Lindsay Lohan babes. . .
Hey babes. If you want to see pictures from this weekend...go to the entry before please! Right now it is an emergency update! Seriously. I bought myself a treat tonite...the Lindsay Lohan CD. And I say that you should so totally buy it. But yes...I am going to put some lyrics of hers on here!
This song reminds me so much of the situation that I am in right now. I mean I am sitting here just crying my eyes out. Wishing that I knew what to do. Wishing that I could just take my feelings and run with them....or should just let things come to me. I don't know what to do. I mean what do you do when you feel for someone so much...and have it not working. When you have already formed an attachment to them. And when you start to run the things through your head that you like about them, or the fact that this person makes you smile so much, or makes you laugh. Or that when you are around that person you just get this overwhelming feeling. I mean when you just run all the good things through your head over and over. Just holding onto the things that are good. Completely blocking out the things that are bad....the things that hurt you. The things that really bother you. The things that really make your heart hurt...the things that makes it weigh a ton. What do you when you're stuck in the middle? What do you do when all you wanna do is hold on tight and not let go...but at the same time you just wanna run from it all?!? Spare yourself the tears...spare yourself the heartbreak. Damn, I mean this just racks my brain. It's like part of me knows that I deserve the best....and nothing less than that. I know that I don't deserve to be put second....I want to be first! Like it says in the last song I posted on here. I don't want to be like every other girl. I don't want to be like every other girl....I don't want to be like the ones before. I wanted to be treated like a queen, queen of hearts. That's what I deserve. That's what my heart desires. God, what I would give to make you see these things. What I would give to find happiness. What I would give to find love. Damn it. Goddamn it. All I can do is stay strong....let things come to me. But it's like how do I do that?!? How do I even begin to wipe my heart off my sleeve, when that's where it's been all along. Cause really I think I'm a sweet girl...I mean sure in my days I have done a lot of messed up things. But really I'm the type of girl that would spend my last dollar on you, I'd be the one to drive 2 hours just to see you for a short period time. I'm the type of girl that would do almost anything. And at times that's my weakness. At times I would settle for second best...when really that's not what I deserve....but just to hang onto that bit of hope. I'm really the kind of a girl that you could take advantage of. I'm the type of girl that you could walk all over, time and time again. So many times I have kept my mouth shut...so many times I just just brushed things off, so many times I have just overlooked the things....the things that weren't always okay. And damn, I don't want to be that girl anymore. Damn it....I just want it to go away. I don't want to hurt anymore...sometimes I just don't want to feel anymore. And here comes another thought that just came into my mind....of how I've hurt 2 important people in my life....excuse me 3. How I have hurt Sarah.....and how I hurt Codi....and how I hurt Cagney. Damn it. But ya know....I just think of the way they loved me. I think of the things Cagney used to do for me.....it was the little things that mattered. I mean just him surprises me after skool, or just the cheap roses from when he worked at winn-dixie, or the many million weekends we just watched movies together when we didn't have the money, or the times we used to go to the fountain in Claxton...where did all that go?!? And then Sarah...wow! That girl showed me love. I mean the things that she did just blew me out of the water.....just the offline messages she would leave for me on yahoo, or the rose in the front seat of our first date, sweetheart circle, or the one month anniversary painting she made me...it wasn't anything expensive...but something made with her heart, or the times she would just surprise me (even when I had a gut feeling she would)...that girl could love. And Codi...what a sweet girl. Her love was young...but it was so true. That girl would drive forever and a day just to spend a few hours with me and get up and go back to work all day long, or just the thing with her calling to tell me I was beautiful everyday....or just the voicemails she would leave even if I was in class to tell me she was thinking of me...or missed me, or loved me. Or the times we would slow dance in the barracks....or the times she would sing to me....just the things that she would say to me...things I could never really believe that she felt, but somehow she loved me that much. It hurts to think of all of that....it really does. I miss that. My heart is literally weighs about 1,000 pounds. All I want is the smiple things in life. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. I don't want to hurt anymore. I just want something pure....something just mind blowing. I just wanna be okay damn. I'm really sorry about this entry. I really am. I have just been crying for God knows how many hours. It just really hit me.
"Something I Never Had"
Do you see me
Do you feel me like I feel you
Call your number
I can not get through
You don't hear me and I dont understand
When I reach out I dont find your hand
Was it wasted words and did they mean a thing
And all our precious time but I still feel so in between
[Chorus:]
Some day I just keep pretending
That youll say dreaming of a diffrent ending
I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had
I keep tell myself things can turn around with time
And if I wait it out you could always change your mind
Like a fairy tale where it works out in the end
Can I close my eyes have you lying here again
Then I come back down
They I fade back in
Then I realize its just what Its just what might have been.
