Chapter 22 Taylor
~Ike~
Soon mom and dad were here and Taylor had fallen futhur away from us, Nat decided to take Ezra and go back to the states and go stay with her parents, her and Tay just couldn't get along and it was starting to get to Ezra, and I really didn't believe he should see his dad like this!
I could tell that my mom cried all the way here, her eyes were so puffy, and dad...he looked so lost! This is something that none of us ever thought we would have to deal with, but here it is smacking us in the face, It was breaking mine and Zac's heart, Taylor was not into the music anymore and was starting to show in the shows we were doing, so we ended up cancelling a bunch of dates, and all decided that we were going to approach him together, none of us wanting to do alone!
"Mom, I just don't understand what made him break like this...It is killing my heart to see him like this, it is like the music isn't in him anymore, like someone took him over." I told her with tears filling my eyes.
"Baby, I really wish I knew, it makes me feel like I did something wrong here, He has always seemed ok..I never saw this breaking point coming." She said to me, holding me and I could feel the tears falling down her cheek.
"Mom, please never blame yourself for things we do, you are the best mom any of us could ask for, just something made Tay snap and we need to find out what it is before it is to late." Zac said coming over and joining in a group hug.
Soon the door opened without us noticing, we looked up and there stood Tay, looking at each of us...kind of an angry look in his eyes.
"Why the hell did Nat take my son away from me? and what the hell are you guys doing here?" He asked looking at mom and dad.
"Jordan Taylor Hanson, don't you ever talk to your mother and me like that ever again! do you hear me?" Dad said getting angry with him.
"She decided to give you some space Tay, all you guys do is fight and it was getting to Ezra, I think it is for the best right now." Zac said to him putting his hand on Tays shoulder.
"You guys have no idea what is right for me, get your hand off me, your all against me, now even my wife is, the hell with you all, I don't need this shit." Tay said to us all he took Zac's hand and threw it off him and threw him the worst evil stare that freaked Zac out.
"Oh my god man what has happend to you Tay? you are someone that none of us know anymore." Zac told him crying.
"Save the tears Zac, your waisting them on me anyways, I have never lived up to peoples expectations, and now here I am alone, that is fine I can fight this all alone." He said as tears were forming in his eyes.
"Son you sit down right here, we are going to have a long talk and you are going to listen and listen good." Dad told him setting Tay down in the chair across from me, I took a deep breath when I looked up at him.
"Tay..I have to tell you something..." I said not knowing how to do this or how he was going to react to me, I swallowed really hard, so hard it hurt!
"Ike just spit it out man, what the hell is it that I did this time?" Tay asked me.
"Tay, I saw you the other night, sitting by the pool..." I was shaking so bad, Jade took my hand and nodded to me, letting me know I had to do this for myself, for the family, for Taylor!!
"I saw the lines of Cocain Tay, I saw you snorting the stuff....do you have any idea what this is doing to you?" I asked him, waiting for him to fly at me.
All he could do is stare at us all....he could see the pain in all our eyes..the he ran his fingers through his hair...that was a sign that he was frustrated.
"Did you guys tell Nat this? Is this why she took my son away from me? My life is no good you guys, can't you see that? I had all this stuff building inside of me for so long that it broke me down and the drugs help me get through the day, they are my saviour." He said with tears rolling down his face, he was staring at Zac, I could see Zac shaking and saw a single tear roll down his face.
"Do you think that all this has not gotten to us Tay? Do you think you couldn't have come to us and tell us you needed to slow down, that you needed to talk..that you needed help?" Zac asked him as he grabbed Kiley's hand.
"None of you even know what has been building up in me, and yeah Zac, I have thought about all that, but you know, I am just better off dealing with everything myself, I put on this happy act for years, and it became a joke on me, and if I told you the things that have happend maybe you could enter my world!" He said raising his voice to us.
"Jordan, talk to us sweetie, please don't shut us out, what is it that you have held in that is so bad?" Mom asked him tears falling down her cheeks, and just then the site of them tears jerked Tay forward and into our mothers arms.
"Oh god mommy, something happend when we were kids, to me, I have never been able to say anything cause it was my fault, I deserved it, OH GOD MOM I WANT TO DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE." Tay screamed as we all bolted to our feet scared out of our witts trying to figure out what the hell was going on with him.
"Sit down boys, Kiley, I think you should take Brianna out somewhere so she don't get upset." Mom said to her.
"Ok mom, Jade will you go with me?" Kiley asked her.
"Sure love, lets go." She bent down and kissed me. "I love you baby." She said.
"I love you too sweetie." I told her as Kiley and her walked out the door.
"Ok sweetie, you talk to us, baby tell us what it is that is eating you up inside Jordan, what has made you take these aweful drugs." She said holding onto him with everything she had in her!
"Oh mommy, It happed when I was 13 and we were in California recording the Middle of Nowhere album..." He said taking a deep breath, all our eyes were on this tiny little frame that was hurting so bad that you could see his pain.
"We had all gone to bed, I tucked Zac in and made sure he was comfortable...making sure he was safe..." He stopped and looked over at Zac, who was looking like he remembered what Tay was talking about.
