(no subject)
Pairing: Genesis/Seph, Seph/Zack
Warnings: Fluffy as hell. Excessive boozing and naughty language.
Rating: 15
Word Count: 1, 300 ish
‘You’re doing it wrong.’
‘Well I don’t know how to do it right!’
‘It’s getting too hot in here now. OW! That hurt!!’
‘Well for fuck’s sake Seph, if you move and let me get my hands there then it won’t hurt!’
‘It’s no good,’ Sephiroth said in defeat, ‘we’ll have to give up.’
‘We can’t give up, I need it,' Genesis shouted back.
The two men broke off their efforts and stared dejectedly at the collection of packages between them, Sephiroth brushed distractedly at where Genesis had charred a significant portion of the table attempting to firebomb their dinner materials several times.
‘I’m SO hungry,’ Genesis wailed, ‘why don’t we just get it out of the packets and eat it as it is?’
Sephiroth looked up in horror, ‘you’re not serious? The box says it’s essential that all portions are correctly cooked through and properly mixed!’
‘Fuck the box, Seph,’ Genesis said as he grabbed the cardboard from Sephiroth’s hands, tore it into pieces and then threw the bits up in the air, ‘fuck the box, fuck the instructions and fuck you always following instructions.’
***
‘I don’t think you taped the box pieces up right, Genesis, the picture on the front looks all wonky.’
Genesis glared at Sephiroth until the silver haired General looked suitably cowed and then looked back at the stove device.
Of all the dark and dangerous missions he’d ever had to take, cooking something to eat in a self catering apartment took first place. It had nearly cost them both their sanity, but they had managed to get a pan of rice bubbling away on the stove device, chips cooking on a baking tray in the oven device and curry mix and pork cooking in the microwave device. Genesis recalled all his training of dealing with three opponents at once and took a deep breath.
‘OK, we have ten minutes before any new action is required, I suggest we attempt the serving preparation instructions.’
‘Alright,’ said Sephiroth in a small voice that seemed to imply he thought that course of action was anything but alright.
‘A good host always makes sure guests are well entertained,’ Genesis read off the back of the box, ‘so serve this delicious meal with light, refreshing drinks to get your party into full swing.’
Genesis leapt nimbly over to the cupboards and after a few minutes of rooting around he triumphantly hoisted two bottles of whisky up above his head and then slammed them down on the table.
‘There we go, one each,’ he said as he scooped the box up again and picked up reading the instructions where he had left off, ‘if you are entertaining, remember that many people prefer healthy options and so always offer guests a choice of chips or salad,’ Genesis looked up to Sephiroth, ‘do you want chips or salad?’
‘I’m hardly a guest Genesis, this is just a base apartment.’
‘Look, we decided we were sticking to what the box said, you got the pans and lit the stove and I opened the packets, that makes me the host, so I’m doing the host bits,’ Genesis said as he waved the box around frantically, ‘so, come on Seph, chips or salad, what do you want with your curry?’
‘Morphine,’ said Sephiroth miserably.
***
'You see, we didn’t need the box that badly anyway,' Genesis said as he polished off another huge glass full of whisky and threw his dinner tray in the vague direction of the bin.
‘Genesis, do people,’ Sephiroth gestured out of the window towards the lights of the town, ‘you know, people like that, do this every time they get hungry?’
‘I think so,’ Genesis replied nodding earnestly.
‘No wonder they don’t have time to get good at fighting or anything like that.’
‘Well, there’s the other thing as well.’
‘What thing?’
‘You know, the other thing.’
‘What other thing?’
With a little growl of exasperation Genesis grabbed hold of Sephiroth, yanked him forward and kissed him on the mouth.
‘That thing!’
‘People sit around doing that all day?’ Sephiroth asked.
‘Well, not all day but a lot of it I think and then they, well, you must know?’
Sephiroth shook his head.
‘Well,’ Genesis steeled himself and decided that he absolutely refused to be embarrassed, ‘get naked, have sex, all that stuff.’
Sephiroth just frowned.
‘Do you mean you’ve never, not even once?’
Sephiroth shook his head yet again.
‘Seph, stop me if I’m mistaken here but doesn’t Zack Fair sleep in your quarters every night?’
‘Oh yes,’ said Sephiroth as he chugged with dangerous enthusiasm at his whisky, ‘but that’s nothing to do with sex, he just says it helps his muscle tension if he sleeps on top of me.’
A few moments of silence followed as Sephiroth peered into his glass in confusion, he realised at last that it was empty and that he had to refill it, which he sloppily did.
‘Muscle tension?’ Genesis said slowly.
General Sephiroth hiccupped, ‘yes, he says it makes a lot of difference but if it doesn’t get fully better we’ll need to start sleeping together naked. It’s something to do with biorhythms apparently.’
