthulhu_shuman]

I completely agree, and isolation is a VERY important factor to recognize. It's hard to keep track of what's "normal" behavior if you don't see it anymore.

I hope I didn't say anything offensive or upsetting. Let me know if I do - I've never been in an abusive relationship personally, so I don't want to talk down or badly about something I haven't experienced.

You're very articulate about this. I think reading what you've said here could help other women recognize abuse when they can't quite explain what's wrong with their relationships.

[cthulhu_shuman]

I am so sorry you went through that. Leaving an abuser is much, MUCH harder than people want to understand. I will never comprehend why we spend so much time going "Well, yeah, he shouldn't have beaten and raped her, but what's wrong with HER that she stayed?" Let's focus that energy on the batterer, yeah? And maybe not just use him to illustrate how dumb you think the victim is? I don't know why the US demands perfect victims before we give a damn about the crime, but it's so, so harmful.

[sammi]

This is the best thing I have ever read. Okay, maybe I'm just emotional right now because I'm coming out of a bad relationship/place... but it hit home. Thank you for sharing.

[tatredbutrfly]

I'm sorry. I was in a very bad marriage for ten years. In no way no I wish to relive those years, but first off I'm glad that I survived those years and am not disfigured or a permanent resident of a mental hospital. I think if we take the bad situations in our life and do not repeat them, but learn from them then that is what they were intended for in the first place.I'm sorry that you had to go through a bad relationship, but maybe it will make your next relationship more loving and you will see the warning signs light up light a huge no vacancy sign and you will pass the jerks by like you would pass the hotels by that had that sign. Good luck and hope this is your best year yet!