"Ike was already asleep, and Zac was tossing and turning, soon he stopped, so I went out into the kitchen to get a glass of water, I couldn't sleep, I was in my boxers, I thought no one was arouond....so I sat on the deck looking out at the ocean......and then...." He stopped again...this time trying to catch his breath...Oh my god what is wrong with my brother....he started to shake out of control....
"Jordan, slow down sweetie, shhh baby it is ok mommy is here baby, talk to me sweetie." Mom said crying into Tays hair.
"As I sat there staring away, I felt this hand on my bare shoulder..." He looked down to the floor,crying really hard. We all gasped as we all thought we knew where this was going...
"When I looked up one of the old road crew was standing there, running his hands all over me, I went to get up and he shoved me back down, telling me not to move that he was going to make me feel good...." He tighted his grip on our mom as she was crying hysterically and my dad was numb I could tell....
"He....he took me to the couch, laid me down....and he told me what he was about to do was something guys like me deserved, that what he was going to do would change my life forever..and goddddddddddddddddddd he was right." Tay screamed and jumped up and ran for the bedroom...."Walker stop him...don't let him in there..." Mom screamed...I looked at Zac who was shaking bad and I just couldn't move.
Dad brought Tay back over to us. "Tay, please finish what you were telling us...we love you and would never turn against you." Dad told him hugging him.
"He ripped my boxers off me, he told me how beautiful I was and that he had wanted to do this to me since we first got there...and had to wait til we were alone. He was kissing my neck and all I could feel was the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach like I wanted to be sick....but I couldn't...I couldn't move...he had me pinned on the couch, Oh god mommmy I wanted to die, I just wanted to die...he was touching my penis, he was sucking on it, he had his hands all overrrrrrrrrr me! then he flipped me over...and..." He took a deep breath, looking pale...we were all to numb to move.
"He put himself into my ass, he drove it hard into me, telling me that I was to enjoy what he was doing he had his hand across my mouth so I couldn't scream, so I couldn't yell for help, he just kept driving it in me and hurting me so bad I thought I was going to die...he had my ratstail yanking it telling me how good I felt, that I was the best he ever had, all I wanted to do was run away and be sick.....but then he moaned really loud and I knew what he was doing..he was cumming inside of me, making me more sick! when he was done he rolled me over and kissed me, and then looked at me and rubbed his hand through my hair, and then he told me....if I ever said anything to anyone...he would come back.....and...." He stopped and looked at Zac with tears heavy in his eyes.
"He told me if I ever told anyone he would come back and do the same thing to Zac.....So all these years...I held all this in to protect Zac, because I didn't want him to feel what I did." Tay said running over to hug Zac...Zac cried so hard.
"Oh my god Tay I am sooooooooo sorry...OMG You went through all this for me.....to protect me...I remember that night..I was feeling so uneasy, I saw you come into the room with tears running down your face, you were walking funny, you looked like you were sick...omg Taylor...I am so sorry." Zac said crying holding Tay.
"It isn't your fault Zac, I should have said something when we left there but I was affraid that he would find us, all I remember is all the pain I felt for weeks, trying to sing and do a video and trying to keep my smile looking real..I didn't want that for you Zac, I love you and I would do anything to protect any of my family." Tay said still gripping ahold of Zac.
"Oh my god Jordan, You should have told me and your dad, we could have protected you both." Mom told him walking over to the couch next to us."We would do anything for you boys, you shouldn't have carried this around for those years Tay." She said.
"Tay, man I wish I would have been awake, I was suppose to be protecting you and Zac....I failed, I would have killed that guy if I would have known." I said crying.
"Ike, I thought I could just push it aside, but the past month it has been slowly coming back to me, I was affraid for Ezra, I didn't want this to happen to my son! so the drugs helped take all this pain away." He said to us.
"No one will be hurt again, that I promise you Jordan! I just wish I would have known, I would have taken care of this myself." Dad said with an angry tone in his voice.
"I just wanted to protect Zac, I didn't want him to go through that, he was so small and so young, I was so sick for days after, I couldn't sit, I couldn't eat, I couldnt sleep!" Tay told us.
"I know buddy, but you shouldn't have carried all this on yourself for all these years." Dad said with a tear rolling down his cheek. "The thought of someone touching my sons..my family makes me so mad!" He said.
"Jordan, do you think you need help? can you kick this, or do you need help?" Mom asked him.
"I can do this...I dont have this over me anymore..thank you for making me talk! I needed this more then anything." He said looking at all of us.
"Well till we are sure, we are going to stay with you son." Dad told him pulling him into his chest.
"That is fine, I have an extra bed in the room." He told dad not fighting him.
Wow, this is something we are all going to have to help Tay with, what he went thought to protect this family, broke my heart in a million peices and I just wanted to take Tay in my arms and make all his pain go away, my little brother who at the time of what should have been the happiest times of his life had all this hanging in his head and heart! I wanted nothing more then for Taylor to be happy and get his life back, that man took that away from him, I was sooo sick!! I promise from this day forward no one will touch any memeber of my family ever again!!!