Genesis cast Sephiroth a despairing look, ‘Seph, I’ve always been meaning to ask you, do you ever stop to think that it’s a bit unfair how more or less everyone in ShinRa always does what they want and you do what they want and anything they don’t want you to do they tell you is weakness and you take it on board?’
Sephiroth thought hard for a long time, ‘no I’ve never stopped to think about it,’ he concluded finally. The General went to knock back another swig of whisky and made a little noise of protest when Genesis wrenched the glass out of his hand and held it out of reach.
As Genesis thought over what he was about to do a vague waft of concern floated across his mind which told him that he might well regret it when he sobered up, but he also realised that he had the chance to get to grips, so to speak, with Sephiroth over something the General knew nothing about and he himself was rather good at. Anyway, he thought as he finished off Sephiroth’s glass of whisky, it did say on the box that a good host always makes sure their guests are well entertained.
***
Zack Fair rang the buzzer for Sephiroth’s quarters and grinned at his friend when he appeared to answer.
‘Alright Seph, how was the mission?’ Zack asked as he dodged into the apartment.
‘Acceptable,’ the General replied, closing the door.
‘Right, great, I need to talk to you, that muscle problem I have, it’s come back very badly while you were away. I think we might need to use the emergency measure I told you about.’
‘I believe stronger measures may be called for Zack, if you really are in this much trouble,’ said Sephiroth as a slow, predatory gleam came into his eyes, ‘if you are in so much pain perhaps you should see a doctor.’
‘Oh, er, there’s nothing doctors can do for me Seph, I’ve been told by them all that it’s a hopeless case.’
‘I see, and this method of relief has been one of your own devising has it?’ Sephiroth advanced on Zack until he had pressed the dark haired SOLDIER up against the wall.
‘Well, err, recommended by specialists,’ Zack said, his eyes widening as Sephiroth started to undo the buttons on his shirt.
‘In that case Zack, it’s hardly advisable to wait until this evening to begin treatment, with such a serious condition as yours,’ Sephiroth's icy gaze drifted down to the rather well filled front of Zack’s trousers.
‘Now you mention it,’ Zack whispered as he licked his lips and put his arms around the General’s neck, ‘I do feel a bit light headed.’
‘Maybe you should lie down,’ Sephiroth suggested, he put his hands around Zack's waist and backed up towards his bedroom, tugging the lieutenant along with him.
Zack swiftly dealt with the fastenings of the General’s trousers as they moved across the room and made a mental note to buy Genesis a drink when he next saw him.
Warnings: Fluffy as hell. Excessive boozing and naughty language.
Rating: 15
Word Count: 1, 300 ish
‘You’re doing it wrong.’
‘Well I don’t know how to do it right!’
‘It’s getting too hot in here now. OW! That hurt!!’
‘Well for fuck’s sake Seph, if you move and let me get my hands there then it won’t hurt!’
‘It’s no good,’ Sephiroth said in defeat, ‘we’ll have to give up.’
‘We can’t give up, I need it,' Genesis shouted back.
The two men broke off their efforts and stared dejectedly at the collection of packages between them, Sephiroth brushed distractedly at where Genesis had charred a significant portion of the table attempting to firebomb their dinner materials several times.
‘I’m SO hungry,’ Genesis wailed, ‘why don’t we just get it out of the packets and eat it as it is?’
Sephiroth looked up in horror, ‘you’re not serious? The box says it’s essential that all portions are correctly cooked through and properly mixed!’
‘Fuck the box, Seph,’ Genesis said as he grabbed the cardboard from Sephiroth’s hands, tore it into pieces and then threw the bits up in the air, ‘fuck the box, fuck the instructions and fuck you always following instructions.’
***
‘I don’t think you taped the box pieces up right, Genesis, the picture on the front looks all wonky.’
Genesis glared at Sephiroth until the silver haired General looked suitably cowed and then looked back at the stove device.
Of all the dark and dangerous missions he’d ever had to take, cooking something to eat in a self catering apartment took first place. It had nearly cost them both their sanity, but they had managed to get a pan of rice bubbling away on the stove device, chips cooking on a baking tray in the oven device and curry mix and pork cooking in the microwave device. Genesis recalled all his training of dealing with three opponents at once and took a deep breath.
‘OK, we have ten minutes before any new action is required, I suggest we attempt the serving preparation instructions.’
‘Alright,’ said Sephiroth in a small voice that seemed to imply he thought that course of action was anything but alright.
‘A good host always makes sure guests are well entertained,’ Genesis read off the back of the box, ‘so serve this delicious meal with light, refreshing drinks to get your party into full swing.’
Genesis leapt nimbly over to the cupboards and after a few minutes of rooting around he triumphantly hoisted two bottles of whisky up above his head and then slammed them down on the table.