[chorus]
Am I a shadow on your wall
Am I anything at all
Anything to you
Am I a secret that you keep
Do you dream me while your sleeping after all
Some day I just keep pretending
That youll say dreaming of a diffrent ending
I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had
That I never had
I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had
You dont see me, you dont feel me like I feel you
"Nobody 'Til You"
I never walked on water never saw
A reason to be going out that far
I never found a star that made a wish
But now the sky is listening to my hart
It can brake me, make me
If they want they can chase me
Love me, Hate me I dont care anymore
[Chorus:]
Till you, It was nothing but lonely nights
It was nothing but sad goodbye's
For me to fall through
Come true like change an awakening
Somebody is making me
The only one in the room
But nobody can do, Nobody till you...
And the more you talk the less I fear
No matter what you say we are still in the same hemosphere
And its comforting just knowing that
Where ever I go a part of me is staying here with you
So take me shake me
If you want you can chase me
Love me for me and stay away from the door
[Chorus]
Why can a world where if he
If you ever went away
Oh and I cant go back to where
I recon it will never be the same
[Chorus 2x]
"Symptoms Of You"
There a good kind of pain
And insane kinda sane (when I'm around you [2x])
There a chill in the heat
Feel the sky at my feet cuz I adore you
I cant ignore you
[Chorus:]
I'm not ill I don't need to
Take a pill to fix what you do
Cure can come through
Cuz baby all I do is suffer from
The symptoms of you
There is a left kinda right
There is a blind kinda sight
Looking at you 2x
There is no light in the moon and its winter in June
When I'm without you [2x]
[Chorus]
And it trips me off my feet
I think I'm falling in too deep
Do you feel it too
[Chorus 2x]
"Disconnected"
Sleeping awake and awake when I'm sleeping
I've got a dry kinda thirst when drenched
On sunny days all I can see is the shadow
And I'm not above being under
And I'm at the brink though I know that I'm empty
And I always hide when its my turn to seek
My only believe is not to have faith in believing
Before I begin I'm over
[chorus]
Broken off again
And I'm only not lonely when I'm lonely by myself
Now the pain again I always back track forward
Cuz all in all I'm Disconnected
Quietly loud while I'm noisily silent
Keep holding my breath when I'm trying to breath
Swimming against all of the waves and the rapids
I only win when I'm losing
[Chorus]
I just wanna live my life sedated
Cuz I love driving myself away
Despite you know you say don't give a damn
I cant comprehend what I understand
Disconnected
Now the pain again I always back track forward
Cuz all in all I'm Disconnected
And I'm only not lonely when I'm lonely by myself
Now the pain again I always back track forward
Cuz all in all I'm Disconnected
"Very Last Moment In Time"
Time stops for no one and moves on unaware
It's easy not to notice
It's easy not to care
Conversation circles
And money changes hands been standing in the middle
I've been caught up in the spin
Out of the confusion
The static and the noise you got my attention
It made me wanna live
[Chorus:]
Live its the last moonrise
Scream just like none is there
Lose all of my defenses
Hold you touch you love you like its
A very last moment in time
It seems like I woke up beneath a different sky
And I'm drunk I want I'm seeing through these open eyes
All the little ways you move me
All the pieces you expose
The illusion I held on to
You've got me letting go
I just wanna stay here soaking up the rain
Falling out around me watch the world away
[chorus]
Let me feel you next to me
Let me taste the breath you breathe
Open up the space between us
[chorus]
"First"
Is that someone you used to date
Why she's hanging around here, what's her story
Doesn't she know that its too late
That the party is over and the car is for me
Why dont u tell her what's been going on
Cuz she seems to be dreaming instead of just leaving
If you don't have the heart to fill her in
Then just step aside and let me lay it on the line
Cuz your mine
And tonight you dont revolve around her
Your mine
And this time I'm gonna scream a little louder
[Chorus:]
Dont wanna be like
Every other girl in the world
Like every other one who wants you
Cuz when I see you something inside me burn
then i realize I wanna come first
I wanna come first
You look at me and I just die
Its like heaven arriving in my mind
And I cant believe all this jealousy
I used to be a girl who could let a guy breathe
But your mine
And tonight you revolve around me
Your mine
And this time I'm gonna get a little louder
I wanna be like
Every other girl in the world
Like every other one who wants you
Cuz when I see you something inside me burn
And then I realize I wanna come first
(I wanna come first [2x])
Dont wanna be like every girl who's tried to get you
I wanna be the one who's never sorry that she met you
I wanna come first [2x]
Hey!
[Chorus 2x]
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