‘There we go, one each,’ he said as he scooped the box up again and picked up reading the instructions where he had left off, ‘if you are entertaining, remember that many people prefer healthy options and so always offer guests a choice of chips or salad,’ Genesis looked up to Sephiroth, ‘do you want chips or salad?’
‘I’m hardly a guest Genesis, this is just a base apartment.’
‘Look, we decided we were sticking to what the box said, you got the pans and lit the stove and I opened the packets, that makes me the host, so I’m doing the host bits,’ Genesis said as he waved the box around frantically, ‘so, come on Seph, chips or salad, what do you want with your curry?’
‘Morphine,’ said Sephiroth miserably.
***
'You see, we didn’t need the box that badly anyway,' Genesis said as he polished off another huge glass full of whisky and threw his dinner tray in the vague direction of the bin.
‘Genesis, do people,’ Sephiroth gestured out of the window towards the lights of the town, ‘you know, people like that, do this every time they get hungry?’
‘I think so,’ Genesis replied nodding earnestly.
‘No wonder they don’t have time to get good at fighting or anything like that.’
‘Well, there’s the other thing as well.’
‘What thing?’
‘You know, the other thing.’
‘What other thing?’
With a little growl of exasperation Genesis grabbed hold of Sephiroth, yanked him forward and kissed him on the mouth.
‘That thing!’
‘People sit around doing that all day?’ Sephiroth asked.
‘Well, not all day but a lot of it I think and then they, well, you must know?’
Sephiroth shook his head.
‘Well,’ Genesis steeled himself and decided that he absolutely refused to be embarrassed, ‘get naked, have sex, all that stuff.’
Sephiroth just frowned.
‘Do you mean you’ve never, not even once?’
Sephiroth shook his head yet again.
‘Seph, stop me if I’m mistaken here but doesn’t Zack Fair sleep in your quarters every night?’
‘Oh yes,’ said Sephiroth as he chugged with dangerous enthusiasm at his whisky, ‘but that’s nothing to do with sex, he just says it helps his muscle tension if he sleeps on top of me.’
A few moments of silence followed as Sephiroth peered into his glass in confusion, he realised at last that it was empty and that he had to refill it, which he sloppily did.
‘Muscle tension?’ Genesis said slowly.
General Sephiroth hiccupped, ‘yes, he says it makes a lot of difference but if it doesn’t get fully better we’ll need to start sleeping together naked. It’s something to do with biorhythms apparently.’
Genesis cast Sephiroth a despairing look, ‘Seph, I’ve always been meaning to ask you, do you ever stop to think that it’s a bit unfair how more or less everyone in ShinRa always does what they want and you do what they want and anything they don’t want you to do they tell you is weakness and you take it on board?’
Sephiroth thought hard for a long time, ‘no I’ve never stopped to think about it,’ he concluded finally. The General went to knock back another swig of whisky and made a little noise of protest when Genesis wrenched the glass out of his hand and held it out of reach.
As Genesis thought over what he was about to do a vague waft of concern floated across his mind which told him that he might well regret it when he sobered up, but he also realised that he had the chance to get to grips, so to speak, with Sephiroth over something the General knew nothing about and he himself was rather good at. Anyway, he thought as he finished off Sephiroth’s glass of whisky, it did say on the box that a good host always makes sure their guests are well entertained.
***
Zack Fair rang the buzzer for Sephiroth’s quarters and grinned at his friend when he appeared to answer.
‘Alright Seph, how was the mission?’ Zack asked as he dodged into the apartment.
‘Acceptable,’ the General replied, closing the door.
‘Right, great, I need to talk to you, that muscle problem I have, it’s come back very badly while you were away. I think we might need to use the emergency measure I told you about.’
‘I believe stronger measures may be called for Zack, if you really are in this much trouble,’ said Sephiroth as a slow, predatory gleam came into his eyes, ‘if you are in so much pain perhaps you should see a doctor.’
‘Oh, er, there’s nothing doctors can do for me Seph, I’ve been told by them all that it’s a hopeless case.’
‘I see, and this method of relief has been one of your own devising has it?’ Sephiroth advanced on Zack until he had pressed the dark haired SOLDIER up against the wall.
‘Well, err, recommended by specialists,’ Zack said, his eyes widening as Sephiroth started to undo the buttons on his shirt.
‘In that case Zack, it’s hardly advisable to wait until this evening to begin treatment, with such a serious condition as yours,’ Sephiroth's icy gaze drifted down to the rather well filled front of Zack’s trousers.
‘Now you mention it,’ Zack whispered as he licked his lips and put his arms around the General’s neck, ‘I do feel a bit light headed.’
‘Maybe you should lie down,’ Sephiroth suggested, he put his hands around Zack's waist and backed up towards his bedroom, tugging the lieutenant along with him.
Zack swiftly dealt with the fastenings of the General’s trousers as they moved across the room and made a mental note to buy Genesis a drink when he next saw him.